shower rant

[ExpCharlee]

Sometimes, despite the fact that my instructions include a mandatory shower, you try to get out of it. Sometimes you shower and don't use soap. Sometimes you shower and there are still actual bits of shit stuck to the hair next to your asshole (did you just pretend to shower? Did you never learn to wipe properly?). I'm not really sure what world you're living in when you try to get out of a 5 minute shower after I just spent an hour and a half getting ready for you, but it's not a world I want to cohabit or even entertain the idea of visiting for our 60 minutes together. Somehow, spending 10 minutes driving to my house seems to be enough to make your balls so sweaty they smell like blue cheese so please (I know the seat warmer is nice, but please refrain?), regardless of how many times or how recently you've showered, DO IT AGAIN. HERE, AT MY HOUSE. USE THE SOAP. RUB IT IN YOUR ASS CRACK. I even supply that fancy Dr Bronners stuff that will make your dick and balls tingle, it's fun. I also have deodorant for you to use, but that's a whole other rant.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Sincerely, although with a rather terse tone,
Clementine Smithereens

 

[Stamkos]

Sometimes, despite the fact that my instructions include a mandatory shower, you try to get out of it. Sometimes you shower and don't use soap. Sometimes you shower and there are still actual bits of shit stuck to the hair next to your asshole (did you just pretend to shower? Did you never learn to wipe properly?). I'm not really sure what world you're living in when you try to get out of a 5 minute shower after I just spent an hour and a half getting ready for you, but it's not a world I want to cohabit or even entertain the idea of visiting for our 60 minutes together. Somehow, spending 10 minutes driving to my house seems to be enough to make your balls so sweaty they smell like blue cheese so please (I know the seat warmer is nice, but please refrain?), regardless of how many times or how recently you've showered, DO IT AGAIN. HERE, AT MY HOUSE. USE THE SOAP. RUB IT IN YOUR ASS CRACK. I even supply that fancy Dr Bronners stuff that will make your dick and balls tingle, it's fun. I also have deodorant for you to use, but that's a whole other rant.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Sincerely, although with a rather terse tone,
Clementine Smithereens

This made me uke: a little in my mouth...
So sorry for any lady that has to deal with this, and i imagine it’s probably all of you at some point.....
For those guys reading the above rant wondering if it could be you, IT PROBABLY PHUKING IS!!!!
Give the ladies a break and shower man, FCS!!

 

[ElsiDawson]

Clem, it was one time. And I told you I was sorry. Why you gotta air my dirty laundry like this? Now everyone's gonna know I poop. Great.

 

[ExpCharlee]

Clem, it was one time. And I told you I was sorry. Why you gotta air my dirty laundry like this? Now everyone's gonna know I poop. Great.

Nono, that was cuz I asked you not to shower for 3 days before. Monch monch

 

[westwoody]

Lathering each other up on a shower can be a lot of fun.
Some hotels have very large showers that must be designed with that in mind.

 

[jgg]

Nono, that was cuz I asked you not to shower for 3 days before. Monch monch

LoL. You just ruined the illusion.

I love long hot soapy showers. Sometimes the lady comes in to make sure i'm ok.

 

[ExpCharlee]

LoL. You just ruined the illusion.

I love long hot soapy showers. Sometimes the lady comes in to make sure i'm ok.

I wish my shower was big enough for 2

 

[MissingOne]

I refuse to visit any SP who does not make a shower available to me.

 

[ElsiDawson]

Guys, wash your crack very well. You JUST never know if she, on her OWN accord, will reward you with a comsensual rimming job.

Yes, many have that on their menu. But sometimes, for both men and women, "it isn't planned," and it can be a "spur of the moment" thing.

I don't usually go into a date planning to rim a pretty lady, but sometimes, things get going, her butt smells clean, and I can't help but to start rimming her!

Hi, my name isn't Elsi Dawson, and I endorse this message of YMMV. Your Mileage May Vary. Depending on how well you scrub your dick, taint, balls, and crack. On how well you send initial messages. On whether or not you show up a few minutes before and say "I'm around the corner a few minutes early, take your time," instead of "I'm here, what's the buzzer." On whether you ask for intricate outfits and then show up in grungy sweats (I get the "off to the gym" defense, but don't make me put on a five-piece lingerie set if you're coming over in your Team Building Exercise '99 shirt you got from your old work).

The reviews that say "Elsi's up for anything" are from clients who made me excited to see them, and keep them as repeat clients, by showing all these kinds of respect.

And scrubbing your brown eye with soap and rinsing thoroughly means I can't help but flip your legs up and go to town on your asshole with my tongue. It's a curse I live with. Make your best use of it.


/rant

 

[ExpCharlee]

Hi, my name isn't Elsi Dawson, and I endorse this message of YMMV. Your Mileage May Vary. Depending on how well you scrub your dick, taint, balls, and crack. On how well you send initial messages. On whether or not you show up a few minutes before and say "I'm around the corner a few minutes early, take your time," instead of "I'm here, what's the buzzer." On whether you ask for intricate outfits and then show up in grungy sweats (I get the "off to the gym" defense, but don't make me put on a five-piece lingerie set if you're coming over in your Team Building Exercise '99 shirt you got from your old work).

The reviews that say "Elsi's up for anything" are from clients who made me excited to see them, and keep them as repeat clients, by showing all these kinds of respect.

And scrubbing your brown eye with soap and rinsing thoroughly means I can't help but flip your legs up and go to town on your asshole with my tongue. It's a curse I live with. Make your best use of it.


/rant

My name is MOST CERTAINLY Clementine Smithereens and DO I EVER endorse this message

 

[storm rider]

I shower all the time....I get a nice young for the most part Korean gal (20's) clean me up with an accompanied shower and she also warms me up with a wet BBBJ.....nothing like a good shower.....wish I got that action everyday before I go to work.

SR

 

[UhOh]

Between both showering just before and after the deed I've often spend more time in the girl's shower than in the bedroom even with one hour appointments

 

[Superhonry]

Sometimes, despite the fact that my instructions include a mandatory shower, you try to get out of it. Sometimes you shower and don't use soap. Sometimes you shower and there are still actual bits of shit stuck to the hair next to your asshole (did you just pretend to shower? Did you never learn to wipe properly?). I'm not really sure what world you're living in when you try to get out of a 5 minute shower after I just spent an hour and a half getting ready for you, but it's not a world I want to cohabit or even entertain the idea of visiting for our 60 minutes together. Somehow, spending 10 minutes driving to my house seems to be enough to make your balls so sweaty they smell like blue cheese so please (I know the seat warmer is nice, but please refrain?), regardless of how many times or how recently you've showered, DO IT AGAIN. HERE, AT MY HOUSE. USE THE SOAP. RUB IT IN YOUR ASS CRACK. I even supply that fancy Dr Bronners stuff that will make your dick and balls tingle, it's fun. I also have deodorant for you to use, but that's a whole other rant.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Sincerely, although with a rather terse tone,
Clementine Smithereens

I just have a question that I should know already but do you start the timer when the guy begins his shower or after? I was always confused about that part.

 

[Cock Throppled]

Women don't like the smell of blue cheese balls?

Damn, and I bought a whole bottle of Scrotum Sunset Roquefort.

 

[Bridge]

I wish my shower was big enough for 2

So I guess dropping the soap would be a problem in your shower!!!

 

[ExpCharlee]

I start the timer when my guest walks in the door. My timer goes off ten minutes before the end of the session, at which point I'm like "oh we've got 10 minutes left" and then... YMMV. Again, depends on how you treat me.

This gives me the freedom to spend more time with good clients, and an appropriate amount of time with *less satisfactory* clients who may be pushing my boundaries, making me uncomfortable, or acting in other ways that make them less deserving of extra time in my home and in my presence.

All SP's are different though.

I just have a question that I should know already but do you start the timer when the guy begins his shower or after? I was always confused about that part.

 

[ExpCharlee]

thanks for this. mm mm yeasty.
also did you notice, we have the same last name?

Who cut the cheese?

Cheez du stink.

Serious note: That bleu cheez stink between men's dick and inner thighs is YEAST. Yes, many think that only women get yeast infections. Tis is not the case. Yeast thrives in DAMP areas. So, when you take a shower, be sure to dry off that region between your dick, testicles, and inner thighs. Or, if you use talcum powder, put some there.

ECI/ECI,
TJM.

 

[Superhonry]

I honestly didn't know it could get this bad. I thought coming clean to see a hot woman should be common sense.

 

[Ragemachine4201]

Ive had that as well lol If I am in a MP I am usually rewashing a few times to get as much of the oil off of me

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

I truly miss my shower bug enough for 3. Hot soapy times for sure. I LOVE having access to a shower for 2 before an appointment.