Sex affecting the relationship?

[edd]

I don't know if it's just me or has this happened before or if this is a regular problem for others.

I've been in a relationship for coming 3 years now. For the first 2 years, I've been abroad for most of the time; probably about 8-9 months a year in total. While I was back home, sexual activities were quite okay but it was really not what I had expected(not as wild and frequent as I'd expect it to be, plus I was her first). Never mind that because sex was just a part of it and it didn't really bother me at the time. As time passed, I felt like it became more and more boring. Things were becoming a routine; same positions, same foreplay, same thing all the time. There would be complications sometimes like how if I go too fast she starts to hurt, or after she cums she just wants to stop because it hurts.

When I permanently moved back home it was still the same and this time, even lesser sex. I've tried different approaches to get her to open up and try new things but she gets pissed instead(been like this since the starting of the relationship) and I'm starting to feel that it's affecting the relationship. I'm the type of guy that likes to have a wild time in bed, but I think that she has more of a romantic approach to sex. Not that I wouldn't like to have romantic sex, but I would like to change it up sometimes. Oh and, I've tried to get her dressing up for sex or get toys to play with but that never worked either(I've always thought that girls would naturally do this for their man without being asked).

She has recently been asking why we don't spend nights together any more but I don't know how to tell her that the sex is getting boring to be honest. It's been about 2 months since we last had sex by the way and yes I know it's that long. I'm really starting to feel it affecting our relationship but I have no idea what to do and I have nowhere to rant so here I am.

Are my expectations too high or am I asking too much? Does this happen with others? Because it seems like my friends around me are having a good time with their relationships and sex life except for mine.

 

[Caramel]

that sounds horrible for her and you...if you are her first and if she is having pain and not enjoying it, and if she has only ever been with you, you are the only sexual experience she has ever had and it doesn't sound good at all. I wouldn't know what to do here and if she is emotionally attached it might be a big problem, you should discuss this with her.

Your expectations are a little high for a barely ex-virgin that has only been with 1 person, I read your last post and I have this suspicion your GF may be from another culture that is different from our more liberal western one where women usually get to experiment a lot more...If that is the case, then sex is probably the last priority for her and maybe she is looking for other things like marriage, finance, children, etc. Or she could just be asexual and not into sex at all, and no judgement here that is totally fine but then that means you guys will both be miserable if you continue.

3 years is a long long time, is she interested in getting married or anything like that in the future? or maybe you guys are really young...hmm

Hello all,

A question from a fellow amateur (no need to laugh)

My girlfriend is still a virgin and everytime I go down on her or make her cum, she gets super sensitive and pushes my hand away. I know girls get really sensitive after cumming so I stop when she pushes my hand away. But recently I read that if you continue gently after she cums, she will be able to reach orgasm. I'm just wondering if it's true? Because I thought that to be able to reach orgasm, you need to stimulate the g-spot (which I won't be having access to until she's ready).

So is it possible for my girlfriend to reach orgasm without stimulating her g-spot?

 

[edd]

that sounds horrible for her and you...if you are her first and if she is having pain and not enjoying it, and if she has only ever been with you, you are the only sexual experience she has ever had and it doesn't sound good at all. I wouldn't know what to do here and if she is emotionally attached it might be a big problem, you should discuss this with her.

Your expectations are a little high for a barely ex-virgin that has only been with 1 person, I read your last post and I have this suspicion your GF may be from another culture that is different from our more liberal western one where women usually get to experiment a lot more...If that is the case, then sex is probably the last priority for her and maybe she is looking for other things like marriage, finance, children, etc. Or she could just be asexual and not into sex at all, and no judgement here that is totally fine but then that means you guys will both be miserable if you continue.

3 years is a long long time, is she interested in getting married or anything like that in the future? or maybe you guys are really young...hmm

Oh my gosh, are you a mind reader?! Because you pretty much nailed every single thing you wrote on there!

Yes yes yes, everything you wrote is correct. She is quite emotionally attached, we are both Asian but I've lived in Canada for about 8 years before moving back home again, she was just talking about marriage in about a few years time which is quite pressuring. And yes I really do not know what to do here, thus my little rant.

 

[Caramel]

Oh my gosh, are you a mind reader?! Because you pretty much nailed every single thing you wrote on there!

Yes yes yes, everything you wrote is correct. She is quite emotionally attached, we are both Asian but I've lived in Canada for about 8 years before moving back home again, she was just talking about marriage in about a few years time which is quite pressuring. And yes I really do not know what to do here, thus my little rant.

ahh, well I am of South Asian descent and I've learned that women in our cultures will do just about ANYTHING (even torture) to lock down a stable future...I don't know man, you should get out ASAP if this is really hurting you...

 

[edd]

ahh, well I am of South Asian descent and I've learned that women in our cultures will do just about ANYTHING (even torture) to lock down a stable future...I don't know man, you should get out ASAP if this is really hurting you...

Yes Asians have always been more close minded, well planned with the future, so talking about marriage has been quite a common thing while in a relationship unlike Western cultures.

It's not so much hurting me, it's just that I feel like the relationship is slowly fading on my part, one of the reasons being the sex. But she sees her future with me, so this is quite hard on me. I wish I do have a way to settle this but I don't really know how to get out of this one.

 

[Caramel]

OR, if this will affect your family/reputation life back home and that is something that is very important to you, then you're just gonna have to join the rest of the guys who have a batch of hunnies on the side for the rest of your life. Or expect a meltdown in the future...you sound like someone who should be with someone who is more experienced and liberal with sex.

 

[edd]

OR, if this will affect your family/reputation life back home and that is something that is very important to you, then you're just gonna have to join the rest of the guys who have a batch of hunnies on the side for the rest of your life. Or expect a meltdown in the future...you sound like someone who should be with someone who is more experienced and liberal with sex.

Breaking up will probably get people talking as this is a small town, and I'm the type of person who doesn't usually say no because I hate breaking people's heart or seeing people upset. I am kind of in a dilemma of having a meltdown soon if I don't have some awesome sex soon lol.

 

[johnsmit]

Hi Edd. .I can say I have any in site into how to handle your delema. .
But just asking ..the fact that your are asking this on a escort review board..did you see escorts when you were living here and a way from your girl friend ?Are uou still seeing them .?
Actually I looked at your first post from 3 yrs ago ..So questioned answered.

I can see where sex with your partner would not be as exiting as what you are use to with escorts.
We can get spoiled ..plus no worries of having to be around later ..Of course we all want something more and that's why we look for a relationship. .We hope to fine some one that is adventures in sexual things to keep us interested..And yet women have different priorities. .family ...security..children. .all hard wired into them.They aee the ones that cause use to settled own and take on responseablity. And hopefully we each can find the love we need in that mix... If your not ready for that and the relationship is not all that you want , then neither one of you will be happy when marriage and children become the focus. .

I understand it all about change and compromise that make a relationship work..

 

[vanvisitor1]

My two cents from hard life experience. If you don't listen to the voice in your head that told you to reach out with this post, you will marry her, and each more sexless year will be worse than the last. Then you will find yourself with a scotch in hand to numb your feelings, listening to the lyrics of song with lyrics like this and wondering why the hell you ignored that voice:

And you're weak and you're harmless
And you're sleeping in your harness
And the wind going wild
In the trees
And it's not exactly prision
But you'll never be forgiven
For whatever you've done
With the keys

Billy Joel

 

[edd]

Hi Edd. .I can say I have any in site into how to handle your delema. .
But just asking ..the fact that your are asking this on a escort review board..did you see escorts when you were living here and a way from your girl friend ?Are uou still seeing them .?
Actually I looked at your first post from 3 yrs ago ..So questioned answered.

I can see where sex with your partner would not be as exiting as what you are use to with escorts.
We can get spoiled ..plus no worries of having to be around later ..Of course we all want something more and that's why we look for a relationship. .We hope to fine some one that is adventures in sexual things to keep us interested..And yet women have different priorities. .family ...security..children. .all hard wired into them.They aee the ones that cause use to settled own and take on responseablity. And hopefully we each can find the love we need in that mix... If your not ready for that and the relationship is not all that you want , then neither one of you will be happy when marriage and children become the focus. .

I understand it all about change and compromise that make a relationship work..

Yes I used to see escorts while I was in Canada, and I very rarely see escorts anymore since I've been back. There were little affairs while I was abroad and in a relationship at that time but it was due to the long distance relationship so it was nothing permanent. I've experienced some girls that have a more open approach to sex while wanting to try new things during my affairs. Perhaps that has changed the way I think about sex with my girlfriend, but I would really prefer having an open approach to trying new things during sex.

I do understand that families, children, and so on will for sure come into the picture at one point or another in a relationship. Of course I have thought about settling down sometime in the future, when I'm ready of course, but it isn't anytime soon as opposed to her planning. But one thing is that what would happen if the sex continues on like this? How am I supposed to face it in the future if we do get married at some point in our lives? How am I even supposed to let her know how I feel?

 

[vanvisitor1]

As a follow up to my last post, the point is that sex is a huge and integral component of a relationship, not just something that affects it. Your girl no doubt has many qualities, but sexual compatability is not there. Below is a part of a recent review of a highly sexual girl (Nadia) - there are civilian women just as sexual, and that is what you might want to look for.

Nadia is a down to earth gnd type who is engaging, curious, and inquisitive. All night conversation flowed easily. She is genuinely horny, and is open to the world of sensual. Her body is one big erogenous zone waiting to be tapped. She likes to be touched...and teased...and mauled.....

She plugged my phone into a speaker system and we had great music playing all night. We danced around for a while, then moved the whole show to the bedroom.

Nadia’’s body is soft, like tofu. I don’t think she has ever seen the inside of a gymn. But I discovered that the bedroom is her surrogate gymnasium. We worked through many positions during our bedroom calisthenics. Anything you can think of is a go.

I arrived not in the best of moods that day, and my time with Nadia really lifted me up and out of it. We talked and laughed while exploring and indulging in all sorts of polymorphously perverse kissing, licking, sucking, fondling, tickling, and grappling.

 

[sdw]

Breaking up will probably get people talking as this is a small town, and I'm the type of person who doesn't usually say no because I hate breaking people's heart or seeing people upset. I am kind of in a dilemma of having a meltdown soon if I don't have some awesome sex soon lol.

First thing to admit is that you don't love her and won't be happily married to her. You don't have children now, don't risk having children with her - it's not fair to the children. If she is already limiting sex before getting married, you won't be getting any more sex than is necessary to have the necessary children to keep you anchored to her.

What you need to do is end the relationship. She'll tell everyone you are a monster, but she was going to tell everyone that you are a monster anyway. Being an unmarried, childless monster is much less expensive than being a married cheating monster and father of her children.

 

[meaghanmcleodDELETED]

one thing that strikes me is when you say she has pain. That is not normal or very common. personally I would suggest she visit her doctor to rule out any medical issues.


I am a lover of women. so I've been with different women in my civilian life. one woman didn't like her Booba touched or digits. However, I was able to find what she did like, and she said I was her best lover. So, what works for one woman might not work for others. If you are basing your experience on escorts, it might give you a scewed up vision of sex with women.

The fact that she can orgasm is a great sign. When she asks you to stop, stop. Nothing worse then having an orgasm and someone wanting to continue. Try asking if she would like a massage. Start with her feet if her body isn't ready. take the emphasis off sex at that moment.

Another thing to try is delaying her orgasm. instead of going full tilt to bring one on, tease her until she begs you or takes matters into her own hands.

if someone is shy about her body, she might not really know what she likes. or feels like somehow it is wrong to be sexual.

You mention she would like romantic sex. Give that to her. Sensual massage, soft music and candles. sensual foreplay. She is not ready to be swinging from the chandeliers yet...Give her what she needs for now and see what happens.

If that doesn't work, then you can go to your next step. Good luck.

 

[resercher]

I think sdw's advice is the best so far.

Oh and, I've tried to get her dressing up for sex or get toys to play with but that never worked either(I've always thought that girls would naturally do this for their man without being asked).

two points about the above sentence

point 1 this part of the sentence " Oh and, I've tried to get her dressing up for sex or get toys to play with but that never worked either "
I have never been in a relationship with a woman but from what I have read and herd the above is a very bad idea the porn and sex toy industry likes to give the impreshion that you can fix comunication problems in the bedroom by "spiceing things up " those are the words or most often used. No matter how you aproch it this is just a great big signal to your partner that he/she is not good enough for you.

Your hurting her during sex I am guessing your smart enough since you know about sex toys ect to use enogh lubrication ky etc. Vaginal sex which is i asume what this is since from your description of her I am guessing greek is off the table . should not hurt greek should not hurt either if you do it properly . did not give her an std without knowing it i hope ? fyi you can get stds even if you use condoms.


point 2 this part of the sentence

I've always thought that girls would naturally do this for their man without being asked).

This complete bullshit idea that people have that once they are in a so called " relationship" or marrage that the other person based upon there sex is going to do certian things for you .

drop this idea now of "my woman" is natrually going to do x for me now

It happens with men to woman asuming that becase they get married there husband would naturally do this for their wife without being asked). My brother married a woman who expected him to fully suport her provide her maid service gifts etc becase as the husband that was his job.

It was her life long dream to get married then her husband would give her a life of ease and luxery .
She is a human being not your property or your "woman" she does not have to do fuck all for you. Works both ways you do not have to do fuck all for her. YOu are two people This truth holds no matter what sex your partner is.


It is a sad thing in our socity but people men and women both try to get married have a boyfiend / girlfriend even have children becase they just want to be so called "normal" This imagined social preshure is even worse in small towns I suspect this might have been your girlfriends motivation for becoming your girlfriend




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[pogoball112]

Sex is a big part of a relationship.

There seems to be a lack of communication between you and your gf. Have you seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith?

Have you actually sit down and discussed this with her yet? Just do it, man. She's the one person that you shouldn't be afraid to talk to. You have to do it, because you'll both get closure on the future. You should be able to tell her these things. She is also suffering too, there's 2 people in a relationship. She already opened up the communication channel for you, asking you what's wrong.

My gf and i are both asian. I was sorta in a similar situation. I told her things I wanted to do, that I thought would cause her to run. At first she didn't want to, but it opened up many doors after thinking about it. We watched a sex show documentary about 3somes, and now she's intrigued by it, with another woman.

I asked her once if i could get even more dirty and call her "slut" when we were getting it on, and she looked at me in disgust... Then the next time we got it on, she was like "call me what you want, its ok".

The point is, you just never know until you ask.

Do you watch porn together? Show her things you wanna try, and so she sees that its enjoyable.

If it just takes a little more spice in the bedroom for a lifetime of fulfillment, then she'll realize its worth it. If she wants to get married, she'll have to realize that sex is a big part of your happiness. It's not a lot to ask for. If not, then she'll have to realize that you'll find it somewhere else.

Also, how do you reciprocate? Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do things to please her. Give her a reason to want to do things for you. You need to eat her out everyday? Then do it. You need to give her more romantic sex? Then give it. Light some candles or something. Just like above, if it takes 10 mins of eating pussy everyday, or making sex about her instead, or $10 flowers on a random day for a spicier sex life, then its worth it.

However, I'm not saying that you'll have positive results. Things could go south. But at least you'll have closure. Closure is way better than being confused/stuck/unhappy.

 

[tiger69]

Allow me one quick smartass remark here... You are asking for advice regarding your relationship on an escort forum? Isn't that kinda like asking how to build a good chicken coop in a foxden? ....
lol
But that said, and now back to more serious matter...you have gotten some good suggestions above. I think communication is key. The pain is not natural- unless you are pounding away hard, jackhammer style, all the time, 2 hours at a time- remember that civilian women aren't as experienced as escorts, and even escorts can't all do PSE sex. She was a virgin not that long ago, so she still has to learn alot, experience alot. I had exactly the same issue with my gf, and in our case, I'm Asian and she's white, but I was her first, and I can honestly say the first 5 years, the sex was so lousy I would prefer jacking off to sex time with her. "Oooh be gentle." "oooh that hurts" "ooooh can we stop for a bit?" "ooooh just hug me for now." "ooooh I am not a sex toy!" and on and on and on.
The kicker was, outside of sex, we were perfect for each other- we did most hobbies together, we had great laughs and deep conversations. She's sweet, caring, smart, and rich...lol had to throw that in...
In the end, I started talking to her about the issue, like, really talking to her, like sitting down at a romantic brunch on a quiet Sunday and say "Honey we need to talk" kind of talking to her- no matter if it'd piss her off or not.
I also started talking to therapists, alone and with her... And one therapist said something like, "You are trying to go too fast and too hard, you need to remember that you are the only person she's ever been with, she's not watched porn, not like you do, she's not messed around, not like you have, so you are expecting things from her that neither her body nor her brain is ready for. You have to step back and ask yourself this one question: Is this the woman you can be happy with when, you are 70 years old and sex is no longer such a big deal? If the answer is yes, then you should probably keep working on this. It may never get any better, but in the end, if her other qualities remain, you won't regret it too much."
And I stayed, now...fast forward to now, 15 years later, we are still together, I am still occasionally seeing SPs cause the sex is still not quite up to par- but I can honestly say, comarping to 15 years ago, she's now like a pornstar comparing to a virgin.
We can watch porn together, we play with toys together, I taught her to appreciate how erotic the word 'cunt' is...yes, I can say honestly the sex is actually great- the current issue is not quality, it's quantity or the lack of lol.
I'm not saying that your girl will get better too, everyone's different, but I think the real question to ask here is not how to change her, but how much do you really love her? Because if you don't love her that much anyway, then just go, and keep chasing the rainbow.

 

[edd]

one thing that strikes me is when you say she has pain. That is not normal or very common. personally I would suggest she visit her doctor to rule out any medical issues.


I am a lover of women. so I've been with different women in my civilian life. one woman didn't like her Booba touched or digits. However, I was able to find what she did like, and she said I was her best lover. So, what works for one woman might not work for others. If you are basing your experience on escorts, it might give you a scewed up vision of sex with women.

The fact that she can orgasm is a great sign. When she asks you to stop, stop. Nothing worse then having an orgasm and someone wanting to continue. Try asking if she would like a massage. Start with her feet if her body isn't ready. take the emphasis off sex at that moment.

Another thing to try is delaying her orgasm. instead of going full tilt to bring one on, tease her until she begs you or takes matters into her own hands.

if someone is shy about her body, she might not really know what she likes. or feels like somehow it is wrong to be sexual.

You mention she would like romantic sex. Give that to her. Sensual massage, soft music and candles. sensual foreplay. She is not ready to be swinging from the chandeliers yet...Give her what she needs for now and see what happens.

If that doesn't work, then you can go to your next step. Good luck.

I've gotten "pain" from a few other girls as well before due to my girth(maybe in Asian standards lol) so maybe I thought that it was normal for a virgin. It actually took quite a few sessions in the beginning to get it in during her first time because even trying to push the head in was painful for her.

I've tried to stop before she cums but she's the quiet type that tells you to stop after cumming, without any signs of cumming in the first place. It's a little bit hard to tell when to stop or when to go on.

I know sessions with escorts are a lot more different. I've had a few short affairs with Asian girls while abroad during my relationship. It opened me up to how some Asians can really get freaky so I guess this has affected the sex with my girlfriend in a way.

Don't get me wrong, the relationship itself is going fine but the sexual part of it is slowly leaving a dent but yeah I will give it a try again perhaps and see where this will lead to.

First thing to admit is that you don't love her and won't be happily married to her. You don't have children now, don't risk having children with her - it's not fair to the children. If she is already limiting sex before getting married, you won't be getting any more sex than is necessary to have the necessary children to keep you anchored to her.

What you need to do is end the relationship. She'll tell everyone you are a monster, but she was going to tell everyone that you are a monster anyway. Being an unmarried, childless monster is much less expensive than being a married cheating monster and father of her children.

I do love her. Bad sex doesn't automatically mean that I don't love her. Sometimes there are signs of why she would be a great partner character wise, but sometimes there are a little emotions that just makes you question your relationship but who doesn't have these moments? It's all normal to have ups and downs in a relationship I guess.

I am trying my best to try and solve this of course, so breaking up would be the very last option if all other options still won't work.

Sex is a big part of a relationship.

There seems to be a lack of communication between you and your gf. Have you seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith?

Have you actually sit down and discussed this with her yet? Just do it, man. She's the one person that you shouldn't be afraid to talk to. You have to do it, because you'll both get closure on the future. You should be able to tell her these things. She is also suffering too, there's 2 people in a relationship. She already opened up the communication channel for you, asking you what's wrong.

My gf and i are both asian. I was sorta in a similar situation. I told her things I wanted to do, that I thought would cause her to run. At first she didn't want to, but it opened up many doors after thinking about it. We watched a sex show documentary about 3somes, and now she's intrigued by it, with another woman.

I asked her once if i could get even more dirty and call her "slut" when we were getting it on, and she looked at me in disgust... Then the next time we got it on, she was like "call me what you want, its ok".

The point is, you just never know until you ask.

Do you watch porn together? Show her things you wanna try, and so she sees that its enjoyable.

If it just takes a little more spice in the bedroom for a lifetime of fulfillment, then she'll realize its worth it. If she wants to get married, she'll have to realize that sex is a big part of your happiness. It's not a lot to ask for. If not, then she'll have to realize that you'll find it somewhere else.

Also, how do you reciprocate? Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do things to please her. Give her a reason to want to do things for you. You need to eat her out everyday? Then do it. You need to give her more romantic sex? Then give it. Light some candles or something. Just like above, if it takes 10 mins of eating pussy everyday, or making sex about her instead, or $10 flowers on a random day for a spicier sex life, then its worth it.

However, I'm not saying that you'll have positive results. Things could go south. But at least you'll have closure. Closure is way better than being confused/stuck/unhappy.

I have tried to talk to her about it but it quickly led to an argument like I stated in my starting post. I've tried asking nicely, hinting, suggesting, but it didn't really work either.

Tried to get her to watch porn too but she said it was "disgusting". Quite typical actually remembering that this is Asia, so porn = disgusting to some if not most of the girls I've met.

Allow me one quick smartass remark here... You are asking for advice regarding your relationship on an escort forum? Isn't that kinda like asking how to build a good chicken coop in a foxden? ....
lol
But that said, and now back to more serious matter...you have gotten some good suggestions above. I think communication is key. The pain is not natural- unless you are pounding away hard, jackhammer style, all the time, 2 hours at a time- remember that civilian women aren't as experienced as escorts, and even escorts can't all do PSE sex. She was a virgin not that long ago, so she still has to learn alot, experience alot. I had exactly the same issue with my gf, and in our case, I'm Asian and she's white, but I was her first, and I can honestly say the first 5 years, the sex was so lousy I would prefer jacking off to sex time with her. "Oooh be gentle." "oooh that hurts" "ooooh can we stop for a bit?" "ooooh just hug me for now." "ooooh I am not a sex toy!" and on and on and on.
The kicker was, outside of sex, we were perfect for each other- we did most hobbies together, we had great laughs and deep conversations. She's sweet, caring, smart, and rich...lol had to throw that in...
In the end, I started talking to her about the issue, like, really talking to her, like sitting down at a romantic brunch on a quiet Sunday and say "Honey we need to talk" kind of talking to her- no matter if it'd piss her off or not.
I also started talking to therapists, alone and with her... And one therapist said something like, "You are trying to go too fast and too hard, you need to remember that you are the only person she's ever been with, she's not watched porn, not like you do, she's not messed around, not like you have, so you are expecting things from her that neither her body nor her brain is ready for. You have to step back and ask yourself this one question: Is this the woman you can be happy with when, you are 70 years old and sex is no longer such a big deal? If the answer is yes, then you should probably keep working on this. It may never get any better, but in the end, if her other qualities remain, you won't regret it too much."
And I stayed, now...fast forward to now, 15 years later, we are still together, I am still occasionally seeing SPs cause the sex is still not quite up to par- but I can honestly say, comarping to 15 years ago, she's now like a pornstar comparing to a virgin.
We can watch porn together, we play with toys together, I taught her to appreciate how erotic the word 'cunt' is...yes, I can say honestly the sex is actually great- the current issue is not quality, it's quantity or the lack of lol.
I'm not saying that your girl will get better too, everyone's different, but I think the real question to ask here is not how to change her, but how much do you really love her? Because if you don't love her that much anyway, then just go, and keep chasing the rainbow.

LOL I have nowhere to rant it out or get advice from so I guess this was a place that was suitable I guess.

No I do not pound my heart out, only if I could I really would. Building up a little speed or sudden hard thrusting will have her saying ouch so it's usually slow paced. Been like this since the beginning so maybe that's one aspect on why I'm getting bored of the sex life.

For me love could be divided into different parts in a relationship. Her characteristics, her humour, her attitude, and so on. Most of the things I do love about her and there will always be ups and downs but just the sex part is kind of pulling me down. I'm just trying to find a way to fix the sexual aspects of the relationship before I start thinking about other options.

 

[johnsmit]

You say you live in a small village
Is it normal in there for couples yo live to gether and not be married. . As for her pain while having sex..I think the others were right , maybe she should have it checked out , something might not be quite right ..

 

[sdw]

I've gotten "pain" from a few other girls as well before due to my girth(maybe in Asian standards lol) so maybe I thought that it was normal for a virgin. It actually took quite a few sessions in the beginning to get it in during her first time because even trying to push the head in was painful for her.

I've tried to stop before she cums but she's the quiet type that tells you to stop after cumming, without any signs of cumming in the first place. It's a little bit hard to tell when to stop or when to go on.

I know sessions with escorts are a lot more different. I've had a few short affairs with Asian girls while abroad during my relationship. It opened me up to how some Asians can really get freaky so I guess this has affected the sex with my girlfriend in a way.

Don't get me wrong, the relationship itself is going fine but the sexual part of it is slowly leaving a dent but yeah I will give it a try again perhaps and see where this will lead to.





I do love her. Bad sex doesn't automatically mean that I don't love her. Sometimes there are signs of why she would be a great partner character wise, but sometimes there are a little emotions that just makes you question your relationship but who doesn't have these moments? It's all normal to have ups and downs in a relationship I guess.

I am trying my best to try and solve this of course, so breaking up would be the very last option if all other options still won't work.





I have tried to talk to her about it but it quickly led to an argument like I stated in my starting post. I've tried asking nicely, hinting, suggesting, but it didn't really work either.

Tried to get her to watch porn too but she said it was "disgusting". Quite typical actually remembering that this is Asia, so porn = disgusting to some if not most of the girls I've met.






LOL I have nowhere to rant it out or get advice from so I guess this was a place that was suitable I guess.

No I do not pound my heart out, only if I could I really would. Building up a little speed or sudden hard thrusting will have her saying ouch so it's usually slow paced. Been like this since the beginning so maybe that's one aspect on why I'm getting bored of the sex life.

For me love could be divided into different parts in a relationship. Her characteristics, her humour, her attitude, and so on. Most of the things I do love about her and there will always be ups and downs but just the sex part is kind of pulling me down. I'm just trying to find a way to fix the sexual aspects of the relationship before I start thinking about other options.

If you loved her, there would have been a discussion with her on the issue. You wouldn't be seeing other women. With the woman you describe, that's a relationship killer. She wouldn't be sitting put aside, waiting, wondering if you will marry her.

 

[clu]

If you're approaching it as "this is how I feel" rather than "this is what I expect of you" and she still gets angry at you, you should point out that she's being hurtful and dismissive of your feelings. It's something one more typically hears of with older couples where one dismisses the other's stronger sex drive as foolish. At that point you don't just have a sex problem, you have a communication problem and THAT is not healthy for the relationship. There is a balance where you should be respectful of her but she should likewise be respectful of you. You should be working on the solution together.