sex addiction
- Thread starter encarsia
- Start date
I have no idea who or what cases you are referencing.
That said, go talk to families who have had a family member go through clinical depression with attempted suicide. Those Mental Health Workers, RN's, RPN's and psychiatrists have saved many lives through their expertise. Without their care those patients would not be around today.
Ask the families of multiple diagnoses of psych, drug and alcohol abuse if the system has helped their family members.
I think you were quick to lump in the mental health with the parole board. What cases are you mentioning?
Better yet, why don't we put the shrinks along with the mentally ill they let go into society and put them in a bus due for a long trip. And for kicks lets put this guy in the bus:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manit...ince-li-schizophrenia-interview-manitoba.html
I don't believe that there is such a thing as "addiction" unless you are addicted to a physical substance, for example, heroin.
I wish they would stop bandying that word around, it takes away a person's responsibility, like so many other terms in recent times such as ADHD, depression (as a disease), obesity, etc. It creates a demand for remedies in the form of a pill, when in fact the problem is psychological or environmental.
Sex "addiction", gambing "addiction" and other such things not based on physical substances are not "addictions" but obsessions. Yes, there may be some hormonal/cortisonal/endorphinal/etc component that the body is emitting as a source or response to stimuli, that make these activities difficult to resist. Such things are not addiction but instead are a compulsion, or an unhealthy adaptative/coping mechanism, or a stress response, to a life situation that the person feels powerless in or was in a situation that had long term psychological damage. Personality disorders usually accompanies these obsessions. Sometimes behavioural pathologies also develop. The wrong way to treat it is to use drugs but drugs may be used to treat physical symptoms - but only if accompanied by psychological treatment for the underlying problem.
I wish they would stop bandying that word around, it takes away a person's responsibility, like so many other terms in recent times such as ADHD, depression (as a disease), obesity, etc. It creates a demand for remedies in the form of a pill, when in fact the problem is psychological or environmental.
Sex "addiction", gambing "addiction" and other such things not based on physical substances are not "addictions" but obsessions. Yes, there may be some hormonal/cortisonal/endorphinal/etc component that the body is emitting as a source or response to stimuli, that make these activities difficult to resist. Such things are not addiction but instead are a compulsion, or an unhealthy adaptative/coping mechanism, or a stress response, to a life situation that the person feels powerless in or was in a situation that had long term psychological damage. Personality disorders usually accompanies these obsessions. Sometimes behavioural pathologies also develop. The wrong way to treat it is to use drugs but drugs may be used to treat physical symptoms - but only if accompanied by psychological treatment for the underlying problem.
I didn't think that was too harsh given her line of thinking. Instead, she could have easily said "using my orifices as a sperm dump" , which would've been much harsher.
That some ladies openly stated that it was funny is just the tip of the iceberg in my opinion. At least they were honest enough to show the cynicism that is endemic to sex workers despite that many vociferously voice their "love of pleasing" men. What really bowls me over is the foolishness of some men who put on the role of "white knight" and rescue these ladies. Oh please.
I don't think it was an attack as much as the way she saw things - because her premise is that it is a transaction, barely sex, and definitely not borne of lust or love. With that in mind, no wonder she feels the detachment and that the men are merely using her to masturbate into her. She really is an object in a very real sense, and she capitalizes on it. Her derision for her customers are not those who use her as a sex object to fuck and dump a load into, but those who go into it thinking it's not a transaction but lust or love. At least she's honest with herself. How could anyone expect her to respect her customers who in her mind, have no self-respect of their own?
Father of two was committed to a Psych Institution is basically a Life Sentence:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2013/07/29/bc-schoenborn-transfer-manitoba-denied.html
Greyhound Bus decapitator sent to Selkirk Mental Institution:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/story/2012/05/22/mb-vince-li-schizophrenia-interview-manitoba.html
He is now able to travel to Winnipeg with supervision:
http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/canada/archives/2013/05/20130517-151319.html
Your issue and my comments are apples and oranges. I agree with you about the system allowing dangerous forensic patients back on the street. I do think you were lumping in the entire system together with parole boards, psychiatrists and our laws that mandate that each patient be reviewed annually or every couple of years.
Yup, I am a sex addict. I have a therapist and I go to SAA meetings. I find them helpful. Yet here I am. Haven't pooned in a while. I was pooning at least twice a week for years. Spent upwards of $20000/year on pooning. Now I don't.
Was it affecting my life? Money-wise, obviously. But I was also disengaged from my family, friends, etc. Work suffered also.
Therapy has been very helpful. The insight that my therapist applies to my situation is remarkable and I have been shown the origins of my sex addiction and my need to escape the realities and stresses of life, and how I chose to do it.
SAA meetings are of great value because you get to see that other people understand and that you are not alone. They go throught the same thought processes and struggles as you do.
Guys who say that there is no such thing as sex addiction, or that therapy is useless, are ignorant.
My life is better now. I do relapse from time to time. I consider me being on PERB a relapse as well. Watching online porn is addictive behaviour as well. But that said, my life is 100 times better.
Oh, and about that lawyer comment.... I think LIJ might just change his mind if he gets into deep shit and needs... umm, I dunno.... a lawyer to help him. Or perhaps, he knows all there is to the law. If he is married, let's hope he doesn't get divorced.
Was it affecting my life? Money-wise, obviously. But I was also disengaged from my family, friends, etc. Work suffered also.
Therapy has been very helpful. The insight that my therapist applies to my situation is remarkable and I have been shown the origins of my sex addiction and my need to escape the realities and stresses of life, and how I chose to do it.
SAA meetings are of great value because you get to see that other people understand and that you are not alone. They go throught the same thought processes and struggles as you do.
Guys who say that there is no such thing as sex addiction, or that therapy is useless, are ignorant.
My life is better now. I do relapse from time to time. I consider me being on PERB a relapse as well. Watching online porn is addictive behaviour as well. But that said, my life is 100 times better.
I thing LIJ does put lots of thought into his posts, and truly believes what he is saying. But I believe LIJ has just not yet experienced anything that he has not been able to handle himself. Let's just hope he doesn't ever have to, or if he does, he can recover well.
Oh, and about that lawyer comment.... I think LIJ might just change his mind if he gets into deep shit and needs... umm, I dunno.... a lawyer to help him. Or perhaps, he knows all there is to the law. If he is married, let's hope he doesn't get divorced.
Thanks badbad.
I will add that going to my first SAA meeting was very very difficult. I was afraid if anyone saw me. Afraid that I would know someone there, etc. Turns out I knew 2 guys there. But my fears were unfounded. The participants were people from all walks of life. It wasn't creepy. They were people dealing with their issues in a healthy way.
So many people out there have some form of sexual addiction, but don't realize it, deny it, or it is manageable. My addiction became unmanageable without me knowing it. As well, everyone knows someone who has it, whether you are aware or not. Not just pooners (not saying all pooners are addicts of course). There are guys who have serial affairs (I did that too), guys who always go out and try to get laid (and doing the 2 am desperate rush at closing time), guys that are always over-flirting and crossing social boundaries, etc.
Also, it is very very difficult to wear the label "sex addict". I was basically "unconscious" in my addiction. I earlier said that I pooned twice per week for years. There were times I did it 5 times per week, when I decided to reward myself for whatever reason. I always felt that I deserved it.
And then I "fell in love" with an SP. I formed this fantasy world where this SP could be my SO, and all my problems would be solved. This was the low point for me. You can see my Lounge thread on this topic. I was totally fucked up. I am getting better now. I still to think of her and fall into the fantasy, but I can shake myself out of it pretty quickly.
This process of recovery has also given me self-awareness that I would never have had. It has been enlightening, and it has taught me compassion for others. Take a look at any 12-step program (AA, NA or SAA). The steps are all the same. And everyone (non-addicts) should go through it. It is more about being a better person, not just to recover from addiction.
Not meaning for this to be a sob story. It is actually a good thing that is happening now. Those of you who think this is crap, that's okay. It is not meant for you. If this can be of any benefit to a few of you, that is a good thing.
Me being on here at this particular moment is not a relapse (though other times it is). I am just following up on this thread.
I will add that going to my first SAA meeting was very very difficult. I was afraid if anyone saw me. Afraid that I would know someone there, etc. Turns out I knew 2 guys there. But my fears were unfounded. The participants were people from all walks of life. It wasn't creepy. They were people dealing with their issues in a healthy way.
So many people out there have some form of sexual addiction, but don't realize it, deny it, or it is manageable. My addiction became unmanageable without me knowing it. As well, everyone knows someone who has it, whether you are aware or not. Not just pooners (not saying all pooners are addicts of course). There are guys who have serial affairs (I did that too), guys who always go out and try to get laid (and doing the 2 am desperate rush at closing time), guys that are always over-flirting and crossing social boundaries, etc.
Also, it is very very difficult to wear the label "sex addict". I was basically "unconscious" in my addiction. I earlier said that I pooned twice per week for years. There were times I did it 5 times per week, when I decided to reward myself for whatever reason. I always felt that I deserved it.
And then I "fell in love" with an SP. I formed this fantasy world where this SP could be my SO, and all my problems would be solved. This was the low point for me. You can see my Lounge thread on this topic. I was totally fucked up. I am getting better now. I still to think of her and fall into the fantasy, but I can shake myself out of it pretty quickly.
This process of recovery has also given me self-awareness that I would never have had. It has been enlightening, and it has taught me compassion for others. Take a look at any 12-step program (AA, NA or SAA). The steps are all the same. And everyone (non-addicts) should go through it. It is more about being a better person, not just to recover from addiction.
Not meaning for this to be a sob story. It is actually a good thing that is happening now. Those of you who think this is crap, that's okay. It is not meant for you. If this can be of any benefit to a few of you, that is a good thing.
Me being on here at this particular moment is not a relapse (though other times it is). I am just following up on this thread.
ROTFL! This actually just made me burst out laughing!! I'm now wondering if it's in their head and it's a private thing, or if they're like those math freaks who can do crazy math things in their head, and clients just call out numbers with their calculators at the ready....
You use the blanket category "shrink", for all those in the mental-health field. There are therapists (not all have the same training or focus), counsellors, psychologists (clinical psychologists, counselling psychologists, neuropsychologists, psychotherapists, behaviour analysts), psychiatrists (various disciplines), etc. Some have MD's, PhD's, or Masters degrees.
Also, there are "good" ones and "bad" ones in every area. Just like there are good lawyers and bad lawyers. Good teachers and bad teachers. Good sandwich artists and the ones at the Subway on Pacific Blvd (slowest and sloppiest ever!).
In the Lower Mainland, I think there are only 3 therapists who have the specific training regarding sexual addiction. Some therapists who are not familiar with sex addiction think that it is bullshit. So there is quite a range obviously.
So "apples and oranges"? I think we need a whole fruit basket here. To deal with all the fruits and basket cases out there.
And also, to address the issue of these mental health professionals who have approved the release of offenders out into the public, you only hear about the cases that have gone wrong. There are a lot more former nutcases released into the public that do not garner attention. For example, the guy next to you on the bus used to be a teacher 30 years ago who diddled kids, but was just released. You just don't know it, and he has been behaving himself.
Hi LIJ. I wasn't trying to make any point about you. I simply said what I said -- that I am sure you believe what you are saying and that perhaps you have been able to deal with everything yourself so far. I say "so far" because that is all one can say. When I said I said that I hope you never have to deal with anything you couldn't handle yourself, I meant it.
Regarding the lawyer comment, I was a bit snide yes, which perhaps was uncalled for. We just have differing opinions. Hopefully yours is based on your experience.
Oh, and I do not condemn everyone to therapy. I only talk of my experience. And because it was and continues to be a good and beneficial experience for me, I thought I would share.
When you say that you are "in control of almost every aspect of my life, always have been...", what does that mean? I could say that I am in control of all aspects of my life as well (sex addiction aside). Socio-economically, I am where I am today because of the choices I have made and the skills I have acquired to get there. I have a nice house (a few actually), wife and kids. Kids doing very well too. I run my own business. I do okay. I have friends that I can rely on. I can choose who I associate with. I am active in my community, etc.
These things do not mean that I am wrong to place trust in mental health professionals and you are right in saying that they are all useless.
Regarding your comments about never needing to ask an expert to help fix problems in your head, well, problems in one's head are not always evident to the person having the problem, correct?
Look, I am not saying that everyone needs a therapist for every little thing. I am saying that it can be helpful and beneficial. A therapist can have insight, understanding, knowledge and skills that one can benefit from. They might actually have some knowledge that you don't have. It is an awfully arrogant person who thinks that he/she can deal with everything on their own, or knows everything.
When you say that you have helped many people through many problems without "experts", well, there are problems and there are problems. I suspect all a friend would have told me, if I came to them saying that I can't stop seeing hookers, is "well, stop seeing hookers!" Or "replace this habit with something else", or "get the fuck away from me you sick fucking pervert!"
I accept and own my problems too. Sex addiction is something I own and it is up to me to fix it. I am doing that.
I am told that sex addiction is a very difficult addiction to overcome. I have routinely heard in my SAA group that alcoholism and drugs were easy comparatively. I am told that the high of sexually addicting behaviour is the quickest-acting on the brain -- far quicker than alcohol or drugs.
One poster on this thread said there are no other addictions than alcohol or substance abuse. Well, alcohol and substances act on the brain. It is all about brain chemistry.
I am owning this and dealing with it. I deal with it through my therapist and meetings. I took/am taking control and this is how I am doing it.
Do you deny that alcoholism or smoking or drugs are addictive or that "will power" can overcome all of these things for all people? I am sure for some, will power could work. But then I would question if such a person were truly addicted.
You are actually making my point when you say, "Perhaps I just need a big enough problem to realize that I am not a self sufficient human being, but perhaps I am right and everyone is capable of sorting themselves out as well." Maybe you are right, that I could sort it out myself given time. But it would definitely have been a longer time to get where I am now. So you could be right, but therapy could still be beneficial (meaning I am right too).
You only ever blamed yourself for any shortcomings you have. That is good. We can, however, learn and understand where are behaviours come from, without blaming others or ourselves even (blame need not enter into it at all). That doesn't mean that my shortcomings are not my responsibility -- they definitely are. Learn, understand, and then change -- change could be more lasting.
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I already agreed with you on the forensic aspect of the weak BC Penal System.
What you apparently have no clue about is the strides made at the local level. RN's or RPN's going out with RCMP or VPD and doing an interview with a potential psych patient right on the street or at their home and making an assessment if they are a danger to themselves or to others.
That is the value these people are bringing to our communities right now.
There are many layers of the BC Psychiatric System and you unfortunately lumped them in together. Every corporation has its all stars and those who belong on the bench. The law let us all down by allowing murderers out way too early but are making a big impact on those who are on the street or in difficulty in a group home setting.
Sharky66
First of all, as a former sex addict, you shouldn't even be surfing on an Escort Review Site. This site is pure temptation for the sex addicts. Are you trying to test your will power? Also I empathize with you as I have sort of felt this way too at times. I have managed to control it as you can tell by my posting history that I take long breaks between pooning.
Also the key factor in managing this hobby is to control your spending habits and keep your mind off pooning by taking on other activities. I try to keep myself busy in finding different activities and take on extra work at my workplace to cool off my temptations. Also it is good to take long breaks as I have done before. Not only is this healthy for your Wallet, but it can also be healthy for your mind and spirit.
First of all, as a former sex addict, you shouldn't even be surfing on an Escort Review Site. This site is pure temptation for the sex addicts. Are you trying to test your will power? Also I empathize with you as I have sort of felt this way too at times. I have managed to control it as you can tell by my posting history that I take long breaks between pooning.
Also the key factor in managing this hobby is to control your spending habits and keep your mind off pooning by taking on other activities. I try to keep myself busy in finding different activities and take on extra work at my workplace to cool off my temptations. Also it is good to take long breaks as I have done before. Not only is this healthy for your Wallet, but it can also be healthy for your mind and spirit.
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See Jessica,
Not only do pooners have to deal with their addiction. Now we have to deal with rising costs of SPs rates. So now, as an addicted pooner we spend more for the sps we see. All this at the expense of our dwindling finances and fueling our sex addiction.
Do you feel guilty at all? <------You know I'm just fawking with ya!
That is probably correct, however, there are more female sex addicts than you might think, and I would think that a good number of SPs are -- but of course, not as many as on the pooner side.
You are correct about that. I should not be here. I mentioned that in my posts if you recall, or if you read. At this time, the main thing I am avoiding is actually seeing SPs. By reading and participating on PERB, I am engaging in "middle circle" or boundary behaviour -- things I should not be doing or are prone to triggering me. Much like watching internet porn, etc.
I was engaging in this boundary behaviour when I came across this thread. I decided to participate. My last couple of visits here were specifically to follow up on this thread. I am doing okay.
Regarding your advice, thanks.
Taking on other activities, so long as they are good for you and are in the vein of self-care (ie exercise, healthy hobbies, spending time with friends, getting enough sleep also, etc), is a key point of recovery. Taking on extra work to occupy yourself may be considered as another way of disconnecting and disengaging, which is not good. If you set yourself up to be tired, hungry, drained, and somewhat lonely, these are the prime circumstances for acting out in addictive behaviour -- what better time to just check out for an hour with a lovely SP? or get a massage?
As far as "taking long breaks".... well, this bit of advice is simplistic if you don't mind me saying so. If I could take long breaks and poon just occasionally, I wouldn't be addicted, would I?
I definitely do not have this thing licked. I am prone to relapse. I have been close to the edge many times.
How can you help? I think you have to be careful. Denial is a powerful thing. If you lend your "diagnosis" to someone who is not receptive, it will not end well. I really don't know the answer to that question.
How can you protect yourself? Keep it professional and don't cross boundaries. I know it is a fine balance between providing the fantasy and being a business, but you have to find that point that is comfortable to you, and won't play into the psyche of your client so much. I would think a warning sign would be if the client starts wanting a relationship, asking you if you think he is "special", if he starts obsessing. I assume this is what you are concerned with when you say you want to protect yourself. If it is just fucking that the client wants, it seems like an SP would be okay as long as he pays.
Please don't think that I think I know all there is here. I really don't. These are just some thoughts I had on the subject.
