I am writing today with 'freddylikesit's post regarding his near involuntary outing in front of his new lady in mind. First let me say that I full understand freddy's anger towards Julia and her disregard for his privacy. I don't wish to make any excuses for Julia, nor do I wish to defend her actions. She can do that for herself if she wishes. I believe that this will most likely have an effect on her business and perhaps this is "punishment" enough. It was good to hear an apology from her and in freddy's response to her apology I see that he is displaying a great deal of maturity considering the possible ramifications of this incident.
In this post I want to address the larger issue of secrecy and discretion with in the SP/client relationship. Before review boards came along person's participating in this hobby were much more isolated. We all knew that there were others who used the services of professional ladies but no one knew who they were. I guess as the internet grew it was natural to start to share information about the ladies and to communicate amongst ourselves. Pretty soon the ladies joined in and we have now what Perb has become, a fun place to share our experiences and also a place to get to know the ladies, and each other, in a way that previously we could not. It has become, in short, a kind of community.
The difficulty as I see it is that as communities grow there is a natural and unstoppable tendency toward openness. So what we end up with is a situation in which we, as individuals, want to maintain secrecy in an increasingly open forum. One way of seeing Julia's indiscretion is simply that she forgot momentarily that the openness of the board does not translate into the "real world". And in the openness that is Perb she has been chastised and called to account for her actions. All we can do now is make our own individual decisions on whether or not we continue to use her services. Myself, as secrecy and discretion is not important to me (I am single and open regarding my pooning activities) I would still consider Julia as a service provider were I still living in the Vancouver area.
As pooners I feel that we also need to take some responsibility for this incident. Many of us are constantly in search of that elusive encounter-the GFE. Yes we pay for this and part of what we pay for is for the lady to be discrete and maintain our privacy. However an integral part of the GFE is openness so we are also paying for the lady to be open. As gentlemen we need the maturity to be able to maintain healthy boundaries and not go off the deep end when feelings of attachment start to grow with in these GFEs. Like wise, the GFE provider needs to be able to maintain awareness when she meets one of us in public that it may not be appropriate to say hello. My point being that there is a responsibility on both sides of the agreement.
Having a secret in ones' life is always like sitting on a ticking time bomb, it can go off at any moment. Telling your secrets to the world liberates you in a way that is difficult to describe. I made the decision several years ago to defuse as many of the bombs in my life as I could. Day to day life has a way of creating new bombs for me to sit upon but I now recognise them sooner and take out the explosive material before it grows into an Atom bomb.
I have written on this subject before on the board and again I say that I do understand that for many this is an impossibly big step to take. Having a wife, GF or working life that would not accept this hobby is a reality in the world we have built for ourselves. This is written, therefore, more for those who see it as glimmer of a possibility than for those with huge amounts to lose by being open about their pooning life. In all areas of life I encourage those with whom I come into contact to let people know exactly who you are. If who you are is a pooner, then let them know that. This then allows them to make the decision of whether or not you are someone they wish to know. It will lose you a few friends, but those that stay will be closer to what I understand as a friend, another being who accepts all of who you are-the good, the bad and the ugly.
Thanks for listening.
Ancient Sufi Proverb-It does not do to make friends with the elephant trainer if you do not have room in you house for the elephant.
In this post I want to address the larger issue of secrecy and discretion with in the SP/client relationship. Before review boards came along person's participating in this hobby were much more isolated. We all knew that there were others who used the services of professional ladies but no one knew who they were. I guess as the internet grew it was natural to start to share information about the ladies and to communicate amongst ourselves. Pretty soon the ladies joined in and we have now what Perb has become, a fun place to share our experiences and also a place to get to know the ladies, and each other, in a way that previously we could not. It has become, in short, a kind of community.
The difficulty as I see it is that as communities grow there is a natural and unstoppable tendency toward openness. So what we end up with is a situation in which we, as individuals, want to maintain secrecy in an increasingly open forum. One way of seeing Julia's indiscretion is simply that she forgot momentarily that the openness of the board does not translate into the "real world". And in the openness that is Perb she has been chastised and called to account for her actions. All we can do now is make our own individual decisions on whether or not we continue to use her services. Myself, as secrecy and discretion is not important to me (I am single and open regarding my pooning activities) I would still consider Julia as a service provider were I still living in the Vancouver area.
As pooners I feel that we also need to take some responsibility for this incident. Many of us are constantly in search of that elusive encounter-the GFE. Yes we pay for this and part of what we pay for is for the lady to be discrete and maintain our privacy. However an integral part of the GFE is openness so we are also paying for the lady to be open. As gentlemen we need the maturity to be able to maintain healthy boundaries and not go off the deep end when feelings of attachment start to grow with in these GFEs. Like wise, the GFE provider needs to be able to maintain awareness when she meets one of us in public that it may not be appropriate to say hello. My point being that there is a responsibility on both sides of the agreement.
Having a secret in ones' life is always like sitting on a ticking time bomb, it can go off at any moment. Telling your secrets to the world liberates you in a way that is difficult to describe. I made the decision several years ago to defuse as many of the bombs in my life as I could. Day to day life has a way of creating new bombs for me to sit upon but I now recognise them sooner and take out the explosive material before it grows into an Atom bomb.
I have written on this subject before on the board and again I say that I do understand that for many this is an impossibly big step to take. Having a wife, GF or working life that would not accept this hobby is a reality in the world we have built for ourselves. This is written, therefore, more for those who see it as glimmer of a possibility than for those with huge amounts to lose by being open about their pooning life. In all areas of life I encourage those with whom I come into contact to let people know exactly who you are. If who you are is a pooner, then let them know that. This then allows them to make the decision of whether or not you are someone they wish to know. It will lose you a few friends, but those that stay will be closer to what I understand as a friend, another being who accepts all of who you are-the good, the bad and the ugly.
Thanks for listening.
Ancient Sufi Proverb-It does not do to make friends with the elephant trainer if you do not have room in you house for the elephant.
