As someone who was on the front end of a dead end life for a number of years I could write a fucking novel for starters:
1) Worked at the Chuck E. Cheese style place one year-- suburban hell. I could write a fucking novel about this place. I once had to take a snow shovel and shovel all the balls out of the ballpit and place them in a bag because some kid took a dump. I then had to take the shit covered balls and hose them off in the parking lot with Ronnie, some really quiet Philipino kid. Chuck E. Cheese was right next to a huge movie theater parking lot that is a local scumbag teen hangout and these snotty hot chicks I went to high school with saw us and started ripping on me. So we shamefully went back inside and placed the shit covered balls in the dishwasher with plates and utensils and cleaned the balls that way.
2) Got trained at the supermarket by the absolute scum of the earth, a guy called Dirty Harry. Toothless carnival looking borderline midget. My first day on the job, I have to cut watermelons using a watermelon knife which is like a machete. I'm completely useless in situations like this so I'm worried about looking like a Rwandan Hutu and I completely fuck up cutting the watermelons. I then panic and serve the watermelons to the general public of Laval, Quebec. Dirty Harry sees this and starts cursing me out and calling me a retarded fuckface in front of all these customers. My public humiliation goes on all day.
2b) End of the day, Dirty Harry brings me and my this other guy into the backroom and starts telling us about how he was just toughening us up all day. Then he asks us if we have girlfriends. We immediately say we do because we're afraid this guy is going to rape us. Instead, he asks us, "Did you ever crack the black boat?" We have no fucking idea what this means. "You know, ever go down on a black hooker?" Then he starts talking to us about how they call him "the man with the golden tongue in his mouth, because I catch every last drop."
3) Forced by a newspaper editor to go to the trailer which belonged to the family where a cousin was arrested hours before for killing her newborn baby. Crime tape, blood, absolute disturbing imagery which would have sent me to therapy if I wasn't already going. I spent a few hours vomiting
4)I also used to be an employee at Electronics Boutique, or as I like to call it, Mall Daycare. One woman just leaves her daughter in the store as she goes next door to Claire's no doubt to buy her huge whore ass some bigger earings, but anyway... At the same time this girl's dead beat dad was too busy trying to decide whether Destruction Derby or Madden was the better game to notice that his daughter had pulled her drawers down and taken a dump in the back of the store. She then had the brilliant thought to step in said shit and trail it around the store like she was leaving a bread crumb trail to a nice surprise. Sadly, I had to wear yet another makeshit HAZMAT suit to clear it up. During this I yelled at a kid to stay away as I was cleaning up that area. The kid's dad comes up to me and asks what's going on. I couldn't have cared less about my job at this point so I responded with, "You can't smell it? Then look around, there's shit EVERYWHERE..." He promptly left.
This isn't work related, but it might make people that've worked in movie theatres slap their foreheads... I went to a movie the first day it came out, and the movie was sold out. Thirty minutes in, a teenage girl sitting next to her boyfriend starts to go down on him, but never comes up. The movie ends, and the guy elbows me, telling him to get the usher for help. Turns out that her braces got stuck in his pubic hair, and she didn't want to rip out his pubes. To make matters worse, the start of the next movie got delayed, and the girl's mother showed up with the girl still stuck... and the mother immediately berated her daughter, calling her a "whore" (amongst other various insults).
I once worked at a cable company and had to quit it was so fucking corrupt. What is it about cable that just breds sleaze?
1) Worked at the Chuck E. Cheese style place one year-- suburban hell. I could write a fucking novel about this place. I once had to take a snow shovel and shovel all the balls out of the ballpit and place them in a bag because some kid took a dump. I then had to take the shit covered balls and hose them off in the parking lot with Ronnie, some really quiet Philipino kid. Chuck E. Cheese was right next to a huge movie theater parking lot that is a local scumbag teen hangout and these snotty hot chicks I went to high school with saw us and started ripping on me. So we shamefully went back inside and placed the shit covered balls in the dishwasher with plates and utensils and cleaned the balls that way.
2) Got trained at the supermarket by the absolute scum of the earth, a guy called Dirty Harry. Toothless carnival looking borderline midget. My first day on the job, I have to cut watermelons using a watermelon knife which is like a machete. I'm completely useless in situations like this so I'm worried about looking like a Rwandan Hutu and I completely fuck up cutting the watermelons. I then panic and serve the watermelons to the general public of Laval, Quebec. Dirty Harry sees this and starts cursing me out and calling me a retarded fuckface in front of all these customers. My public humiliation goes on all day.
2b) End of the day, Dirty Harry brings me and my this other guy into the backroom and starts telling us about how he was just toughening us up all day. Then he asks us if we have girlfriends. We immediately say we do because we're afraid this guy is going to rape us. Instead, he asks us, "Did you ever crack the black boat?" We have no fucking idea what this means. "You know, ever go down on a black hooker?" Then he starts talking to us about how they call him "the man with the golden tongue in his mouth, because I catch every last drop."
3) Forced by a newspaper editor to go to the trailer which belonged to the family where a cousin was arrested hours before for killing her newborn baby. Crime tape, blood, absolute disturbing imagery which would have sent me to therapy if I wasn't already going. I spent a few hours vomiting
4)I also used to be an employee at Electronics Boutique, or as I like to call it, Mall Daycare. One woman just leaves her daughter in the store as she goes next door to Claire's no doubt to buy her huge whore ass some bigger earings, but anyway... At the same time this girl's dead beat dad was too busy trying to decide whether Destruction Derby or Madden was the better game to notice that his daughter had pulled her drawers down and taken a dump in the back of the store. She then had the brilliant thought to step in said shit and trail it around the store like she was leaving a bread crumb trail to a nice surprise. Sadly, I had to wear yet another makeshit HAZMAT suit to clear it up. During this I yelled at a kid to stay away as I was cleaning up that area. The kid's dad comes up to me and asks what's going on. I couldn't have cared less about my job at this point so I responded with, "You can't smell it? Then look around, there's shit EVERYWHERE..." He promptly left.
This isn't work related, but it might make people that've worked in movie theatres slap their foreheads... I went to a movie the first day it came out, and the movie was sold out. Thirty minutes in, a teenage girl sitting next to her boyfriend starts to go down on him, but never comes up. The movie ends, and the guy elbows me, telling him to get the usher for help. Turns out that her braces got stuck in his pubic hair, and she didn't want to rip out his pubes. To make matters worse, the start of the next movie got delayed, and the girl's mother showed up with the girl still stuck... and the mother immediately berated her daughter, calling her a "whore" (amongst other various insults).
I once worked at a cable company and had to quit it was so fucking corrupt. What is it about cable that just breds sleaze?
