Relationship question ... I'm confused!

[realslimshady]

Hi there, I am thinking about this one simple question about relationship for the last little while. I am interested to see what you guys/gals may say.

I am currently in a relationship with a lovely girl, very intelligent and cares and thinks a lot about me. However, I am at the crossroad where I don't know if I should proceed with the relationship... for one simple reason: I don't find her attractive and our sex life is a complete dud. On the flip side, we have some excellent time together, and I do consider her to have the qualities to be an excellent life partner (the sex part notwithstanding). However, her biological clock is ticking, and I am trying to be fair to her and myself.

So what do you think? I am sure there is someone out there who can relate, and I am interested to see what you have to say. Thanks for reading.

RSS

 

[Escort]

If you want to be true to yourself and conduct your relationship with integrity, it won't work long term if you're not physically attracted to her. If you are the type who has a relationship and poons on the side then it could work.

 

[WC Drifter]

A relationship without sexual intimacy is a doomed thing. No matter how hard you try...without it you'll always long for it.

 

[hitrack]

Is't the best way to "break the ice" fucking. I mean before you even know her name you know if your compatible in the sak or not. And it sure beats wading through like 2mos of dinners, coffee's, movies, talking, some hurtin hug and pek on the cheek when ya say 'night at the end of a date.

As far as your sit goes RSS best bail now or your gonna end up some hurtin 50 yr old with kids and a shitty marrige giving chicks 1/2 your age money for a BJ.

 

[hitrack]

problem was I hated going down on her

Tastes like chicken keep on licken, smells like trout get the fuck out!!

 

[muffdiver]

If your not attracted to her and the sex is bad, sounds like you two should just be friends. Probably break her heart but it's better now than 25 years down the road. Iv'e been in a relationship like this and it's not fair for either of you. Good luck to you realslimshady.

 

[LonelyGhost]

just be honest and let her decide where to go from there ... reality is that too many people have tried to make it work when it never was going to work ...

someone once told me the mechanics of a relationship:

you spend the first six months having fantastic sex

you then spend the next year and a half having great sex

you then get two years of good sex

a couple years of okay sex

a couple years where you say okay to sex

and then spend the rest of your life dreaming about the first six months!

if you haven't had the first six months yet, then walk.

but be nice ... she may turn out to be a great friend and having great female friends gets you laid faster than hitrack!

 

[D Duk]

I agree with everybody, 'cause despite what women and society would have us think, relationships and vows are ultimately based on the human biological need to procreate. Sexual attraction is our cognitive thought that our mate is a suitable individual to mix genes with and create the next generation.

Sex is as basic to us as eating and sleeping. We create all these rituals and functions to (dating, marriage, relationships, etc.)disguise what ultimately is a simple biological need that is at the core.

You two might really get along as humans, and she might be a wonderful person as a human, but if you are not attracted to her physically, then you will never have that drive to create a strong bond and have an exclusive relationship where you and her will always want to protect each others territory.

You will always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. You will always have the kung fu eyes that track the movements of other females that do attract you. Your heart will never be entirely in the relationship and it will get worse as you get older.

If people could just realize how important sexual attraction is in a relationship (and not feel that a person is perverted or some dumb thing like that) then it would be so much easier to make solid relationships.

Simply put, it is the deep sexual attraction that drives a person to protect their mating territory. If the person is also compatible personality wise, then there is lots of reason and drive to want to maintain the sanctity of the relationship.

Without these two elements, there is no burning reason to stay in the relationship. Also having one of these elements without the other is not enough. It is the dynamic of the two elements together that creates the magic.

I would say be friends, and let her down as soft as possible. Be straight with her though otherwise she will never be able to close the chapter.

Let her ask the questions of why and you answer them as simply and thoroughly as possible (remember women always think differently than men).

Having been dumped before and having dumped others before, it is not fun to be in either position but being dumped always leaves a person with an unfinished chapter and lots of questions and pain.

 

[Massagegirl]

I agree with everyone, get out while the gettins good!

But you ARE lucky, as women take well to being told you just want to be friends! Maybe bring up the lack of chemistry as a way of getting to the topic and get ready to shed some tears as you may lose the friendship for awhile. I think I speak for all women when I say it takes us up to 6 months for us to get over someone, quicker if there is a rebound. So she may need to stay away for awhile so she can let go.

Don't indicate you are into someone else, just that you can't help but look at other women and you know your libido will lead you to cheat sooner or later. It actually will be a hard breakup as its easier if you don't get along as well as you do, but better to do it nicely. Say stuff like "you are my best friend and I don't want to lose you" with a tear in your eye. Women often feel they weren't good enough, or could have been different/better etc so you want to dispell that and focus on the tragic abscence of pheromones. Good luck!

 

[The Lizard King]

I totally agree with everybody and everything here BUT "Say stuff like "you are my best friend and I don't want to lose you" with a tear in your eye."

Sure...just don't tell your buddies unless you want a swift kick in the nuts to bring you back to reality.

Tell her the truth, softly but straight up, and she'll respect you for it, especially if you've been avoiding sack-time.

 

[blondeluver]

Hi there, I am thinking about this one simple question about relationship for the last little while. I am interested to see what you guys/gals may say.

I am currently in a relationship with a lovely girl, very intelligent and cares and thinks a lot about me. However, I am at the crossroad where I don't know if I should proceed with the relationship... for one simple reason: I don't find her attractive and our sex life is a complete dud. On the flip side, we have some excellent time together, and I do consider her to have the qualities to be an excellent life partner (the sex part notwithstanding). However, her biological clock is ticking, and I am trying to be fair to her and myself.

So what do you think? I am sure there is someone out there who can relate, and I am interested to see what you have to say. Thanks for reading.

RSS

Well, RSS's post struck a chord as I am in the same situation minus the biological clock ticking part. The reason for being in this situation is the same reason in HFS's post. On top of that, I have changed my physical preference on my partner in the last couple months as well. What attracts me now is totally opposite than what used to be before. I didn't understand why the body/mind made this change all of a sudden either but it did, and I couldn't go back no matter how hard I tried. To make things worse, I met someone for the sole purpose of a casual friendship but before we knew, it turned into more than just friends when we had a bit too much to drink one night. The action was mutual and neither of us regretted it. However, she was not completely over her ex's, and she still needed a closure from him. We are back to just friends now but it is hard to erase what we had before. I would know the end result in a few days because she would meet up with the ex and talked about it. I feel so torn by this because I don't like to dump someone or be dumped either. I've been both situation before and didn't like neither. I have been fighting with myself on whether I should just stay with the first one because I don't want to hurt her but at the same time, not be completely happy in life though I'll be loved! Or go with the friend or someone who can't guarantee me anything in the future. I understand it might be just a rebound for what happened between her and I but stupid big head(emtotion) is thinking instead of the lil one. I guess you can say that I like to have someone who I can love and can be in love with instead of just being loved by someone. I love the passion in my partner and in a relationship but so far, I got none with the first one. Arggghhh.....relationship is frustrating. FYI, I used work as an excuse to stay away from both rightnow but I don't think i can hold it together for too much longer.