That's pretty much what my mom said too. She didn't say when to have them, but she did say that when you do, the money will come from somewhere. I actually find it hard to believe that someone would actually regret having them, unless they are a single parent and simply overwhelmed.
Regret having children?
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Being a single parent with sole custody and a deadbeat ex was the most difficult job I ever had but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
My boys are almost men already and are my pride and joy. They are not perfect because no one is, but they are well mannered and have their hearts in the right place and know how to work hard.
I'll never forget having a hell of a time with them on the ferry, when they were 4 and 6. I decided to take them down to the car deck to run off some steam since they'd been causing havock in the play area. In the elevator an older woman and her friend were noticing how frazzled I looked and how my kids were bouncing off the walls, and thought she was clever to comment 'just wait til they're 16!'. I was so taken aback I answered 'I hope I'm dead by then!'. That shut her the fuck up pretty quick.
I'm glad I'm still around to see all the hard work is paying off. You gotta love it when you get compliments from teachers and other adults who've met your kids and think you've done a great job.
My boys are almost men already and are my pride and joy. They are not perfect because no one is, but they are well mannered and have their hearts in the right place and know how to work hard.
I'll never forget having a hell of a time with them on the ferry, when they were 4 and 6. I decided to take them down to the car deck to run off some steam since they'd been causing havock in the play area. In the elevator an older woman and her friend were noticing how frazzled I looked and how my kids were bouncing off the walls, and thought she was clever to comment 'just wait til they're 16!'. I was so taken aback I answered 'I hope I'm dead by then!'. That shut her the fuck up pretty quick.
I'm glad I'm still around to see all the hard work is paying off. You gotta love it when you get compliments from teachers and other adults who've met your kids and think you've done a great job.
Hmmmm 30% of voters are saying that kids were a mistake but there are very few posts explaining why. Are those the votes of the people that don't have kids or are they the votes of people that really think it was a mistake?
B
BrokeBastard
I can imagine people regretting having children if they grow up to be criminals, hard addicts to bad vices(drugs, gambling, liquor, etc), or maybe lazy kids who never work in their life and expect to be taken care of financially.That's pretty much what my mom said too. She didn't say when to have them, but she did say that when you do, the money will come from somewhere. I actually find it hard to believe that someone would actually regret having them, unless they are a single parent and simply overwhelmed.
I suppose. Disappointed definately but regrets a pretty strong term. Maybe in the case of the Bacon brothers, but even then the parents may not regret having them, and in many cases the blame if that's what you're assigning lies to various degrees with the parents themselves.I can imagine people regretting having children if they grow up to be criminals, hard addicts to bad vices(drugs, gambling, liquor, etc), or maybe lazy kids who never work in their life and expect to be taken care of financially.
Why Have Children
It would be rediculous to suggest a person could decide to have a child for the sake of society because there are already far too many people, seven billion and climbling with declining global resources. The problem is obvious.
Deciding to have a child is profoundly selfish. It's also extremely expensive and risky. People do it to meet selfish irrational emotional needs despite reason and at the expense of their own practical self interest.
Primitive hunter/gatherers and farmers can benefit personally by having children while the limiting resousce is available manual labor. We passed that point long ago but most people still follow their evolutionary programming or instinctive needs.
At the same time, any suggestion that deciding not to have a child is selfish, especially relative to the opposite choice, is rediculous.
You have made a choice that benefits both you, society and the planet.
Bijou. Your reasoning is excellent. You cannot decide to have a child for the sake of the child because when you make the decision the child does not exist.Either there are some people who have have come up with answers to these questions, in which case I might do the same and justify my decision to bring a kid into this world, or I'm the only one who's worrying about this, in which case I may not ever come up with a satisfying answer on my own or find anyone who can tell me what they've come up with themselves. lol
It would be rediculous to suggest a person could decide to have a child for the sake of society because there are already far too many people, seven billion and climbling with declining global resources. The problem is obvious.
Deciding to have a child is profoundly selfish. It's also extremely expensive and risky. People do it to meet selfish irrational emotional needs despite reason and at the expense of their own practical self interest.
Primitive hunter/gatherers and farmers can benefit personally by having children while the limiting resousce is available manual labor. We passed that point long ago but most people still follow their evolutionary programming or instinctive needs.
At the same time, any suggestion that deciding not to have a child is selfish, especially relative to the opposite choice, is rediculous.
You have made a choice that benefits both you, society and the planet.
OK, I'll be the one too admit to regret having children. In my case, in my mid 20's, I went through a very rough 3 year period. I have a small family, so in that 3 years I lost my paternal grandmother, then my paternal grandfather, changed jobs, moved to the other side of the country, moved back to this end of the country, mother diagnosed with cancer, moved back to the other side of the country where I wound up with the boss from Hell, mother died after 16 month battle, then maternal grandfather died, then I got involved with a psycho bitch from hell who decided it would be great idea to get pregnant just as I was thinking how little we had in common and breaking up might be a good idea. I wound up snapping and quit a great paying job (the boss from hell wound up getting transferred a few months after I quit) and walked away from the ex. I've had no contact with her in years, don't even know what the kid looks like, and quite frankly don't care. Having a relationship with the kid would mean dealing with the ex and I couldn't do that without strangling the bitch with her own intestine. I can look back and say I was going through a lot, and the kid was the final straw. I'm in my early 40's now and have no interest in children at all. Sincerely doubt I ever will.
I am 50-years old, and have 2 kids, 9 and 6. I love them to death. Nothing beats coming home after work, sitting down, and having them hug me because they missed me (or want the latest toy, LOL). To be honest, initially I had them to make my wife happy. But now, I can't imagine my life without them. Like anything else, having kids is a personal choice, and one must choose accordingly as far as their desired lifestyle is concerned. To the parents out there, hang in there, and do your best to raise them with love and firmness.
I could probably write endlessly on this topic.
On one hand, I think for many/most people, children end up being the answer to the age-old question of "what's the purpose of life?" I mean, we are lifeforms and almost all life exists and is designed to reproduce. I too think our population is growing too rapidly for the good of our planet and don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for some people to abstain and not have kids while others do. Personally, I know the moment I have a kid (I don't yet), I will stop working to better my own life and all of my effort will be spent on my child. It will be simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I will love my child but at the same time I will stop living for me.. at least until they are grown-up and self-sufficient. But these days that's at least 2 decades or more. Some may think that's very selfish-thinking but as some already mentioned, earth doesn't exactly need more humans right now and the world isn't exact the best place (subject to debate). For me, I'd only decide to have kids for the purpose of bringing a new life into the world and also to have someone care and love me back. Yes, nieces and nephews can also care and love you when you're older but there is no bond quite like the bond between parent and child.
So what I'm really saying is I'd probably regret having children in the short-term before I've had a chance to travel, to spend some money on myself, etc. but I'd probably regret it EVEN MORE when I'm on my deathbed, thinking about legacy and only (if I'm lucky) have some nieces/nephews around to send me off. At that point, I may have travelled the world and have all the material goods I ever wanted.. but would feel totally empty. As if all I owned and accomplished were for nothing. So I think like many things in life, there needs to be a balance. Don't have kids too young before you're ready or else you may resent them... but don't completely forego the opportunity to have them if you're lucky enough to have that choice. In my opinion, a loophole in our society is to enjoy your life while you're young and then perhaps adopt when you're older. I don't know a single adopted person (adopted when very young) who don't love their adopted parents the same way as they would birth parents. Maybe this way you get the best of both worlds. Some say fertility is a gift that shouldn't be wasted, that children are the key to immortality, etc... I think there's probably some wisdom in those sayings.
On one hand, I think for many/most people, children end up being the answer to the age-old question of "what's the purpose of life?" I mean, we are lifeforms and almost all life exists and is designed to reproduce. I too think our population is growing too rapidly for the good of our planet and don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for some people to abstain and not have kids while others do. Personally, I know the moment I have a kid (I don't yet), I will stop working to better my own life and all of my effort will be spent on my child. It will be simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I will love my child but at the same time I will stop living for me.. at least until they are grown-up and self-sufficient. But these days that's at least 2 decades or more. Some may think that's very selfish-thinking but as some already mentioned, earth doesn't exactly need more humans right now and the world isn't exact the best place (subject to debate). For me, I'd only decide to have kids for the purpose of bringing a new life into the world and also to have someone care and love me back. Yes, nieces and nephews can also care and love you when you're older but there is no bond quite like the bond between parent and child.
So what I'm really saying is I'd probably regret having children in the short-term before I've had a chance to travel, to spend some money on myself, etc. but I'd probably regret it EVEN MORE when I'm on my deathbed, thinking about legacy and only (if I'm lucky) have some nieces/nephews around to send me off. At that point, I may have travelled the world and have all the material goods I ever wanted.. but would feel totally empty. As if all I owned and accomplished were for nothing. So I think like many things in life, there needs to be a balance. Don't have kids too young before you're ready or else you may resent them... but don't completely forego the opportunity to have them if you're lucky enough to have that choice. In my opinion, a loophole in our society is to enjoy your life while you're young and then perhaps adopt when you're older. I don't know a single adopted person (adopted when very young) who don't love their adopted parents the same way as they would birth parents. Maybe this way you get the best of both worlds. Some say fertility is a gift that shouldn't be wasted, that children are the key to immortality, etc... I think there's probably some wisdom in those sayings.
I could probably write endlessly on this topic.
On one hand, I think for many/most people, children end up being the answer to the age-old question of "what's the purpose of life?" I mean, we are lifeforms and almost all life exists and is designed to reproduce. I too think our population is growing too rapidly for the good of our planet and don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for some people to abstain and not have kids while others do. Personally, I know the moment I have a kid (I don't yet), I will stop working to better my own life and all of my effort will be spent on my child. It will be simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I will love my child but at the same time I will stop living for me.. at least until they are grown-up and self-sufficient. But these days that's at least 2 decades or more. Some may think that's very selfish-thinking but as some already mentioned, earth doesn't exactly need more humans right now and the world isn't exact the best place (subject to debate). For me, I'd only decide to have kids for the purpose of bringing a new life into the world and also to have someone care and love me back. Yes, nieces and nephews can also care and love you when you're older but there is no bond quite like the bond between parent and child.
So what I'm really saying is I'd probably regret having children in the short-term before I've had a chance to travel, to spend some money on myself, etc. but I'd probably regret it EVEN MORE when I'm on my deathbed, thinking about legacy and only (if I'm lucky) have some nieces/nephews around to send me off. At that point, I may have travelled the world and have all the material goods I ever wanted.. but would feel totally empty. As if all I owned and accomplished were for nothing. So I think like many things in life, there needs to be a balance. Don't have kids too young before you're ready or else you may resent them... but don't completely forego the opportunity to have them if you're lucky enough to have that choice. In my opinion, a loophole in our society is to enjoy your life while you're young and then perhaps adopt when you're older. I don't know a single adopted person (adopted when very young) who don't love their adopted parents the same way as they would birth parents. Maybe this way you get the best of both worlds. Some say fertility is a gift that shouldn't be wasted, that children are the key to immortality, etc... I think there's probably some wisdom in those sayings.
a very interesting comment,
i remember reading somwhere,
that if you are at some point in your life your responsible for another life, another helpless life.
it changes your forever.
just saw a story about where there putting cats in the prison system for prisoners to look after,
or putting dogs in old age homes.
alot of people i know are kidless, but they have pets and they love them like a child.
my point is it is our genetics,
to love and care for another human being another life. even if its a animal.
for sure in our genetic makeup there is alot of varability, for sure as hell there is
but for the most part life is about propagation, the survial of the species and well our individual genetic code, its our nature,
its interesting to listen to people talk about there needs travel money fast cars whatever, being selfish. and how they describe it,
is a fast car the answer travel, its all just a diversion adrenalin for the mind, something to pass the time or maybe make us feel better about our self because were so insecure.
but even all of that is gentics.
you need some one to go over the mountain to see what is on the other side, maybe more food or not,
and you also need some one to stay at home were it is safe and sound
just in case there is no food on the other side of the moutain,
we think were so smart as being human beings and understand it all,
when all were doing is following our gentic code,
and yes there is to many people on our planet, seven billion soon.
but there is always war and famine and pestilence
the hardest thing you will ever do,
is be yourself
