Regret having children?

[threepeat]

I came across this Globe and Mail article recently: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life...-really-regret-having-children/article784948/ and was curious how many other parents out there feel the same way? I know society doesn't really allow people to say they wish they never had kids but maybe this forum encourages more honest responses.

Or maybe the writer is in a small minority, I don't know.

For what it's worth, I am single and have never had children though I have lots of nephews and nieces. Most of my friends have kids, which always makes one wonder "what if?" but by and large I am quite happy as I am. Not that I am against them if the opportunity arose, I guess I am more or less content either way.

I see so much time, freedom, and money that parents sacrifice and wonder how they do it. Hats off to them though .

Thoughts?

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

I am not allowed to vote on this poll for some reason but if I could I'd vote for the 2nd one ... the good outweighs the bad. It sure isn't easy but I honestly believe it's what we are here to do. You find out who you are through all the sacrifice and difficulties.

 

[uncleg]

I am not allowed to vote on this poll for some reason but if I could I'd vote for the 2nd one ... the good outweighs the bad. It sure isn't easy but I honestly believe it's what we are here to do. You find out who you are through all the sacrifice and difficulties.

Advertisers in RED can't vote on any polls....................it's in the rules.

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

Advertisers in RED can't vote on any polls....................it's in the rules.

Well there you go .... haven't read the rules ! I'm not a rules kinda girl ... more of a shot calla !!!

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

I can't vote, but as always I will be open and honest here. Having raised 2 already though one strayed and went off the path, she has finally grown. I look at my older children and see what they have become. Every birthday I think of the day they were born, little miracles of life. It is amazing, no words can explain when you see that baby for the first time. Just amazing. No one told me as they do not come with instruction what a challenge it would be at times. I think it is one of the hardest jobs in life you will encounter, but once they have grown you see yes you did it, they are beautiful educated and doing well.

So now that I am 46 and doing the parenting all over again, raising my grandaughter and my other little miracle, it is alot different it is harder but I have learned and I am more patient. Now I can honestly say that sometimes I have my days and I think what the hell am I doing? Why am I doing this all over again?
with that said....sense comes back to me and I look at these beautiful children and I wouldn't change it for the world. My friends kids are all grown now, they have the freedom to do as they please, but I get to do it all again and watching them grow and become a the unique individuals they will be is just amazing. Even on the days where you need to take your own time outs for a few minutes, it is wonderful experience and it does not stop me from doing all I enjoy I just bring them along so that they can share and experience all that life has to offer.
I am a proud parent yes I am. Love my children to bits they are my world!

My hats off to you Angie for raising your grandaughter !!! That is one of the biggest sacrifices and I'm sure it comes with some of the biggest rewards.

 

[treveller]

I red and can't vote? I sent a message to the moderator who wasn't aware of the situation.

Children? I undersatne that, whenever such things are examined scientifically, as far as such things can be scientific, when you look at couples who get what they want, on average the fewer children a person has the happier and better off they are and the happier and better of the children are.

Less is better and this is true right down to zero children.

The story about children inproving a relationship is, on average, a lie.

And remember, saying you think you would have been happier ithout children does not mean you love your children less.

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

In all honesty, when my child was little and I was struggling as a single parent I used to lie in bed at night and wonder where all those kidnappers people talk about were. I thought, who would want one of these ? What have I done ? From the first time I saw him in the nursery - the nurses there started giving me a hard time ... "this baby does nothing but scream" .. I think they thought I was a drug addict or something .. there was always problems .. he couldn't feed. Had to stay in the hospital 6 days after birth on a feeding tube. Then I was told by the Public Health Nurse who spent a full week, all day, every day at my home trying to help me get him off the breast and onto the bottle before I went back to work when he was 3 months old ... that this was the most difficult baby she had ever encountered. He never ever woke up from a sleep calm, always screaming and having a complete, full blown fit where I'd have to hold him so he wouldn't hurt himself or me until he'd settle down. When he was 3 years old I was told as he was being kicked out of the 4th daycare that he was a psychopath .... try bearing that burden !!! It wasn't easy especially when other people looked at me like it was my fault. I finally got a diagnosis of his problem ADHD when he entered kindergarten. He was prescribed ritalin which everyone told me "I would never give my child ritalin" .. well they would if they had a child with this serious of a problem. I forgot to give it to him one day and the Principle called me to come and get him .. he had a skipping rope and was twirling around and around whipping anyone who came near him .. he had to take it or he could not go to school. He spent every lunch hour in the office eating alone so he wouldn't fight. Yes it was hard and there were a lot of tears from both of us but now seeing him as a productive member of society who has never been in trouble with the law (contrary to what every teacher or school official would tell me he would) enjoying his life .. it's all been worth it. When I'm done doing this gig I'm going to do some foster parenting of difficult kids because I just know I have the ability to cope with challenges.

 

[Aerts]

I don't have kids, and don't want them either. I've got a whole list of legit reasons that I won't get into, but overall it just wouldn't work for me. I'm not a big fan of marriage, but would like to have one at some point and stay off this site. It is difficult finding women who don't want children though. Despite not wanting kids I do have a lot of respect for parents. It is sad that less and less people are having kids, I think that is part of the breakdown of the family unit in canada and another reason why this country is on a downward trajectory.

 

[laurel love]

On a financial level I would be further ahead if I had not had children.

On an emotional level having children changed me for the better.

They sure are bloody expensive!

 

[uncleg]

On a financial level I would be further ahead if I had not had children.

On an emotional level having children changed me for the better.

They sure are bloody expensive!

Depends on where you buy them, try Wal Mart.

 

[Ray]

No regrets at all having raised 2 kids. Bloody expensive, one needs to keep the kids occupied as they're growing up so they don't have time to get in trouble. Play every sport they can think of. Gave us a life revolving around their activities. It's been fun. Now I see them as semi independant adults, makes you proud.

 

[LADY-VIA]

THERE is nothing i would love more than to have just one more bundle of joy !!!! however im feeling more and more discouraged as the years pass. Regrets not one at all, and i was young with my only. I think now i might just have to settle with having kittens, or maybe a bunny, somthing soft and cuddly and baby that i can play mommy to.

sincerely true

via xxxo

 

[sevenofnine]

On a financial level I would be further ahead if I had not had children.

On an emotional level having children changed me for the better.

They sure are bloody expensive!

children are expensive you should try paying for an sp


best thing that ever happened to me being a father.
i would think how you answer this question depends on whether or not you intentionaly became a parent
or if it was recreational sex gone wrong

i wanted to be a father enjoyed every minute of it, late night sick kids wiping up puke down the hall, sitting up christmas eve all hours putting barbie dolls and sets together.

never really had any issues with my kids.in fact they are too squeaky clean and some time that bugs me.
i mean life is full of hard knocks, unexpected hard knocks,
i worry that i over protected them, and the first real issue they have to face they will fall apart.
they have had none, both well on there way, and go to school and work full time, right now they have better jobs then i have, and there not finished school yet

but like i said, nothing in my childhood life, or anything was normal i have no clue what normal is.
i have worked throught issues and stuff all my life. and did what i could to protect my kids from them

i love them there more ahead then i was or am now, but i still worry about them.

 

[uncleg]

I've never had children and I don't regret it.

Now grandchildren I think I'd like. Spoil them and give them back to their parents. Ha!

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Yes it was hard and there were a lot of tears from both of us but now seeing him as a productive member of society who has never been in trouble with the law (contrary to what every teacher or school official would tell me he would) enjoying his life .. it's all been worth it. When I'm done doing this gig I'm going to do some foster parenting of difficult kids because I just know I have the ability to cope with challenges.

Hats off to you, Jewel. I don't know how people manage as single parents. The idea of being a single parent is truly terrifying to me. A friend of mine had a baby earlier this year and for all intents and purposes she's a single parent. She pretty much already knew this when she realized she was pregnant and I have to say I really admire her. I don't think I have that in me, single parents have a rough deal. And I can't imagine how hard it must be when a child has special needs that are challenging even when both parents are around.


I don't have any kids. I don't think I will have any either but who knows. I do like kids, but might just enjoy other people's kids instead of creating one myself. lol. I have conflicting feelings about the whole thing to be honest, I don't really understand how I could feel good about the kind of world in which I'd be bringing a child. I'd have to justify it for myself and so far I haven't been able to do that. I've wanted to ask parents I know so many times but I figured that might be a bit rude. lol


But personally I haven't found any reason other than the usual selfish reasons people breed. But I'm still at a loss when it comes to what's in it for the kid. Maybe a bit pessimistic, I know, but there are so many times when I can't help but wonder how people look at the world and then not feel awful about being responsible for dragging their kids into this mess, knowing their kids will outlive them and inherit the burden of a deteriorating mess of a planet. All as a result of their parents and grandparents foolish excesses, obsession with progress and addiction to instant gratification...


anyway, sorry if that sounds a bit depressing. But that's how I feel about the kids question. Either there are some people who have have come up with answers to these questions, in which case I might do the same and justify my decision to bring a kid into this world, or I'm the only one who's worrying about this, in which case I may not ever come up with a satisfying answer on my own or find anyone who can tell me what they've come up with themselves. lol


oh well....I think I'll just shut up now. LOL

 

[Tugela]

Bijou, the world is a beautifull place, you just need to look for that and not at the bad things which happen, and you will see. The good far outweighs the bad. If how you see the world is a reason for not having children, I think you are missing out on a huge part of the human experience.

 

[Surrey's Jewel]

Hats off to you, Jewel. I don't know how people manage as single parents. The idea of being a single parent is truly terrifying to me. A friend of mine had a baby earlier this year and for all intents and purposes she's a single parent. She pretty much already knew this when she realized she was pregnant and I have to say I really admire her. I don't think I have that in me, single parents have a rough deal. And I can't imagine how hard it must be when a child has special needs that are challenging even when both parents are around.


I don't have any kids. I don't think I will have any either but who knows. I do like kids, but might just enjoy other people's kids instead of creating one myself. lol. I have conflicting feelings about the whole thing to be honest, I don't really understand how I could feel good about the kind of world in which I'd be bringing a child. I'd have to justify it for myself and so far I haven't been able to do that. I've wanted to ask parents I know so many times but I figured that might be a bit rude. lol


But personally I haven't found any reason other than the usual selfish reasons people breed. But I'm still at a loss when it comes to what's in it for the kid. Maybe a bit pessimistic, I know, but there are so many times when I can't help but wonder how people look at the world and then not feel awful about being responsible for dragging their kids into this mess, knowing their kids will outlive them and inherit the burden of a deteriorating mess of a planet. All as a result of their parents and grandparents foolish excesses, obsession with progress and addiction to instant gratification...


anyway, sorry if that sounds a bit depressing. But that's how I feel about the kids question. Either there are some people who have have come up with answers to these questions, in which case I might do the same and justify my decision to bring a kid into this world, or I'm the only one who's worrying about this, in which case I may not ever come up with a satisfying answer on my own or find anyone who can tell me what they've come up with themselves. lol


oh well....I think I'll just shut up now. LOL

I wasn't a single parent by choice and I was told I could never conceive so was suprised by the pregnancy and found out at approximately 5 months along so I made what I thought was the least selfish decision as I owned a home and had a good job and was successful at most everything else in life I attempted. Parenthood is a completely different ballgame though. You have to let go of the control a little and go with the flow. I do worry about the state of the world too but I agree with Tugela that the world is a beautiful place and that the good far outweighs the bad.

 

[emilioa4]

having my kids was the best thing I have ever experienced in my life so far. Having said that though, I went and got a vasectomy as I do not want any more. not because I dont love my children or because I cant deal with them, I simply couldnt commit any more of myself or my resources to my kids. Kids are expensive and time consuming (all in a good way though) and to watch them grow up experiencing new adventures and to be able to participate in their journey, I would not want to start over with another new one. Though like others here, I do worry quite a bit about this world that we are passing down to them, yes there is a lot of good human nature and beauty to see, but just as well a lot of negativity, and the time they are exposed to these things seem to be waaaaaaay younger than I could ever imagine. I just hope I can provide the right guidance and environment to foster a positive outlook for these kids. I can agree without children you likely will be much more financially secure, but properly planned, budgeted etc, kids can provide a very enriching experience that money cannot buy. For that reason my kids are the best thing to happen for me, I love them dearly. Should I ever separate from my wife or something like that, my new partner would have to accept the fact that I do not want any more children and my commitment goes to the ones I already have. Pretty plain and simple for me.

 

[treveller]

Ahhhh, but Anna, you don't get to be a Grand Mommy unless you are first a Mommy. And yes it is fun to spoil grandchildren

Not True. Honary Grandparent status is just as good.

 

[FunSugarDaddy]

I have a daughter that means the world to me, but you're right it's expense. I grew up in an environment where my mom raised 3 of us and consistently had 2 jobs.

It was an extremely hard situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and in many ways it forced us to raise ourselves.

During this period of time she went bankrupt once and had a breakdown, but one thing which always amazed me was she was generally always in a fairly good mood given the circumstances and she rarely if ever complained about her situation. She's not alive anymore but the funny thing is, if she had to do it all over again I think she would, cause we're what gave her life meaning, of that I'm sure.

Me on the other hand, I'm way too selfish, I wouldn't want kids in that situation, but if you're in a reasonably healthy relationship I think it's a very rewarding experience and even though fate has given me one child, I would have preferred two.