References
- Thread starter Irresistible Isabelle
- Start date
You are a dream client. Some girls lie, why, who knows. Her loss entirely. Fyi, the only local list i'm aware of are bad date lists via sw support groups.
I may not be the dream client, but I'm pretty laid back, pretty easy to get along with, and I can't remember ever having any kind of scrap with anybody about anything.
What's the verdict? Was she BS-ing me? Did she just get a little freaked out for some reason? Or is there a "do not see" list out there already?
Curious minds want to know
Yes, VV is right on those lists. You can contact Peers, Wish, Pace,Map Van.
DU is a cool cat
Because I, my dear, am the consumer.
If I decide to buy a new TV then I do some research... warranty, reliability etc and comparison shop between stores. But I can't for the life of me remember a time when Future Shop and Best Buy have shared notes on whether my credit card is good or if I am a pleasant customer.
I understand the need for security as you are in a business where being naked and vulnerable is par for the course but requesting that EVERY man you see has retina scans and lie detector tests before you agree to spread your legs for them is rather laughable.
You have a 'bad date' then post it in the Neighborhood Watch, you have a stalker then post it in the Neighborhood Watch but getting all skittish about every one that walks through your door is an immediate red flag for me and I'm certain I'm not alone.
Run your business the way you desire dear, but do remember that being overtly paranoid and asking your punters to jump through hoops may negatively impact said business.
From where I'm standing you're one step away from being another crazy cat lady and going postal on someone for no reason... throwing accusations around and accusing them of all sorts of shocking behavior.
Good luck out there
Sorry, but the customer is not always right
Merely asking another lady:
(1) have you seen "goldenrod"?
(2) is he a nice guy?
These are not invasive nor disrespectful questions.
Perhaps you guys that are against providing references should read the thread about the Edmonton escort that got murdered. If a reference system had been in place it would likely have prevented her murder.
Dangers in this business are real and can only be minimized not avoided completely.
I am often amazed at how simple gentlemen portray this business to be. It is nothing of the sort. It is a complicated business with immense dangers. But, these dangers can be minimized by a client's cooperation.
Goldenrod, I am sorry to hear that your "right" of being a customer supersedes the safety of a lady...sad, very sad.
Being a customer does not give you the ammunition to be unreasonable.
Merely asking another lady:
(1) have you seen "goldenrod"?
(2) is he a nice guy?
These are not invasive nor disrespectful questions.
Perhaps you guys that are against providing references should read the thread about the Edmonton escort that got murdered. If a reference system had been in place it would likely have prevented her murder.
Dangers in this business are real and can only be minimized not avoided completely.
I am often amazed at how simple gentlemen portray this business to be. It is nothing of the sort. It is a complicated business with immense dangers. But, these dangers can be minimized by a client's cooperation.
Goldenrod, I am sorry to hear that your "right" of being a customer supersedes the safety of a lady...sad, very sad.
Crazy cat lady indeed! Quite the charmer aren't you there new member, or are you perhaps not so new?Because I, my dear, am the consumer.
If I decide to buy a new TV then I do some research... warranty, reliability etc and comparison shop between stores. But I can't for the life of me remember a time when Future Shop and Best Buy have shared notes on whether my credit card is good or if I am a pleasant customer.
I understand the need for security as you are in a business where being naked and vulnerable is par for the course but requesting that EVERY man you see has retina scans and lie detector tests before you agree to spread your legs for them is rather laughable.
You have a 'bad date' then post it in the Neighborhood Watch, you have a stalker then post it in the Neighborhood Watch but getting all skittish about every one that walks through your door is an immediate red flag for me and I'm certain I'm not alone.
Run your business the way you desire dear, but do remember that being overtly paranoid and asking your punters to jump through hoops may negatively impact said business.
From where I'm standing you're one step away from being another crazy cat lady and going postal on someone for no reason... throwing accusations around and accusing them of all sorts of shocking behavior.
Good luck out there
Last I heard inanimate objects don't object to being taken out in a field and beaten with baseball bats a la Office Space. People on the other hand... we tend to protest just a little at the thought of that and that is very simply the reality we face. Have you heard about what's just happened in Edmonton? It's very true, that it's a potentially dangerous job, as are various other jobs such as construction, working the grave yard shift at a gas station, working as an EMT on the DTES, etc etc. They take what measures are necessary to protect themselves and so should we.
Great post Isabelle.Crazy cat lady indeed! Quite the charmer aren't you there new member, or are you perhaps not so new?
Last I heard inanimate objects don't object to being taken out in a field and beaten with baseball bats a la Office Space. People on the other hand... we tend to protest just a little at the thought of that and that is very simply the reality we face. Have you heard about what's just happened in Edmonton? It's very true, that it's a potentially dangerous job, as are various other jobs such as construction, working the grave yard shift at a gas station, working as an EMT on the DTES, etc etc. They take what measures are necessary to protect themselves and so should we.
To all then men who are so against providing a reference, don't! It is that easy. If you don't like someone's booking policies then don't book with them it is that simple, but no need to patronize them either!
Sample: Reference policy for your "reference"
From Dru Berrymore's website. Altho she is high-profile, almost every single US independent escort site that I looked at thru sensualplaymates had a policy like this and a similar form with "required" fields.
So maybe if a local escort here wants to confirm with another sp that you (by handle only) are a-okay, you can be satisfied that they don't decide to go all this way. Some will only see you if you have an sp referral or your identity is verified thru a TER handle.
From Dru Berrymore's website. Altho she is high-profile, almost every single US independent escort site that I looked at thru sensualplaymates had a policy like this and a similar form with "required" fields.
So maybe if a local escort here wants to confirm with another sp that you (by handle only) are a-okay, you can be satisfied that they don't decide to go all this way. Some will only see you if you have an sp referral or your identity is verified thru a TER handle.
It's like rates: if you don't like an sp's rates, then don't go see her. And especially don't contact her and ask her to lower them for you. There are a lot of options available, on both sides.
Anyone familiar with discussions here on PERB knows that some SPs have made some very bad customer service moves on occassion with some clients. No doubt they lost some potential customers as a result. It would seem, however, that most must be at least fairly good at customer service as they stay in business and some at what are often premium prices. Their business sense and abilities seem intact. That they, like anyone else, must make their own personal safety their number one priority doesn't alter that fact. Just how to balance business with safety is something each SP will have to decide for herself. A cooperative effort between SPs makes sense, though just how to make it a reality is not immediately evident. Colleagues are also competitors in many instances. Common concerns about safety will hopefully mitigate against the more negative influences of competition and personal jealousy. Even though it's not certain a "reference system" would have saved the recently murdered SP in Edmonton, that incident makes clear in the most tragic terms possible that the risk SPs face requires them to think about their own safety. But I think we all know that anyway.
Yes, I want my personal info kept confidential. Yes I want to be anonymous as much as possible. No, I don't want to be blacklisted because of a petty difference with an SP. These are reasonable and important concerns but they are not more important than the life or limb of another person. I would be surprised if many SPs disagreed with those points. I'm also sure there are reasonable safe guards that can be put in place to will allow the interests of SPs and clients to be mutually satisfied. I doubt it will be a one-size-fits-all solution as SPs and clients come in too many variations for that to work. The bad behaviour of some SPs not withstanding, SPs need to be allowed to work out solutions that make sense to them in their various settings. I may or may not like what they decide, but they musy make that decision anyway.
Yes, I want my personal info kept confidential. Yes I want to be anonymous as much as possible. No, I don't want to be blacklisted because of a petty difference with an SP. These are reasonable and important concerns but they are not more important than the life or limb of another person. I would be surprised if many SPs disagreed with those points. I'm also sure there are reasonable safe guards that can be put in place to will allow the interests of SPs and clients to be mutually satisfied. I doubt it will be a one-size-fits-all solution as SPs and clients come in too many variations for that to work. The bad behaviour of some SPs not withstanding, SPs need to be allowed to work out solutions that make sense to them in their various settings. I may or may not like what they decide, but they musy make that decision anyway.
New to Vancouver and PERB yes, new to the fantastic world of 'pay for play' no.Quite the charmer aren't you there new member, or are you perhaps not so new?
Just call me Mr Beenaroundtheworldandback
Safety versus discretion
There are a number of reasons why a lady may want a reference for a possible suitor.
In the US it is often to screen for LE. In Canada, it is usually to screen for psychopaths and to ensure that the gentleman is courteous, respectful, on time, not a flake etc.
I reply to all reference requests immediately, and firmly believe that any lady worth spending time with would do the same. We are not competition, we are cohorts, and the aim is to keep eachother safe, and to keep the gentlemen happy and satisfied.
With that said, I will neither confirm nor deny knowing a gentleman unless I have HIS PERMISSION TO DO SO.
I maintain the highest level of discretion, and would never compromise that for a gentleman (unless he was a potential threat).
Any gentleman wanting me to vouch for him simply needs to call or send me an email with the name or names of the ladies who will be checking. I will only proivide verification to the ladies he has given me permission to do so for. If a gent has not contacted me to ask for a reference, than the lady will get a standard reply back stating that from the information she has provided, I am not able to ascertain whether or not I know him. If she would be so kind as to have him contact me with some more details regarding our time together to refresh my memory, I will get back to her.
I don't go into a blow by blow of information to her. I simply pass on the following:
- Have I seen you.
- Were you on time/considerate/respectful/hygienic/discreet etc.
- Any potential concerns or issues
- Any special preferences
A basic reference reply is something along the lines of:
I can confirm knowing gentleman xyz. He is in fact sweet, kind and considerate. No issues regarding discretion, He has a volatile schedule, and sometimes cancels engagements - but never with less than 2 days notice. Prefers dresses or business suites for dinner and stockings and garters for private time. Main topics of discussion: China stock market strategies, US real estate market, and best places to S.C.U.B.A. dive. Avoid discussions on politics or religion.
There are a number of reasons why a lady may want a reference for a possible suitor.
In the US it is often to screen for LE. In Canada, it is usually to screen for psychopaths and to ensure that the gentleman is courteous, respectful, on time, not a flake etc.
I reply to all reference requests immediately, and firmly believe that any lady worth spending time with would do the same. We are not competition, we are cohorts, and the aim is to keep eachother safe, and to keep the gentlemen happy and satisfied.
With that said, I will neither confirm nor deny knowing a gentleman unless I have HIS PERMISSION TO DO SO.
I maintain the highest level of discretion, and would never compromise that for a gentleman (unless he was a potential threat).
Any gentleman wanting me to vouch for him simply needs to call or send me an email with the name or names of the ladies who will be checking. I will only proivide verification to the ladies he has given me permission to do so for. If a gent has not contacted me to ask for a reference, than the lady will get a standard reply back stating that from the information she has provided, I am not able to ascertain whether or not I know him. If she would be so kind as to have him contact me with some more details regarding our time together to refresh my memory, I will get back to her.
I don't go into a blow by blow of information to her. I simply pass on the following:
- Have I seen you.
- Were you on time/considerate/respectful/hygienic/discreet etc.
- Any potential concerns or issues
- Any special preferences
A basic reference reply is something along the lines of:
I can confirm knowing gentleman xyz. He is in fact sweet, kind and considerate. No issues regarding discretion, He has a volatile schedule, and sometimes cancels engagements - but never with less than 2 days notice. Prefers dresses or business suites for dinner and stockings and garters for private time. Main topics of discussion: China stock market strategies, US real estate market, and best places to S.C.U.B.A. dive. Avoid discussions on politics or religion.
Man Mountain's references
MM you are a good man
So, ladies? Is that good enough for ya?
The most reasonable & mature post on this issue I've read thus far!
I have a gut feeling that there is a little more to the "referral" system being proposed than us men will ever really know, that said, I have no wish that harm ever come to any of the ladies that work as SP's. (nor the ones who cannot be called ladies)
I just think that those in this business need to realize that most men who have some sort of stature at their place of work or hold a public office are not going to feel comfortable giving out information about themselves.
I cannot forget reading a comment posted by Szabina that she answers calls from blocked numbers because she is not paranoid about the people calling before they call.
In my opinion, that's a good attitude.
I am just sayin' that there are some potentially generous clients out there who are looking to find a woman who can offer complete discretion without doing background checks or digging for info.
If my family, friends or company found out I patroned an escort it could end in termination & unbearable shame.
(Just because I'm comfortable with it does'nt mean they are!)
So the girls here can think about that & decide what they want to do but I can assure you it would be foolish to discount my missives.
Last year I spent some time in the U.S. I sent 3 different ladies on this board requests for references. Not one replied. I copied the SP in on all of them. I don't know how she decided, but in the end she decided I at least wasn't LE or dangerous and she saw me.
