[Question for the Dommes/Doms] When someone says..

[Lovely Rubi]

"I want you to do whatever you want to me?"

what do you do

does this happen often?

I have a general idea of what this person likes/dislikes but giving me such and open playing ground can be dangerous

 

[MissJasmine]

"I want you to do whatever you want to me?"

what do you do

does this happen often?

I have a general idea of what this person likes/dislikes but giving me such and open playing ground can be dangerous

I get that line all the time...but I always get as much info as possible. Often the guys that say they can "take it all" and "want it extra rough" are the first to use their safe word/ask to stop. I never cater to those into physical battery who say they want "no limit/no safe word...too dangerous.

A sub to giving himself completely to a domme is a fantasy in itself and its often much easier said than done when games begin.

 

[Lovely Rubi]

I get that line all the time...but I always get as much info as possible. Often the guys that say they can "take it all" and "want it extra rough" are the first to use their safe word/ask to stop. I never cater to those into physical battery who say they want "no limit/no safe word...too dangerous.

A sub to giving himself completely to a domme is a fantasy in itself and its often much easier said than done when games begin.

Thanx for the response Miss Jasmine

you're very correct, I do try to get as much information as possible but then at the same time I don't want to be seem as a novice Domme who can't put a scene together, I know that too much scripting can be a bad thing, but getting all the information that I can never hurts anyone. Most of the clients are fully aware of what they would like, but I seem to be getting alot of inquiries from those who have no experience with a domme and want me to deliver a "sample platter" so to speak. I don't even know if that's possible...what am I supposed to do? spank their bum lightly for 1 minute, then strap on play for one minute, then switch to something else for one minute? so many decisions, lol.

 

[HB40]

I get that line all the time...but I always get as much info as possible. Often the guys that say they can "take it all" and "want it extra rough" are the first to use their safe word/ask to stop. I never cater to those into physical battery who say they want "no limit/no safe word...too dangerous.

A sub to giving himself completely to a domme is a fantasy in itself and its often much easier said than done when games begin.

I'm new to this. Just wondering, is it a goal of the domme to get the safe word out of the sub? Or is there a limit that you do not cross?

 

[MissJasmine]

I'm new to this. Just wondering, is it a goal of the domme to get the safe word out of the sub? Or is there a limit that you do not cross?

The ideal is playing within your limit...and of course everyone has a different limit. BDSM can be like a massage; some like light pressure some like deep pressure. When you get close to a certain threshold without crossing the line it can be quite euphoric. Its definetely not the goal to get the safe word out of the sub.

 

[Lovely Rubi]

I'm new to this. Just wondering, is it a goal of the domme to get the safe word out of the sub? Or is there a limit that you do not cross?

No it's not the Domme's role to get the safeword out of the sub.

The safe word is a word other than "stop" or "no" that the two agree upon before a scene or any roleplay starts to let one another know that things aren't going well

There is definitely a limit that can be crossed, some people are comfortable with you crossing that limit just a little bit, others are comfortable with you crossing it ALOT, it depends on the person and you look for verbal or non-verbal clues as to whether or not you've crossed that line and/or whether it's safe to push a little further

 

[HB40]

The ideal is playing within your limit...and of course everyone has a different limit. BDSM can be like a massage; some like light pressure some like deep pressure. When you get close to a certain threshold without crossing the line it can be quite euphoric. Its definetely not the goal to get the safe word out of the sub.

Thanks, I wondered because the couple of sessions of this type I had, both women expressed disappointment they didn't get the safe word. Now I feel determined not to ever say the safe word. You're right though, I experienced a euphoria not normally encountered with a usual FS service.

 

[HB40]

it depends on the person and you look for verbal or non-verbal clues as to whether or not you've crossed that line and/or whether it's safe to push a little further

Are tears a good clue? No blood was drawn but sure had some nice welts the next day. I enjoyed it though, more than I thought I would.

 

[Lovely Rubi]

Are tears a good clue? No blood was drawn but sure had some nice welts the next day. I enjoyed it though, more than I thought I would.

lol, tears might make me wonder, but i'd incorporate the question into roleplay so it doesn't ruin the momentum. it would suck if you were totally into it and I turn all Florence Nightengale on you

 

[HB40]

Thanks Ladies. I look forward to my first real domme session. The experiences I've had were with really good SP's who know how to use a whip. And some clamping things, never got a visual on those. I couldn't touch my nipples for days lol.

I'm thinking Small pleasures(Mistress T), I still need the FS, I'm funny that way.

 

[Lovely Rubi]

Thanks Ladies. I look forward to my first real domme session. The experiences I've had were with really good SP's who know how to use a whip. And some clamping things, never got a visual on those. I couldn't touch my nipples for days lol.

I'm thinking Small pleasures(Mistress T), I still need the FS, I'm funny that way.

nothing weird about wanting FS, sometimes a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down better

 

[DominaPandora]

Just a note on a few things I saw stated hear...

is it a goal of the domme to get the safe word out of the sub?

It may not be the ultimate goal of the session, but depending on the specific fetishes of the Dom and the sub in question, it may indeed be a goal of sorts. This does not mean it must be dangerous or non consensual. It may be a goal for one or both, being brought to the point of using a safeword can in itself be a fetish.

Are tears a good clue?

I myself find tears and fear an absolute turn on. For some subs, it is just as much of a turn on to be brought to tears. For example, I am a sadist and I do not hide it. I like to inflict pain, it rocks my boat in a way little else does.

Fetish and BDSM is expressed in a very different and unique way by each person. There is no one right way or wrong way, in my opinion, so long as you enjoy your experience.

Yes, I see alot of that as well, EbonyDomme. I just warn them that they best make hard limits clear and remind them of what I enjoy most. lol

 

[Aeiyah]

"I want you to do whatever you want to me?"

what do you do

does this happen often?

I have a general idea of what this person likes/dislikes but giving me such and open playing ground can be dangerous

That's very common for newbies/inexperienced subs who don't know what their limits are. It's good that you take the time first to get a general idea of what a new sub likes/dislikes. I've heard stories of some doms who will take the subs wish literally and not take time to find out what the sub really wants.

Personally, I like edge play and not knowing what's going to happen. I'm very clear on my hard limits and what I don't like. Beyond that, I like to give free reign to whomever I play with. Unless we are creating a specific fantasy, I don't like working from a script. I prefer spontaneity and variety. I get bored and disappointed if I wind-up doing the exact same thing more than once.

 

[HB40]

Just a note on a few things I saw stated hear...

is it a goal of the domme to get the safe word out of the sub?

It may not be the ultimate goal of the session, but depending on the specific fetishes of the Dom and the sub in question, it may indeed be a goal of sorts. This does not mean it must be dangerous or non consensual. It may be a goal for one or both, being brought to the point of using a safeword can in itself be a fetish.

Are tears a good clue?

I myself find tears and fear an absolute turn on. For some subs, it is just as much of a turn on to be brought to tears. For example, I am a sadist and I do not hide it. I like to inflict pain, it rocks my boat in a way little else does.

Fetish and BDSM is expressed in a very different and unique way by each person. There is no one right way or wrong way, in my opinion, so long as you enjoy your experience.

Yes, I see alot of that as well, EbonyDomme. I just warn them that they best make hard limits clear and remind them of what I enjoy most. lol

Very interesting...

My first time was not a dom session per se, more of a sensory deprivation thing. The safe words were suggested if I got too excited. I was pleased with myself I didn't need to use it that time.

The other time I was after as much pain she could administer. I have an SO who facilitates my hobby but I am ashamed I have no pain of conscience. I just wanted to feel, the tears that came were not from the pain, more of a happy cry, I think women can understand better. I knew I had a high tolerance for pain but again I was pleased with my stamina.

Both SP's are regulars of mine who I trust, I think that is why they were a little disappointed they didn't get the safe word. I thoroughly enjoyed both experiences. But to be honest, I can understand the fetish. I'm even more determined to never utter that safeword.

 

[Lovely Rubi]

thanx for your input everyone it's been great to hear some dialogue about the safeword as well. While I myself do not make it a goal to get the safeword out of a sub, I won't deny the smirk that comes across my face if I do hear it.

 

[Poeticus]

The best experience I had as a newbie was when a domme patiently showed me each of her devices of depravity, explained what they were for and how she could use them in a scene, and asked if that interested me while reading my facial expressions and body language. This pulled my real interests out through a cunning show and tell process.

I would recommend this approach with clients who want to try stuff but may not be able to articulate their desires well. Takes the guessing out.

 

[sub882]

thanx for your input everyone it's been great to hear some dialogue about the safeword as well. While I myself do not make it a goal to get the safeword out of a sub, I won't deny the smirk that comes across my face if I do hear it.

I once heard one pro-domme say that in this kind of situation she would like to say to the clinet, "I would really like to hammer some toothpicks under each of your finger nails, would that be okay?" That should get some reasonable response regarding limits, wants, and needs.

 

[Aeiyah]

thanx for your input everyone it's been great to hear some dialogue about the safeword as well. While I myself do not make it a goal to get the safeword out of a sub, I won't deny the smirk that comes across my face if I do hear it.

This is more of a response to some of the earlier comments than to this comment. Having the goal of forcing someone to use a safeword can be dangerous, especially with inexperienced subs who don't know how to recognize when they have reached their limit and even experienced subs who would rather endure than to safeword. I certainly know that in my process of learning, I've been guilty of both. I'm fortunate that the people I've played with have recognized that the scene should end before I have.

 

[sub882]

This is more of a response to some of the earlier comments than to this comment. Having the goal of forcing someone to use a safeword can be dangerous, especially with inexperienced subs who don't know how to recognize when they have reached their limit and even experienced subs who would rather endure than to safeword. I certainly know that in my process of learning, I've been guilty of both. I'm fortunate that the people I've played with have recognized that the scene should end before I have.

Agreed.

I would just add... and this is in reference to some of the previous posts....

Limits can be pushed once trust has built up.

But a safeword is a safeword. Period.