This happened last week so I'm finally getting over it, I was with an sp that I've been seeing since last June about roughly once a month since I'm from small town Alberta and she's from Toronto. Anyway's on our last meeting I went for an overnighter, did that and went out shopping and meals, everything was wonderful till the end. We had went out for breakfast and doing other arrands. When I went to drop her off she ask's aren't you going to pay me, I was like "oh shit, just about forgot" I gave her the full donation right that instant, I didn't argue with her, I didn't make her beg for it. She than said that she was testing me to see if I was going to pay without her asking for it, after I gave the money I said in a joking way that I thought I didn't have to pay because we had a relationship thing going on. So I started driving home and hear the text message expecting her to say drive safely, instead she's going off on how she can't trust me anymore and I was going to take advantage of her and not pay if she didn't ask for it. Now we have seen each other many times and she know's I would think that I'm alway's good for it. Just like to hear what other's think.
Pooner vent
- Thread starter terryj
- Start date
Reality sucks. Granted, it was a dumb thing for you to say and if you didn't immediately make it crystal clear that you were just joking because you felt stupid about forgetting, then her defensive brain cells jumped into overdrive. On the other hand, now you know what she really thinks about you.
It is always a good idea to get the donation out of the way up front.
I have been in a similar situation. Once I sort of stumbled out after 2 hours in a daze to my car. Then her text came in "donation?", ooops. I had forgotten and luckily we could joke about it afterwards. Now I make it a point to do the $$ thing up front and counted correctly too
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I have been in a similar situation. Once I sort of stumbled out after 2 hours in a daze to my car. Then her text came in "donation?", ooops. I had forgotten and luckily we could joke about it afterwards. Now I make it a point to do the $$ thing up front and counted correctly too
.When I brought her back to her place I was rushing to make it on time, I wasn't considering not paying her, did not cross my mind at all, just it was rushed, I would have remembered afterwards. I called right away to apologize and say I had no intentions of taking advantage of her. Just to add to the story we have hung out off the clock as friends, she even said I could stay with her in Toronto, which I did in January for 4 days, I played with her son, met her brother, she even said she would go on a holiday with me if I paid for the vacation, but didn't need to compensate for her time. I once advanced her money before our session because she was a little short, she gave me her account #, and I did it in good faith, can you seriously tell me there's no trust there. As for stalking I talk to her only once a month for our appointments, is that stalking?
terryj, you made an honest mistake in a comfortable business relationship. I've done the same thing in regular business and then made a joke out of it. Difference is that the people I was dealing with had a sense of humour about it, your's didn't. If she went off that quickly over it, maybe you're better off looking for a new regular SP.
The cold hard reality.
It is pay for play, expect nothing more, recieve nothing less.
Even if you have seen a SP for years.....unless it is mutually agreed upon prior to any consumation of the Hz waltz...... Always pay up front.
It is pay for play, expect nothing more, recieve nothing less.
Even if you have seen a SP for years.....unless it is mutually agreed upon prior to any consumation of the Hz waltz...... Always pay up front.
That's what I was going to say. That sp has totally crossed the professional line, and in a most incredibly and obviously stupid way. I also lay full blame on him for taking her up on an offer to stay with her on a vacation. The pair of them deserve each other; I can hardly blame him for making such a joke, that he had the donation on him makes it clear that he didn't forget to pay (maybe in the back of his mind hoped he wouldn't have to, but that entirely based on his history with her). That she would get bent out of shape about having to ask for the donation, well that is also her fault (both for allowing him to stay with her, to spend time off the clock, and for not requiring payment up front -- especially for such a long session. Hopefully she's learned a valuable lesson about how to run a business like this one.)
I think that's being a little harsh. If the SP feels comfortable enough to go on a vacation with him, that's her business. Yes, they may have blurred the line a little bit but who are we to judge?
Yeah...but without murky waters life would be predictable and boring. Every relationship is unique.....and cookie cutter (ing) the OP's relationship with the SP and applying our judgements to it will probably have little relevance to this situation. The SP "crossed the line"?.....It's her business...it's her life...if she makes a mistake she may learn from it...I think she obviously must have felt quite comfortable in the past with the OP.....and didn't mind blurring business with pleasure by befriending him as the OP has suggested she has. Life, as in all relationships, has few black and white rules....just risks....rewards and lessons.
+1000
Who are we to judge? Has someone passed a series of "SP laws" that govern how a client and SP should act, especially when it would appear there is a mutually consented relationship that goes far beyond "normal" SP/client interaction?
When I wrote above that now he knew how she felt about him, it was a double edge sword. If she blows it off (and him also) then she doesn't really have any feelings for him and time to move on. If she feels hurt, then she actually does have feelings for him. It has been said, and I heartily agree, that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. If she only is worried about the money, then there is nothing real between them. If she feels hurt or betrayed in a way that goes beyond the money, then she has real feelings for him and he needs to seriously re-evaluate what his intentions are. If it is working and they are happy together, then why the hell not let it develop? Yes, sure, it may fail, but as has been written in other threads, the majority of marriages fail too. Does that mean that no one should ever consider getting married? Of course not. Likewise, just because a relationship between a client and an SP may be an uphill climb doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort.
I wish 15-25% of my customers would pay on time....... nevermind 100%, worst they don't even have a sense of humour.....
