My bf says that no matter what way you look at it, escorting is cheating inits own way. I am having a real hard time with this.
Please help, am I cheating?
- Thread starter onemanwoman
- Start date
it all depends on your morals whether or not you are cheating.
It's tough to figure out, and there are a million ways of rationalizing everything and anything. IF you try hard enough, you can find a meaning and a reason for everything in life.
You are cheating if you consider that a relationship has to be a monogamous relationship.
IF you can separate between sex with your BF and sex with a client, then you might be a different kind of person than he is, and it will be nearly impossible to show him the respect he thinks he deserves, in a way he can understand.
If you are able to find a partner who can think of sex as something purely mechanical and as a way to earn money, then you might be better off.
It is all a game of compromise, finding what is important to you and being open and honest with each other.
Each person attaches meaning to sex in different ways. It is normal to feel jealous when the person you are dating is intimately involved with other people, whether it's for money or other reasons.
I am not talking about religious terms here, it is more of a comfort zone, a way of relating to one's partner. Monogamous relationships are one thing that a socially liberated person cannot accept easily. It is all about finding comfort with one's SO and being open about one's needs. If your SO understands and mixes well with you, then great, if not, then you're probably better off finding someone else or being single instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Of course, it is easier said than done, there are many things that can make that decision extremely tough to swallow!
You can tell him that you might be morally different and that you need to find a common ground to make things work. He can't convince you and you can't convince him. It's acceptance or else someone will be internally fighting his/her own principles.
Good luck!
It's tough to figure out, and there are a million ways of rationalizing everything and anything. IF you try hard enough, you can find a meaning and a reason for everything in life.
You are cheating if you consider that a relationship has to be a monogamous relationship.
IF you can separate between sex with your BF and sex with a client, then you might be a different kind of person than he is, and it will be nearly impossible to show him the respect he thinks he deserves, in a way he can understand.
If you are able to find a partner who can think of sex as something purely mechanical and as a way to earn money, then you might be better off.
It is all a game of compromise, finding what is important to you and being open and honest with each other.
Each person attaches meaning to sex in different ways. It is normal to feel jealous when the person you are dating is intimately involved with other people, whether it's for money or other reasons.
I am not talking about religious terms here, it is more of a comfort zone, a way of relating to one's partner. Monogamous relationships are one thing that a socially liberated person cannot accept easily. It is all about finding comfort with one's SO and being open about one's needs. If your SO understands and mixes well with you, then great, if not, then you're probably better off finding someone else or being single instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Of course, it is easier said than done, there are many things that can make that decision extremely tough to swallow!
You can tell him that you might be morally different and that you need to find a common ground to make things work. He can't convince you and you can't convince him. It's acceptance or else someone will be internally fighting his/her own principles.
Good luck!
Well one thing I can say from my experiances......I've cheated on my SO many times with GF's. And felt very unhappy about the situations. With SP's I don't usually get that emotional connection that comes with dating, chasing, etc. I believe most guys can separate sex and love for many reasons. Women in my experience, and not talking about SP's, usually associate sex and love.onemanwoman said:
All that said it doesn't really matter how you feel about the cheating. He feels its cheating so it is. My SO and I have had many looooong discussions about this issue and we agree that if I'm paying for the time and not spending hours with a woman dating etc. then its not cheating. No real connection can be had there.
Well my opinion on this is simple, may not be right or what everyone thinks or agrees with but it is MINE.
For one, if your man/woman.S/O knows what ur doing and agree's and supports you doing it, then NO it isn't cheating. If they want to say, think it is but their right there beside you while your doing it and spending the money that your making "while cheating" they can't be to upset about it. If you can be fair and give your S/O the same treatment and a "treat" once in a while then NO it isn't cheating. You have to have a pretty stable relationship and understanding to be able to have a relationship and do this, if one starts saying your cheating and I can't handle this, then do what YOU feel is right and best for you. That would be like saying every open relationship on this planet is cheating. It's not cheating, it's just a different type of relationship, which is a little different from the cultural norm.
For one, if your man/woman.S/O knows what ur doing and agree's and supports you doing it, then NO it isn't cheating. If they want to say, think it is but their right there beside you while your doing it and spending the money that your making "while cheating" they can't be to upset about it. If you can be fair and give your S/O the same treatment and a "treat" once in a while then NO it isn't cheating. You have to have a pretty stable relationship and understanding to be able to have a relationship and do this, if one starts saying your cheating and I can't handle this, then do what YOU feel is right and best for you. That would be like saying every open relationship on this planet is cheating. It's not cheating, it's just a different type of relationship, which is a little different from the cultural norm.
It's only cheating if you're in a relationship and doing it without the other person's knowledge or consent. Regardless, if it's bothering you, it's quite simple how you need to deal with it. You have 3 options.
1 - quit
2 - dump the guy
3 - rationalize your actions like everyone else on this board.
1 - quit
2 - dump the guy
3 - rationalize your actions like everyone else on this board.
Relationships are thin ice at the best of times.
His POV is that sexual faithfulness is part of being in a relationship so there's not much you can do if he doesn't want to change his mind.
You can ignore it for a while while you argue the finer points but eventually it will boil down to whether he can accept your POV and accept your definition of being in relationship, which includes sex for work.
You can either save yourself the anguish and heartache now by doing as Fuzzy suggests or just go thru the motions until it all blows up or he changes his mind and will have you just the way you are now.
Acceptance means not needing to change the other person.
His POV is that sexual faithfulness is part of being in a relationship so there's not much you can do if he doesn't want to change his mind.
You can ignore it for a while while you argue the finer points but eventually it will boil down to whether he can accept your POV and accept your definition of being in relationship, which includes sex for work.
You can either save yourself the anguish and heartache now by doing as Fuzzy suggests or just go thru the motions until it all blows up or he changes his mind and will have you just the way you are now.
Acceptance means not needing to change the other person.
My feeling is this:
I simply refuse to be in a relationship and in the business at the same time. It just wouldn't work for me.
First off, I wouldn't want to be with a man who is okay with a girlfriend/partner/SO who is in this business. Years ago (1999), I worked briefly for a woman who was running an agency, seeing clients, and living with a man at the same time. And the guy had a job too, but was also benefitting from the money she made escorting and running the agency. And every time I turned around he was beating the living sh*t out of her and putting her in the hospital.
One time, he damn near broke her back and it was nearly a week before she could walk again. As usual, she lied to the police (who knew perfectly well how she was injured and that she was lying to protect her commonlaw), signed herself out of the hosptial against doctor's orders, and got her mother (who was in her 50's and also working as an escort for the agency) to carry her out of the hosptial and take her home and put her in bed beside her abuser.
Now I'm not saying that the kind of man who can accept being in a relationship with a woman who works as an escort is necessarily abusive, but for me personally, I have to consider this: What kind of man would be willing to accept/settle for a woman he has to share with other men? It's just my opinion, but I think it would be one who doesn't have a very high opinion of himself, or her for that matter. And in my experience, insecure men can be very abusive, if not phsically, verbally and emotionally—which in the end is no better—it still kills your spirit and self-esteem.
An insecure man can often put others down in really awful ways to try to feel better about himself. And it's pretty hard to work at this when you feel like sh*t because your man is ripping you apart and picking fights and telling you that you're a piece of crap before you go out on a date. So when you get down to it, what's the point to doing both? It really is a lost cause. It hurts you, it hurts him, and it hurts your business.
So, if you think this is a good man for you, make a choice—commit to a him and a relationship with him, or commit to yourself and your escorting business, but don't think you can serve both and have a happy life in the long run. Human nature being what it is simply won't allow it.
And if you find a man who is willing to accept both, RUN LIKE HELL!!!
And if anyone here who is under 43 (it's my birthday today) and not yet a grandparent disagrees, spare me—I'm older, wiser, and have more life experience than you. So there!
Anyway, sorry to advise and run, but if I don't get out of here NOW, pick up the cake (it was my daughter's birthday yesterday), and get to my daughters' and granddaughter's place, I'm never going to hear the end of it!
I simply refuse to be in a relationship and in the business at the same time. It just wouldn't work for me.
First off, I wouldn't want to be with a man who is okay with a girlfriend/partner/SO who is in this business. Years ago (1999), I worked briefly for a woman who was running an agency, seeing clients, and living with a man at the same time. And the guy had a job too, but was also benefitting from the money she made escorting and running the agency. And every time I turned around he was beating the living sh*t out of her and putting her in the hospital.
One time, he damn near broke her back and it was nearly a week before she could walk again. As usual, she lied to the police (who knew perfectly well how she was injured and that she was lying to protect her commonlaw), signed herself out of the hosptial against doctor's orders, and got her mother (who was in her 50's and also working as an escort for the agency) to carry her out of the hosptial and take her home and put her in bed beside her abuser.
Now I'm not saying that the kind of man who can accept being in a relationship with a woman who works as an escort is necessarily abusive, but for me personally, I have to consider this: What kind of man would be willing to accept/settle for a woman he has to share with other men? It's just my opinion, but I think it would be one who doesn't have a very high opinion of himself, or her for that matter. And in my experience, insecure men can be very abusive, if not phsically, verbally and emotionally—which in the end is no better—it still kills your spirit and self-esteem.
An insecure man can often put others down in really awful ways to try to feel better about himself. And it's pretty hard to work at this when you feel like sh*t because your man is ripping you apart and picking fights and telling you that you're a piece of crap before you go out on a date. So when you get down to it, what's the point to doing both? It really is a lost cause. It hurts you, it hurts him, and it hurts your business.
So, if you think this is a good man for you, make a choice—commit to a him and a relationship with him, or commit to yourself and your escorting business, but don't think you can serve both and have a happy life in the long run. Human nature being what it is simply won't allow it.
And if you find a man who is willing to accept both, RUN LIKE HELL!!!
And if anyone here who is under 43 (it's my birthday today) and not yet a grandparent disagrees, spare me—I'm older, wiser, and have more life experience than you. So there!
Anyway, sorry to advise and run, but if I don't get out of here NOW, pick up the cake (it was my daughter's birthday yesterday), and get to my daughters' and granddaughter's place, I'm never going to hear the end of it!
I have read all of your 10 posts; they are all about your boy friend. People already gave you many great advices to solve your problem. Now, my question is...are you sure that you need another advice from people about your boy friend, again?onemanwoman said:
S
Smother
If you committed yourself to one person or are working to create a life together and your S/O is seeing someone without you knowing it..........IT'S CHEATING!!! Case closed.
If you 2 know about it and discussed it.....then no.
If you 2 know about it and discussed it.....then no.
Cheating
Cheating is simply defined as breaking an accepted set or rules or norms. It does NOT specify what those norms or rules are.
It is also accepted that there is often an element of deceipt involved in cheating as well. As breaking the rules in plain sight with intention is often rather referred to as disobedience instead of cheating.
Ergo.... NOT CHEATING...
Cheating is simply defined as breaking an accepted set or rules or norms. It does NOT specify what those norms or rules are.
It is also accepted that there is often an element of deceipt involved in cheating as well. As breaking the rules in plain sight with intention is often rather referred to as disobedience instead of cheating.
Ergo.... NOT CHEATING...
When a man loves a women
That is one of my favorite songs when it come to telling how a man feels when he loves some one . This guy does not love you .. I think you want him .. or else you would not still be agonizing over this . I also read all your posts ..
When you said you want to quit you should just quite .. do it for your self.
It does not sound like this guy is going to be there for you when you need him .
I would say he is already cheating on you .. and using your job as an excuse . so he can blame you.
If he is just going to lay a guilt trip on you .. and play games .. you would be better to move on .. quite , and just start new..
That is one of my favorite songs when it come to telling how a man feels when he loves some one . This guy does not love you .. I think you want him .. or else you would not still be agonizing over this . I also read all your posts ..
When you said you want to quit you should just quite .. do it for your self.
It does not sound like this guy is going to be there for you when you need him .
I would say he is already cheating on you .. and using your job as an excuse . so he can blame you.
If he is just going to lay a guilt trip on you .. and play games .. you would be better to move on .. quite , and just start new..
I did read all your post, most story I heard is the girl has to quit or she get dumped, But for your?! Wake up, what you want us to tell you, ask yourself, will you share your BF (pimp) to other girls, he don't love you at all, BTW he can dump you anytime and blame on you in front of everyone who you know, because is your job. If you want to quit, do it for yourself.
Onemanwoman, your story reminds me of a girl I used to work with. She was slim, tall, pretty and has smooth skin. A very beautiful girl. But, she would compain about her for being fat, ugly and has this stupid boy friend who abuses her constantly...of course it's all according to her!!
One day, she asked me, for the tenth millions times, if she was fat. This was my answer " For fuck sake, yes, you are fat, ugly and you should kill yourself or get a life". She then cried...but, never ever complain again!!
Well, in your case...I'm going to say this kindly " Get a life, your own life, not his or mine or theirs".
One day, she asked me, for the tenth millions times, if she was fat. This was my answer " For fuck sake, yes, you are fat, ugly and you should kill yourself or get a life". She then cried...but, never ever complain again!!
Well, in your case...I'm going to say this kindly " Get a life, your own life, not his or mine or theirs".
How so? It was short, to the point with no BS.........sometimes its best to not sugercoat advice. I've seen posts of yours that made a hell of a lot of sense that were brutally honest.ihatemyskirt said:
Some people fish all the time to make themselves feel better. I say honesty is the best and most essential key in life, whether people like it or not. Some honesty can be sugarcoated, half truths, or plain out brutal and all she was doing was being brutally honest, which if more people in this world would be, people wouldn't bitch and whine anymore as was stated in the story mentioned, and by the sounds of her brutal honesty, it worked and point was proven.
I can be and for the most part am brutally honest whether it hurts people's feelings or not,just as I would and expect people to be with me instead of lying to my face and then telling someone else somethng different behind my back. Trust me I have thick skin and can handle critizism. You don't want to hear it, then don't ask for people's opinion's, ya might think twice about having had asked in the first place.
I can be and for the most part am brutally honest whether it hurts people's feelings or not,just as I would and expect people to be with me instead of lying to my face and then telling someone else somethng different behind my back. Trust me I have thick skin and can handle critizism. You don't want to hear it, then don't ask for people's opinion's, ya might think twice about having had asked in the first place.
hmmmmm I'm more looking for the guys opinions I realize now anyhow. Not for reassurance but so I can have guys take on it without fighting with him about it. His opinion is only one and its marred by his feelings for me where as an outside pov will give me an idea of what the general opinion is for real. Miss Meiko I appreciate your brutal honesty and I am sure glad I wasn't the sad fat girl who used to work for you cuz I woulda knocked you out. When I meet a girl who is not self assured and has insecurities I do what I can to help them feel better about themselves not be snyde and "brutally honest" for the sake of living my own life. Thanks though, carry on.
Happy birthday Rose!!Victoria Rose said:My feeling is this:
I simply refuse to be in a relationship and in the business at the same time. It just wouldn't work for me.
First off, I wouldn't want to be with a man who is okay with a girlfriend/partner/SO who is in this business. Years ago (1999), I worked briefly for a woman who was running an agency, seeing clients, and living with a man at the same time. And the guy had a job too, but was also benefitting from the money she made escorting and running the agency. And every time I turned around he was beating the living sh*t out of her and putting her in the hospital.
One time, he damn near broke her back and it was nearly a week before she could walk again. As usual, she lied to the police (who knew perfectly well how she was injured and that she was lying to protect her commonlaw), signed herself out of the hosptial against doctor's orders, and got her mother (who was in her 50's and also working as an escort for the agency) to carry her out of the hosptial and take her home and put her in bed beside her abuser.
Now I'm not saying that the kind of man who can accept being in a relationship with a woman who works as an escort is necessarily abusive, but for me personally, I have to consider this: What kind of man would be willing to accept/settle for a woman he has to share with other men? It's just my opinion, but I think it would be one who doesn't have a very high opinion of himself, or her for that matter. And in my experience, insecure men can be very abusive, if not phsically, verbally and emotionally—which in the end is no better—it still kills your spirit and self-esteem.
An insecure man can often put others down in really awful ways to try to feel better about himself. And it's pretty hard to work at this when you feel like sh*t because your man is ripping you apart and picking fights and telling you that you're a piece of crap before you go out on a date. So when you get down to it, what's the point to doing both? It really is a lost cause. It hurts you, it hurts him, and it hurts your business.
So, if you think this is a good man for you, make a choice—commit to a him and a relationship with him, or commit to yourself and your escorting business, but don't think you can serve both and have a happy life in the long run. Human nature being what it is simply won't allow it.
And if you find a man who is willing to accept both, RUN LIKE HELL!!!
And if anyone here who is under 43 (it's my birthday today) and not yet a grandparent disagrees, spare me—I'm older, wiser, and have more life experience than you. So there!
Anyway, sorry to advise and run, but if I don't get out of here NOW, pick up the cake (it was my daughter's birthday yesterday), and get to my daughters' and granddaughter's place, I'm never going to hear the end of it!
BTW - you always say things so eloquently!!
Does he get money from you for things on a regular basis? If he does maybe he's having a complex issue with that and what you do. I was watching Porno Valley and porn star Selena had this boyfriend with no job. The show said that he was considered a "suitcase pimp" because he was the boyfriend with no job and catered to her and her career.
