tl;dr -- After re-reading this post, I think it's probably better suited to the 411 section. Very infrequent hobbyist had first bad experience tonight. Not sure if it was all due to mistakes on my part, or just poor conduct from the provider. Would appreciate any and all feedback on the situation. Also not ready to identify the provider involved, hence posting in 411, but might consider doing so depending on the feedback I get here. Also worried that the providers version of events might impact future attempts at this hobby. Sorry it's so long-winded, I might be letting the whole thing affect me a bit too much, but also thanks in advance to anybody who manages to read through all of it.
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First things first, I am not ready to share the name of the provider this experience transpired with. Not yet anyways. If anything I am hoping that I might find some help or guidance in terms of what to make of tonight's events. I apologize for this, as I can see how it goes against the spirit this forum being a place for members to share important details, whether good or bad, to help other members make informed decisions in this hobby. There are a few reasons why I'm not ready to provide a name just yet:
-This all happened earlier this evening. I am still a bit shaken; processing, and trying to make heads or tails of everything. By my own admission it's entirely possible that I overstepped a boundary somewhere.
-I'm aware that my account is 12 years old, with zero posts. I've always been more of a lurker than a contributor in online communities. Writing comments, proof reading them, and then deleting and never posting them is pretty much my internet life story. This forum and the members here have certainly helped me make informed decisions in the past which led to great experiences. Ultimately I've never been very active in this hobby, I think 6 providers on 7 different occasions since my first time back in 2015? In any case, I apologize for having never given back to the community until maybe now.
-I had sought out the provider in question after seeing a very large number of positive comments & reviews on here, including several 'All Time Favourite' or 'Best of 2020' mentions. Given my past positive experiences with other providers who I'd chosen based upon 'research' here on perb, I had felt very well assured that tonight would be have been a wonderful experience based on some of the praise this provider has received.
With that said, I know that the warnings found on this forum can be equally as important as the recommendations, if not more so -- if a few more 'experienced' members here are willing to discuss this privately, and in greater details (text messages, etc.) then I might be more comfortable posting the name of the provider, particularly if those members also felt that it was the right thing to do.
With that out of the way:
-Contacted the provider yesterday afternoon via text. Arranged for 90 minutes at 8:00pm tonight.
-provided more detail via e-mail about myself, as well as some ideas for the type of experience I would be interested in. It's possible I overstepped a boundary here. In all of my encounters, communication prior to the encounter was kept to an absolute minimum. Because this provider wasn't overly specific with regard to the type of experience being offered, I thought it couldn't hurt to maybe explore that a little more beforehand, compared to what I've done in the past. I think everything I had mentioned was more or less in line with what other members have mentioned on here. Of course, YMMV, so I had attempted to present these ideas as.. well... ideas that might add to the experience, rather than specific things that I was actively seeking out. I'd taken this approach because a different provider I had contacted earlier in the day requests on her website that potential clients provide this type of information. Unfortunately that provider was out of town until this weekend, and I was specifically looking for something tonight or tomorrow night.
-Gave my perb ID, and a photo of my ID as a part of her background check process. Of course references from other providers would have been ideal, except that all but one of my past experiences took place around 2015/2016.
-Sorted out other particulars, such as e-transfer, over the course of the time leading up to the appointment.
-A little over three hours before the appointment, she mentioned a no-show, and says we could meet earlier as a result. walked that back, but still suggested that we bump things up slightly, to 7:30. I was perfectly happy with this, but in retrospect the mention of the no-show should maybe have been my first red flag.
-sent e-transfer before leaving home. Nothing specific was discussed or brought up. I'd assumed it would be ok to withhold the password until I'd arrive. This could very well have been 'bad form' on my part, but in retrospect I am EXTREMELY thankful that I did this, and was able to cancel the transfer fairly quickly. I was very worried for a short period of time, as it probably would have been fairly easy to guess the password to the security question. Thankfully no money was lost in the end.
-Park nearby and text my arrival ~10 minutes before.
-Get buzzer & room number ~2 minutes before -- everything feels standard so far.
-Buzzer doesn't work, I can enter the number, and after some time passes would hear a quiet click from the speaker, nothing else. Text about this at 2 minutes past.
-At 7 minutes past, am accused of lying. Definitely a red flag, and I should have walked at this point. Of course I was very nervous, feeling somewhat badly that I might just be failing at using an apartment buzzer, and also hadn't done any research in to how to cancel e-transfers beforehand.
-over the course of a rather confusing and frantic 5 or so minutes I text first a photo, and then a video of me entering the buzzer number. She claims I did not send the full video. I admit I don't know the particulars of how video over SMS works, but from my end it appears as though a complete video of me entering the buzzer code was sent.
-Am seriously considering giving up at this point, but keep trying. Further accusations of lying, as well as mentioning that I hadn't provided the e-transfer password yet, the timing of this message was exceptionally suspicious. But, at 15 minutes past I am finally buzzed in. In retrospect I'm not sure why I was even buzzed in.
-lastly, upon reaching the suite, I tried the door handle. Very possibly a mistake on my part. In all of my past experiences, this had seemed to be an expected thing, so as to avoid arousing suspicion from different clients frequently knocking at the door to a suite. Obviously I hadn't thought it necessary to discuss these particulars beforehand, this was maybe not the right move given how the situation was playing out. Part of me still thought this could be easily resolved with a sincere apology for the confusion up to this point.
-She opens the door, says she's not comfortable with seeing me. I tried to apologize, but don't wish to put up any resistance otherwise. I am a very non-confrontational person, and the mood is pretty well a lost cause by now.
-After I've left she texts me saying I tried to 'push her door open'. Not sure what to make of that. She asked that I don't message her again, which was quite alright with me; I don't intend to.
That's pretty much it. I'm still not totally sure exactly what I am hoping for by writing all of this. I am vaguely aware that providers try to look out for one another, understandably so given the nature of this hobby, and will often share information about clients. The prospect of my ID, phone number and perb handle being blacklisted by parts of the community after tonight would not sit very well with me. That being said, after tonight, I don't think I'll be interested in pursuing this hobby again for a long, long time. I am generally pretty nervous about it at the best of times. I guess putting my side of these events out there might allow me to put this all behind me. Of course I've also tried to point out any areas where I feel I may have acted poorly -- I've always tried to act as respectfully as possible in all situations, so If I made any clear mistakes, or was disrespectful in any way, I want to own up to that. If any providers have read this, I would love to hear your take -- It would be reassuring to know that after a 'he said she said' type of situation, there might still be hope that I could enjoy this hobby some time in the future.
Even though I'd rather not give the providers name at this point in time, I hope that this post might help serve as a cautionary tale for anybody who reads it. I always get curious whenever I see a "WOT WOM" thread on here, but 80-90% of the time after looking up the providers advertisement I would be... unsurprised, to say the least, that things didn't go well. My experience tonight happened with a seemingly 'upscale' and 'low-volume' provider. In my time browsing this forum, these situations pop up far less frequently. I'd also always felt that by playing it safe and doing my research here, I could likely avoid something like this ever taking place. I guess tonight was my time to learn that despite 'due diligence', things can still go sideways. For the people here who've also had bad experiences with otherwise reputable providers, what impact did that have on your ability to explore this hobby afterwards?
Some past positive experiences just because: Tia Luxx was my first, and the experience was exactly as great as others have said here over the years. I've also had very positive experiences with Riza, Ginger in Surrey, and Tatiana White, but these were all back in late 2015 early 2016.
--------
First things first, I am not ready to share the name of the provider this experience transpired with. Not yet anyways. If anything I am hoping that I might find some help or guidance in terms of what to make of tonight's events. I apologize for this, as I can see how it goes against the spirit this forum being a place for members to share important details, whether good or bad, to help other members make informed decisions in this hobby. There are a few reasons why I'm not ready to provide a name just yet:
-This all happened earlier this evening. I am still a bit shaken; processing, and trying to make heads or tails of everything. By my own admission it's entirely possible that I overstepped a boundary somewhere.
-I'm aware that my account is 12 years old, with zero posts. I've always been more of a lurker than a contributor in online communities. Writing comments, proof reading them, and then deleting and never posting them is pretty much my internet life story. This forum and the members here have certainly helped me make informed decisions in the past which led to great experiences. Ultimately I've never been very active in this hobby, I think 6 providers on 7 different occasions since my first time back in 2015? In any case, I apologize for having never given back to the community until maybe now.
-I had sought out the provider in question after seeing a very large number of positive comments & reviews on here, including several 'All Time Favourite' or 'Best of 2020' mentions. Given my past positive experiences with other providers who I'd chosen based upon 'research' here on perb, I had felt very well assured that tonight would be have been a wonderful experience based on some of the praise this provider has received.
With that said, I know that the warnings found on this forum can be equally as important as the recommendations, if not more so -- if a few more 'experienced' members here are willing to discuss this privately, and in greater details (text messages, etc.) then I might be more comfortable posting the name of the provider, particularly if those members also felt that it was the right thing to do.
With that out of the way:
-Contacted the provider yesterday afternoon via text. Arranged for 90 minutes at 8:00pm tonight.
-provided more detail via e-mail about myself, as well as some ideas for the type of experience I would be interested in. It's possible I overstepped a boundary here. In all of my encounters, communication prior to the encounter was kept to an absolute minimum. Because this provider wasn't overly specific with regard to the type of experience being offered, I thought it couldn't hurt to maybe explore that a little more beforehand, compared to what I've done in the past. I think everything I had mentioned was more or less in line with what other members have mentioned on here. Of course, YMMV, so I had attempted to present these ideas as.. well... ideas that might add to the experience, rather than specific things that I was actively seeking out. I'd taken this approach because a different provider I had contacted earlier in the day requests on her website that potential clients provide this type of information. Unfortunately that provider was out of town until this weekend, and I was specifically looking for something tonight or tomorrow night.
-Gave my perb ID, and a photo of my ID as a part of her background check process. Of course references from other providers would have been ideal, except that all but one of my past experiences took place around 2015/2016.
-Sorted out other particulars, such as e-transfer, over the course of the time leading up to the appointment.
-A little over three hours before the appointment, she mentioned a no-show, and says we could meet earlier as a result. walked that back, but still suggested that we bump things up slightly, to 7:30. I was perfectly happy with this, but in retrospect the mention of the no-show should maybe have been my first red flag.
-sent e-transfer before leaving home. Nothing specific was discussed or brought up. I'd assumed it would be ok to withhold the password until I'd arrive. This could very well have been 'bad form' on my part, but in retrospect I am EXTREMELY thankful that I did this, and was able to cancel the transfer fairly quickly. I was very worried for a short period of time, as it probably would have been fairly easy to guess the password to the security question. Thankfully no money was lost in the end.
-Park nearby and text my arrival ~10 minutes before.
-Get buzzer & room number ~2 minutes before -- everything feels standard so far.
-Buzzer doesn't work, I can enter the number, and after some time passes would hear a quiet click from the speaker, nothing else. Text about this at 2 minutes past.
-At 7 minutes past, am accused of lying. Definitely a red flag, and I should have walked at this point. Of course I was very nervous, feeling somewhat badly that I might just be failing at using an apartment buzzer, and also hadn't done any research in to how to cancel e-transfers beforehand.
-over the course of a rather confusing and frantic 5 or so minutes I text first a photo, and then a video of me entering the buzzer number. She claims I did not send the full video. I admit I don't know the particulars of how video over SMS works, but from my end it appears as though a complete video of me entering the buzzer code was sent.
-Am seriously considering giving up at this point, but keep trying. Further accusations of lying, as well as mentioning that I hadn't provided the e-transfer password yet, the timing of this message was exceptionally suspicious. But, at 15 minutes past I am finally buzzed in. In retrospect I'm not sure why I was even buzzed in.
-lastly, upon reaching the suite, I tried the door handle. Very possibly a mistake on my part. In all of my past experiences, this had seemed to be an expected thing, so as to avoid arousing suspicion from different clients frequently knocking at the door to a suite. Obviously I hadn't thought it necessary to discuss these particulars beforehand, this was maybe not the right move given how the situation was playing out. Part of me still thought this could be easily resolved with a sincere apology for the confusion up to this point.
-She opens the door, says she's not comfortable with seeing me. I tried to apologize, but don't wish to put up any resistance otherwise. I am a very non-confrontational person, and the mood is pretty well a lost cause by now.
-After I've left she texts me saying I tried to 'push her door open'. Not sure what to make of that. She asked that I don't message her again, which was quite alright with me; I don't intend to.
That's pretty much it. I'm still not totally sure exactly what I am hoping for by writing all of this. I am vaguely aware that providers try to look out for one another, understandably so given the nature of this hobby, and will often share information about clients. The prospect of my ID, phone number and perb handle being blacklisted by parts of the community after tonight would not sit very well with me. That being said, after tonight, I don't think I'll be interested in pursuing this hobby again for a long, long time. I am generally pretty nervous about it at the best of times. I guess putting my side of these events out there might allow me to put this all behind me. Of course I've also tried to point out any areas where I feel I may have acted poorly -- I've always tried to act as respectfully as possible in all situations, so If I made any clear mistakes, or was disrespectful in any way, I want to own up to that. If any providers have read this, I would love to hear your take -- It would be reassuring to know that after a 'he said she said' type of situation, there might still be hope that I could enjoy this hobby some time in the future.
Even though I'd rather not give the providers name at this point in time, I hope that this post might help serve as a cautionary tale for anybody who reads it. I always get curious whenever I see a "WOT WOM" thread on here, but 80-90% of the time after looking up the providers advertisement I would be... unsurprised, to say the least, that things didn't go well. My experience tonight happened with a seemingly 'upscale' and 'low-volume' provider. In my time browsing this forum, these situations pop up far less frequently. I'd also always felt that by playing it safe and doing my research here, I could likely avoid something like this ever taking place. I guess tonight was my time to learn that despite 'due diligence', things can still go sideways. For the people here who've also had bad experiences with otherwise reputable providers, what impact did that have on your ability to explore this hobby afterwards?
Some past positive experiences just because: Tia Luxx was my first, and the experience was exactly as great as others have said here over the years. I've also had very positive experiences with Riza, Ginger in Surrey, and Tatiana White, but these were all back in late 2015 early 2016.
