Nice Guys

[mimi]

Nice Guys

There have been a few posts from nice guys who are hopelessly in love with women who only see them as friends. The complaint is that 'nice guys finish last'.

I know a fellow who is a really nice guy. Opens doors, very polite, well read, nice looking, articulate, and he has been smitten with a woman for a while now. She fulfills all his criteria for what he wants in a woman: her looks, her work ethic (he talks about that a lot and I think she works a lot harder than him and her intelligence. She is a goddess in his eyes.

“Girl of his dreams” is really nice, and the two have a lot in common and would make a terrific couple, but, she is only attracted to type A personality douche bags; guys who make themselves seem way, way more important and successful than they really are (she totally buys into that). This guy doesn't brag about his successes and keeps a low profile so to speak....he is no where near exciting enough for her to suddenly fall in love with.

So, they hang out together (when she has time) and they chat and especially he holds her hand when she is going through boyfriend trouble.

Her latest bf (who I happen to know) is a royal douche bag and hardly has time for her, and 'nice guy' is there for her to cry to.

He did take a detour recently and began seeing a woman who was a total opposite to the 'goddess', and, I was hoping for a positive outcome, but the new gal turned out to have loads and loads of problems....so he is back to the 'unrequited love'.

My question is this. Do nice guys really finish last? Or do some nice guys have a 'White Knight' complex and perpetually seek out women to rescue? Women who they deem 'too high above them' but they cannot resist, like moth to flame, the desire to rescue and live happy ever after?

What I am saying to all you nice guys is: It takes two to complete the equation, a nice guy and a girl with problems.....cause any girl with half a brain would jump at the chance of a nice guy!

 

[klamkracker]

I think woman at 35 and up start to prefer the "Nice Guy" but still be a JERK to them once in awhile, nice guys. If the woman are really good looking I never open the door or hold it for them. They do take the time to look at you. Just say hello to them after that and you get lots of differnt reactions.

The nice guys that are picked by the ladys. I think they have one thing in mind, a husban with future babys and a house with little % of a broken family.

 

[sweetiepie1]

I know a fellow who is a really nice guy. Opens doors, very polite, well read, nice looking, articulate, !

What's his phone number?

 

[myselftheother]

As a perpetual nice guy, the key is finding that 'girl with half a brain', who seems to me to be extremely elusive...as a 'nice guy', I find that the women I was seeming to attract either are looking for the knight in shining armour to save them from whatever, or the crazy wackos who have many changing reasons from moment to moment or whatever voice in her head is speaking at the moment.

So, finding that girl with half a brain is turning into an exercise in futility....which is a shame since I'm pretty awesome.

 

[gpchillin]

Ya women are a strange creature to say the least.
They all say they want a great nice guy but then go straight for the abusive unemployed douchbag with a drinking, drug, and gambling problem then cry to their friends. Now that i'm getting older and still single the women I seem to be meeting seem to be damaged emotionally and mentally with a bus load of kids who are now wanting to find a nice guy like me. I met a woman the other day she seemed nice we talked a bit then she started talking about her abusive ex's and 5 kids with 4 different guys the oldest just graduated from high school and i'm trying to find a fast way out of the building LOL. Ya I know I kinda waited a bit too long to try to settle down but still i'm mid 30's and meeting women with teenage kids seems just so weird to me.

I'm the poster child for a nice guy but i'm still single and well honestly I can't see that change when all the women I seem to meet my age are all damaged with more baggage then a hotel of bellhops could carry. I don't do drama or baggage

 

[poorboyv6]

Nice guys finish last because women associate nice with boring. While men will go out and pick up some extreme sport to deal with their bordem, women turn to relationships with losers.

Often it is obvious to her friends, family and even to strangers that the guy she's seeing is a douchebag, but he is nice to her on the right occasions that she choses to ignore the overwhelming evidence.

I am 40, fit, have a stable job earning $100,000 a year, have no kids, a graduate degree and women constantly overlook me because I am a nice guy.

 

[poorboyv6]

Speaking from personal experience here ...

I used to love douche bags, only go out with guys for there looks and was just simply put pretty immature. Finding someone attractive for more then surface value comes with maturity. Growing up and going highschool your really taught that image means a lot and coming out of those social expectations and standards placed on you by your peers takes a while. It takes time for you to stand up on your own two feet especially as a woman and realize wow I am dating f-ing losers.

Thats just my own personal experience. The qualities I look for in a man are if they can make me laugh, if they are there when I need them, if they are positive, polite, caring, if they listen these are the things that are going to make a good life partner. Looks fade but a great personality lasts forever and thats something I learnt with maturity xo

So the answer is no nice guys don't finish lasts there are WOMAN out there that appreciate a man like your friend xo

Thats my two cents xoxo

So then, would you meet me for a date.

 

[poorboyv6]

Sure I will. Are you bringing the gun? We can go shoot bottles and then hold hands.

I've been a member of a local range for years. Lots of guys bring dates to the range. All of them really enjoy it too. It's something new, exciting and different.

 

[poorboyv6]

mimi, you have your answer.

 

[dudeharsh123]

Yes and No.. depends on the girl...

I am a nice guy and i generally do well with women. However, I can sometimes be the "dick" when i feel the situation requires it and have done well also....

One of my best moves that I ever pulled off was when i was at a club.. My friends were going crazy for this girl.. I went up to her and told her that my two buddies that she was absolutly goregous. She told me she was flattered but she wasnt looking for anything.. We made some small talk, then she asks if i thought the same as her freinds... I said, shes kind of cute, but not really... then i excused myself.. haha.. Later in the night, everyone was good and tipsy... She came up to me and punched me hard in the shoulder.. she was laughing and called me an asshole.. I offered her a shot as a peace offering and to make up for being an 'asshole" At the end of the night.. HOOK UP!

 

[WrongMan]

I think there is a difference between "Nice guys" and push-overs. Most guys label themselves as nice guys are push overs when it comes to attractive women. They put women they don't even known on pedestals, that she is too good for them. (ie overboard with affection, come on too strong). I sometimes do this myself, but I always try to correct myself.

A man needs to present himself as a challenge to attract women. You can't let other people walk all over you. I don't mean get into fights, I mean just make it clear you are not a doormat. One of the reasons the "douche bags" do so well is they are challenge. "Does he like me? " People want what they can't have. The main thing you have to do to change that mindset is to think of yourself as the prize. You have to chase her, but she has to chase you too.

I am a nice guy and I am not going to change myself for any woman. We shouldn't stop open doors for women, we just have to be men.

PS that made me think of a funny article I read in a magazine. This guy decided to stop being a man for 3 months. He didn't watch sports, he pee sitting down, changed the way he made eye contact, etc. One of the funny ones he stop opening doors for women. At first he didn't think it was a big deal but he started to notice the reaction of the women. So he started playing with it. He would find attractive women, time his walk so he get to the door at the same time and just wait for them to open the door for him. Some women got upset at him and walked off. (even with the fact they wanted to go through that door anyway)

Give it a try. I did at my office with two sets of doors. I wait for her to open each door for me (I was smiling at the same time so it was clear it was a joke). Made a joke about her not getting a tip. I didn't get her phone number but I got her talking.

 

[Corbin]

Firstly, the guy you mention in the OP should really stop being such a "friend" to this person. It might sound a little harsh, but he needs to get her out of his life, at least for awhile. All this pining away for someone he can't have is only going to make him feel worse and worse. And the fact that he sits and listens to her while she goes on about her boyfriend troubles (holding her hand no less), might seem noble, but it's obviously eating him up inside. The nice guy needs to get out there and find other women, and forget the girl he thinks he's in love with. He's an emotional tampon for her. She likely doesn't perceive him as anything other than a friend, and that's probably never going to change - despite what romantic comedies would have us believe.

I'll even go so far as saying that eliminating her from his life, at least in the short term, is probably his only chance to actually make something happen between the two of them. When she notices that he's not calling all the time, that he's taking days to return her calls, he's refusing offers to meet (because he's going out on a date hopefully!), she might just start to realize she was taking him for granted. She might see him in a new light.

Wasting away your days on unrequited love is pointless and emotionally draining. He needs to pull the band aid off quickly and move on with this life.

And I know that some people will say it's petty for him to turn his back on the friendship. But he needs to worry about his emotional health first and foremost. And unless he can somehow turn off the intense feelings he has for this girl (which he likely can't) then remaining friends with her is going to cause him nothing but pain.

Edited to add this link from The Onion:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/

 

[sevenofnine]

nice guys finish last,
when i was younger i would agree whole heartedly with this,

but now im almost sixty, i would say,
nice guys don't even enter the race,
and you only loose if you enter the race.

nice guys look at the world different,
its not about how many hot girls you have screwed,
or how much money you have,

nice guys look at the world alot different then douche bags or ass holes.
and girls that are attracted to douche bags, well a nice guy if he is really a nice guy and is honest with himself he is not interested in her, and she gets what she deserves.

in all honesty we all get what we deserve nice guy or douche bag.
for sure things happen to you in a life time.
look at me, my father a twice convicted rapist,
but now im almost sixty i say so fucking what,

i enjoy getting up every morning i enjoy people i enjoy life, what ever it brings me.i can't control other people or the world. i can only control my feelings,

and my only competition my only enemy is me,
the only thing stopping me from getting the most of my life, whether its one day or ten or thousands is me.

 

[Arrrg]

Lesson to nice guys

Girls loved to get pissed off at you once while, like this guy knows very well in his proposal.

 

[shockley]

So then, would you meet me for a date.

Herein lies your problem poorboyv6. You come across as needy and a victim. You have the emotional sophistication of nine year old. Why not pick a bouquet of dandelions for Melina.

 

[HankQuinlan]

This thread is baseless. I am a nasty, misanthropic piece of work -- and women don't like me either.

 

[mimi]

thanks Hank!

I have read a good deal here that jives with what I have been thinking, and some stuff that gave me a good chuckle.

this nice fellow does not have much going financially and doesn't have, at this time, much to offer a woman if there was the urge to settle down. The guys she always dates are those who have something exciting happening, and I mean not just the ordinary blue collar job, but this last one was almost famous (but really just a douche bag who thinks he is famous )

Anyway, I agree about the moving on part. It is just painful to witness the look in his eyes when he speaks of her.

I used to always be attracted to douche bags myself, but, that was because I was a cruel bitch and didn't want to leave teeth marks on the nice guys. Douche bags are there to have fun with and then walk.

Do I like nice guys now? I think I would still leave bruises so I avoid and never allow it to get to the state of the above mentioned situation.

 

[COLONEL ANGUS]

I don't like guns ...

Kisses Melina*

Women sometimes come up to me and ask
Is that a GUN in
your pants.. or are you just happy to see me?

 

[CJ Tylers]

Get the "nice guy" to get out and do some salsa/merrengue/tango dancing, preferably after he's had some lessons (to get his confidence up). Help the poor bloke out (as in, I don't know, be his wing girl) and get him to just have fun without worshipping the dumb "goddess".

I've really noticed that the local salsa scene is very relaxed and fairly friendly... perfect for "nice guys". Seriously, the two of you should ditch the "goddess" and let her figure out her silly baggage on her own. Go. Have. Fun.

It's not going to get him laid or anything, at least not any time soon, but it's a start

 

[westcoast555]

Nice Guys

There have been a few posts from nice guys who are hopelessly in love with women who only see them as friends. The complaint is that 'nice guys finish last'.

I know a fellow who is a really nice guy. Opens doors, very polite, well read, nice looking, articulate, and he has been smitten with a woman for a while now. She fulfills all his criteria for what he wants in a woman: her looks, her work ethic (he talks about that a lot and I think she works a lot harder than him and her intelligence. She is a goddess in his eyes.

“Girl of his dreams” is really nice, and the two have a lot in common and would make a terrific couple, but, she is only attracted to type A personality douche bags; guys who make themselves seem way, way more important and successful than they really are (she totally buys into that). This guy doesn't brag about his successes and keeps a low profile so to speak....he is no where near exciting enough for her to suddenly fall in love with.

So, they hang out together (when she has time) and they chat and especially he holds her hand when she is going through boyfriend trouble.

Her latest bf (who I happen to know) is a royal douche bag and hardly has time for her, and 'nice guy' is there for her to cry to.

He did take a detour recently and began seeing a woman who was a total opposite to the 'goddess', and, I was hoping for a positive outcome, but the new gal turned out to have loads and loads of problems....so he is back to the 'unrequited love'.

My question is this. Do nice guys really finish last? Or do some nice guys have a 'White Knight' complex and perpetually seek out women to rescue? Women who they deem 'too high above them' but they cannot resist, like moth to flame, the desire to rescue and live happy ever after?

What I am saying to all you nice guys is: It takes two to complete the equation, a nice guy and a girl with problems.....cause any girl with half a brain would jump at the chance of a nice guy!

You have to take a Zen approach... ultimately it's karma. Your girlfriend is a pinhead. Your guy friend is a clown.

Your girl friend deserves the douches she goes out with. They will maltreat hear and she deserves it.

Your neutered male friend is a pussy who should know better depending on his age. He deserves the angst, frustration and heartache he's getting from your pin head lady friend.

So in the end... they get what they deserve. It's balanced. It's karma. You have to observe people long enough and you'll see how harmonious it really is.