MTPAL - Teaching Plants A Lesson

[maverick73]

Ok boys and girls... it's that time again... yup, POLL TIME baby!

I recently wrote this post in one of Fuzzy's threads:
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It's funny how nature "learns" eh? There is a rose tree in my driveway that grew inward... and a couple times it scratched the back right of my car as I backed out... so I proceeded to cut all the stems that protruded into the driveway... it would keep growing back and I would keep cutting... well, 1 year later... it's learned it's lesson... it started growing the other way now... that'll learn ya you stupid plant!!!!
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Here is the update. The plant has basically learned it's lesson over the years... instead of growing inwards towards the driveway, it's growing outwards towards the lawn. It looks all GIMPY and sh$t... like it's LEANING to one side like this /////

Anyways, with spring in the air... it's sort of run out of room to grow and is getting a bit defiant... Although all the LOWER branches which I taught a lesson are afraid of invading my territory, a new rebel UPPER branch is starting to infiltrate my territory ever so slightly.

So, what should I do?

1. Teach that son of a bitch a lesson and cut his branches off!
2. Stare at him angrily with arms crossed hoping he will get the hint.
3. Practice alternative discipline by talking to him nicely and hope he will change growing directions.
4. You're a f$cking lunatic, trying to teach plants a lesson! Hope you get eaten by a large venus flytrap you plant harmer!!!

You can send all hatemail to this new address: hatemavyet@gmail.com ... don't worry, I have a thick skin. Send me some good ones. I'll publish the best one in next month's mav magazine.

You can also send fanmail to: luvmaviyet@gmail.com ... I'll even personally respond to the best one in the next issue of mav magazine.

 

[mustangjoe]

no one cares about your stupid plant.

 

[Sexy BBW]

Teach it a lesson lol

 

[LonelyGhost]

get one of those Lesbien Love albums (anyone who played at Lilith Fair will do!) and play that until the bloody plant listens to you instead!

there are a bunch of factors that effect how a plant grows ... afternoon sun is one (always plant the weak side of the plant toward that direction to stimulate growth), and physical barriers (fence, other plants etc).

one of the probs with trimming roses is that it stimulates growth -- so the more you cut the more they want to grow! you're better off putting up a post or trellis as a barrier and tying off the old growth to it and let it grow.

 

[Very Veronica]

Interesting how you seek only to control the growth of your rose & spoke not once of it's bloom.

 

[Damaged]

no one cares about your stupid plant.

Exactly!

 

[maverick73]

no one cares about your stupid plant.

Correction! No one cares about my defiant, seemingly intelligent plant!

one of the probs with trimming roses is that it stimulates growth -- so the more you cut the more they want to grow! you're better off putting up a post or trellis as a barrier and tying off the old growth to it and let it grow.

Post or Trellis isn't practical (you'd have to see it) but I think I will try using a zip tie to "encourage" the offending branch to choose another direction.

 

[sirlickheralot]

Don't be a pussy a good dose of Roundup will really teach that SOB a lesson.