The planning:
So, this story actually started about five days ago, when I called Revive to trick them into letting me see her. Ms. Cerberus… I mean, Ms. Starr (happy belated, by the way
) was her usual sweet self, but… well, it kinda went like this:
Ms. Starr: “Good afternoon, Revive!”
Bunny: “May I please see Kendra tomorrow?”
Ms. Starr: “I’m sorry, sweetie…”
Bunny: “Kendra, please.”
Ms. Starr: “I’m sorry…”
Bunny: “I want Kendra, please.”
Ms. Starr: “I’m sorry…”
Bunny: “Je veux Kendra, s’il vous plait.”
Ms. Starr: “…sorry…”
Bunny: “Quiero Kendra, por favor”
Ms. Starr: “…sor…”
Bunny: “Ich wünsche Kendra, bitte.”
Ms. Starr: (holding the phone away from her mouth and shouting) “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KENDRA, HE’S NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL YOU @#$% HIM!”
…and while I might have had her phrase it differently, I can’t say the statement was particularly inaccurate….
Ms. Starr: (back to speaking to me over the phone) “Ok sweetie, she says you can come see her on Friday.”
Bunny: “Thank you. But I think you forgot to include the word ‘twice’”.
Ms. Starr: “That’s her problem, honey.”
Indeed.
Only Friday didn’t happen. I got “bumped”.
…but only to Saturday, mind you….
The Feline Exhibit:
So, I’m finally at Revive, showered, and waiting in the room. “Waiting” may not exactly be the right word. More accurately, I’m crouched a few paces from the door, with my ears flat, tail twitching, body coiled, just waiting to attack. My eyes are the size of dinner plates, and I don’t even dare blink, just in case that millisecond costs me my chance to pounce. I keep trying to will her through the door… I know it sounds silly, but eventually – it worked!
The Down Under Pavilion:
She’s not even through the door, and I have pounced on my beautiful prey. Only she’s no longer “prey”. She’s now property. Mine… mine… mine. My bottom paws are wrapped around her waist, and my upper paws are clasped over her far shoulder. I’m so happy, but a little ashamed of how needy I am (and make no mistake, after nine months, “needy” doesn’t even begin to describe it), so that I can’t even look at her – I just gaze down and away. I am, for all intents and purposes, a koala who has found the last Eucalyptus tree. And I’m not letting go.
Ms. Kendra, a little surprised and no doubt experiencing total recall of what horrors she’s about to go through, stifles a sigh and in her always joyful manner gives me a “Hi Fuzzy”.
Hello, Ms. Kendra...
The Peculiar Picidae Cage:
And moments after that, I morph again. I’m still wrapped around her, tighter than ever, but now my eyes and mouth are all scrunched puckered, and my lower half is frantically humping uncontrollably, and… well, if she’s still a beautiful Eucalyptus tree, then I look like an upside down three-arsed woodpecker. Unphased, Ms. Kendra tries to regain control of the situation:
*peckpeckpeckpeckpeck*
Ms. Kendra: “Do you want to let me in?”
Bunny: (through still clenched pie-hole) “Sorry. Busy”
Ms. Kendra: “Don’t you want me to undress?”
Bunny: “Don’t care. Busy.”
Ms. Kendra” “Can I at least shut the door so we don’t scare the other girls…?”
Bunny: “Don’t ca…. Oops!”
And now I have her full attention. Because Ms. Kendra knows what “Oops!” means.
Back to the Rabbit Hutch:
So, now I’m hopping “victory laps” around the table while Ms. Kendra is checking herself in the mirror to see how badly I had “Lewinskied” her (turns out the lovely dress she was wearing was a gift from another sweet lady I haven’t seen in far too long... sorry ). With the damage assessed, she turns to look over her shoulder, and she catches me “high fiving” the Kleenex box.
Ms. Kendra: “What are you doing?”
Bunny: “Celebrating!”
Ms. Kendra: “And what are we celebrating?”
Bunny: “I hit that sh#t! And you LOVED it!!!”
Ms. Kendra: (gives me that disappointed look that a mother gives her child when she catches him fibbing…)
Bunny: “I was near your stuff, and you didn’t mind it?”
Ms. Kendra: (…still with the “look”…)
Bunny: “I’m done, and you only threw up a little bit in your mouth.”
Satisfied that we both understood the situation now, Ms. Kendra turns back to the mirror. I can see how beautiful she is in the reflection, and I decided that, if nothing else, I’m just going to stare at her for the rest of our time. “So what am I going to do with you now, bunny?”, she asked. “I don’t know…” I sheepishly lied. And I watched as she slowly slid the lovely but sullied blue outfit over her shoulders… then down her shapely, colourful back… then over that heavenly bottom made entirely out of Ambrosia, before letting it fall to the floor...
“Well, I think I have an idea…” she says, turning back to me, giving me that beaming Kendra smile, replete with the promise that it always brings.
And I couldn’t help it. I “high-fived” the Kleenex box again.
*thumpthumpthumpthumpthump*
God, I missed this lady. She’s so freakin’ awesome….
Happy Thumping, All!
So, this story actually started about five days ago, when I called Revive to trick them into letting me see her. Ms. Cerberus… I mean, Ms. Starr (happy belated, by the way
) was her usual sweet self, but… well, it kinda went like this:Ms. Starr: “Good afternoon, Revive!”
Bunny: “May I please see Kendra tomorrow?”
Ms. Starr: “I’m sorry, sweetie…”
Bunny: “Kendra, please.”
Ms. Starr: “I’m sorry…”
Bunny: “I want Kendra, please.”
Ms. Starr: “I’m sorry…”
Bunny: “Je veux Kendra, s’il vous plait.”
Ms. Starr: “…sorry…”
Bunny: “Quiero Kendra, por favor”
Ms. Starr: “…sor…”
Bunny: “Ich wünsche Kendra, bitte.”
Ms. Starr: (holding the phone away from her mouth and shouting) “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KENDRA, HE’S NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL YOU @#$% HIM!”
…and while I might have had her phrase it differently, I can’t say the statement was particularly inaccurate….
Ms. Starr: (back to speaking to me over the phone) “Ok sweetie, she says you can come see her on Friday.”
Bunny: “Thank you. But I think you forgot to include the word ‘twice’”.
Ms. Starr: “That’s her problem, honey.”
Indeed.
Only Friday didn’t happen. I got “bumped”.
…but only to Saturday, mind you….
The Feline Exhibit:
So, I’m finally at Revive, showered, and waiting in the room. “Waiting” may not exactly be the right word. More accurately, I’m crouched a few paces from the door, with my ears flat, tail twitching, body coiled, just waiting to attack. My eyes are the size of dinner plates, and I don’t even dare blink, just in case that millisecond costs me my chance to pounce. I keep trying to will her through the door… I know it sounds silly, but eventually – it worked!
The Down Under Pavilion:
She’s not even through the door, and I have pounced on my beautiful prey. Only she’s no longer “prey”. She’s now property. Mine… mine… mine. My bottom paws are wrapped around her waist, and my upper paws are clasped over her far shoulder. I’m so happy, but a little ashamed of how needy I am (and make no mistake, after nine months, “needy” doesn’t even begin to describe it), so that I can’t even look at her – I just gaze down and away. I am, for all intents and purposes, a koala who has found the last Eucalyptus tree. And I’m not letting go.
Ms. Kendra, a little surprised and no doubt experiencing total recall of what horrors she’s about to go through, stifles a sigh and in her always joyful manner gives me a “Hi Fuzzy”.
Hello, Ms. Kendra...
The Peculiar Picidae Cage:
And moments after that, I morph again. I’m still wrapped around her, tighter than ever, but now my eyes and mouth are all scrunched puckered, and my lower half is frantically humping uncontrollably, and… well, if she’s still a beautiful Eucalyptus tree, then I look like an upside down three-arsed woodpecker. Unphased, Ms. Kendra tries to regain control of the situation:
*peckpeckpeckpeckpeck*
Ms. Kendra: “Do you want to let me in?”
Bunny: (through still clenched pie-hole) “Sorry. Busy”
Ms. Kendra: “Don’t you want me to undress?”
Bunny: “Don’t care. Busy.”
Ms. Kendra” “Can I at least shut the door so we don’t scare the other girls…?”
Bunny: “Don’t ca….
Oops!”And now I have her full attention. Because Ms. Kendra knows what “Oops!” means.
Back to the Rabbit Hutch:
So, now I’m hopping “victory laps” around the table while Ms. Kendra is checking herself in the mirror to see how badly I had “Lewinskied” her (turns out the lovely dress she was wearing was a gift from another sweet lady I haven’t seen in far too long... sorry
). With the damage assessed, she turns to look over her shoulder, and she catches me “high fiving” the Kleenex box.Ms. Kendra: “What are you doing?”
Bunny: “Celebrating!”
Ms. Kendra: “And what are we celebrating?”
Bunny: “I hit that sh#t! And you LOVED it!!!”
Ms. Kendra: (gives me that disappointed look that a mother gives her child when she catches him fibbing…)
Bunny: “I was near your stuff, and you didn’t mind it?”
Ms. Kendra: (…still with the “look”…)
Bunny: “I’m done, and you only threw up a little bit in your mouth.”
Satisfied that we both understood the situation now, Ms. Kendra turns back to the mirror. I can see how beautiful she is in the reflection, and I decided that, if nothing else, I’m just going to stare at her for the rest of our time. “So what am I going to do with you now, bunny?”, she asked. “I don’t know…” I sheepishly lied. And I watched as she slowly slid the lovely but sullied blue outfit over her shoulders… then down her shapely, colourful back… then over that heavenly bottom made entirely out of Ambrosia, before letting it fall to the floor...
“Well, I think I have an idea…” she says, turning back to me, giving me that beaming Kendra smile, replete with the promise that it always brings.
And I couldn’t help it. I “high-fived” the Kleenex box again.
*thumpthumpthumpthumpthump*
God, I missed this lady. She’s so freakin’ awesome….
Happy Thumping, All!
