Merry Christmas
- Thread starter WASP
- Start date
I would like to extend a warm Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone as well.
Perb is really like a family to me, albeit dysfunctional and full of bickering....but what family isn't.
You girls are all my distant cousins though, I don't want this to get weird.
Seriously, I love you all and hope this is the best holiday ever.
Perb is really like a family to me, albeit dysfunctional and full of bickering....but what family isn't.
You girls are all my distant cousins though, I don't want this to get weird.
Seriously, I love you all and hope this is the best holiday ever.
Have a wonderful XXXmas everyone! Heres a little fact of nature to brighten your day and get you in the holiday spirit:
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME...
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known...
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME...
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known...
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost
I swear it's the eggnog speaking!
Okay, point taken. I’ll grant you that you ladies are better at getting a party from point A to point B than most guys. But frankly I never wanted to get to point B anyway, but apparently there are things at point B that women feel a pretty strong attachment to and, hey, I wanna get some action between Xmas and New Years, so point B it is. I’ll let that comment slide just cause it’s Christmas and my freezer is already full of … stuff. Though as an aside I’d like to make it known that Donner spent a rather long summer in Copenhagen in ’74 and still sports a rather large Adam’s apple, if you get my drift. And Rudolph, hell, he gets to do the antler-drag-thing one snowy xmas and he’s still hasn’t taken off the damn winter antlers. So hang that in your stocking, you smug, know-it-all bitch!
But what’s more, let me tell you, you really know fuck all about reindeer, or Santa, for that matter. Santa, you gotta speak more clearly, and slowly. He and I both belong to the fat, bald guy drinking club and he’s sitting next to me right now. He’s kinda tanked and very pissed off at you lady! If I was you I’d call the bomb squad over for eggnog xmas morning before I’d open anything addressed to you from Santa. But I digress. What are you saying Santa?
I’m trying to translate what he’s saying but he’s not talking too clearly, so bear with me. What’s that Santa? Okay, good point. Fine. Yah. Okay. I get it. Yada, yada, yada. …. Santa, shut the fuck up, and let me make the point for you. Sure I’ll pay for another round. (BTW, don’t lend Santa any money cause when you bring it up he simply threatens to put you back on the naughty list).
Sure, Santa agrees, the ladies can give you directions in the sleigh but do they know one damn thing about how to winterize one? Hell, you ask Mrs. Claus to do just one of the 27 things on the winterize-the-sleigh list, and it doesn’t get done! She “forgets.” Menopause my ass! Rum and butter is more like it! And can I bring it up? No, ‘cause that was the same day some dumb-ass forgot to clear the cash on the PC. Who the hell do you think was looking at the Lady-Elf and Reindeer Winter Frolicks website? Male elves are so close to fairies, no one is gonna believe they did it! Thank god the Easter Bunny won’t get his VISA bill til Spring, that is if the mailman can make his way through the mob of male elves waiting outside the horny bastard’s den. Oh, guys, that brings up an important point Santa always makes about female elves. The downside, very small mouths. The upside, very small hands that make even a diminutive putz like Santa’s look like an enormous Christmas sausage. Not that I’d know.
Okay, the fat bastard’s changing the topic. No I won’t give you another fiver for the stripper, there’s no place to put it, she’s naked … Okay, I stand corrected. Can we get on with this, I gotta go to the can at some point. What’s that? He says parts of his last trip to Vancouver are hazy. Some ladies in leather were sitting on his lap asking for stuff. Okay, more like making threats. He recalls that both Miss Jasmine and Mistress-T asked for razor-edged strap-ons, but he’s unclear about which one wanted it with a barbed-wire tangle. So get back to him ASAP. (Note to Aeiyah, or whatever the funny name-sounds-like-gods-forbidden- (YHWH) to-be-pronounced name, I’d pass on my next session with either of those ladies until we clear that one up). … Really? Fine, I’ll let her know. Also, Santa’s buddies Jack Frost and Frostie the Snowman, want invites to the next forced-bi circle jerk. Chilling visual, that!
Now the corpulent Fuck is gesturing rudely in my direction. Whispering something to the stripper while laughing at me. What’s that! I’m not telling them that! Fuck you, I do have some pride! … Oh, those photos. Didn’t realize you still had them. … Okay, then, I guess I will say that. Concerns a set of PERB postings last summer about fat guys, bald-heads and DATY. He keeps rubbing it in. Seems VV and Danika don’t snicker or make fun of Big Red (or, aside, his little pink weenie) when he goes down on them. Oh, no. He doesn’t get compared to Burt or Ernie or other muppets. No, he brings Danika an elf, and VV a gift certificate from Frederick’s Of Tuk-Toy-Uck-Tuck, or some such, and everything’s just fine, frickin’ fine. Apparently if you’re the right fat guy, service doesn’t suck, or does, … whatever! Danika, just so you know, that “elf” he brought is a Sprite, so don’t turn your back on that one. They eat flesh (but you probably know that). And VV he’s only bringing you two muscle-bound, twenty-something studs this year – cause he’s just getting too old to carry four! So there. Anyway, I think the elves have the other two studs tied up in preparation for an Mr Leather e-party, elf-rave or something for boxing day. I wish the little buggers would shut up. I can hear them giggling over at the other end of the bar.
Some last bits of business before Mr. Kringle collapses. BJHunter, Mrs. Claus doesn’t do BBBJ, so stop asking. InTheBum and HH it is now official North Pole policy not to take sides in public debates about same sex marriage. He wishes you both the greatest happiness but feels it only fair that you break the news to ITB’s granny before going public. Aeiyah-yah-yuhu, please get a new handle or we cannot take responsibility for where your next leather miniskirt gets delivered. We’re still not sure to whom we delivered the one last year. Mr. Peter North, you may have inadvertently made it with a tranny but just to put things in perspective I have it on good authority she thought you were a lesbian. So a little girl on girl action – no too shabby. We’re still waiting for her review.
Yah, it’s the third one of these I’ve had. Why do you ask? I don’t understand why you’re laughing Santa. Why the fuck would I care what an elf wants for Christmas? What? Why the hell are they singing the working song from Snow White? … Which elf put what in my drink? Oh, fuck, no! Santa, you sick son-of-a ….
Santa here. If I can get the elf-cam working we’ll post some pictures of the boxing day special we’re broadcasting this year from high atop the North Pole. In the meantime Mr. CODe333 is gonna be helping me pay off a little gambling debt I owe to Jackie Frostmeister and LOCAL 666 of the Elfs Union. Happy holidays to all! (Except CODe333, of course! You won’t be hearing from him for a while!)
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME...
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known...
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost
Okay, point taken. I’ll grant you that you ladies are better at getting a party from point A to point B than most guys. But frankly I never wanted to get to point B anyway, but apparently there are things at point B that women feel a pretty strong attachment to and, hey, I wanna get some action between Xmas and New Years, so point B it is. I’ll let that comment slide just cause it’s Christmas and my freezer is already full of … stuff. Though as an aside I’d like to make it known that Donner spent a rather long summer in Copenhagen in ’74 and still sports a rather large Adam’s apple, if you get my drift. And Rudolph, hell, he gets to do the antler-drag-thing one snowy xmas and he’s still hasn’t taken off the damn winter antlers. So hang that in your stocking, you smug, know-it-all bitch!
But what’s more, let me tell you, you really know fuck all about reindeer, or Santa, for that matter. Santa, you gotta speak more clearly, and slowly. He and I both belong to the fat, bald guy drinking club and he’s sitting next to me right now. He’s kinda tanked and very pissed off at you lady! If I was you I’d call the bomb squad over for eggnog xmas morning before I’d open anything addressed to you from Santa. But I digress. What are you saying Santa?
I’m trying to translate what he’s saying but he’s not talking too clearly, so bear with me. What’s that Santa? Okay, good point. Fine. Yah. Okay. I get it. Yada, yada, yada. …. Santa, shut the fuck up, and let me make the point for you. Sure I’ll pay for another round. (BTW, don’t lend Santa any money cause when you bring it up he simply threatens to put you back on the naughty list).
Sure, Santa agrees, the ladies can give you directions in the sleigh but do they know one damn thing about how to winterize one? Hell, you ask Mrs. Claus to do just one of the 27 things on the winterize-the-sleigh list, and it doesn’t get done! She “forgets.” Menopause my ass! Rum and butter is more like it! And can I bring it up? No, ‘cause that was the same day some dumb-ass forgot to clear the cash on the PC. Who the hell do you think was looking at the Lady-Elf and Reindeer Winter Frolicks website? Male elves are so close to fairies, no one is gonna believe they did it! Thank god the Easter Bunny won’t get his VISA bill til Spring, that is if the mailman can make his way through the mob of male elves waiting outside the horny bastard’s den. Oh, guys, that brings up an important point Santa always makes about female elves. The downside, very small mouths. The upside, very small hands that make even a diminutive putz like Santa’s look like an enormous Christmas sausage. Not that I’d know.
Okay, the fat bastard’s changing the topic. No I won’t give you another fiver for the stripper, there’s no place to put it, she’s naked … Okay, I stand corrected. Can we get on with this, I gotta go to the can at some point. What’s that? He says parts of his last trip to Vancouver are hazy. Some ladies in leather were sitting on his lap asking for stuff. Okay, more like making threats. He recalls that both Miss Jasmine and Mistress-T asked for razor-edged strap-ons, but he’s unclear about which one wanted it with a barbed-wire tangle. So get back to him ASAP. (Note to Aeiyah, or whatever the funny name-sounds-like-gods-forbidden- (YHWH) to-be-pronounced name, I’d pass on my next session with either of those ladies until we clear that one up). … Really? Fine, I’ll let her know. Also, Santa’s buddies Jack Frost and Frostie the Snowman, want invites to the next forced-bi circle jerk. Chilling visual, that!
Now the corpulent Fuck is gesturing rudely in my direction. Whispering something to the stripper while laughing at me. What’s that! I’m not telling them that! Fuck you, I do have some pride! … Oh, those photos. Didn’t realize you still had them. … Okay, then, I guess I will say that. Concerns a set of PERB postings last summer about fat guys, bald-heads and DATY. He keeps rubbing it in. Seems VV and Danika don’t snicker or make fun of Big Red (or, aside, his little pink weenie) when he goes down on them. Oh, no. He doesn’t get compared to Burt or Ernie or other muppets. No, he brings Danika an elf, and VV a gift certificate from Frederick’s Of Tuk-Toy-Uck-Tuck, or some such, and everything’s just fine, frickin’ fine. Apparently if you’re the right fat guy, service doesn’t suck, or does, … whatever! Danika, just so you know, that “elf” he brought is a Sprite, so don’t turn your back on that one. They eat flesh (but you probably know that). And VV he’s only bringing you two muscle-bound, twenty-something studs this year – cause he’s just getting too old to carry four! So there. Anyway, I think the elves have the other two studs tied up in preparation for an Mr Leather e-party, elf-rave or something for boxing day. I wish the little buggers would shut up. I can hear them giggling over at the other end of the bar.
Some last bits of business before Mr. Kringle collapses. BJHunter, Mrs. Claus doesn’t do BBBJ, so stop asking. InTheBum and HH it is now official North Pole policy not to take sides in public debates about same sex marriage. He wishes you both the greatest happiness but feels it only fair that you break the news to ITB’s granny before going public. Aeiyah-yah-yuhu, please get a new handle or we cannot take responsibility for where your next leather miniskirt gets delivered. We’re still not sure to whom we delivered the one last year. Mr. Peter North, you may have inadvertently made it with a tranny but just to put things in perspective I have it on good authority she thought you were a lesbian. So a little girl on girl action – no too shabby. We’re still waiting for her review.
Yah, it’s the third one of these I’ve had. Why do you ask? I don’t understand why you’re laughing Santa. Why the fuck would I care what an elf wants for Christmas? What? Why the hell are they singing the working song from Snow White? … Which elf put what in my drink? Oh, fuck, no! Santa, you sick son-of-a ….
Santa here. If I can get the elf-cam working we’ll post some pictures of the boxing day special we’re broadcasting this year from high atop the North Pole. In the meantime Mr. CODe333 is gonna be helping me pay off a little gambling debt I owe to Jackie Frostmeister and LOCAL 666 of the Elfs Union. Happy holidays to all! (Except CODe333, of course! You won’t be hearing from him for a while!)
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cheer up buddy!!!!!!!!! Every day above ground is simply an AWESOME day!!!
Okay, point taken. I’ll grant you that you ladies are better at getting a party from point A to point B than most guys. But frankly I never wanted to get to point B anyway, but apparently there are things at point B that women feel a pretty strong attachment to and, hey, I wanna get some action between Xmas and New Years, so point B it is. I’ll let that comment slide just cause it’s Christmas and my freezer is already full of … stuff. Though as an aside I’d like to make it known that Donner spent a rather long summer in Copenhagen in ’74 and still sports a rather large Adam’s apple, if you get my drift. And Rudolph, hell, he gets to do the antler-drag-thing one snowy xmas and he’s still hasn’t taken off the damn winter antlers. So hang that in your stocking, you smug, know-it-all bitch!
But what’s more, let me tell you, you really know fuck all about reindeer, or Santa, for that matter. Santa, you gotta speak more clearly, and slowly. He and I both belong to the fat, bald guy drinking club and he’s sitting next to me right now. He’s kinda tanked and very pissed off at you lady! If I was you I’d call the bomb squad over for eggnog xmas morning before I’d open anything addressed to you from Santa. But I digress. What are you saying Santa?
I’m trying to translate what he’s saying but he’s not talking too clearly, so bear with me. What’s that Santa? Okay, good point. Fine. Yah. Okay. I get it. Yada, yada, yada. …. Santa, shut the fuck up, and let me make the point for you. Sure I’ll pay for another round. (BTW, don’t lend Santa any money cause when you bring it up he simply threatens to put you back on the naughty list).
Sure, Santa agrees, the ladies can give you directions in the sleigh but do they know one damn thing about how to winterize one? Hell, you ask Mrs. Claus to do just one of the 27 things on the winterize-the-sleigh list, and it doesn’t get done! She “forgets.” Menopause my ass! Rum and butter is more like it! And can I bring it up? No, ‘cause that was the same day some dumb-ass forgot to clear the cash on the PC. Who the hell do you think was looking at the Lady-Elf and Reindeer Winter Frolicks website? Male elves are so close to fairies, no one is gonna believe they did it! Thank god the Easter Bunny won’t get his VISA bill til Spring, that is if the mailman can make his way through the mob of male elves waiting outside the horny bastard’s den. Oh, guys, that brings up an important point Santa always makes about female elves. The downside, very small mouths. The upside, very small hands that make even a diminutive putz like Santa’s look like an enormous Christmas sausage. Not that I’d know.
Okay, the fat bastard’s changing the topic. No I won’t give you another fiver for the stripper, there’s no place to put it, she’s naked … Okay, I stand corrected. Can we get on with this, I gotta go to the can at some point. What’s that? He says parts of his last trip to Vancouver are hazy. Some ladies in leather were sitting on his lap asking for stuff. Okay, more like making threats. He recalls that both Miss Jasmine and Mistress-T asked for razor-edged strap-ons, but he’s unclear about which one wanted it with a barbed-wire tangle. So get back to him ASAP. (Note to Aeiyah, or whatever the funny name-sounds-like-gods-forbidden- (YHWH) to-be-pronounced name, I’d pass on my next session with either of those ladies until we clear that one up). … Really? Fine, I’ll let her know. Also, Santa’s buddies Jack Frost and Frostie the Snowman, want invites to the next forced-bi circle jerk. Chilling visual, that!
Now the corpulent Fuck is gesturing rudely in my direction. Whispering something to the stripper while laughing at me. What’s that! I’m not telling them that! Fuck you, I do have some pride! … Oh, those photos. Didn’t realize you still had them. … Okay, then, I guess I will say that. Concerns a set of PERB postings last summer about fat guys, bald-heads and DATY. He keeps rubbing it in. Seems VV and Danika don’t snicker or make fun of Big Red (or, aside, his little pink weenie) when he goes down on them. Oh, no. He doesn’t get compared to Burt or Ernie or other muppets. No, he brings Danika an elf, and VV a gift certificate from Frederick’s Of Tuk-Toy-Uck-Tuck, or some such, and everything’s just fine, frickin’ fine. Apparently if you’re the right fat guy, service doesn’t suck, or does, … whatever! Danika, just so you know, that “elf” he brought is a Sprite, so don’t turn your back on that one. They eat flesh (but you probably know that). And VV he’s only bringing you two muscle-bound, twenty-something studs this year – cause he’s just getting too old to carry four! So there. Anyway, I think the elves have the other two studs tied up in preparation for an Mr Leather e-party, elf-rave or something for boxing day. I wish the little buggers would shut up. I can hear them giggling over at the other end of the bar.
Some last bits of business before Mr. Kringle collapses. BJHunter, Mrs. Claus doesn’t do BBBJ, so stop asking. InTheBum and HH it is now official North Pole policy not to take sides in public debates about same sex marriage. He wishes you both the greatest happiness but feels it only fair that you break the news to ITB’s granny before going public. Aeiyah-yah-yuhu, please get a new handle or we cannot take responsibility for where your next leather miniskirt gets delivered. We’re still not sure to whom we delivered the one last year. Mr. Peter North, you may have inadvertently made it with a tranny but just to put things in perspective I have it on good authority she thought you were a lesbian. So a little girl on girl action – no too shabby. We’re still waiting for her review.
Yah, it’s the third one of these I’ve had. Why do you ask? I don’t understand why you’re laughing Santa. Why the fuck would I care what an elf wants for Christmas? What? Why the hell are they singing the working song from Snow White? … Which elf put what in my drink? Oh, fuck, no! Santa, you sick son-of-a ….
Santa here. If I can get the elf-cam working we’ll post some pictures of the boxing day special we’re broadcasting this year from high atop the North Pole. In the meantime Mr. CODe333 is gonna be helping me pay off a little gambling debt I owe to Jackie Frostmeister and LOCAL 666 of the Elfs Union. Happy holidays to all! (Except CODe333, of course! You won’t be hearing from him for a while!)
Never mind the eggnog speaking...........I think a 40 pounder and a bag of weed is at work here!!
BTW....you forgot me in your story....I'm " sit on my face" and I love my face
buried by a womans gorgeous ASS!!!
Merry Christmas everyone and GOD bless!!!
Merry Christmas to all my fellow kinksters, fetishtists, perverts and sex addicts.
To everyone who is doing any travelling or will be out on the roads, be carefull out there and stay safe.
To everyone who is staying at home and keeping warm with their favourite partner, remember to proceed without caution while wearing a condom.
To everyone who is doing any travelling or will be out on the roads, be carefull out there and stay safe.
To everyone who is staying at home and keeping warm with their favourite partner, remember to proceed without caution while wearing a condom.
