Men with escorts as significant others

[billy77]

Looking for some support guys and gals. My lady has recently un-retired back into the escort business. I know about her past, since thats how we met.

We discussed her return, and it is something I thought I'd be ok with. What I discovered though, is that I was ok with it, as long as I was getting something out of it. As long as it meets my needs for fantasy, etc. it works. When it doesnt I struggle. I love her very much, and since this is something she truly enjoys, I don't want to get in her way.

Just looking to start some interesting discussion, and possibly help get my head screwed on straight.

Cheers

 

[freakychef]

Check my P.M.

It is not easy, just be totaly open and honest about it with her.

 

[billy77]

Sharing

Thanks for the replies. While difficult, I want to be able to do this. I know my partner has many motivations for wanting to do this, all of which shouldn;t threaten me. In terms of sharing her, it helps me to remember that I love having sex with lots of women, so why should she enjoy sex with different men.

One of the hardest parts is the oncall nature. Having a nice dinner, a glass of wine, planning on an evening together, only to have her dissapear into the bathroom, to get ready for another man .... ouch. hard on the head. especially for a guy with childhood mother abondonmment issues. She is very understanding, and has been very patient with me as I express these feelings.

I'm back and forth with being ok, and then not ok, and I;m trying to find a way to be 100% ok. Talking about it with others in the "life-style" seems to help.

 

[freakychef]

I can handle the sharing as...

...sex is just sex, recreation physical activty. IMO. Sharing feelings, thoughts, hopes dreams is another story. My wife could care less who I @#$% as long as she knew and sometimes was involved. However if I lied an !@#$ behind her back. Well hell have no fury like a scorned black woman believe me. Also If she !@#$ fucked a guy I just wanted to know if they played safe and if I could trust the guy would not hurt her. Hey everyone has urges and loves sex. We just gotta deal with it. Myself I sepperate the 2 sex and love. Does not mean I might not fall for someone else though does it? P.S. my wife is an ex escort .

 

[freakychef]

Oncall...

...I had trouble with that so we talked and then she made her own schedule and never forsaked our time to be with a client. We just set aside our time and she did buisness when she had to. Hope this helps!!!

 

[billy77]

sex vs love

I totally understand this point. I have 100% faith that my lady loves me, and that whatever sex acts she engages in with other men, love, closeness, etc. doesn;t come into it. Thats just between us. However, I also love "sex" with her, and what I'm struggling with is that this is no longer something just her and I do. If I am to be truly honest, I want to have sex with others, but want to keep her for just me. I know thats wrong, and thats why I'm confronting myself on this issue. Aside from my selfish attitudes, I want her to be fulfilled and happy. On the practical side, its a great way to earn good money for our family, for her to feel like she is contributing, and for her to feel empowered.

 

[MasterRPC]

I understand

Billy I hear where you are on this. It's not the point of your s/o being and escort it is all in all just a job but when the job interfers with "your" life together it is unwelcome . How would anyone feel that durring a dineer they get a phone call from work and you had to leave. If it was important sure go ahead. but hmmmmmmmm a client calls who wants to get laid and s/o leaves to take care of buisness not good.
Billy you and your s/o need to set up "buisness hours vs together hours and how they mix or shouldn't mix.

 

[b4igothere]

i was just about to say the same ...when its your time then it should be, no excuses. Also honesty is the best on both sides ...these two will make both of you stronger & more forgiving

 

[billy77]

schedule

Thanks for the advice guys. I think we got that one figured out, where she only does prebookings for evenings, and doesnt work on the weekends. This does, however, significantly reduce the amount of calls she gets. As my fellow pooners will agree, when your looking to get laid, you often don;t want to wait till the next day.

 

[TotallyTouchin]

Looking for some support guys and gals. My lady has recently un-retired back into the escort business. I know about her past, since thats how we met.

We discussed her return, and it is something I thought I'd be ok with. What I discovered though, is that I was ok with it, as long as I was getting something out of it. As long as it meets my needs for fantasy, etc. it works. When it doesnt I struggle. I love her very much, and since this is something she truly enjoys, I don't want to get in her way.

Just looking to start some interesting discussion, and possibly help get my head screwed on straight.

Cheers

I may be in the minority here and that's fine but I dislike how you say "I'm ok with it as long as I'M GETTING SOMETHING OUT OF IT"....

What is it? Is this about you? Is this about you loving her too much to share?

When you say it like "well I'm fine as long as I get something out of it" (paraphrasing), then to me, that is not a good enough reason to be pissed off.

If you had said, I love her, I can't share anymore and I am starting to become upset, then I would understand. But taking a "getting something out of it" stance, in this PARTICULAR situation, then I think that either you phrased that wrong or perhaps you should examine the other side of things. What is SHE getting out of YOU then? Would you like it if she had a problem with you not giving her money anymore or something?? Or whatever SHE was "getting out of you"?

When fantasy becomes reality and she wakes up without her hair and makeup done or something....it becomes real. Relationships are not built on hoping to "get" your "fantasy" out of it. In my experience it is the opposite. Relaionships are where you go to be real and not create a fantasy. Like most of the dancers and sps I know tool around all day in tracksuits and no makeup and are glad to have someone to go home to who doesn't search for a "fantasy" from them because that is what they do when they work. Am I the only one who feels this way????

Relationships are about being real. Sounds like you are getting a smack of reality and not liking it.

 

[CalgaryJenn]

I have an S/O, and it works for us. He's not ok with it because of the money, because we own a company of our own as well. The key is to be honest and open. Even then at times he has a day here and there where it bothers him a little, and he tells me "honey, change your message on your phone, and just turn it off today." I totally respect that. We have both agreed that as long as I'm not forming a relationship, and its just fun sex, it's ok.
Like everything, it has it's up's and down's. No pun intended.
We were swingers before this, so we had experience in dealing with each other with another partner from time to time. In the end, it all boils down to TRUST and RESPECT for your partner, yourself, and your relationship. If you lack trust or respect, it will be hard.

 

[littlejimbigher]

Thats got to be a tuff thing to handle.
I definitly would have to get off sites like this.
Knowing is bad enough but to read about it as well.
You are a better man than I.

 

[AlexLougheed]

Looking for some support guys and gals. My lady has recently un-retired back into the escort business. I know about her past, since thats how we met.

We discussed her return, and it is something I thought I'd be ok with. What I discovered though, is that I was ok with it, as long as I was getting something out of it. As long as it meets my needs for fantasy, etc. it works. When it doesnt I struggle. I love her very much, and since this is something she truly enjoys, I don't want to get in her way.

Just looking to start some interesting discussion, and possibly help get my head screwed on straight.

Cheers

Well, you got to see deeply in yourself, what is it that you are not giving her? If it is your lack of ability to satisfy her sexually, perhaps communicating about it would benefit. If it is money, well, then it is another story.

 

[JH Newman]

The initial post on this thread is what moved me to register and throw in my two cents. I think there are a variety of ways one can look at this situation (most of which have already been suggested) but no amount of THINKING will actually resolve the problem. What we know rationally and what we feel in our bodies are seldom conjoined. For example, Pierre Trudeau's motto "Reason Before Passion" might arguably have been reversed, based on his actual behaviour.

Similarly, a guy partnered with an SP may rationally attempt to eradicate his unease or jealousy, while his body is in full, reptilian, territorial mode, doing what his animal self has been designed to do. That's a recipe for conflict and emotional pain.

I don't actually think there is an answer here, but rather another question: How much pain are you willing to suffer to experience the pleasure of what you have?

This isn't superficial. Indeed, there is something heroic in shouldering pain for a worthy cause. Putting aside for a moment even one's partner and her undoubted virtues, one must ask oneself: should I lay myself down on the rack for romantic love? Each of us has to answer for ourselves.

I don't know if this has helped, but I wish you well.

 

[AlexLougheed]

Looking for some support guys and gals. My lady has recently un-retired back into the escort business. I know about her past, since thats how we met.

We discussed her return, and it is something I thought I'd be ok with. What I discovered though, is that I was ok with it, as long as I was getting something out of it. As long as it meets my needs for fantasy, etc. it works. When it doesnt I struggle. I love her very much, and since this is something she truly enjoys, I don't want to get in her way.

Just looking to start some interesting discussion, and possibly help get my head screwed on straight.

Cheers

You chose to get a relationship while you had no alternatives. Perhaps next time, go to a developing country and buy a wife (You could buy a virgin for like less than 3K) to marry and bring back to Canada.

If you are a canadian citizen, you should not have trouble getting laid with foreign women.

 

[ihatemyskirt]

Theres girls who make schedules and follow them in this industry?

 

[Cosmo]

It's easier when... you're not as in love yet...once the love hits..it's brutal the thought of sharing her.

Sex can be a disconnected experience which provides physical pleasure... or sex can be a mode through which a deeper connection is achieved (some call it love).

But in the latter... sex is a glue strengthening the bond. And with the sex, comes a level of intimacy and sharing which solidifies the relationship.

Debase it by watering down the 'glue'... and the relationship becomes unstable.

Justifying it any other way is simply dillusional rationalization... ie. lying to oneself.

It's that simple.

 

[Cosmo]

Actually I would have to disagree with you. I was never more in love with my S/O then after we'd had our adult, sexual fun at a Swinger Club. It was something we shared and if anything only cemented the bond.

We agree to disagree.

The debate would descend down one inevitable road: ie. You and your S/O are still together with that strong, cemented bond OR you and your S/O are no longer together and one side says it unglued for 'other' reasons and the opposing view will say you just don't want to recognize the contribution the above point made towards it's demise.

Sooo... I simply agree to disagree.

 

[henryhill]

Fidel Castro and Kim Jong Il are not comparable. I am not trying to hijack this thread so I will leave it at that. Sorry. Carry on.

 

[onemanwoman]

So does that meanyou as an escort expects your so to be fully loyal sexually? Or can he fuck random girls to make himself feel like a man even though you're fucking others for money? Do girls expect their men to be with only them if they escort?