Married with kids question

[kenop2]

Does sex ever get better after you get her a ring and a kid?

Here is the story, same old story from the movies. I got married, a year in, she said we should start trying...it takes time...the plan was two years before children.

Three months after, we were ahead of schedule. Now, baby is eight months old and sex is no where to be seen.

Does it even go back to what it was for anyone of you. Did you have to do anything? Try talking to her...

A few nights ago, I jokingly said she should "out source" the task if she is not willing to perform it in-house. We are both econ major so lot of business talk in general, haha.

Thanks for your input.

 

[Larry Storch]

No longer married and didn't have kids, but I think eight months is still kinda early. Most of her energy is prob spent on looking after your child. Nothing wrong with some cuddling which doesn't lead to sex to start. Or maybe hire a nanny? (for the baby not you )

 

[hornygandalf]

It really depends on the woman, but the comment about cuddling is an important one.

How did she respond to the 'outsourcing' suggestion?

I honestly don't remember now, as it is too long ago, but I know YMMV.

From memory, there were times when the sex was better, though certainly not as often.

She needs a lot of tender loving care from you and affirmation. Her self-image may not be that great after what her body went through with birth, particularly if it isn't back to its original shape and condition. And yes, you will need to talk with her about it, but pick your time and maybe give her forewarning that you want to discuss it so she can think about it ahead of time (and you don't catch her off guard).

 

[sevenofnine]

I would have to agree with the bit early comment,

I mean when you have kids your marriage changes, its all about the kids,

When my kids were born I never got my life back until high school, just to busy driving the kids around coaching etc, Sex was an after thought really, few and far between, then it stopped,

My kids meant everything to me still do, but only felt I had a life when they didn't need me,, well only when something broke or they needed money did they need me, other wise I was in the way,

my wife now is a friend a companion, not sexual, and im sixty she is older so if you got a choice go with a younger women,
in a funny way it works out, my wife won't have sex with me, like I said were both old her older,
her refusal kind of frees me up to look around,

explore the escorts and what they have to offer,
I feel guily but well it is what it is.

 

[Jackster]

I would have to agree with the bit early comment,

I mean when you have kids your marriage changes, its all about the kids,

When my kids were born I never got my life back until high school, just to busy driving the kids around coaching etc, Sex was an after thought really, few and far between, then it stopped,

My kids meant everything to me still do, but only felt I had a life when they didn't need me,, well only when something broke or they needed money did they need me, other wise I was in the way,

my wife now is a friend a companion, not sexual, and im sixty she is older so if you got a choice go with a younger women,
in a funny way it works out, my wife won't have sex with me, like I said were both old her older,
her refusal kind of frees me up to look around,

explore the escorts and what they have to offer,
I feel guily but well it is what it is.

Sounds like we are traveling the same path...this should give you an idea Kenop2...

 

[hornygandalf]

Talk to your wife about it. For the sake of your child.
You will have a much happier home environment for your child if both of you are happy and very much in love with each other.
And sex is an important part of that bonding.
But, you need to talk to her about it... although it might not yet be the right time.
Aside from the basic living needs for your child, the two of you should actually put your relationship first, because you will then be in a much better position to love and look after your child.
Maybe sounds ideallic, but worth discussing with your wife.

 

[1nitestan]

There's always anal

Unless she's a total breeder, your sex life will disappear until the kids is maybe 18months at least. Both of you will simply not have the energy to do it. But like everyone else has said, intimacy is still important - cuddling...making out a bit. That's all really important to maintain. Don't outsource unless the two of you truly have tried everything without success.

 

[kenop2]

Wow, thank you everyone. I did not expect such a supporting group and the reply time is crazy.

I think for the ppl that read this, that don't have kids will think twice about not having your life back for 18 years, haha

 

[Ray]

We're on this site for a reason.

 

[Chef99]

Talk to your wife about it. For the sake of your child.
You will have a much happier home environment for your child if both of you are happy and very much in love with each other.
And sex is an important part of that bonding.
But, you need to talk to her about it... although it might not yet be the right time.
Aside from the basic living needs for your child, the two of you should actually put your relationship first, because you will then be in a much better position to love and look after your child.
Maybe sounds ideallic, but worth discussing with your wife.

Agree with HG. You need to talk so she understands your feelings and she will hopefully share hers. If it's important to you to start soon, tell her so. There is no easy answer here as both you and her are unique individuals. My experience: wife1 was ready to go after 10 weeks, wife2 took a hell of a lot longer...

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Never had any kids, and my sex drive has always been high...but after losing a substantial amount of weight and releasing a tonne of stored estrogen into my system with it, my sex drive is that of a woman in her early 30s. I have always been a late bloomer! ;D