Male and Female Dictionary

[GreatGatsby]

Difference Between Women and Men?

WOMEN
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power; but they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They live in homes, apartments and cabins.
They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.
MEN:
Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and fixing shit


How to impress a woman:
Compliment her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Write love letters to her,
Cuddle her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Stroke her,
Tease her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine & dine her,
Call her,
Buy things for her,
Surprise her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Hold her hand,
Support her,
Go to the ends of the earth for her....
How to impress a man:
Show up naked,
Bring beer.

 

[BYSON]

And I thought it was just women Have a Vagina and tits and Men have cock and balls.

 

[Annalise Lane]

How to impress a woman ...

Take the garbage out
Take your socks off in bed


How to impress a man ...

Fuck him first thing in the morning
Leave the toilet seat up

 

[rollerboy]

Difference Between Women and Men?

Inny versus outy?

 

[georgebushmoron]

just some differences on showering --

How to Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bathmat. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Dry off forearms and butt only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

That's fucking hilarious!!!!

 

[GreatGatsby]

MAN AND WIFE

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new, or the wife is new!

ULTIMATE FANTASY

Ask any woman, and she will tell you that any man's ultimate fantasy is to have two women at once.

However, every woman's fantasy is similiar and it's to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other man is cleaning. Every woman needs a wife!

 

[in&out]

just some differences on showering --

How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Dry off forearms and butt only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

lol sounds like you know me too well..

 

[GreatGatsby]

Different Stories

HER STORY:

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar. I thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he's still acting a bit strange and I'm trying to cheer him up and starting to wonder whether it's me or something else.

I ask him, and he says no. But you know, I'm not really sure. So anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don't know what the hell this means because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally get to his place and I'm wondering if he's going to dump me!! So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV.

Reluctantly, I say I'm going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I don't know, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else??

HIS STORY:

Lousy day at work. Tired. Got laid though.

 

[GreatGatsby]

Female Spoken English Idioms

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = the correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me


Male Spoken English Idioms

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? =I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? =I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored =Do you want to have sex?
I love you =Let's have sex now
I love you, too =Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex???
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am deep - then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others.