LOL of the day
- Thread starter lenny
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"If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, can you really blame someone for saying "Hey, that's a duck!". Few things in life are black and white ... we need to make inferences given the information we have. Sometimes those inferences are wrong.
"This entire thread is a duck. Someone needs to go duck hunting and put it out of its misery."
"This entire thread is a duck. Someone needs to go duck hunting and put it out of its misery."
"most guys have trouble keeping their second head from raising up over their trouser
top to sneak a quick look of his own!!"
top to sneak a quick look of his own!!"
"Who cares? Somebody posted their opinion in a forum - whoopdifuckingdoo.
If that bothers you so much than you really need to get a life."
If that bothers you so much than you really need to get a life."
"Beware: Dodgy Time Of Year
"Dont fall for that Goodwill to all men and a time for thinking of others. As soon as you drop your Guard and buy into all this mush, WALLOP, half your Bankroll's gone, $150 might not sound a lot but when you've been using Kelly to Bet the top 5 Vegas Sharps like Feelsick, things can go Tits-up quickly.
"Its almost gauranteed that you will have a profitable Xmas if you go in with a take no prisoners attitude, so when the the Clogger's knock on the Door with Xmas cheer, shout Fuck Off and leave my bankroll alone you Bastards. Dont use valuable betting cash on so called Friends, Fuck them and give the Wife and Kids money to bet in the Casino if anything, at least they might win.
"Remember, this is the best time of the year on the Exchanges as the Squares relax and even give the Wives a go. Bleed the Sheep and have a Happy Xmas."
"Dont fall for that Goodwill to all men and a time for thinking of others. As soon as you drop your Guard and buy into all this mush, WALLOP, half your Bankroll's gone, $150 might not sound a lot but when you've been using Kelly to Bet the top 5 Vegas Sharps like Feelsick, things can go Tits-up quickly.
"Its almost gauranteed that you will have a profitable Xmas if you go in with a take no prisoners attitude, so when the the Clogger's knock on the Door with Xmas cheer, shout Fuck Off and leave my bankroll alone you Bastards. Dont use valuable betting cash on so called Friends, Fuck them and give the Wife and Kids money to bet in the Casino if anything, at least they might win.
"Remember, this is the best time of the year on the Exchanges as the Squares relax and even give the Wives a go. Bleed the Sheep and have a Happy Xmas."
"Bed Bug Thread
"There seems to be enough People interested in the Topic so I hope I dont get hoisted on My own Petard for posting it.
Bed Bugs are probably the One single reason that My ability to win Money from Gambling is deteriorating, its because so much of My time is now used up thinking about their annoyance. My post in another Thread asking what they do when you fart full on to them merely states My original question some Years ago. Since then with the help of My Microyoubebiologuidist Daughter, I have become somewhat an Expert on their existance.
Firstly it has to be addressed that the recommended Hoovering your Mattress is asking for trouble, you see your hoover is full of Dust Mites and are BBs favourite meal outside Semen and Turd clinkers, Bed Bugs overdose on the extra Feast and multiply their Number quicker than an RX Tout. Whats the problem I hear you say? Well, too many Bed Bugs in a confined space like any Species means migration.
Getting back to the Farting situation for a minute, BBs are not mugs, they soon realise that although being down that end of the Bed has its bounty of semen/clinker, times can be hard, overcrowding, in-house fighting, high mortality rate, not to mention the smell, just like our Cities. So sooner or later they migrate up to the top of the Bed, that itch in your Ear at Night is probably a sign of Migration. However, some of these bastards are lazy and instead of going up the top of the Bed, go straight up your Jax. The itching around your Ballbag and Asshole at Night is without doubt caused by migrating BBs and once housed, are a pain to get rid of.
How does this affect my Betting I hear you say, well if your using any systems like "The Itchy Ball " or " Hemorrhoid Status" Theories then you will be getting the wrong signals and of course for normal Punters the incessent itching can play havoc with selections. So how do you eleviate or control the situation?
These steps may sound radical but you must remember your Bankroll is at stake. Any symptoms must be met immediately with you eating Garlicky Food and Eight Pints of Beer a Night. You make sure you give the Wife enough Drink to knock Her out and at Bedtime wedge a Bogroll Centre between the cheeks of her Arse, thereby giving easier access to the migrating BBs. Hopefully your successful Gambling goes on unhindered while telling the Wife that your sure Her itch will go in time."
"There seems to be enough People interested in the Topic so I hope I dont get hoisted on My own Petard for posting it.
Bed Bugs are probably the One single reason that My ability to win Money from Gambling is deteriorating, its because so much of My time is now used up thinking about their annoyance. My post in another Thread asking what they do when you fart full on to them merely states My original question some Years ago. Since then with the help of My Microyoubebiologuidist Daughter, I have become somewhat an Expert on their existance.
Firstly it has to be addressed that the recommended Hoovering your Mattress is asking for trouble, you see your hoover is full of Dust Mites and are BBs favourite meal outside Semen and Turd clinkers, Bed Bugs overdose on the extra Feast and multiply their Number quicker than an RX Tout. Whats the problem I hear you say? Well, too many Bed Bugs in a confined space like any Species means migration.
Getting back to the Farting situation for a minute, BBs are not mugs, they soon realise that although being down that end of the Bed has its bounty of semen/clinker, times can be hard, overcrowding, in-house fighting, high mortality rate, not to mention the smell, just like our Cities. So sooner or later they migrate up to the top of the Bed, that itch in your Ear at Night is probably a sign of Migration. However, some of these bastards are lazy and instead of going up the top of the Bed, go straight up your Jax. The itching around your Ballbag and Asshole at Night is without doubt caused by migrating BBs and once housed, are a pain to get rid of.
How does this affect my Betting I hear you say, well if your using any systems like "The Itchy Ball " or " Hemorrhoid Status" Theories then you will be getting the wrong signals and of course for normal Punters the incessent itching can play havoc with selections. So how do you eleviate or control the situation?
These steps may sound radical but you must remember your Bankroll is at stake. Any symptoms must be met immediately with you eating Garlicky Food and Eight Pints of Beer a Night. You make sure you give the Wife enough Drink to knock Her out and at Bedtime wedge a Bogroll Centre between the cheeks of her Arse, thereby giving easier access to the migrating BBs. Hopefully your successful Gambling goes on unhindered while telling the Wife that your sure Her itch will go in time."
trollin....... trollin...... trollin down the river
Semper Fi,
Lt. Dan
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I know semper fidelis means "always faithful", semper fi similar?
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translates "always full of it"
Semper Fi,
Lt. Dan
----------------
I know semper fidelis means "always faithful", semper fi similar?
----------------
translates "always full of it"
Some day my boat will come in, and with my luck I'll be at the airport.
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SAVE THE DRAMA ,, FOR YOUR MAMA !
1600
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SAVE THE DRAMA ,, FOR YOUR MAMA !
1600
The Office - Bros before hos clip
Michael Scott's girlfriend has broken up with him on the day of the office christmas party so "the guys" are taking him out for lunch. His thoughts on spending time with them in this, his time of need:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqeG5a1CMwo
Michael Scott's girlfriend has broken up with him on the day of the office christmas party so "the guys" are taking him out for lunch. His thoughts on spending time with them in this, his time of need:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqeG5a1CMwo
"A blonde Cheerleader moment, as the USC Cheerleader Cheers as Texas scores the winning touchdown in the 2006 National Championship Game."
http://www.americasbestonline.net/cheerleaderfun2.htm
http://www.americasbestonline.net/cheerleaderfun2.htm
Hey girls, Merry Christmas from Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake!
The Uncensored version!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA
The Uncensored version!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA
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"I think its a big advantage that women think they understand my motivations but don't really.
Not that I really want anything from them."
Not that I really want anything from them."
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like . . night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
2. A day without sunshine is like . . night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.
Women Are Evil By Nature...
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
Don't fart in bed!!!!
If this is story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know andI'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
If this is story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know andI'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
Thanks for the info maxx. Its a question that's been bothering me for some time.maxx50 said:Dark reteats at the speed of light, unless you are in a room with no windows and no light bulb.. Then dark is standing still
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