LOL of the day

[DJLAW]

The owner of a horse farm receives a call from a friend, who informs him of a midget with a speech impediment who's interested in buying a horse. The owner has him send the midget over.

The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” replies the midget. So the owner shows him one.

“Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouf?” So the owners picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s mouth.

“Nith mouf, Can I thee her eyeth?” Promptly, the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse’s eyes.

“Ok, what about the eerth?” At this point, the owner is becoming aggravated, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows him the ears.

“OK, finally, can I see her twat?” With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horse’s vagina, then pulls him out.

Shaking his head, the midget laments, “Perhapth I thould rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awownd?”

 

[lenny]

BOBBY DUPEA (Jack Nicholson): "Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."

WAITRESS (Lorna Thayer): "You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"

BOBBY DUPEA: "I want you to hold it between your knees."

FIVE EASY PIECES, Columbia, 1970

http://www.filmsite.org/afi400quotes2.html

 

[lenny]

If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG.

Jack Nicholson

http://www.allgreatquotes.com/jack_nicholson_quotes.shtml

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

There's so much darn porn out there, I never got out of the house.

 

[mick_eight]

BOBBY DUPEA (Jack Nicholson): "Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."

WAITRESS (Lorna Thayer): "You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"

BOBBY DUPEA: "I want you to hold it between your knees."

FIVE EASY PIECES, Columbia, 1970

http://www.filmsite.org/afi400quotes2.html

The best part of FEP was when he was fukkin Sally Struthers when she was still good looking. I bet he couldn't lift her now and bounce her around the trailer

 

[lenny]

Save a carrot Eat a Vegan

 

[lenny]

I can see Uranus

 

[luv-em-n-lv-em]

Lenny,

Please post your MMPI results in detail.

I'm guessing that would be much funnier than your material.

 

[visiting]

This is funny..... well if you have speakers anyway....


May take a few seconds to load...


http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

 

[Juggy]

Why is it called Extra Virgin Olive Oil....Is it double sealed?

 

[lenny]

Originally Posted by IDENTITY
Identifier plays will bring your bookie to his knees

The only one on their knees is ID trying to settle up with her bookie...
and he's only knocking $20 off her tab for that.

 

[lenny]

As long as they is fair in the customer disputes I am happy. Like they were on a mistake I make one time
and I say thanks you. What you want? They to lick your anus?

----------

LICK YOU ANUS ?


Is this common practice in Kazakhstan ?

----------

Borat,

I am very impress with your president Mr. Nazarbayev. He seem like very wise man.
Do he like to lick anus of his women ? I have heard many man in power likes to be
licking womens anus because it is so much not the same as when they are at work.

----------

Mr. Kerry. As a presidential candidate I do not think that you should be using
this kind of language in a public forum! Your' enemys may take this and run with
it and make you seem like you are dirty mouthed. Please Mr. Kerry I want you to
win election so be caruful what you are saying. And by the way, yes it is a long
custom to do this to the women over here and wherever you can get it.

 

[lenny]

Who's your Mate? one of those Teddy's with a United shirt that you stick in the back of the Car.

 

[Bartdude]

This should be called the "not LOL of the day"

 

[lenny]

This should be called the "not LOL of the day"

And yet you keep cumming back for more ;

cf post #27!

 

[lenny]

Originally Posted by stryker
Yoh Hitrack,,whats happening??

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I just burped and farted at the same time

 

[lenny]

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."

-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

 

[lenny]

"Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

 

[lenny]

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

-- Sharon Stone

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

-- Tiger Woods

 

[lenny]

"I am so low right now that I could climb 10 flights of stairs and not reach the basement."

 

[luv-em-n-lv-em]

Tantra is the plural of tantrum.