LOL of the day
- Thread starter lenny
- Start date
- Status
Minnow, deep down all us men know that we are not good enough for the average woman,
no matter how big of a pain in the ass they are.
no matter how big of a pain in the ass they are.
Women who perform ORAL SEX have........
A 40% LESS chance of getting breast cancer.
Yes it's TRUE. If they perform oral sex on you 1 -2 times a week.
So guys now you have PROOF of why your girlfriend or wife should be doing this MORE often.
1-2 times a week = 40%....
Then tell her EVERY morning may completely eliminate the chances of breast cancer.
Here is the story:
http://www4.ncsu.edu/~brwilli2/cnn.html
--------------------
No one has mentioned the doctor who did the reasearch, Dr. Morehead.
--------------
SUDDENLY....feel better about myself!! I have saved many lives.
--------------
That information seems mighty hard to swallow
--------------
funny the doctors name is Dr B.J. SOONER
--------------
DO THE CHANCES GO DOWN EVEN MORE IF THEY SWALLOW ?.............
-------------
I think CNN has been had
Dr B.J. SOONER!
What about DR B.J. MOREOFTEN?
--------------
I feel like Albert Schweitzer. God I love saving women's lives.
JJ,
You have cut Railbird's chances of getting breast cancer down to less than .00001 %.
---------------
I've been telling women that for years,they just never believed me.
---------------
from the article. GOT to love this DOC!!
Only with regular performance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women
out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Inserta
Shafteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research,
I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."
--------------
imagine been, on the experiment group,,,
for years, receiving those blowjobs...
--------------
newbie666 - I have been a volunteer all my life!
---------------
I think they must swallow. The juice that come from the mans chram have many valuable
vitamin inside. I know one woman who do with horse and she is 104 yrs now.
---------------
No need to tell em anything. Giving head on demand should be a requirement for any woman.
And it should be killer head, not just good head. But how do you know the difference if you ain't ever had either?
--------------
TIGER - I agree. We need to get the word out to the general public as not only will this SAVE lives...
it will bring the happiness level UP in the USA which will probably CREATE JOBS...and that's what this
country needs right now.
--------------
Borat Sagdiyev - Sometimes dating means going right back to the pad for SEX.....some guys think they
even have to buy them dinner first.....once they do that it's not dating anymore it's Prostitution
--------------
Yep.. "Technician in breast cancer prevention"
A 40% LESS chance of getting breast cancer.
Yes it's TRUE. If they perform oral sex on you 1 -2 times a week.
So guys now you have PROOF of why your girlfriend or wife should be doing this MORE often.
1-2 times a week = 40%....
Then tell her EVERY morning may completely eliminate the chances of breast cancer.
Here is the story:
http://www4.ncsu.edu/~brwilli2/cnn.html
--------------------
No one has mentioned the doctor who did the reasearch, Dr. Morehead.
--------------
SUDDENLY....feel better about myself!! I have saved many lives.
--------------
That information seems mighty hard to swallow
--------------
funny the doctors name is Dr B.J. SOONER
--------------
DO THE CHANCES GO DOWN EVEN MORE IF THEY SWALLOW ?.............
-------------
I think CNN has been had
Dr B.J. SOONER!
What about DR B.J. MOREOFTEN?
--------------
I feel like Albert Schweitzer. God I love saving women's lives.
JJ,
You have cut Railbird's chances of getting breast cancer down to less than .00001 %.
---------------
I've been telling women that for years,they just never believed me.
---------------
from the article. GOT to love this DOC!!
Only with regular performance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women
out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Inserta
Shafteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research,
I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."
--------------
imagine been, on the experiment group,,,
for years, receiving those blowjobs...
--------------
newbie666 - I have been a volunteer all my life!
---------------
I think they must swallow. The juice that come from the mans chram have many valuable
vitamin inside. I know one woman who do with horse and she is 104 yrs now.
---------------
No need to tell em anything. Giving head on demand should be a requirement for any woman.
And it should be killer head, not just good head. But how do you know the difference if you ain't ever had either?
--------------
TIGER - I agree. We need to get the word out to the general public as not only will this SAVE lives...
it will bring the happiness level UP in the USA which will probably CREATE JOBS...and that's what this
country needs right now.
--------------
Borat Sagdiyev - Sometimes dating means going right back to the pad for SEX.....some guys think they
even have to buy them dinner first.....once they do that it's not dating anymore it's Prostitution
--------------
Yep.. "Technician in breast cancer prevention"
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have been selected to Enlarge Your Manhood
Only with our product you'll gain:
A Huge Dîck
Bigger Loads
Lasting Longer
Increased Confidence
GET MORE CHICKS
Natural Rapid Growth is a new product that is being sold in limited quantities.
Get Your Supply now while you can, the pörn industry has been using it for years and now you can too.
Gain 1-3 inches on your member faster than any other product on the market.
Don't waste your time jerking it at home, take this offer and get more action in bed
Order Natural Rapid Growth today and get a FREE months supply.
You have been selected to Enlarge Your Manhood
Only with our product you'll gain:
A Huge Dîck
Bigger Loads
Lasting Longer
Increased Confidence
GET MORE CHICKS
Natural Rapid Growth is a new product that is being sold in limited quantities.
Get Your Supply now while you can, the pörn industry has been using it for years and now you can too.
Gain 1-3 inches on your member faster than any other product on the market.
Don't waste your time jerking it at home, take this offer and get more action in bed
Order Natural Rapid Growth today and get a FREE months supply.
Funniest Phone Call: My Mom
She called me during the weekend to ask why Randy Johnson was called "The Big Unit," saying,
"I don't get it; why would somebody be nicknamed after the size of their penis? Why is this
allowed? I'm not going to be able to watch him pitch now, I'm going to be frightened that
something will fly out." When I responded that it was just a nickname and probably had nothing
to do with his locker room prowess, she said, "Well, why would you want a nickname that makes
you sound like a penis? Who would do that to themselves?"
She called me during the weekend to ask why Randy Johnson was called "The Big Unit," saying,
"I don't get it; why would somebody be nicknamed after the size of their penis? Why is this
allowed? I'm not going to be able to watch him pitch now, I'm going to be frightened that
something will fly out." When I responded that it was just a nickname and probably had nothing
to do with his locker room prowess, she said, "Well, why would you want a nickname that makes
you sound like a penis? Who would do that to themselves?"
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
You don't tug on Supermans cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with a Mod
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with a Mod
The Forever stuff is a little scary but all chicks are mental disneylands.
Actually what I would do before I went to Pittsburgh is buy a jockstrap and a Craig Biggio jersey and just have those two things on, waiting for her in the hotel room. Once you bang the heck out of her in every position imaginable and you are shooting blanks, RUN HOME, change your computer, move to a new place, change your screen name, and burn your Biggio jersey. Send your used jockstrap to Skinsraj so he has new wackoff material.
Actually what I would do before I went to Pittsburgh is buy a jockstrap and a Craig Biggio jersey and just have those two things on, waiting for her in the hotel room. Once you bang the heck out of her in every position imaginable and you are shooting blanks, RUN HOME, change your computer, move to a new place, change your screen name, and burn your Biggio jersey. Send your used jockstrap to Skinsraj so he has new wackoff material.
Some cool words...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. 2005
winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words. And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. 2005
winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
for common words. And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only
a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies
up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
9 Things A Man Should Never Tell A Woman
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. “You could stand to lose a little weight.”
This is the number one reason most men get stabbed by their significant others. A woman and her weight are not to be taken lightly, no pun intended. Only a fool will put in his two cents on this subject. It is a good way to ensure that you will never see that ***** again.
2. “Yes, I did kill your cat”
Even if it was an accident, you must lie to the death. If it was on purpose it is a good idea to keep that lie going even after death. If you ever find yourself with a dead cat on your hands, remember these three words; “hide the body”.
3. “Sure, I’d sleep with your sister/friend/mother.”
Women do not need to be reminded that deep down, every guy is secretly a man whore. You can discuss this with your buddies all day long, but mention it around your girl and prepare for Hiroshima relived. I know a guy who said this once. He still can’t see a pair of tits without the stab wound in his leg acting up.
4. “It is your fault for not looking before you pee”
Even though this is 100% true, utter these words late at night and prepare to do some time on the couch. On a side note in the ladies defense, guys who actually pee on the toilet seat are just lazy. If you have had it for this long and still can’t aim right there is something wrong with your hand-eye coordination. Draw yourself a target in the snow outside and use it for practice.
5. “I think it is time for somebody to change her tampon.”
Go ahead, say this, I dare you. If you think the Hiroshima thing you caused with the sister admission was bad, wait till you see the destruction this nice little phrase will bring about. Think 9-11 on a global scale. The lucky ones will be killed in the first wave.
6. “I just wanted to have sex, not to cuddle”
This is very nearly an obligation unless the female happens to be a hooker or drunk sorority slut. This is where the difference between males and females becomes painfully evident. After we bust a nut, we are done for the game, but a woman can still go on for hours. They still want to be touched, we do not. Suck it up and git-r-done unless you want your peace-bringing orgasm to be directly followed by the dreaded “You think I’m fat.”
7. “I was only looking because her tits are bigger than yours”
The sting is the back of the hand. The bruise is the palm. I am telling you this because she is going to give you a choice after you say this. The sting or the bruise? Take the sting, it may hurt more but afterwards you do not have to explain to your buddies why you have a black eye.
8. “Yes, right now, the football game/internet is more important than you.”
Unless you can get your PC or TV to let you stick your cock in it, just fake like you are listening and try to remember key words. Every man knows how to do this because every man is forced to learn early with mom. Just smile, nod, and try your best to remember what the hell she just said later on when it might mean the difference between getting laid and taking a cold shower.
9. The last and most important thing to never tell a woman...
You’re having sex with her. She is nearing climax and can barely see straight. Pull your dick out, look her dead in the eye, and say “Bob Dole” in a deep voice. At least you will have a good story to tell your friends about why your last woman left you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. “You could stand to lose a little weight.”
This is the number one reason most men get stabbed by their significant others. A woman and her weight are not to be taken lightly, no pun intended. Only a fool will put in his two cents on this subject. It is a good way to ensure that you will never see that ***** again.
2. “Yes, I did kill your cat”
Even if it was an accident, you must lie to the death. If it was on purpose it is a good idea to keep that lie going even after death. If you ever find yourself with a dead cat on your hands, remember these three words; “hide the body”.
3. “Sure, I’d sleep with your sister/friend/mother.”
Women do not need to be reminded that deep down, every guy is secretly a man whore. You can discuss this with your buddies all day long, but mention it around your girl and prepare for Hiroshima relived. I know a guy who said this once. He still can’t see a pair of tits without the stab wound in his leg acting up.
4. “It is your fault for not looking before you pee”
Even though this is 100% true, utter these words late at night and prepare to do some time on the couch. On a side note in the ladies defense, guys who actually pee on the toilet seat are just lazy. If you have had it for this long and still can’t aim right there is something wrong with your hand-eye coordination. Draw yourself a target in the snow outside and use it for practice.
5. “I think it is time for somebody to change her tampon.”
Go ahead, say this, I dare you. If you think the Hiroshima thing you caused with the sister admission was bad, wait till you see the destruction this nice little phrase will bring about. Think 9-11 on a global scale. The lucky ones will be killed in the first wave.
6. “I just wanted to have sex, not to cuddle”
This is very nearly an obligation unless the female happens to be a hooker or drunk sorority slut. This is where the difference between males and females becomes painfully evident. After we bust a nut, we are done for the game, but a woman can still go on for hours. They still want to be touched, we do not. Suck it up and git-r-done unless you want your peace-bringing orgasm to be directly followed by the dreaded “You think I’m fat.”
7. “I was only looking because her tits are bigger than yours”
The sting is the back of the hand. The bruise is the palm. I am telling you this because she is going to give you a choice after you say this. The sting or the bruise? Take the sting, it may hurt more but afterwards you do not have to explain to your buddies why you have a black eye.
8. “Yes, right now, the football game/internet is more important than you.”
Unless you can get your PC or TV to let you stick your cock in it, just fake like you are listening and try to remember key words. Every man knows how to do this because every man is forced to learn early with mom. Just smile, nod, and try your best to remember what the hell she just said later on when it might mean the difference between getting laid and taking a cold shower.
9. The last and most important thing to never tell a woman...
You’re having sex with her. She is nearing climax and can barely see straight. Pull your dick out, look her dead in the eye, and say “Bob Dole” in a deep voice. At least you will have a good story to tell your friends about why your last woman left you.
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Wife comes home from golfing and hubby asks " how was your game today?" Wifey says " Horrible and I got stung by a bee" hubby says where did you get stung?" Wifey says "between first and second hole" hubby says " You want to tighten up your stance a bit"
'
'
"One of my favorite restaurants in town is a Vietnamese place called :
Pho Kim Long
(Pho is pronounced Fa, so you figure out the rest. And no it doesn't have a massage parlor attached to it).
Pho Kim Long
(Pho is pronounced Fa, so you figure out the rest. And no it doesn't have a massage parlor attached to it).
6 Things I Like French
1. French Fries
2. French Toast
3. French Dressing
4. French Onion Soup
5. French Kissing
6. Menage A Trois
1. French Fries
2. French Toast
3. French Dressing
4. French Onion Soup
5. French Kissing
6. Menage A Trois
I have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a fifty pound bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting ‘The Purina Diet’ again, although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time. But that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out all over and I-Vs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I’d been poisoned.
I told her no, I had been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me. I thought the guy was going to have to stagger out the door, he was laughing so hard.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting ‘The Purina Diet’ again, although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time. But that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out all over and I-Vs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I’d been poisoned.
I told her no, I had been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me. I thought the guy was going to have to stagger out the door, he was laughing so hard.
LOL! I have seen the video this is based on, Brandi Belle has a website brandibelle.com and I downloaded a bunch of her movies, and she has this guy that looks like the guy in the comic, and she's measuring his dick which is 6.5 inches and then she measures the girth, she looks VERY unimpressed... Kind of sad because thats about how big i ampooncrawler said:...
...
... kind of a bitchy move on her part to make it into a comic lol- Status
