LOL of the day

[vancity_cowboy]

in a sex education class for adults the instructor decided to conduct an informal, show-of-hands poll

'how many here have sex every day?' a couple of students raised their hands, smiling to themselves

'how many have sex once a week?' most of the class responded positively to this question

'how many once a month?' the remainder raised their hands with a bit of embarassment

all except for one nerdy looking, overweight man

the instructor noticed him and asked, 'once a YEAR?' to which the man, breaking out in a HUGE shit-eating grin stood up and raised his hand triumphantly, looking around the classroom as though to challenge anybody to say something about it

so the instructor asked, 'sir, if you don't mind me asking... why do you appear to be so happy about only getting sex once a year?'

to which the man replied, giggling, 'because, SIR... tonight's the night!!!'

***

so it's all a matter of perspective

 

[retriever]

 

[retriever]

 

[twotip]

 

[cherise]

Just think about this for a while.... and you'll laugh...

bahaha
:clap2:

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Someone sent me this today.
Sooooooooo true! LOL!

 

[Man Mountain]

 

[papillion]

 

[lenny]

"Indeed, the Sultan and his equally decadent brother, Prince Jefri, were dubbed “constant companions in hedonism” in 2011 by Vanity Fair. He lives in a palace with 1,788 rooms, 257 bathrooms, five swimming pools, a mosque, a banquet hall that holds 5,000 people and a 110-car garage. When he turned 50, the Sultan built a stadium, invited Michael Jackson to perform in it and paid him $17 million for three concerts."

"Jefri, 59, maintains a separate pleasure palace and once owned a 152-foot yacht called “Tits”; he named its tenders “Nipple 1” and “Nipple 2”..."


http://nypost.com/2014/05/10/inside-the-wacky-sex-obsessed-world-of-brunei/

 

[yazoo]

I think I'm in love...

 

[papillion]

 

[papillion]

 

[lenny]

"Seeing how Alex Ovechkin reacts to winning anything – even the IIHF world championships –
makes us a little sad that we haven’t seen the Washington Capitals star hoist the Stanley Cup
or capture Olympic gold.

Because, in the words of hockey’s most celebrated poet: “Is party now ))))))”

Seriously, look at that man. We haven’t seen a Russian that happy since the invention of vodka.

...Ovechkin was so happy that he helped Russian president Vladamir Putin drink from the
championship trophy!

Glug, glug! Nothing awkward about this at all, right Crimea? Meanwhile, Obama's never been to
a Caps game.

Ovechkin was so happy that he made a throat slash gesture after the game! (Via NBC Sports)

This one was significant because Oleg Znarok, head coach of the Russian national hockey, was
suspended from the gold medal game for making a throat slashing gesture to a coach from Team
Sweden in the semifinals, which led to this amazing excuse from Znarok: “I just had a sore
throat. It’s cold around here and we have very thin suits.”

https://ca.sports.yahoo.com/blogs/n...ladimir-putin-after-worlds-win-172444306.html

 

[lenny]

"Wasn't looking for anything too hard core just a nice massage so went down to the Times Square Mall at the suggestion of one brother who had recommended a good massage joint on the 4th floor but couldn't find it. Walked around Bukit Bintang but all seemed a bit skanky.

Anyway found myself walking back to the hotel on the last evening a bit tanked up and horny weighing up the options in my head when suddenly an older woman jumped out of nowhere and grabbed hold of me whispering "I suck you I suck you". She was grabbing my dick whilst dry-humping my leg whispering "come come I suck you only 10 ringit". It was bizarre and hilarious at the same time. She wasn't unattractive but well into her 50s. I'm thinking WTF? But I was also horny and curious. So she grabs me by the hand and pulls me into the bushes mumbling "this way". We go back a bit from the road into a sort of hidden alcove and she starts pawing at my fly whispering "money money". At this point I'm in so I say "I get to cum in your mouth right?" and she answers "yes yes I love young cum" so I give her the money. She yanks my pants down and starts sucking away. It's a bit rough but also really quite erotic as all this is happening within maybe 3 minutes of me meeting her on the street. Although I'm drunk I suddenly thought to put a hand on my wallet in case she tried to rob me but she seemed more focused on the job in hand. After a few minutes of her noisy slurpring combined with me humping her mouth I unload a wad down her throat which she happily takes. I pull my dick out, she spits the wad on the floor and she gasps "thank you thank you I love young cum see you tomorrow".

I make my way back to the road and head back to the hotel.

Afterwards I did think maybe I was stupid as it could have been a scam and I could have got mugged in the bushes but I guess we all follow our instincts and it all turned out fine.

Truly a first for me.

Question to the locals: is this a common KL thing late at night near the decent hotels?

 

[MissVioletRei]

 

[Man Mountain]

 

[MissVioletRei]

 

[badbadboy]

I really wanted a semi intelligent, semi sober conversation in the Lounge but I failed on both counts tonight.

So I might as well have a gross riddle. :nod:


(Best I can do after a couple of Anejo's )



How do you know if you have a high sperm count?



If she chews before she swallows

(Seemed appropriate considering the audience )

 

[Cock Throppled]

Three Irishmen were talking in a bar. The first said, "I think it's spelled W-H-O-M”.

“No," said the second man, "It's got more O's in it, W-O-O-O-M”.

A very well informed woman listening nearby could no longer contain herself and remarked coldly, "Gentlemen, it happens to be spelled W-O-M-B”.


The last man said, "She may be right, but has she ever heard an elephant fart?"

 

[visiting]