Lesbian?

[Randy Whorewald]

Can you speak Lesbian?

1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.

2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.

3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.

4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.

5. What is a lesbian dinosaur called?
A Lickalotapuss.

6. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.

7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.

8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

10. What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.

11. What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

12. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.

 

[BS Detector]

Thanks Buddy...Here's some more

Why did god create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed.

What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?
Hair balls.

What do two lesbians do when they are having their periods?
Finger-paint.

What do lesbians call an open can of tuna?
POTPOURRI.

What did the lesbian vampire say to her partner?
See you next month.

Do you know what drag is?
It's when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.

Why do lesbians like to be reincarnated as whales?
So they can have 10-foot tongues and breathe out of the tops of their heads.

How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?
She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

If 2 gay men and 2 lesbians were racing from Los Angeles to New York, who would win?
The 2 lesbians because they were doing 69 while the 2 gay guys were back in Los Angeles packing shit!"

Actual Dear Abby Letter
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

 

[Randy Whorewald]

Abby's Reply

Actual Dear Abby Letter
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Wondering;

I can see how your suspicions can be aroused by your two lady neighbours. One good way to tell what they are is to get yourself invited over for coffee or some other pretext like that and snoop in their fridge through their fruits & vegetables. If there are a lot of bananas, cucumbers, eggplants and such, the girls could just be Vagi-tereans.

- Abby