Legit excuse for turning down a date?

[Mutt66]

There's this cute assistant property manager for the downtown office tower I work in. They manage a couple of buildings. She knows me because we she was in for a meeting that one of our staff requested regarding emergency procedures. I was there because I'm the fire warden for our floor since I don't travel like our other staff do, so I'm generally always there.

I got the courage to ask her for coffee. I prefaced it that I was going to ask her a mildly annoying question and it was nothing to do with the building. I clearly caught her off guard as she hesitated for 2-3 seconds. I said I told you it was mildly annoying. She gave a laugh and then said well, you're a tenant in the building and I work for the building so....

I can't remember if she finished the sentence off or not when I said sure, no problem. She gave me the thanks for asking line.

If she was seeing someone, she'd probably would have just said that. I later thought about it and figured she was possibly fumbling around for an excuse, although at the time I thought she might have been debating whether or not to say yes. I was being optimistic when she didn't flat out say no!

So my question is - is that a legit excuse? I'm thinking it's not necessarily so - I do not deal with the building/landlord whatsoever, i.e. I'm not at a level in our company where I deal with the landlord regarding building issues, etc. etc. The most would be me pointing out an elevator issue (i.e. we got stuck for a minute before we pried open the doors)

Opinions?

PS - what's the deal with the Perb time stamp?? It was 2:10am when I posted.

 

[nightswhisper]

She said no because you asked her out like a telemarketer asking you "do you have a minute to talk?" . You're asking one question that has multiple questions hidden in it. "Do you want to have coffee?" Makes her answer four hidden questions -

Do I wanna have coffee?

Do I have time to have coffee?

Do I wanna have coffee with YOU?

How long is our coffee going to be?

Most people psychologically don't like to commit to this sort of questioning. Unless she gave you clear attraction signals, this won't be productive, especially when you preface it by telling her you are asking an annoying question which instantly puts your questioned partner on the defense.

Next time, phrase your question for a negative answer - "Hey. Do you think it would be a bad idea for us to get a quick coffee?"

People feel more in control when they say no. But in this case, the no is your yes.

 

[westwoody]

Nobody has to provide a "legit" excuse for not wanting a date.

 

[ExpCharlee]

Nobody has to provide a "legit" excuse for not wanting a date.

This!!!!
Honestly, men need to learn how to accept rejection. It’s scary when you can’t.

 

[coffeeb]

You're over thinking one rejection, there are plenty of single women in Vancouver, move on.

 

[FoxForceFive]

Women often make some excuse as to why they can't/won't date you, because if they don't make excuses, they get called a bitch (or worse) for just saying "no". Saying no can be dangerous for women.

But she doesn't need to give you a reason, like WestWoody said. She doesn't want to date you; just move on.

 

[PierreCoeur]

"I'm sorry, you aren't the type of guy I date" Then you would have asked "What do you mean??" Clearly, you just can't handle any answer but yes, so none would seem legit.

You need conditioning son. Better book an escort who practices the art of tease and denial. Perhaps if you practiced rejection, you would accept every "no thank you" with dignity.

 

[johnnydepth]

Clearly she is a psychopath like so many women are, turning down a free coffee with a stand up guy. You dodged a bullet there.
Seriously, guys get shot down all the time, all guys do. It could have been for one of many reasons. I'm curious what your background with this lady is like. Have you seen her before, talked, built up a rapport? Or did you creepily stare at her through a few business meetings and then drop the bomb on her. It's not just about how you asked her out, it's about what lead up to it.

 

[clu]

Nobody has to provide a "legit" excuse for not wanting a date.

Or an excuse at all really.

 

[ExpCharlee]

You are all warming my heart with your responses gents <3 I love Vancouver pooners.

 

[Mutt66]

Thanks for the input. We do have a bit of a rapport so it wasn't just some rando asking someone.

Just to be clear, even if I had a single response saying yeah, that is a weak "excuse", I had no intention of going back to her and debating the merits for her reason.

 

[felixthecat]

I got the courage to ask her for coffee. I prefaced it that I was going to ask her a mildly annoying question and it was nothing to do with the building. I clearly caught her off guard as she hesitated for 2-3 seconds. I said I told you it was mildly annoying. She gave a laugh

Well played, man.

Hey, somebody should give him credit for trying.

 

[coffeeb]

Well played, man.

Hey, somebody should give him credit for trying.

Credit where credit is due, but dudes just gotta take no for an answer.

 

[clu]

Thanks for the input. We do have a bit of a rapport so it wasn't just some rando asking someone.

Just to be clear, even if I had a single response saying yeah, that is a weak "excuse", I had no intention of going back to her and debating the merits for her reason.

But you are interested in debating it even if not with her. Why? Her answer was "no". That much is clear. She evidently wasn't comfortable volunteering what you would take as a more believable explanation.

I live in a house so I get people knocking on the door soliciting quite a lot. Switch to TELUS, list your house with our agency, etc. They don't take "no" for an answer easily. If you're not interested, you want to shut the conversation down as quickly as possible. I've actually become quite rude at it because they're so persistent and it happens so often. Similarly, (a) you said she's cute so she probably gets hit on a lot. I know someone who wears a fake wedding ring just to avoid being hit on. Even then it doesn't always help. (b) Women often don't feel they have the option of the point-blank shutdown. So the 2-3 second delay could be as likely her just mulling the best way to end the conversation as anything else.

Just take it as her saying "no thank you" and nothing else. How she said it isn't particularly important.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

I can't.
I don't want to.
I'm gay.
I'm involved.
I have to wash my hair
It's against my company's policy for me to date you.

All equally legit reasons. ANY reason a person turns down a date is legit. Why ask why?

 

[ExpCharlee]

Every time I've said "no" the dude won't take that for an answer. Pretty much the only thing a guy will ever take is that I have a boyfriend (I'm already owned by another man) or that I'm gay. This annoyed me so much that I'm now only dating women, so I guess the second excuse almost became a reality? hehehe

 

[nickcan]

Some guys are assholes and don't even respect a "no" from a married woman and no pride whatsoever.

 

[Sub-Slut]

I'm going to throw my five cents in here, because fuck it. Daddy isn't here to tell me what to do!

You can give yourself a pat on the back, for as you say, getting the courage to ask. Asking someone out is a gamble. Like the other users say, the excuse can be anything/everything.

Or you can be some whiny fuck and pout about it for the rest of your day/week/whatever. I don't care what you do, I'm going to eat spaghetti.

 

[ExpCharlee]

Stepdaddy wants some spaghetti.

I'm going to throw my five cents in here, because fuck it. Daddy isn't here to tell me what to do!

You can give yourself a pat on the back, for as you say, getting the courage to ask. Asking someone out is a gamble. Like the other users say, the excuse can be anything/everything.

Or you can be some whiny fuck and pout about it for the rest of your day/week/whatever. I don't care what you do, I'm going to eat spaghetti.

 

[Sub-Slut]

Stepdaddy wants some spaghetti.

Step Daddy gets all the spaghetti they want! Pesto okay?