learning..a few questions

[lil'miss mischa]

hey, i've dabbled a little in this area...and i have a few questions..more or less curious how everything works...
my little experience has been through random extra/special requests from clients. (C&BT, bondage, humiliations, strap on..)
occasionaly i have found that my client is a little more experienced then me in the field and i dont step up to the plate as i would have liked to in fear of doing the wrong things i guess?
though i can do the actions no problem and even enjoy doing them, i sometimes find myself toung tied and at a loss for nasty talk or trying to smother giggles...
i have tried to do a little research here and there, then a friend of mine told me that i wont find very much info because true dommes only apprentice....
is this true? and if so...how do i find a teacher to show me the ropes?
also, are dommes expected to be vampy, and dark? or does it just attract these types? i dont fit the bill at all in terms of looks...does it matter?
im truely naive in this area...so im sorry if i sound ignorant..
any tips/answers would be great!

ciao, mischa

 

[ageek1]

There are websites which give really good instructions on these topics. It's been awhile, but I can see if I can track them down and let you know.

From my limited experience, there is no "standard" way. Each is different, depending on the individuals preferrences. There must of course be a trust aspect which allows one to submit themselves, because in the end, a lot of it is about control.

Of course this is my opinion on the topic, however, I'm sure others may agree and disagree, it's all about preferrence.

 

[trackstar]

hey, i've dabbled a little in this area...and i have a few questions..more or less curious how everything works...
my little experience has been through random extra/special requests from clients. (C&BT, bondage, humiliations, strap on..)
occasionaly i have found that my client is a little more experienced then me in the field and i dont step up to the plate as i would have liked to in fear of doing the wrong things i guess?
though i can do the actions no problem and even enjoy doing them, i sometimes find myself toung tied and at a loss for nasty talk or trying to smother giggles...
i have tried to do a little research here and there, then a friend of mine told me that i wont find very much info because true dommes only apprentice....
is this true? and if so...how do i find a teacher to show me the ropes?
also, are dommes expected to be vampy, and dark? or does it just attract these types? i dont fit the bill at all in terms of looks...does it matter?
im truely naive in this area...so im sorry if i sound ignorant..
any tips/answers would be great!

ciao, mischa

You're only ignorant if you don't ask the questions that you need the answers to Maybe just keep up the dialogue with the ladies on here that have experience. They have been awesome at sharing info and their experiences on here. If you make a good connection with one of them, who knows, they may just take you on as an apprentice

 

[MissJasmine]

hey, i've dabbled a little in this area...and i have a few questions..more or less curious how everything works...
my little experience has been through random extra/special requests from clients. (C&BT, bondage, humiliations, strap on..)
occasionaly i have found that my client is a little more experienced then me in the field and i dont step up to the plate as i would have liked to in fear of doing the wrong things i guess?
though i can do the actions no problem and even enjoy doing them, i sometimes find myself toung tied and at a loss for nasty talk or trying to smother giggles...
i have tried to do a little research here and there, then a friend of mine told me that i wont find very much info because true dommes only apprentice....
is this true? and if so...how do i find a teacher to show me the ropes?
also, are dommes expected to be vampy, and dark? or does it just attract these types? i dont fit the bill at all in terms of looks...does it matter?
im truely naive in this area...so im sorry if i sound ignorant..
any tips/answers would be great!

ciao, mischa

Welcome. Its always a good idea to get as much info on your clients and his needs/fantasies as possible before meeting. If he asks for something you are not into dont do it, and if he asks for something you are not experienced in, make sure he knows that you are a newbie. There are a lot of online resources you can read through to get info on a particular fetish.

Dommes are do not have to look dark and vampy. In fact I have been watching some pretty brutal Japanese femdom videos where the girls are very cutesy and innocent looking

 

[tampdown]

My 2 cents...

Hi llm,

My general response is that being a domme/dominatrix is more of an art than a science. It comes from something within, rather than being learned.

Some of the best dommes I have know have NOT apprenticed. They simply had "it". They had, from my perspective at least, that amazing combination of sensuality, sadism and dominance. They worked alone and didn't really have much to do with any other dommes... and rarely went to parties or "scene" events. But that's not always the case.

I'm not sure "it" is something that can be learned. Sure, like an artist you can know techique and how to use tools... and so as a domme you can learn "how" certain techical aspects are done - like play piercing, electro-play, single-tail technique, rope skills, etc. You can read reviews of other "scenes" and find out lots of info from some of the bdsm discussion boards that are out there. So sure... you can improve your skills like any professional, but i think the basic domme artistry is something that is inherent rather than learned.

How do you know that you have "it". Basically you will have repeat clients.

With regard to roleplay and "nastytalk" I would say that is a particular fetish. Some dommes do it and other don't. It's definietly not a requirement. Some of the best sessions I have had did not involve any talking. With eyes blindfolded, the silence can increase the intesity tend fold.

And with regard to looks.... there is no one look. I love dark vamps and I love blond seductresses. Just have a look at the dommes in the Vancouver area and you will see the variety.

Anyway... that's my perspective, but I'm a bit of a hardercore submissive masochist who enjoys the more sense-ual aspect of things. And of course there are different levels of play:

-vanilla stuff with some kinky play
-kinky play with a D/s element
-full on D/s S&M play

Everyone is different. So I argree with Miss Jasmine - know your own limits and know what you can do and what you can't do. Most dommes have an extensive list of what they offer... and some even require clients to fill out a questionnaire.

 

[PuntMeister]

You can learn a lot from domme's, but you can also learn a lot from subs too. I have respected those domme's the most that 'check-in' before and after a session. My sense is their openness to experience allows them to learn and see patterns in clients quickly, and pretty soon they can read a new one like a book, pushing all the right buttons with a very natural feel.

Subbing and Domming is like wine tasting. Once you get to know the grapes and regions, the rest falls into place pretty quickly. And ultimately, it is about what tastes you like, the rest be damned.

-Punt.