You're traveling through another dimension. A dimension, not only of sign and sound, but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Next stop, The Twilight Zone…
So, I call up Revive, and I think their call display must not have been working, ‘cause I was actually able to get an appointment to see Ms. Kendra, and as a result, I waste not time in hopping my tail over there.
When I arrive, I must have really been beaming, because a gorgeous blonde who was outside getting some fresh air gave me a big smile and returned my little wave. Huh? Ok, what the heck… feeling buoyed by my recent luck, I figured I’d take a moment and say hello.
Turns out, her name is Lexi(e?), and she’s with Revive as well (whew). She’s lovely and engaging, and I must say I really enjoyed meeting her. Having said that, it was getting close to being my time, and there was no way in heck I was going to lose my spot to some skulking couch vulture, so I had to excuse myself and dash inside (just in time, too – ‘cause sure enough, one was there just waiting for misfortune… not this time, you little poop weasel...).
So, I’m greeted, and the young lady takes me inside. I’m pretty giddy by this point, and I don’t really clue into what’s happening, until I notice she’s turning on a shower, while I stare at a big ol’ cage.
Huh?
So I turn to her, and ask her if there is another room we might have… you know, on account of *points to his big floppy ears* … and she tells me that Ms. Kendra likes it here.
Oh. Ok. Well, here will do then. Thank you.
So I clean up, and stress my nasty bottom in the cage. I mean “sit” my nasty bottom in the cage. Yes, “sit”. No stress here. None at all.
And then Ms. Kendra comes in. I’ve never been that happy in a cage before. She’s wearing a black dress with bosom-hole thingies, and she is absolutely radiant. And, you know, there must be something to the “Kendra likes it here” stuff, ‘cause she had a twinkle in her eyes that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before. And I begin to suspect that “never seen before” is going to be the theme for the day as she excuses herself and quickly returns with a cold drink… that doesn’t seem to have any drink in it? Huh?
Questions can wait, though, because she sheds her garments and pounces into the cage with me. And there’s that “twinkle” again. It feels like it’s feeding time at the zoo… but if she’s the wild animal… wouldn’t that make me… the food?
It appears that Ms. Kendra likes to play with her food, since she has me turn over to be tenderized. She chats with me some as she does it, and I note to myself that I’d missed her company.
But I’ve missed her “ticking” just as much, and it isn’t long before she turns me over, and really starts to… experiment. It turns out she wasn’t interested in the “drink free” drink – just the ice. And it turns out the cage isn’t a decoration – it’s a fully functioning “tickle aid”. And, at various points, I find myself wondering how she can bend like she’s bending… and hang like she’s hanging… and how she can do THAT without drowning… and how anyone – and I repeat ANYONE – wouldn’t see all of this as just about the best stuff ever.
*thumpthumpthumpthumpthump*
But, oh no, dear viewers – this is the Twilight Zone, after all, so where would we be without the “twist”. And the “twist” in this particular episode is the ending. Or, more to the point… the non-ending. Yup, the rabbit finally gets his chance to see one of the sexiest Love Monkeys this city/country/planet has to offer, in her natural environment, when she has quite clearly gone “bananas for bananas” (despite being stuck with me)… and I am unable to deliver any carrot juice, no matter how generously and emphatically she squeezes.
F#ck you, God.
F#ck. You.
Still, she is kind and sweet to me, despite how torturous I’ve been to her of late. And as I clean up (while she briefly excuses herself to engage in a little bit of “damage control”), I begin to think about the concept of “mercy rules”… you know, like in T-Ball games when you were young… and to wonder whether or not I should stop putting her through all this, if for no other reasons than basic compassion for another living being.
And here’s my dilemma. It’s cruel, to be sure… but on the selfish side, I adore the girl, and despite the score or my broken “bat”… I still want to play with her.
This is where the show would cut away to some central character having the revelation that they are undoubtedly cursed to being tortured for all of eternity in some alternate dimension.
So very sorry about your luck, Ms. Kendra.
So, I call up Revive, and I think their call display must not have been working, ‘cause I was actually able to get an appointment to see Ms. Kendra, and as a result, I waste not time in hopping my tail over there.
When I arrive, I must have really been beaming, because a gorgeous blonde who was outside getting some fresh air gave me a big smile and returned my little wave. Huh? Ok, what the heck… feeling buoyed by my recent luck, I figured I’d take a moment and say hello.
Turns out, her name is Lexi(e?), and she’s with Revive as well (whew). She’s lovely and engaging, and I must say I really enjoyed meeting her. Having said that, it was getting close to being my time, and there was no way in heck I was going to lose my spot to some skulking couch vulture, so I had to excuse myself and dash inside (just in time, too – ‘cause sure enough, one was there just waiting for misfortune… not this time, you little poop weasel...).
So, I’m greeted, and the young lady takes me inside. I’m pretty giddy by this point, and I don’t really clue into what’s happening, until I notice she’s turning on a shower, while I stare at a big ol’ cage.
Huh?
So I turn to her, and ask her if there is another room we might have… you know, on account of *points to his big floppy ears* … and she tells me that Ms. Kendra likes it here.
Oh. Ok. Well, here will do then. Thank you.
So I clean up, and stress my nasty bottom in the cage. I mean “sit” my nasty bottom in the cage. Yes, “sit”. No stress here. None at all.
And then Ms. Kendra comes in. I’ve never been that happy in a cage before. She’s wearing a black dress with bosom-hole thingies, and she is absolutely radiant. And, you know, there must be something to the “Kendra likes it here” stuff, ‘cause she had a twinkle in her eyes that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before. And I begin to suspect that “never seen before” is going to be the theme for the day as she excuses herself and quickly returns with a cold drink… that doesn’t seem to have any drink in it? Huh?
Questions can wait, though, because she sheds her garments and pounces into the cage with me. And there’s that “twinkle” again. It feels like it’s feeding time at the zoo… but if she’s the wild animal… wouldn’t that make me… the food?
It appears that Ms. Kendra likes to play with her food, since she has me turn over to be tenderized. She chats with me some as she does it, and I note to myself that I’d missed her company.
But I’ve missed her “ticking” just as much, and it isn’t long before she turns me over, and really starts to… experiment. It turns out she wasn’t interested in the “drink free” drink – just the ice. And it turns out the cage isn’t a decoration – it’s a fully functioning “tickle aid”. And, at various points, I find myself wondering how she can bend like she’s bending… and hang like she’s hanging… and how she can do THAT without drowning… and how anyone – and I repeat ANYONE – wouldn’t see all of this as just about the best stuff ever.
*thumpthumpthumpthumpthump*
But, oh no, dear viewers – this is the Twilight Zone, after all, so where would we be without the “twist”. And the “twist” in this particular episode is the ending. Or, more to the point… the non-ending. Yup, the rabbit finally gets his chance to see one of the sexiest Love Monkeys this city/country/planet has to offer, in her natural environment, when she has quite clearly gone “bananas for bananas” (despite being stuck with me)… and I am unable to deliver any carrot juice, no matter how generously and emphatically she squeezes.
F#ck you, God.
F#ck. You.
Still, she is kind and sweet to me, despite how torturous I’ve been to her of late. And as I clean up (while she briefly excuses herself to engage in a little bit of “damage control”), I begin to think about the concept of “mercy rules”… you know, like in T-Ball games when you were young… and to wonder whether or not I should stop putting her through all this, if for no other reasons than basic compassion for another living being.
And here’s my dilemma. It’s cruel, to be sure… but on the selfish side, I adore the girl, and despite the score or my broken “bat”… I still want to play with her.
This is where the show would cut away to some central character having the revelation that they are undoubtedly cursed to being tortured for all of eternity in some alternate dimension.
So very sorry about your luck, Ms. Kendra.
