Jokes!!!

[Fudd]

Engineering Terminology

1. "A number of differenct approaches are being tried."
- We are still pissing in the wind.

2. "Extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem."
- We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. "Close project coordination."
- We know who to blame

4. "Major technological breakthrough."
- It works OK, but it looks very high-tech.

5. "Customer satisfaction if delivered assured."
- We are so for behind schedule the customer is hoppy to get it delivered.

6. "Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive."
- The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. "Test results were extremely gratifying."
- We are so surprised tha the stupid thing works.

 

[Right Said Fred]

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?




He didn't have the guts.

 

[OTR2]

Groan!

 

[walrus]

what did the one salmon say to the other salmon when it swam into a concrete wall?



Damn

 

[BS Detector]

Thanks HiFi !!

Finally a joke that explains what it's like to be Canadian.. ENJOY.

Seen it before but still get a good laugh out of it everytime I read it!!!

 

[BS Detector]

WHERE ALL DEM BABIES COME FROM?

Way down in the outposts of Newfoundland, Murph's old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murph and said, "Hey, Murph! You just had you a son! Ain't dat grand!!" Murph got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lit'l thing, too." Murph got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Murph, you just had yourself another boy!" Murph said to the doctor, "Doc, what caused all of dem babies?" The doctor said, "You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception." Murph said, "Ah yeah, during conception." When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil. She said, "Yeah, I remember dat night." Murph said, "I'll tell you, bye, it's a fookin' good ting we didn't use dat WD-40!!"

 

[Makhno]

Tragic Fire

A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of Ralph Klein . Both of his books have been lost.

A spokesman said that the Premier was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.

 

[Fudd]

Question:
Why don't Italians like Jehovah Witnesses?

Answer:
Italians don't like any witnesses.

 

[Fudd]

A retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks where he finds a prostitute who takes him to a motel. They started going at it. In need of some reassurance that he is as good as her young clients, he asked, "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."

The sailor asks, "What does that mean?"

The prostitute replys, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting you money back."

 

[6nanaimo9]

Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?


One is white, made of plastic and dangerous around kids, the other you use to take your groceries home.

 

[Fudd]

Good one!!! I'm supprise there aren't more MJ jokes considering what happening with him.

 

[Hennesy]

Probably old, but I just stumbled across them.

Why Women Can't Fix Cars

Why Men Aren't Secretaries

Husband's note to his wife: "Doctor's office called: Said Pabst Beer is normal."

 

[the virgin gary]

A man comes home and finds his wife in tears. The man's wife explains that earlier that day she had found an S&M magazine in there teenage son's closet. The sobbing wife asks his husband what they should do and he says "Well we definetlly shouldn't spank him"

 

[maxx50]

Now I know why I am here on the Perb board those jokes were the best laugh I have had in a long time ( maybe I should get out more)
Here Is my small one.
How meny perb does it take to srew a light bulb?
As meny as are dawn to the light...but you would only srew it once.

 

[yeahyeahyeah]

Trip to china

An American tourist goes to China on a trip. While in Hong Kong he is very sexually promiscuous and doesn't use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home to the States, he wakes up one morning to find his penis covered with green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a physician.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc."

The doc answers "I'm sorry, there is no known cure. We're going to have to amputate."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."

The doc replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease."

The guy says to the doctor. Yeah yeah, I already know that. But what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate."

"Oh , Thank God!", the man replies.

"Yes, says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry. Wait 2 weeks. Dick fall off by itself. You save money. K"

 

[Avery]

An oldie, but a goodie! I first heard the Mongolian VD joke about 40 years ago, and it was probably 40 years old then.

 

[BushPilot]

George W. Bush and his usual entourage of Secret Service, etc. visit a third grade classroom for some good PR and photo ops. After explaining to the class that he's the president of the United States and what that job entails, the teacher suggests that he take some questions from the class. As loathe as his handlers are to let Ole Dubya take any unscripted questions, they figure that a bunch of eight year olds couldn't come up with anything too politically damaging. So, little Jimmy puts up his hand and Bush points to him. Little Jimmy says, "I have three questions for you..........first, how did you win the election with less votes than Gore? Second, why haven't we found Osama bin Laden yet? And third, where are those WMDs you guaranteed us that Iraq had?" Just as little Jimmy finishes asking his questions, the recess bell rings and all the children run out to the playground screaming and laughing. After recess, they continue the question period. This time, little Billy puts his hand up and Dubya points to him. Little Billy says, "I have five questions.......first, how'd you win the election with less votes than Gore. Second, why haven't we found Osama bin Laden yet? Third, where are those WMDs that you guaranteed us that Iraq had. Fourth, why did the recess bell ring twenty minutes early? And finally, where the fuck is little Jimmy?"

 

[Right Said Fred]

"Boss I can't come to work today, I'm really sick. I got aheadache, stomach ache, my legs hurt I just can't make it to work."
The boss says: " You know Carl, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give a blowjob. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Carl calls: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a nice house."