I wanted to start a Joke thread. Please post good jokes, not lame, everyones heard before jokes. If this takes some research, great!
I will start with two:
A GUY WALKS INTO A bar and sees a sign that says "Cheese Sandwiches $4. Handjobs $10."
He asks the waitress, "Excuse me, are you the one who gives the Handjobs?"
"Yes, I am," she says.
"Well, please wash your hands. I'd like a cheese sandwich."
A MAN AND WOMAN have been married for Forty years, and for the whole time the man has kept a secret box under their bed. On the day they were married he made his wife promise to never open the box.
Over the forty years of marriage the wife never looked. But on the afternoon of their fortieth anniversary her curiosity got the better of her. While her husband was watching TV downstairs she went into their bedroom, pulled the box out and slowly lifted the lid. Inside the box were three empty beer bottles and about $800 in small bills and change. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
That night while her and her husband were out for dinner she felt she had to ask him as she couldn't see the point in keeping the box secret for so many years. She confessed: "I am so sorry. For all these years I never looked in your secret box. But today after these wonderful forty years the temptation was just too much and I looked. Now I can't help but wonder why you would keep empty beer bottles and that amount of money secret from me in your box.
The husband thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these great years you deserve to know the truth: whenever I was unfaithful to you, I would drink a bottle of beer and put the empty in the box under the bed to remind myself of my infidelity and to never do it again."
The woman was shocked, but said, "I am disappointed, and saddened, but you have been such a wonderful husband all these years. All the times you were away on the road must have been lonely, so I can understand and still love you."
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later the woman remembered that he hadn't mentioned the reason for the money, so she asked, "so why do you keep all that money in the box?"
The man responded, "Well, whenever the box filled with empties I would cash them in."
I will start with two:
A GUY WALKS INTO A bar and sees a sign that says "Cheese Sandwiches $4. Handjobs $10."
He asks the waitress, "Excuse me, are you the one who gives the Handjobs?"
"Yes, I am," she says.
"Well, please wash your hands. I'd like a cheese sandwich."
A MAN AND WOMAN have been married for Forty years, and for the whole time the man has kept a secret box under their bed. On the day they were married he made his wife promise to never open the box.
Over the forty years of marriage the wife never looked. But on the afternoon of their fortieth anniversary her curiosity got the better of her. While her husband was watching TV downstairs she went into their bedroom, pulled the box out and slowly lifted the lid. Inside the box were three empty beer bottles and about $800 in small bills and change. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
That night while her and her husband were out for dinner she felt she had to ask him as she couldn't see the point in keeping the box secret for so many years. She confessed: "I am so sorry. For all these years I never looked in your secret box. But today after these wonderful forty years the temptation was just too much and I looked. Now I can't help but wonder why you would keep empty beer bottles and that amount of money secret from me in your box.
The husband thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these great years you deserve to know the truth: whenever I was unfaithful to you, I would drink a bottle of beer and put the empty in the box under the bed to remind myself of my infidelity and to never do it again."
The woman was shocked, but said, "I am disappointed, and saddened, but you have been such a wonderful husband all these years. All the times you were away on the road must have been lonely, so I can understand and still love you."
They hugged and made their peace. A little while later the woman remembered that he hadn't mentioned the reason for the money, so she asked, "so why do you keep all that money in the box?"
The man responded, "Well, whenever the box filled with empties I would cash them in."
