Joke of the day

[SexyBoy]

Feel Free to add your own.

Hypothetically Vs. Realistically

One day a young boy returns home from school and turns to his father.

"Dad" he says, "I need to know the meanings of hypothetically and realistically."

"It is for a school project."

"Mmmm..." the father replies.

"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with any man for one million pounds in cash."

The little boy goes and asks his mother the question and sure enough she replies that she would.

His dad says "Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with any man for a million pounds in cash."

So he does and sure enough she says yes too.

So the father says,

"You see son, hypothetically we are siting on two million pounds in cash but realistically we are just living with a couple of whores."

 

[SexyBoy]

How about five jokes to get things started.

Cheap Hooker

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from the nearest town, doing the kind of things boys and girls do when in a car on a back road some distance from the nearest town.

Just as things were really hotting up, the girl stopped the young man.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier" she said.

"The thing is I'm actually a hooker and I will have to charge you £20 if you want sex."

Too hot to stop the young man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy sat back in the driver's seat and stared out the window aimlessly.

"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I probably should have mentioned this before now" he said.

"The thing is I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back into town is going to be £25."

 

[SexyBoy]

Camel Sex

There is a new commander of a base of the French Foreign Legion, and the captain is showing him around all the buildings. After he has made the rounds the commander looks at the captain and says, "Wait a minute. You haven't shown me that small blue building over there. What's that used for?"

The captain says, "Well sir, you see that there are no women around. Whenever the men feel the need of a woman, they go there and use the camel."

"Enough!" says the commander in disgust.

Well, two weeks later, the commander himself starts to feel in need of a woman. He goes to the captain and says, "Tell me something, Captain." Lowering his voice and glancing around, he asks, "Is the camel free anytime soon?"

The captain says, "Well, let me see." He opens up his book. "Why, yes, sir, the camel is free tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock."

The commander says, "Put me down for two o'clock then."

So the next day at two o'clock the commander goes to the little blue building and opens the door. There inside he finds the cutest camel he's ever seen. Right next to the camel is a little step stool, so he closes the door behind him and puts the step stool directly behind the camel. He stands on the stool, drops his pants, and begins to have sex with the camel. A minute later the captain walks in.

"Ahem, begging your pardon, sir," says the captain, "but wouldn't it be wiser to ride the camel into town and find a woman like all the other men?"

 

[SexyBoy]

Three Prostitutes

Three generations of prostitutes - a daughter, mother and grandmother - are all living together in the same house.

One morning the daughter comes home completely exhausted after a hard night's work.

She turns to her mother and grandmother.

"You know, times are really getting hard." she says.

"I just had to give some bloke a blow job for half an hour and all I got for it was a lousy ten quid".

Her mother replies,

"You should consider yourself lucky young lady - in my day all I got was two and sixpence".

The grandmother looks at both of them and says,

"You two should both consider yourselves lucky -- in my day we were happy just to have meat in our mouths and something warm in our bellies."

 

[SexyBoy]

Sex in Saudi

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia.

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women.

They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.

"I'm a cop", says the first man.

"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a firemen", said the second man.

"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

 

[SexyBoy]

No Viagra

A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.
The guy asks what the surgery is.
The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.
The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner.
While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.
No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.
She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?"
With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".

 

[SexyBoy]

I had checked into a hotel on a business trip in Tokyo and was a bit lonely so I thought I’d get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you’re calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in.

It was an ad for a girl calling herself Yumiko, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So I’m in my room and figure, what the hell, I’ll give her a call.

“Hello?” the woman says.

God, she sounded sexy.

“Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I’d like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I’m talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we’ll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?”

She says, “That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9″.

 

[littlejimbigher]

What did Govenor Spitzer say to Ashley.

I told you to lick my erection , not wreck my election!

 

[uncleg]

So SexyBoy, I see you like to re-cycle.

 

[SexyBoy]

So SexyBoy, I see you like to re-cycle.

Do you mean from posts on this board or jokes from other people?

I am looking for jokes that I find funny and posting it here. Some might end up being mine but none on this thread so far.

 

[SexyBoy]

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[SexyBoy]

 

[SexyBoy]

 

[jetsam]

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=80713

 

[SexyBoy]

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=80713

Now that is funny lol!

 

[SexyBoy]

Happy st.Patty's day

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland"
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I!
And where about in Ireland might you be from?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town." The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, in what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."