Please allow me to introduce myself and give a nod to all members , providers, posters, and contributors, past present and future. I have been a long time lurker (decade+) with 0 posts/contributions, not for lack of want but with nothing to contribute. This is my short completely biased incriminating self serving story.
Dealt a crap hand of the mixed race cards (some stereotypes are dead on) Im short but not skinny and not well endowed, uneducated(life learned) and possibly self loathing. While Im easy going (social smoker and drinker) I do keep to myself, blue collar raised and modest I have always tried to maintain a low profile. Having been raised as a very visible minority in a very white working class town i have a fairly thick skin, not much bothers me. Suffering from small man syndrome I have done some questionable things in my past (nothing creepy) but my firm belief in karma has me working toward being a better person. I feel Im more creative then business like but while I may think Im 5 foot 1 and tons of fun I am an observer and more methodical than impulsive so I can probably be a little dry or boring. In the past Ive been quite motivated and after a quasi successful 20 yr career for an organization that was sold to and strangled/vaporized by a multinational conglomeration I am fortunate enough to have a small business on my own. I am in a long longterm relationship (not married, no kids) with my 'high school sweet heart' (straightedge,independent,stubborn,easily frustrated,well groomed,petite ,booty, gnd,strong social anxiety, dr. diagnosed low sex drive, and body issues) that has some incredible challenges that only seem to multiply daily. I have made a commitment to take care of her and will honour that for eternity (has seen me through some tough times when not causing them, not my only partner ever but one of very few). I've had a sexual curiosity from a very young age that has shaped who I am today but I am painfully shy forcing me inward (one female coworker told me i didnt talk with her for at least a year after she was hired even tho i was her boss) Im also a firm believer that when Im speaking I am only hearing what I already know, but when listening I am learning what others know. I hustled , ground and saved to aquire the trappings of modern times, house, cars, bikes, hotrods, musical instruments, rsps, tfsas, trips. Ive never grown up , but as i grow older its gotten tougher to distract myself from whats missing. Don't get me wrong my life's pretty good but I lost my intimate partner along the way a long time ago. Im no prize pig plus life gets in the way people change,life changes .
I finally have a review to make (will post when /if my head clears) . While I love a good challenge, it was not easy for me. My sex drive is insatiable, I long for a partner to explore with and worship intimately. I broke ,my desire for touch forced me out, but getting the wheel rolling was another story. Anyone that has lifted weights knows a mind to muscle connection has to be made in order for true success. In addition to my desires being personal and needing unwrapping with the right person time was challenging. I am a very visual person and love a feminine form but need some mental stimulation as well. It all takes time plus once started I can never have enough. I can not understand having a mechanical agenda of the alphabet with a complete unknown partner , never mind in a set time. Plus it is also your dates time, body and business and all need to be respected. The fear was the toughest, a large detractor. I do understand that this exchange of desire is primordial or instinct based and becomes weak under scrutiny but I couldnt stop the , who is this person? How is their health (mental/physical)? What roads have they traveled to get here? I have stared death in the eyes before and not blinked and take great pride in maintaining my cool, but the fear of sickness and or disease froze me . Maybe it was my fear of being excited and showing weakness . Maybe I was overthinking. Probably all the above. My date managed to relax me enough to participate on a small level and I am grateful for it. What has possibly caused more conflict in me is that my date unabashedly took control and used her feminine prowess to make me feel like i haven't in along time. Is crazy that I love and support someone for 20yrs and its a virtual stranger that touched me like that (yes i realize it was on the clock, shes a professional, and she hasn't had 1/2 a lifetime of dealing with me but that fee paid isnt even a drop in the bucket of this life and i cant be that bad)
I wanted to contribute because I feel this place is a great resource and community . This site makes this industry safer for both giver and receiver and Im afraid of what c36 is going to do to it and the industry. Along with entertainment I used this site to help find my date . While we all get lost in ourselves and our pursuits please remember that you are dealing with another human being and wether they are respecting themselves or not it should not keep you from treating them with respect. I am not sure what my future holds I maybe more conflicted then before. Please excuse all grammatical error and crimes , Im not a writer , scholar , or tech savvy person nor do i wish to be . In addition to being therapeutic to me I wanted to share because I imagine there are others in similar situations. Many times I have warned people to be careful what they go snooping/ looking for because they might find it .
Dealt a crap hand of the mixed race cards (some stereotypes are dead on) Im short but not skinny and not well endowed, uneducated(life learned) and possibly self loathing. While Im easy going (social smoker and drinker) I do keep to myself, blue collar raised and modest I have always tried to maintain a low profile. Having been raised as a very visible minority in a very white working class town i have a fairly thick skin, not much bothers me. Suffering from small man syndrome I have done some questionable things in my past (nothing creepy) but my firm belief in karma has me working toward being a better person. I feel Im more creative then business like but while I may think Im 5 foot 1 and tons of fun I am an observer and more methodical than impulsive so I can probably be a little dry or boring. In the past Ive been quite motivated and after a quasi successful 20 yr career for an organization that was sold to and strangled/vaporized by a multinational conglomeration I am fortunate enough to have a small business on my own. I am in a long longterm relationship (not married, no kids) with my 'high school sweet heart' (straightedge,independent,stubborn,easily frustrated,well groomed,petite ,booty, gnd,strong social anxiety, dr. diagnosed low sex drive, and body issues) that has some incredible challenges that only seem to multiply daily. I have made a commitment to take care of her and will honour that for eternity (has seen me through some tough times when not causing them, not my only partner ever but one of very few). I've had a sexual curiosity from a very young age that has shaped who I am today but I am painfully shy forcing me inward (one female coworker told me i didnt talk with her for at least a year after she was hired even tho i was her boss) Im also a firm believer that when Im speaking I am only hearing what I already know, but when listening I am learning what others know. I hustled , ground and saved to aquire the trappings of modern times, house, cars, bikes, hotrods, musical instruments, rsps, tfsas, trips. Ive never grown up , but as i grow older its gotten tougher to distract myself from whats missing. Don't get me wrong my life's pretty good but I lost my intimate partner along the way a long time ago. Im no prize pig plus life gets in the way people change,life changes .
I finally have a review to make (will post when /if my head clears) . While I love a good challenge, it was not easy for me. My sex drive is insatiable, I long for a partner to explore with and worship intimately. I broke ,my desire for touch forced me out, but getting the wheel rolling was another story. Anyone that has lifted weights knows a mind to muscle connection has to be made in order for true success. In addition to my desires being personal and needing unwrapping with the right person time was challenging. I am a very visual person and love a feminine form but need some mental stimulation as well. It all takes time plus once started I can never have enough. I can not understand having a mechanical agenda of the alphabet with a complete unknown partner , never mind in a set time. Plus it is also your dates time, body and business and all need to be respected. The fear was the toughest, a large detractor. I do understand that this exchange of desire is primordial or instinct based and becomes weak under scrutiny but I couldnt stop the , who is this person? How is their health (mental/physical)? What roads have they traveled to get here? I have stared death in the eyes before and not blinked and take great pride in maintaining my cool, but the fear of sickness and or disease froze me . Maybe it was my fear of being excited and showing weakness . Maybe I was overthinking. Probably all the above. My date managed to relax me enough to participate on a small level and I am grateful for it. What has possibly caused more conflict in me is that my date unabashedly took control and used her feminine prowess to make me feel like i haven't in along time. Is crazy that I love and support someone for 20yrs and its a virtual stranger that touched me like that (yes i realize it was on the clock, shes a professional, and she hasn't had 1/2 a lifetime of dealing with me but that fee paid isnt even a drop in the bucket of this life and i cant be that bad)
I wanted to contribute because I feel this place is a great resource and community . This site makes this industry safer for both giver and receiver and Im afraid of what c36 is going to do to it and the industry. Along with entertainment I used this site to help find my date . While we all get lost in ourselves and our pursuits please remember that you are dealing with another human being and wether they are respecting themselves or not it should not keep you from treating them with respect. I am not sure what my future holds I maybe more conflicted then before. Please excuse all grammatical error and crimes , Im not a writer , scholar , or tech savvy person nor do i wish to be . In addition to being therapeutic to me I wanted to share because I imagine there are others in similar situations. Many times I have warned people to be careful what they go snooping/ looking for because they might find it .
