Is it wrong to not want to get married and just enjoy this lifestyle?

[purpleelephant]

Are you thinking of dating an SP?
You're original comments was one feeling but the last statement in this comment kind of hints youve fallen for a Companion
You are paying these women to simulate a dating experience that lacks accountability,

Yes I've fallen for an SP, I don't know if she feels the same or if she already have kids or what not we'll find out. And I find that I'm only attracted to the SP type (their full character, not just the performance.) I've had a long conversation with the AI about it and it said there is nothing wrong with it. I might make a separate thread later on dating SPs because I'm curious how it all works what the expectations are and especially from the SP's point of view.

I'm not necessarily paying for dating experiences with no accountability because I don't treat all of them as dating and the ones that I do it's not like I pay them to put up with me it's based on mutual respect.

Note to the SPs: I really want to hear it from your point of view. Do you share the same concerns about marriage and old age? Would you date or marry someone from the industry that understands you? Or will you find friendship and support within the industry as we all grow old together?
I'm assuming your situations are very similar to mine

As for the one that says this lifestyle takes a toll on both pooners and SPs aren't we all in the industry to begin with anyways? and that these problems will exist or not regardless it's just that I'm asking them out loud?

 

[Me2]

It's a choice you can certainly make, but realize that all of your interactions with the opposite sex will be transactional, superficial and shallow. You won't develop a real relationship, loneliness will be broken only by these short-term encounters. If you can handle that, you're good. I would suggest having some good friendships, people you can hang out with. You might wake up one day 20 years later and realize you are empty, but it happens to a lot of people.

No matter where you go, there you are…

I really love this quote, it sums it all up in a nutshell, and I wish more people could understand this on a deeper level. There are brain study’s done on 30+ year couples who are still in love like newly weds. When they did the brain scans they showed the parts lit up the same way as newly in love couples, and when asked how they did it the majority response was novelty and doing new things together. Or watching the other person in their element (watching them do what they love) etc … there’s so much literature on this stuff, it’s just a matter of learning and getting the knowledge and applying it to yourself and relationship. I’m still pretty young so I’m here for experience and building myself to become a person that can make a love last, - another fave quote of mine “wether you think you can or can’t, you’re right”

 

[MauiMan]

I went the traditional route, got married, had a kid. Got divorced and almost 10 years later, still dealing with child support, bullshit from my ex, looming college tuition and the rest. One more than one occasion, I wish I had stuck to escorts and sugar babies. The most expensive sex I ever had was the years I was married. Paying for an hour at a time is much cheaper.

 

[Pumped]

I really love this quote, it sums it all up in a nutshell, and I wish more people could understand this on a deeper level. There are brain study’s done on 30+ year couples who are still in love like newly weds. When they did the brain scans they showed the parts lit up the same way as newly in love couples, and when asked how they did it the majority response was novelty and doing new things together. Or watching the other person in their element (watching them do what they love) etc … there’s so much literature on this stuff, it’s just a matter of learning and getting the knowledge and applying it to yourself and relationship. I’m still pretty young so I’m here for experience and building myself to become a person that can make a love last, - another fave quote of mine “wether you think you can or can’t, you’re right”

Sure ... if you're capable of doing the above, and you find a partner willing and able to do the above, then yippee! its a wonderful life!

I barely survived a household with two crazy people who should not have brought a child into this world and it's taken me decades to just be okay with being alive most days. And many, many, many people have it worse than I ever did.

The two people I lived with (I won't call them parents because that implies they did any real parenting) did not model good adult behaviour, definitely not good problem-solving or good relationship behaviour or attitudes.

One other thing about long term relationships you obviously didn't bother to read about, is that most longterm couples will say that if you didn't reach the point where you vehemently hated your partner at some point, that you really weren't having an invested longterm relationship.

Let us know how you do when you get to that point of the relationship.

Being with someone is not the panacea people think it is ... that's why there are so many relationship problems.

 

[Me2]

Sure ... if you're capable of doing the above, and you find a partner willing and able to do the above, then yippee! its a wonderful life!

I barely survived a household with two crazy people who should not have brought a child into this world and it's taken me decades to just be okay with being alive most days. And many, many, many people have it worse than I ever did.

The two people I lived with (I won't call them parents because that implies they did any real parenting) did not model good adult behaviour, definitely not good problem-solving or good relationship behaviour or attitudes.

One other thing about long term relationships you obviously didn't bother to read about, is that most longterm couples will say that if you didn't reach the point where you vehemently hated your partner at some point, that you really weren't having an invested longterm relationship.

Let us know how you do when you get to that point of the relationship.

Being with someone is not the panacea people think it is ... that's why there are so many relationship problems.

Like I said wether you think you can or can’t - you’re right 😉

 

[Mr. J]

Lots of good reading with this one. I guess I’ll chime in while I can.

Coming from a broken family (parents split when I was nine), I made it a life goal to never have that happen to me. That could be by either not getting married or developing that relationship that can withstand anything life throws at you.

With the topic of marriage, I know for a fact that I have the goods to do it right and not make the same mistakes my parents made together (and with their current spouses). Of course, I could be deluding myself.
Visits with the ladies has been good for me as well simply because of the fact that even though it's just business, good solid friendships have come from it. That right there is probably a big silver lining for a guy such as myself.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

You know I am not going to even comment.
My profile tag says it all.

 

[YYC]

Yes I've fallen for an SP, I don't know if she feels the same or if she already have kids or what not we'll find out. And I find that I'm only attracted to the SP type (their full character, not just the performance.) I've had a long conversation with the AI about it and it said there is nothing wrong with it. I might make a separate thread later on dating SPs because I'm curious how it all works what the expectations are and especially from the SP's point of view.

I'm not necessarily paying for dating experiences with no accountability because I don't treat all of them as dating and the ones that I do it's not like I pay them to put up with me it's based on mutual respect.

Note to the SPs: I really want to hear it from your point of view. Do you share the same concerns about marriage and old age? Would you date or marry someone from the industry that understands you? Or will you find friendship and support within the industry as we all grow old together?
I'm assuming your situations are very similar to mine

As for the one that says this lifestyle takes a toll on both pooners and SPs aren't we all in the industry to begin with anyways? and that these problems will exist or not regardless it's just that I'm asking them out loud?

So a couple of things I've learned from dating a few SPs and from falling for a few that didn't feel the same way about me.

1. It's easy to fall for providers. They're gorgeous, the sex is easy, it can be wild, we can dictate what we want and we get it. And in that hour or two we're with them, it's all about us. Because, that's their job. You should understand that when you date a provider, it's like dating anyone else in that you get to see who they really are. IRL you will see their raw emotions, their flaws, their worries and you will not be the centre of their attention. You need to get your head around that from the start and IMHO, that's a harder thing to wrap your head around than it is wrapping your head around the fact that their job is having sex with other men.

2. Do not make any decisions about the future of your life without having the full knowledge of what the woman you've fallen for feels about you. As I said, it's easy to fall for a provider. Whether she has any feelings for you is really the crux of the matter.

3. Understand that if she falls for you, you need to trust her implicitly and explicitly because some guys who do this with providers always worry she'll fall for another client. Remember, there's always someone better looking and richer than you and if you can't handle that she may go away to the Caribbean for a week with some really rich dude then you shouldn't do this.

Lastly, WTF are you relying on AI for for relationship advice? AI can't even draw me a diagram at work accurately.

Anyway, I've had similar things run through my head and giving up on dating IRL in favour of professionals and I'm ready to do that. But I'm more looking for longer term arrangements. Ultimately, make your own decisions about your own life. Just make those decisions asking yourself the right questions.

 

[boomer78]

Yes I've fallen for an SP, I don't know if she feels the same or if she already have kids or what not we'll find out. And I find that I'm only attracted to the SP type (their full character, not just the performance.) I've had a long conversation with the AI about it and it said there is nothing wrong with it. I might make a separate thread later on dating SPs because I'm curious how it all works what the expectations are and especially from the SP's point of view.

I'm not necessarily paying for dating experiences with no accountability because I don't treat all of them as dating and the ones that I do it's not like I pay them to put up with me it's based on mutual respect.

Note to the SPs: I really want to hear it from your point of view. Do you share the same concerns about marriage and old age? Would you date or marry someone from the industry that understands you? Or will you find friendship and support within the industry as we all grow old together?
I'm assuming your situations are very similar to mine

As for the one that says this lifestyle takes a toll on both pooners and SPs aren't we all in the industry to begin with anyways? and that these problems will exist or not regardless it's just that I'm asking them out loud?

The only thing two things I am going to say:

First point : Studies have shown that AI will agree with us too easily so it will definitely have a skewed point of view when you want it to agree with your point of view: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...l-agreement-when-ai-agrees-with-us-too-easily So its not a good arbitrator in the conversation

Second point: Is what some others have said when you are with that SP its a short-time frame where you are with them that you see the best of each other. When the performance is over for the both of you through that interaction the real personality will appear and that might not be appealing to either one of you. Sometimes the fantasy is much better than the reality.

 

[pervypervison]

@purpleelephant not sure if it was already mentioned, but i think it depends on what stage of life you're in. I have friends that are married with kids that envy the freedom that I have. I think you've mentioned that you've been enjoying this hobby for quite some time? given that, I've found it just gets progressively more difficult shifting your mindset to a more "typical" life. i think for guys that are fed up with the stresses & disappointments of marriage or long-term relationships, the SP route sure is simpler in many ways.

getting involved with an SP is a whole different story. i've heard the good, bad, and ugly from SPs that have either decided to leave guys that tried to "save" them from the industry, and then also stories of ones that ended up getting happily married to a customer. also, you have to consider the dynamics of the relationship. are you opened to being "involved with an SP" while she is still working? lots to unpack either way.

 

[VinVan]

Most successful people are married. Not because marriage itself improves your life but because being married to the right person improves your life in many ways. The divorce rate is high because people are stupid and marry the wrong people or marry for the wrong reasons. A lot of guys are easily whipped by abusive women and have no spine, and a lot of women go for losers who they think they can change, these rrlationships dont last. Or, people get married but don’t want to put in the work, so when they need to band together and work through everyday issues, they just give up and quit. Ive seen people divorce for reasons such as "just not feeling it anymore" or "im taking on a new job in another province and there will be too much distance", or arguments over bullshit like household chores that escalate...

Kids are a tough one. They take a lot of time and resources, unless you want to be a crappy parent. They add a lot of strain to relationships. But if you want to leave something behind that will live on beyond you, like a legacy, that's only possible through having children and being the best parent you can for them. It's also nice to have kids who will look out for you in old age, and to experience having grand children.

I knew an older businessman who had enjoyed being a life long bachelor with a lot of money. As soon as he got older, 60+, he was continually scammed by "friends" and gold diggers, and as his mental health deteriorated and he had dementia, his care takers influenced him to give them all his money and property. They then gaslit him and the few people around him that he was crazy and delusional so nobody listened to him anymore when he'd ask about his accounts. He ended up dying alone in the hospital without a penny. They didnt even let him have a phone so he could call his brother in another country one last time.

Thanks for giving this perspective B4B. I hear a lot of bitterness about failed marriages and I have witnessed a few. But the other side of the coin is that a successful long-term-union can bring out the best in us.

I know a brother of a friend who is in his 60s and I have seen him sporadically over the years. Let’s call him Bob. Bob is extremely shy and deals with mental health issues. He’s withdrawn and lacking in social awareness. Likely suffers from depression; immature emotionally; lacking in basic social graces like manners and gratitude. As far as I know, Bob has never had a girlfriend and for good reason, what woman would want to take him on? Well about 4 years ago he starts dating this woman older than him by 10 years. Everyone in his orbit was amazed, because she was fairly well adjusted had grandkids and the whole shebang. But as they started dating and the weeks turned into months and the months into years, Bob underwent a rather astonishing transformation. After waiting 60 years for his first girlfriend they fell in love. He has turned into a kind and considerate person; he says thank you and checks in on people; he offers a hand now, when before he was too self absorbed to ever step out of his shell; he now has a circle of friends (some his and some hers) whereas he was alone and depressed before. We all suspect he just needed someone to love; and someone to love him back. It is the transformative effect of love, we all believe.

This is not to say any LTR relationship is easy. I look at my own history and evolution as a human and my greatest jumps in self-awareness always happened within a LTR. Because that’s the mirror. When you share a kitchen, washroom and life, it’s all laid bare. There is no hiding. And so it’s up to you to rise to the occasion; to look in the mirror; to see what part of the disagreement is your doing.

So yes, you can bang SPs til you’re old and grey. You can remain single and hold on to your cash. Only “you” can decide what’s best for “you.” But from my perspective, very few of us can realize our potential (however you measure that) without someone (or many ones) to show us love and someone (or many ones) into which we can pour our love. Maybe that’s within a marriage; maybe it’s a relationship with an SP. The same ingredients that go into a healthy marriage go into a healthy relationship with an SP; it’s the same ingredients that go into a happy life as a bachelor banging SPs.

No matter where you go, there you are.

 

[Sheen]

I read once that the 40 to 50 percent is skewed and is lower but because divorcees who enter into another marriage will usually end up getting divorced again so it throws off the numbers.

I'll fact check myself in a little bit.

Do i wish i never got married? Yes i wish i never did. I am waiting to retirement for divorce. Wife will get the paid off house and savings. I get my retirement fund and freedom.

 

[Pumped]

Thanks for giving this perspective B4B. I hear a lot of bitterness about failed marriages and I have witnessed a few. But the other side of the coin is that a successful long-term-union can bring out the best in us.

I know a brother of a friend who is in his 60s and I have seen him sporadically over the years. Let’s call him Bob. Bob is extremely shy and deals with mental health issues. He’s withdrawn and lacking in social awareness. Likely suffers from depression; immature emotionally; lacking in basic social graces like manners and gratitude. As far as I know, Bob has never had a girlfriend and for good reason, what woman would want to take him on? Well about 4 years ago he starts dating this woman older than him by 10 years. Everyone in his orbit was amazed, because she was fairly well adjusted had grandkids and the whole shebang. But as they started dating and the weeks turned into months and the months into years, Bob underwent a rather astonishing transformation. After waiting 60 years for his first girlfriend they fell in love. He has turned into a kind and considerate person; he says thank you and checks in on people; he offers a hand now, when before he was too self absorbed to ever step out of his shell; he now has a circle of friends (some his and some hers) whereas he was alone and depressed before. We all suspect he just needed someone to love; and someone to love him back. It is the transformative effect of love, we all believe.

This is not to say any LTR relationship is easy. I look at my own history and evolution as a human and my greatest jumps in self-awareness always happened within a LTR. Because that’s the mirror. When you share a kitchen, washroom and life, it’s all laid bare. There is no hiding. And so it’s up to you to rise to the occasion; to look in the mirror; to see what part of the disagreement is your doing.

So yes, you can bang SPs til you’re old and grey. You can remain single and hold on to your cash. Only “you” can decide what’s best for “you.” But from my perspective, very few of us can realize our potential (however you measure that) without someone (or many ones) to show us love and someone (or many ones) into which we can pour our love. Maybe that’s within a marriage; maybe it’s a relationship with an SP. The same ingredients that go into a healthy marriage go into a healthy relationship with an SP; it’s the same ingredients that go into a happy life as a bachelor banging SPs.

No matter where you go, there you are.

I know a number of people who have had the same transformative experience, but they are the exceptions, not the rule.

Look at the 10 year age difference -- that says something about that woman, just as it says something about men dating younger women. As one of my counsellors reminded me: we tend to attract to the age we're stuck at, not the one on our birth certificate.

I've also seen well-adjusted, happy men (and women) go from that to miserable with their partner.

The other thing is that most really well-adjusted, well-raised, self-aware people can see a disaster coming from a mile away and will avoid them like the plague. So there's a lot of self-work to be done before you can even get seen by that potential saviour soulmate.

 

[Pumped]

Like I said wether you think you can or can’t - you’re right 😉

Well, that's trite, unhelpful and adds nothing to the conversation. And it's 'whether'.

 

[Banged_Up]

Wrong?
Compared to whos bar of what is right?