In Memory of those you lost

[shedevil]

Well, it's been a hell of a year in my world. This year, I have been rocked with more drama than any other year of my life.

This week to come will mark the death of 2 of my friends. Each were a week apart exactly. Each under the age of 25.

What I want to know is, what do you or what have you done to honour the memory of your loved ones?

Every day is different, but I haven't felt the same since.

I miss my friends.

SD

 

[Cinnamon Girl]

death does have an emptiness to it

I have never had a dear friend die, good acquaintances & family. Suicide is by far the most haunting and I have known an alarming number of people...

What do I do? I cherish the memories that come & go, the reminders of how much I wish they were here too. I honour life in a new light every time death visits, it truly is precious & too short to be wrapped up in negativity of any form.

Peace Miss SD

 

[FuZzYknUckLeS]

...

What I want to know is, what do you or what have you done to honour the memory of your loved ones?...

You honour them by remembering them.
That's enough.

 

[PatrickGC]

Shedevil:

In the last two years, I have had both a longtime friend and a parent die. For my father I keep some of his wood carvings in my bedroom to remind me of the how caring and creative he was. The warmth they convey is a connection to him, happy and griefful at the same time. But very comforting too.

Above all [as I have learned] feelings for your friends will come and go as they see fit, it maybe happiness or sadness, a marvelous memory, or just a thought of "I wish you were here.-I miss you, my friends.". Allow this, with no time frame on it, cry with all your heart, or indulge in the joy of a wonderful time with your friends. Follow the feeling to where ever it leads. They were your friends by mutual choice, it is totally all right to miss and grieve for them.

This happened in me the other night while watching a documentary on television, for no reason that I could think of I just felt so sad, I miss my friend and my father too. Used to try to figure out why this would happen, just out of the blue light that. But not any more.

My heart goes out to you. Blessed be.
Patrick

 

[shedevil]

I have never had a dear friend die, good acquaintances & family. Suicide is by far the most haunting and I have known an alarming number of people...

What do I do? I cherish the memories that come & go, the reminders of how much I wish they were here too. I honour life in a new light every time death visits, it truly is precious & too short to be wrapped up in negativity of any form.

Peace Miss SD

Actually what really bothers me about the whole thing is one fought for her life and her kids for 3 years. I watched her slowly die from Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The most heartbreaking moment was watching her kids bury her. Jade died a week short of her daughter's 2nd birthday. (Ella, Ashton was 7)

The other threw her life away and chose to kill herself.

What really pisses me off is there is alarming number of people that waste their life and others struggle just to have it.

Wasted potential and talent really burns me. I can't stand something like that when it's exuded from others. I have no patience for that.

I also have another friend who is constantly threatening suicide, and I'm tempted to drive all the way to Hamilton just to kick his ass. Life should be lived and not wasted.

Shedevil:


This happened in me the other night while watching a documentary on television, for no reason that I could think of I just felt so sad, I miss my friend and my father too. Used to try to figure out why this would happen, just out of the blue light that. But not any more.

My heart goes out to you. Blessed be.
Patrick

Precisely, I had an event that triggered this response/post. I got really overwhelmed when updating my photo album of all things.

I got to thinking of the last time I ever seen her, and said goodbye. I got to take her to her last concert. She was too sick to die at home and hadn't left the hospital for 4 months.

We convinced the nurses to let her go since they had stopped treating her. We took her to Pearl Jam. She got to wear her make up and dress up one last time.

I held her hand and told her loved her ( they were playing ''Black'' at the time) and when the concert was over, my friends and I had to carry her onto her bed. She was exhausted, but she made it. She died 5 days later. (The day before Robert Plant) She really wanted to go to Nine Inch Nails, but it was a month away. I never seen her again after that. Needless to say my friends and I spent that concert sobbing. Both of them.

I never had the chance to say goodbye to my other friend. Hard drugs played a huge role in why we disconnected. I don't do them and she did. I don't trust myself in that circumstance, so I avoided it. I still beat myself up for not helping her.

Thanks, little things like this make me happy. I am all about the little things.

SD

 

[Cinnamon Girl]

you hit the nail on the head SD

Ok read this earlier & again to reply & it brought tears to my eyes both times, heartbreaking is an understatement. The bittersweet concert story Lately I have been over analyzing exactly what fate & destiny are. Some believe everything happens for a reason. Some think we get back what we put out.
Gary Zukav says we only get dealt what we can handle & everything is perfect, the good, the bad. Then there is karma. I see good ppl struggle & wonder how can any of this be valid?

"SD: What really pisses me off is there is alarming number of people that waste their life and others struggle just to have it.

Wasted potential and talent really burns me. I can't stand something like that when it's exuded from others. I have no patience for that. "

I have seen so much of that in my life, self proclaimed victims of their own circumstance when it is all choices that have led them there.

Your comment on always regretting not doing something.....reminds me unfortunately of the time my friend left my house & was found a few hours later with a hose going into the car from the exhaust. I never saw it coming & 15 years later, I still don't know what I could have done differently.

Ever watch DEAD LIKE ME on showcase @ 10pm - I watch it every Monday.

 

[Creole Lady Marmalade]

Shedevil

Life is too short to be questioning yourself on how you could've perhaps prevented a death.

 

[cutesexymya]

honor yourself

Over the years i have had to let go of many close friends, and I have found the best way to honor the memory of those angels is to honor myself. I honor who I am and what i belive in, I live each day like it is my last, and i always tell the people i am close to how much they mean to me in case it is the last time we see each other on this plane.

I am sorry to hear of your loss, but, live every day like it is your last, and make a new memory for yourself every day.

Mya

 

[Sydney]

"For every person who has ever lived
there has come, at last, a spring he will never see.
Glory then in the springs that are yours."
Pam Brown

 

[old pooner]

Honouring the lives of departed friends and family is very personal. Decide for yourself what would mean the most to the two of you, if that person were still alive.

 

[Randy Whorewald]

Honouring the lives of departed friends and family is very personal. Decide for yourself what would mean the most to the two of you, if that person were still alive.

Agreed OP.

 

[necko]

I'm a recovering drug addict,been clean 5yrs. sometimes its tough but never when I hear of a friend's od, or of someone becoming HIV positive or catching the big one AIDS. Most live longer these days some u hear it and then they're gone. I never was into needles thankgod. I miss them all

 

[LittleAsianGuy]

i would just live a good life and enjoy myself. U never know when it's goin too end.

 

[SexMachineGun]

grab a 40 and pour some out for all my dead homies. i know a great many people that will be missed and as long as we remember them and all the good times they will be honored well.

 

[shedevil]

I have seen so much of that in my life, self proclaimed victims of their own circumstance when it is all choices that have led them there.

Such a simple statement, but so many don't get it. I guess from me, it's confused with being an asshole. With good reason.

Life is too short to be questioning yourself on how you could've perhaps prevented a death.

I know. It just stings a bit.

Honouring the lives of departed friends and family is very personal. Decide for yourself what would mean the most to the two of you, if that person were still alive.

I guess what I was I was looking for was some good stories for some of you to share. It's a very valid point. I will be there this Saturday. She loved Holidays so, it's almost Halloween. (Her fave). Stay tuned for a pic she took of my friend.

I'm a recovering drug addict,been clean 5yrs. sometimes its tough but never when I hear of a friend's od, or of someone becoming HIV positive or catching the big one AIDS. Most live longer these days some u hear it and then they're gone. I never was into needles thankgod. I miss them all

Now there's a battle and a half. Anyone who knows addiction know that you have to stay clear of that environment and friends. It hurts. My friends and I have been clean for about 2 years. We quit together and that helped. I still get tempted though. I am a hermit when the urge strikes. My goals are enough to keep it at bay.

i would just live a good life and enjoy myself. U never know when it's goin too end.

True, I have spent more time travelling and being with my family. The odd party here and there... I am actually taking a funeral services course for next September. I lack a certain sensitivity that's required for that job. It's good to have job that's more than a job. Helping others is important. (In my own way)

grab a 40 and pour some out for all my dead homies. i know a great many people that will be missed and as long as we remember them and all the good times they will be honored well.

My friend actually was trying to get the nurses to let her smoke dope. It didn't work. lol Even her mom tried for her. She really wanted a drink. Especially after not having one for 3 years.

So, I will have both of them there for her. A puffie and a spot of Gin.

Thanks guys.

SD

 

[Creole Lady Marmalade]

I have lost many friends to various causes of death. This summer is by far the worst summer I've experienced in my life with having lost a large portion of my immediate family as well as an uncle within weeks of each other. The first thing I did was contact my older sibligs overseas to help with arrangements down south while I dealt with things up here. It took me a week or two of being numb and stone cold before I broke down. I cried myself to sleep after not having slept for 3 days even on sedatives. It has just turned inexplicably weird for me to be with the rest of my family whenever I'm around them, like I'm deliberately avoiding them. I suppose I am, but I really don't know why.

If it weren't for my parents being such ardent fighters for justice and to fight for the disenfrancised/stigmatized which they have instilled in me since birth, I would've found myself shut in for the most part, a year possibly more.

My coping is still in its infancy. Sorry to be such a downer.

 

[PatrickGC]

It has just turned inexplicably weird for me to be with the rest of my family whenever I'm around them, like I'm deliberately avoiding them. I suppose I am, but I really don't know why.

Those we love and are close to really do form our perceptions, even if we're not aware of this. They are like anchor points, your life works because you know where your friends & family are at.

When someone dies, their anchoring effect disappears, every one for a while is set adrift. Nothing quite feels the same anymore and families for a while may disconnect. People do come back though, and your family and the connection for them will too. It may be changed somewhat, but it will still be there.

Take Care,
PatrickGC

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

I have lost a few close friends over the years, the first when I was 21. She was 19, and one of the most beautiful women I ever met (inside and out). It hit me really hard.

I have also lost family to accidents and nature. My children have also been "stolen from me"... a different kind of loss, but a loss none the less, and one that required grieving.

The best advice I can give is to live your life so as to honour them and their memories. Be willing to grieve whenever the feeling hits you... to cry when sad... to smile at the happy memories... and to share your pain with those who understand. Be ready to explore different ways to express your grief, and to maintain the memories.

I attended a memorial in N Van this past weekend for the three boys who were killed in an MVA in Manning Park a year ago. The school planted a tree in its courtyard in a place that had significance to the three boys. Each participant was asked to pour a little water over the tree and its roots to symbolize the planting of the memories we each had.

My sister and I have donated a bench along a walking path in our mother's home town.

I have donated money to one's favourite charity in memory of the one who died.

My father dedicated a stained glass window in their church to his mother.

A 9-11 widow interviewed this week said she created a birdbath, located in their backyard. She designed three mosaic drawings into the bath, one for her and the two children, connecting each of them to her husband in its own unique way. She says this makes her feel as if he is still there.

The passengers on one flight heldover in Gander NF as a result of 9-11 have created a scholarship fund for the kids in that area. The fund has grown to more than $750,000, and more than 60 children have benefited from that fund.

There are so many ways, Stephanie. Think of what your friends and family enjoyed doing. What would they like to see you do if they were alive to give you the advice? When I go, you can donate to Rotary Intl, or buy a toboggan or bandages for the Ski Patrol.

Hope these ideas help plant some seeds.

 

[Maury Beniowski]

Can we add Gravitas as one we have lost?