If you're married... Does seeing an SP constitute "cheating"?
- Thread starter MisterMR
- Start date
I wish I could delude myself into thinking this wasn't cheating.
I can guarantee that no matter what I might want to believe, my SO would very likely divorce me in a heartbeat no matter how much she says she Loves me if she were to find out.
Being very religious and sheltered, I sort of hmmmm stumbled into pooning. I'd heard of MP's and HJ's happening, but I must say I was completely surprised my first time. I was truely in need of a theraputic massage, so I stopped in on a whim. I suspected something was up of coarse due to the clothing or lack thereof, but due to the laws, my chosen SP wouldn't tell me what I was in for. I even leaned in and wispered to her that I wasn't there for sex. She didn't respond to that comment, just smiled. It wasn't until I was having my massage and getting aroused that she told me what was up. Fifteen minutes later she kicked me out, and I felt sick. Once the realization hit me that I'd been unfaithful, I figured in for a penny in for a pound, might as well try a fantasy duo next time.
So here I am joining the other 60 percent of all men that admit they've cheated on there Wifes wondering when it will catch up with me. Why do I continue? It's not just the sex, I always go for the GFE experience because I think I'm looking for a more meaningful relationship than the one I have with my Wife. In my defense, I've never fully loved my wife, not even at the beginning. We're good close freinds yes, but she knows I've never truely had deep feelings for her because we've discussed it openly. Before you ask why I ever got married in the first place, my Church puts on alot of pressure to be married before a certain age or you're considered a "Menace to society" - this isn't officially taught of coarse, but it's very real pressure. So I pick a good freind in the long run, which - other than mediocre at best sex, hasn't worked out badly.
Massage-Lover
I can guarantee that no matter what I might want to believe, my SO would very likely divorce me in a heartbeat no matter how much she says she Loves me if she were to find out.
Being very religious and sheltered, I sort of hmmmm stumbled into pooning. I'd heard of MP's and HJ's happening, but I must say I was completely surprised my first time. I was truely in need of a theraputic massage, so I stopped in on a whim. I suspected something was up of coarse due to the clothing or lack thereof, but due to the laws, my chosen SP wouldn't tell me what I was in for. I even leaned in and wispered to her that I wasn't there for sex. She didn't respond to that comment, just smiled. It wasn't until I was having my massage and getting aroused that she told me what was up. Fifteen minutes later she kicked me out, and I felt sick. Once the realization hit me that I'd been unfaithful, I figured in for a penny in for a pound, might as well try a fantasy duo next time.
So here I am joining the other 60 percent of all men that admit they've cheated on there Wifes wondering when it will catch up with me. Why do I continue? It's not just the sex, I always go for the GFE experience because I think I'm looking for a more meaningful relationship than the one I have with my Wife. In my defense, I've never fully loved my wife, not even at the beginning. We're good close freinds yes, but she knows I've never truely had deep feelings for her because we've discussed it openly. Before you ask why I ever got married in the first place, my Church puts on alot of pressure to be married before a certain age or you're considered a "Menace to society" - this isn't officially taught of coarse, but it's very real pressure. So I pick a good freind in the long run, which - other than mediocre at best sex, hasn't worked out badly.
Massage-Lover
Having sex outside of marriage is absolutely cheating unless the wife has given the OK.
However, there is in my opinion such a thing as justified cheating. I haven't yet but I've come pretty close a few times to banging a couple of my wife's friends. Each time we were all drunk and they came onto me. It was earlier in my marriage when I was happier sexually then I am now so I was actually able to resist. However now most days I wish that I could be put in that circumstance again! There isn't a doubt in my mind that I would jump at the chance to do one of her friends now if I had the opportunity.
I know a lot of women and probably men disagree but I firmly believe it's your spouse's responsibility to keep their husband (or wife) happy sexually (as long as the partner is decent, not a dick, etc). I think of my situation and it really does tear me up. I love my wife so much, I have a few great kids and love my life in general. But I am sooooo unhappy sexually and it's been a struggle for years now. We've talked about it to exhaustion and there is no resolution. I've communicated the hell out of myself, she's always a priority and if I say so myself I'm a great husband. Her friends are always telling her how lucky she is but she doesn't appreciate me the way I need to be. It's only getting worse, I want sex every day but get it maybe a couple times a month and it's barely satisfying. She has always orgasmed really quickly so after she cums (usually in just a few minutes) she wants me to be done ASAP. Forget about foreplay or afterplay or MSOG with her. 10 minutes is a long sex session so after waiting weeks to get laid I'm usually left wanting more then she's ever willing to give me.
It's messed up because besides that we have a great relationship she just doesn't think sex is important. It's not important to her so it shouldn't be important to me and I should be satisfied with what she's willing to give me, period.
So after a declining sex life for years and no sign of improvement despite my best effort I'm anxiously waiting our next trip to Edmonton. I've been reading reviews like crazy and am stashing some pooning money away a little at a time. I'm pissed that I don't live there now and I have to wait so long to get some satisfaction.
I may feel different after the fact but right now I have zero guilt about planning my escapades with SPs! Sorry but I've given and continue to give all I can and try as hard as I can in our relationship. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to get her to be more sexual. I love my wife and would love to fuck and suck her daily. She is so incredibly hot which probably makes it even harder for me. I mean I'm horny all the time and have to be around her then lay naked in bed every night next to a hot naked woman that I can't touch!
I would guess that 80%-90%, maybe more, of the guys that cheat on their wives wouldn't dream of doing it if they got a reasonable amount of sex from their wives. So yeah it's the husband's decision in the end but I think the wife has all the power in the world to prevent him from straying and the fault lies equally if not more with her.
However, there is in my opinion such a thing as justified cheating. I haven't yet but I've come pretty close a few times to banging a couple of my wife's friends. Each time we were all drunk and they came onto me. It was earlier in my marriage when I was happier sexually then I am now so I was actually able to resist. However now most days I wish that I could be put in that circumstance again! There isn't a doubt in my mind that I would jump at the chance to do one of her friends now if I had the opportunity.
I know a lot of women and probably men disagree but I firmly believe it's your spouse's responsibility to keep their husband (or wife) happy sexually (as long as the partner is decent, not a dick, etc). I think of my situation and it really does tear me up. I love my wife so much, I have a few great kids and love my life in general. But I am sooooo unhappy sexually and it's been a struggle for years now. We've talked about it to exhaustion and there is no resolution. I've communicated the hell out of myself, she's always a priority and if I say so myself I'm a great husband. Her friends are always telling her how lucky she is but she doesn't appreciate me the way I need to be. It's only getting worse, I want sex every day but get it maybe a couple times a month and it's barely satisfying. She has always orgasmed really quickly so after she cums (usually in just a few minutes) she wants me to be done ASAP. Forget about foreplay or afterplay or MSOG with her. 10 minutes is a long sex session so after waiting weeks to get laid I'm usually left wanting more then she's ever willing to give me.
It's messed up because besides that we have a great relationship she just doesn't think sex is important. It's not important to her so it shouldn't be important to me and I should be satisfied with what she's willing to give me, period.
So after a declining sex life for years and no sign of improvement despite my best effort I'm anxiously waiting our next trip to Edmonton. I've been reading reviews like crazy and am stashing some pooning money away a little at a time. I'm pissed that I don't live there now and I have to wait so long to get some satisfaction.
I may feel different after the fact but right now I have zero guilt about planning my escapades with SPs! Sorry but I've given and continue to give all I can and try as hard as I can in our relationship. There isn't anything I wouldn't do to get her to be more sexual. I love my wife and would love to fuck and suck her daily. She is so incredibly hot which probably makes it even harder for me. I mean I'm horny all the time and have to be around her then lay naked in bed every night next to a hot naked woman that I can't touch!
I would guess that 80%-90%, maybe more, of the guys that cheat on their wives wouldn't dream of doing it if they got a reasonable amount of sex from their wives. So yeah it's the husband's decision in the end but I think the wife has all the power in the world to prevent him from straying and the fault lies equally if not more with her.
Very interesting post mrmike, but, sorry, i can't help but wonder about a few things.
Since it sounds quite extraordinary, almost unbelievable.
but now want it every day? Or that she was more sexual earlier in the marriage?
{From what you write below, it seems the latter}. And if so, what changed that?
Why has she lost her sex drive?
to see a sex shrink? Could she be cheating, maybe with a woman? Perhaps seeing
some of the ladies in red here could help her.
you touch her/sleep next to her when it's snooz time. It's sounds almost creepy.
Does she also have no interest in romantic things?
Since it sounds quite extraordinary, almost unbelievable.
I am curious about this. Is it that you were satisfied with sex twice a month,
but now want it every day? Or that she was more sexual earlier in the marriage?
{From what you write below, it seems the latter}. And if so, what changed that?
Why has she lost her sex drive?
A woman not into foreplay sounds strange. Does she love you? Does she need
to see a sex shrink? Could she be cheating, maybe with a woman? Perhaps seeing
some of the ladies in red here could help her.
Not only sex, apparently any kind of foreplay is out, even kissing, even letting
you touch her/sleep next to her when it's snooz time. It's sounds almost creepy.
Does she also have no interest in romantic things?
I want to say ... A man who seeks sideline companionship is cheating if he is proven to be mentally unstable by way of stalking, harassing, gifts too often of too extreme (if he does not do the same for his wife). If a client becomes fixated on a lady it is usually uncomfortable to a certain degree.
If he is married and longs for, pines for, cries for, and continues psycho stalking a lady in the industry .......it is definitely CHEATING!!!
I knew this guy who fits this description ...shame. He seemed like such a nice guy.
Hey you know what's cool? How we can see who votes on the poll by clicking the total number of votes ....
Hm! Who knew?
Thanks J.
BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit ...on a perpetual mission
If he is married and longs for, pines for, cries for, and continues psycho stalking a lady in the industry .......it is definitely CHEATING!!!
I knew this guy who fits this description ...shame. He seemed like such a nice guy.
Hey you know what's cool? How we can see who votes on the poll by clicking the total number of votes ....
Hm! Who knew?
Thanks J.
BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit ...on a perpetual mission
Thanks for the clarification, sir. Certainly you've been neglected and/or frustrated,
and i can't blame you for seeking into the possibility of seeing SP's. I could not see
myself putting up with what you have for so long. Everyday is also what i'd like to
see as far as sex, whether with a woman &/or masterbating with porn. Sadly,
many wives will not only starve a guy, but forbid him from any extracurricular
activities of any kind in this regard!
yes it's cheating. I do it, and there's no other way to sugarcoat it. I fully enjoy myself and don't feel guilty, but it's still cheating.
Exactly....if the SO dont know and is not OK with it is cheating.....does not matter if it is a loose secretary or an SP...it does not matter if you paid for sex or for dinner and a bottle of wine....if you stick your wedding tackle into another woman without your SO/wife's okee dokie you are cheating on her....and if you get caught be prepared to pay...not alimony as this is Canada....but child support and the like and most likely you lose the house.....even costlier if you have a large investment porfolio that can be split.
SR
I realize this is a sensitive issue, but I think attitudes about it are excessive and often hysterical.
Sex is a simple and beautiful pleasure in life. Like all pleasures, it can be taken too far, with an addictive or compulsive pattern, at the expense of other relationships, finances, physical or emotional health, etc.
The term "cheating" is a judgmental projection of negativity influenced by the prevailing culture. We all have relationships with things outside of our primary relationship -- activities, friendships, intellectual interests, etc. These consume time and money as well, sometimes to the detriment of a marriage if excessive. But these "extra-marital" activities (e.g. watching sports, going out with friends) could be GOOD for a marriage, if they lead to a more satisfying and balanced life. There are even health risks--some of them infectious or contagious-- involved with many accepted extra-marital activities (e.g. drinking, rock climbing, eating at restaurants, socializing with groups of people who might spread viruses).
I believe that seeing prostitutes can be a simple life pleasure. A cultural pursuit, similar to the appreciation of fine art, music, poetry, or cuisine. In order for this to be positive and healthy for everyone involved, it needs to be discrete, safe, moderate, and done with loving respect for sex workers as well as for family, spouses, and all others involved. It should not be associated with neglecting one's other roles (e.g. as husband or parent). Some men might see prostitutes because they are unhappy with their sex lives at home, but I believe this need not be the case at all! It is simply about celebrating the rich variety of beauty and sexuality in life; male biology strongly contributes to having a desire for sexual variety, even if things are perfect at home. If this sexual variety can be attained discretely, it can enhance all aspects of a marriage. It also can increase morale, confidence, and sexual skill, for many men, who may never have had the chance to develop their eroticism richly in earlier phases of life. I do think that, in most cases, seeing prostitutes needs to be a secret activity, because of the unnecessary negative judgment that most people have learned from the prevaiiling culture.
I think the breakup of a marriage over this issue is an utterly needless tragedy -- extramarital sex need not be pathologized at all, unless it is highly addictive or compulsive.
Sex is a simple and beautiful pleasure in life. Like all pleasures, it can be taken too far, with an addictive or compulsive pattern, at the expense of other relationships, finances, physical or emotional health, etc.
The term "cheating" is a judgmental projection of negativity influenced by the prevailing culture. We all have relationships with things outside of our primary relationship -- activities, friendships, intellectual interests, etc. These consume time and money as well, sometimes to the detriment of a marriage if excessive. But these "extra-marital" activities (e.g. watching sports, going out with friends) could be GOOD for a marriage, if they lead to a more satisfying and balanced life. There are even health risks--some of them infectious or contagious-- involved with many accepted extra-marital activities (e.g. drinking, rock climbing, eating at restaurants, socializing with groups of people who might spread viruses).
I believe that seeing prostitutes can be a simple life pleasure. A cultural pursuit, similar to the appreciation of fine art, music, poetry, or cuisine. In order for this to be positive and healthy for everyone involved, it needs to be discrete, safe, moderate, and done with loving respect for sex workers as well as for family, spouses, and all others involved. It should not be associated with neglecting one's other roles (e.g. as husband or parent). Some men might see prostitutes because they are unhappy with their sex lives at home, but I believe this need not be the case at all! It is simply about celebrating the rich variety of beauty and sexuality in life; male biology strongly contributes to having a desire for sexual variety, even if things are perfect at home. If this sexual variety can be attained discretely, it can enhance all aspects of a marriage. It also can increase morale, confidence, and sexual skill, for many men, who may never have had the chance to develop their eroticism richly in earlier phases of life. I do think that, in most cases, seeing prostitutes needs to be a secret activity, because of the unnecessary negative judgment that most people have learned from the prevaiiling culture.
I think the breakup of a marriage over this issue is an utterly needless tragedy -- extramarital sex need not be pathologized at all, unless it is highly addictive or compulsive.
This is a semantic issue then. If you must consider it cheating, or feel the need to apply a pejorative label to what is from an objective and biologic point of view a simple, low risk, enjoyable behaviour, I would encourage you to "cheat" responsibly, safely, moderately, healthily, and with joy. As with any other behaviour (e.g. hobbies, sports, work, time spent with friends), let your "cheating" activity enhance your life, and never interfere with your primary relationships or responsibilities (e.g. with family, friends, health, finances, etc.)
P
PhoneGirl
LOL! Is this thread suggesting that SP's are somehow less of a person?
If your wife doesn't know you're getting your bang bang on without her consent or knowledge in a monogamous relationship, its cheating.
If your wife doesn't know you're getting your bang bang on without her consent or knowledge in a monogamous relationship, its cheating.
I believe our culture has unnecessary conservative values around sexuality, and an unncecessary preoccupation with jealousy and possessiveness in relationships. It is possible to have a very healthy family and marital life while occasionally having extramarital relationships. It is part of human nature to seek sexual variety, and I believe it is unnecessary to suppress this as evidence of being a good husband, wife, or citizen.
There are many specific examples throughout history. Even allusions in religious texts, of all places. Unless one is behaving recklessly, compulsively and immoderately, the main risk of harm to relationships is from the hysterical reaction regarding infidelity, a reaction which is largely culturally-based and unnecessary.
I think of the former U.S. president, for example -- I suspect that he is a very kind, generous, honourable man in his personal life. His extramarital affairs were harmful to his marriage only because of the outrageous public intrusion and negative judgment which followed.
The famous golfer recently in the news probably got a bit carried away and indiscrete, but similarly I think he was probably a good man, with a healthy normal libido, whose marriage was damaged not by his affairs, but by the public reaction and embarrassment to his spouse which followed.
There are many specific examples throughout history. Even allusions in religious texts, of all places. Unless one is behaving recklessly, compulsively and immoderately, the main risk of harm to relationships is from the hysterical reaction regarding infidelity, a reaction which is largely culturally-based and unnecessary.
I think of the former U.S. president, for example -- I suspect that he is a very kind, generous, honourable man in his personal life. His extramarital affairs were harmful to his marriage only because of the outrageous public intrusion and negative judgment which followed.
The famous golfer recently in the news probably got a bit carried away and indiscrete, but similarly I think he was probably a good man, with a healthy normal libido, whose marriage was damaged not by his affairs, but by the public reaction and embarrassment to his spouse which followed.
to quote myselfI loved reading this
I have a client HIS WIFE BRINGS HIM HERE!!!! he has health issues. She helps him up my stairs and they undress him. As she leaves she takes my hand and says "You are such a lovely lady - I will be back in an hour". At first I was dumbfounded but I get it... they have been married for prob 50+ years. she doesn't want to do it or touch it! They are a lovely couple.
I feel that there are few places or times in the world where we have someone focus on us and only us in a touching loving erotic sensual caring way. I feel that a "Love Refill" makes us all happier. Whether single of married. One of my regular clients is married, gorgeous and happily married and tells me that after our session he goes home and give 'this' massage to his wife so he can 'refill' her. Having a place to 'Recharge' makes us happier and hopefully makes everyone feel less frustrated 'at home'.
I truly think I should be "Husband inspected - Wife approved"
