"I saw you in public" š¤¦š
- Thread starter rinamood
- Start date
I get what OkanaganGuy is saying and where he is coming from. My understanding of what he is saying is that he is concerned that guys who are a little unhinged may read this post and get ideas about doing exactly what it cautions against. He writes this out of his experience in (what Iām assuming is the security business), and (what Iām again assuming) is concern for the well-being of SPs.
I think Rina is trying to have a broader discussion that engages men on this forum to consider the etiquette of engaging with an SP outside of the work environment; a form of PR, if you will for best practices from the SP perspective.
From my perspective, this type of education and dialogue is the only kind that has made a difference in moving the levers of change such that the world becomes a more fair and just place. Though black people were the advocates and the beneficiaries of the end of slavery it was technically white, male legislators who ended slavery. And though it was women who were the advocates for the right to vote, it was ultimately white, male legislators who wrote it into law.
While the etiquette of best SP practices is not ending slavery, nor universal suffrage, I think the principle that nothing changes until those who are at the levers of power (in this case men) can convince others in their party of the legitimacy of the message (in this case not approaching an SP outside of work hours), nothing changes.
I think, in general, the world is a better place when we are able to have open and civil dialogue on whatever irks us.
I think Rina is trying to have a broader discussion that engages men on this forum to consider the etiquette of engaging with an SP outside of the work environment; a form of PR, if you will for best practices from the SP perspective.
From my perspective, this type of education and dialogue is the only kind that has made a difference in moving the levers of change such that the world becomes a more fair and just place. Though black people were the advocates and the beneficiaries of the end of slavery it was technically white, male legislators who ended slavery. And though it was women who were the advocates for the right to vote, it was ultimately white, male legislators who wrote it into law.
While the etiquette of best SP practices is not ending slavery, nor universal suffrage, I think the principle that nothing changes until those who are at the levers of power (in this case men) can convince others in their party of the legitimacy of the message (in this case not approaching an SP outside of work hours), nothing changes.
I think, in general, the world is a better place when we are able to have open and civil dialogue on whatever irks us.
I also think some men just might be clueless that itās not appropriate to acknowledge they saw us in public or to not approach us. I think posts like this do more good than harm. The person who gets off on being an ass will get off on that regardless.
Itās never a good idea to live life in fear and to choose silence over education.
I replied to an earlier post in this conversation. Several people said what I said a lot more eloquently š
Most behaviour around people especially strangers is learned and depends on context. The PSA by @rinamood sets out a very strict line: never tell a SP you saw them, never approach without prior consent, and off the clock they want to be treated as civilians. That is a clear personal boundary, but it is not something guys are born knowing or can be expected to guess if it has never been said.
An entertainer (sex worker) or minor public figure cannot realistically assume nobody will ever recognize them or take a photo unless they actually say they do not want that. In the same way, if someone advertises and meets people in person, they cannot expect every client to somehow infer an unwritten rule that any eye contact or casual hello in public is out of bounds. If a provider says āplease do not approach me in public or tell me where you saw me,ā that is straightforward and easy to follow.
Where it starts to feel kind of overblown is when that very strict stance is treated as the only acceptable way to behave, and anything else is automatically labelled creepy or dangerous.
Real life is messier. Sometimes you keep seeing the same person in the wild, say on the bus and eventually you might smile and chat like any two people. That's what happened to me. Other times, as soon as eye contact happens, the worker moves away fast like you are radioactive. Both reactions exist, which is why turning one personās preference into a universal rule everyone should already ājust knowā does not really match how people actually move through the world.
An entertainer (sex worker) or minor public figure cannot realistically assume nobody will ever recognize them or take a photo unless they actually say they do not want that. In the same way, if someone advertises and meets people in person, they cannot expect every client to somehow infer an unwritten rule that any eye contact or casual hello in public is out of bounds. If a provider says āplease do not approach me in public or tell me where you saw me,ā that is straightforward and easy to follow.
Where it starts to feel kind of overblown is when that very strict stance is treated as the only acceptable way to behave, and anything else is automatically labelled creepy or dangerous.
Real life is messier. Sometimes you keep seeing the same person in the wild, say on the bus and eventually you might smile and chat like any two people. That's what happened to me. Other times, as soon as eye contact happens, the worker moves away fast like you are radioactive. Both reactions exist, which is why turning one personās preference into a universal rule everyone should already ājust knowā does not really match how people actually move through the world.
Nothing is more important than consent here! Assuming that you can/should approach SPs or contact SPs about these "sightings" holds a higher risk of upsetting them, compared to admiring from a distance like seeing a unicorn. It's not about whether or not someone was seen. We are not celebrities. We live in and share the same general geographical area. Sightings of SPs are bound to happen, even when it has almost always been the case of mistaken identity from afar.
I have never given more than a small discreet nod to a client at most when they smile at me in passing, and only if there is no one else with them. This is because I assume that clients are going on with their lives completely separate to mine. I am not entitled to participate and I fully respect their autonomy, space, and discretion. I personally and professionally expect the same.
Rather than imagine what an SP may or may not feel, trust the words from the ones who responded:
- Piper said that it ruins her day when clients claim they have seen her out and about.
- Bella called out a disrespectful double standard, as we are expected to act with full discretion towards client sightings in public.
- Giselle chimed in about how raising awareness about this issue is essential.
- SSL Management went into detail about the extent of the double standard Bella had mentioned.
- Harmony agreed that PSA posts like this do more good than harm.
- Gia said she loves this post, and highlighted that discretion works on both ends.
Adding: please never take nonconsensual photography or videography of SPs. What a nasty idea to add in as a case of "you never know". Yes, you do fucking know. You can most definitely assume that SPs do not want photos/videos taken of them without prior consent. The purpose of this post was to inform those who may have simply not known and do not intend to scare or disrespect their SPs. I realize I have wasted this time writing to a person who participated only to be a contrarian, but all points mentioned by our SP community here still stand.
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