"I saw you in public" 🤦🙅

[rinamood]

PSA: don't tell SPs when you think you've seen them in public, and definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

There is no acceptable scenario for contacting an SP and claiming you saw them. It creeps us out every time, and majority of the time, it wasn't even us 🙃 Keep it to yourself. Do not share where you believe you saw an SP either - there are real stalkers out there and they do not need to be encouraged to check more places where we may be.

When we are not in session, we are civilians.

Please respect our privacy when we are not accompanying you 🙏

 

[dinojoe]

Valid rant, people have 0 critical thinking towards boundaries and privacy in the digital age. Let people keep their professional and private life separate. Just like how you'd like your SP to keep away when they see you and your wife at Whole Foods, you should also leave them alone.

I remember once when a regular at my work told me they saw me leaving the doctors office and asked me if everything was alright. Just because you spend money where I work doesnt mean we're buddies lol.

 

[jonnyblunt]

PSA: don't tell SPs when you think you've seen them in public, and definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

There is no acceptable scenario for contacting an SP and claiming you saw them. It creeps us out every time, and majority of the time, it wasn't even us 🙃 Keep it to yourself. Do not share where you believe you saw an SP either - there are real stalkers out there and they do not need to be encouraged to check more places where we may be.

When we are not in session, we are civilians.

Please respect our privacy when we are not accompanying you 🙏

Very valid points and all true. Respect every persons privacy. Should go without saying lol. But you are also right a lot of creeps out there and unfortunately reminders need to be made.
And it def goes both ways. No client wants to be approached or contacted without consent. I have got some out of the blue texts from sp’s. “Hey I’m available”. Thats great. And if I wanted to book you I’d text you for fuck sakes lol. No sp should text a past customer cause their bills are due and or need some cash 🤪

 

[apple9927]

Valid rant, people have 0 critical thinking towards boundaries and privacy in the digital age. Let people keep their professional and private life separate. Just like how you'd like your SP to keep away when they see you and your wife at Whole Foods, you should also leave them alone.

I remember once when a regular at my work told me they saw me leaving the doctors office and asked me if everything was alright. Just because you spend money where I work doesnt mean we're buddies lol.

One of the reasons I work multiple jobs to avoid seeing the same people so much, they would get on my nerves excessively. 8x 5 sorry its no going to work.

 

[angry anderson]

PSA: don't tell SPs when you think you've seen them in public, and definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

There is no acceptable scenario for contacting an SP and claiming you saw them. It creeps us out every time, and majority of the time, it wasn't even us 🙃 Keep it to yourself. Do not share where you believe you saw an SP either - there are real stalkers out there and they do not need to be encouraged to check more places where we may be.

When we are not in session, we are civilians.

Please respect our privacy when we are not accompanying you 🙏

How about when you owe me money?

 

[Petedownunder]

PSA: don't tell SPs when you think you've seen them in public, and definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

There is no acceptable scenario for contacting an SP and claiming you saw them. It creeps us out every time, and majority of the time, it wasn't even us 🙃 Keep it to yourself. Do not share where you believe you saw an SP either - there are real stalkers out there and they do not need to be encouraged to check more places where we may be.

When we are not in session, we are civilians.

Please respect our privacy when we are not accompanying you 🙏

I support Rina 100% on this issue. If the situation was reversed, would you want to be approached in public by an escort that you know, while you’re with family or friends? I’ve had a couple ladies tell me that they have had experiences where they were approached in public by clients or guys that recognized them from their online adverts and it was not just uncomfortable, but quite frightening.

Contacting an escort to tell her that you saw her out shopping or at public event, just out enjoying her off work time, is another level. Like Rina said, it’s creepy. I’m not sure what purpose it serves and exactly what kind of response they are hoping for.

It seems quite juvenile to get some kind of thrill from spotting an escort out living their off hours life. Guess what, escorts are regular people that shop at Walmart or Safeway, go to the gym, go to the movies or for dinner, just like everyone else.

Rina, excellent PSA!!

 

[Cock Throppled]

Just watched the two-part doc MY NIGHTMARE STALKER : THE EVA LARUE STORY. She was stalked for 12 years by an obssessed fan, and she had access to a lot of resourcves the average woman doesn't. There are very scary people out there.

 

[rinamood]

This isn’t nearly as funny as you think considering the thread this is on.

Bless you 🥹🩵

 

[Bang4thebuck]

As soon as the session is over I basically wipe her from my memory and move on to the next girl. I don't understand guys who get hung up on women, especially sex workers who are only seeing you because it's their job. There are millions of beautiful women out there dudes, so chill the F out lol.

 

[Okanaganguy1985]

posting this brings more attention to yourself , you are now going to have more men trying to see if they can spot you out in public,

 

[TheBellaRoseXo]

PSA: don't tell SPs when you think you've seen them in public, and definitely do not approach them without prior consent.

Valid. Approaching SP’s in the wild can be viewed as weaponizing the public space. Can you imagine the double standard filled rage if we approached man on the street saying “I’ve seen your cock before” when your wife is just at the car 20 feet away... There would be uproar at how SP’s aren’t reliable or respectful.

posting this brings more attention to yourself , you are now going to have more men trying to see if they can spot you out in public,

Translation: Don’t state the problem.
If you do: Men will hear it, return back to boyhood (assuming they left it at all) and attempt doing exactly what they’ve been told NOT to…

*I vote that we carry glitter bombs and when men disrespectfully do this, we make them sparkle and catch attention everywhere they go.
*Also, embarrassing men in the place that they CHOSE to approach works too. A client saw my SP work-wife visibly get uncomfortable when he approached US at the gym. He didn’t know I’m a SP - I could have been her sister for all he knows. What did he lead with, you ask??? “What?! Do you I need to pay to talk to you here too?” I immediately morphed into big bro, stopped my treadmill and proceeded to verbally embarrass him. He was also kicked out of the gym.

 

[westwoody]

posting this brings more attention to yourself , you are now going to have more men trying to see if they can spot you out in public,

Holy victim blaming, Batman!

 

[Okanaganguy1985]

You clearly don’t understand how predators and incels think and I think some people misunderstood the point I was trying to make. I am not blaming anyone or saying they should stay silent. I am only speaking from what I have seen in security work and from dealing with problem clients at schools and shelters.

There are people who respect boundaries and understand what was written here. They can control their thoughts and feelings. But there are also people who cannot. Predators and incels behave very differently from normal minded men. They fixate. They chase curiosity. They treat things like a game and the attention can actually excite them instead of stopping them.

That is why I said that posting something like this can sometimes pull the wrong eyes onto you. It is not fair but it is a pattern I have seen many times in security work. My intention was only to point out the risk, not to silence anyone or shift blame. The safety concern is still real even if it is uncomfortable to acknowledge.

 

[rinamood]

That is why I said that posting something like this can sometimes pull the wrong eyes onto you. It is not fair but it is a pattern I have seen many times in security work. My intention was only to point out the risk, not to silence anyone or shift blame. The safety concern is still real even if it is uncomfortable to acknowledge.

Let me be forward to you - this thread is for men both active and lurking to hear how other men feel about the behaviour I pointed out. I have been on perb long enough to be able to trust in what I believed the general sentiment would be. Realistically, men tend to take other men more seriously than they would with women. I don't make the rules; I look, I see, and I accept what I see.

Making a clear line of what is socially unacceptable, with SPs and clients speaking up against that behaviour, sets a social expectation which adds pressure for people to follow 🩵 Will this be effective for everyone? No, of course not. As with any public statement, the point is to reach the majority.

It can be concern 🤝 victim-blaming at the same time; however, your concern comes with no solutions, aid, nor support, so I hope you can understand how the result is that it comes off as more victim-blaming > concern despite your intentions. It does come with sympathy though, and I appreciate that. It's true that problem clients anywhere are still problematic, and many may not listen the first nor hundredth time.

I believe in speaking out on boundaries and expectations to make clear unwelcome behaviour when interacting with an SP - consent requires communication even when it's uncomfortable. I have never been sent these messages maliciously. The guys have always been nothing but excited & happy as if they are telling me they saw a rainbow. This post is a reminder for everyone who intends to be chill, but may get excited and forget what it looks like to SPs when they do something like send that kind of message.

Unfortunately, as a vocal perb advertiser and someone who aesthetically stands out, I must choose between staying to do this job I love or quitting for some semblance of privacy. I don't get to have both. Fortunately, I can speak up and remind guys on perb to think about how SPs may feel for a second. Along with the voices of fellow SP and perb bros, this thread can still make a real difference for the SP community. Thank you for thinking of me 🙏

 

[Giselle Montreal]

You clearly don’t understand how predators and incels think and I think some people misunderstood the point I was trying to make. I am not blaming anyone or saying they should stay silent. I am only speaking from what I have seen in security work and from dealing with problem clients at schools and shelters.

There are people who respect boundaries and understand what was written here. They can control their thoughts and feelings. But there are also people who cannot. Predators and incels behave very differently from normal minded men. They fixate. They chase curiosity. They treat things like a game and the attention can actually excite them instead of stopping them.

That is why I said that posting something like this can sometimes pull the wrong eyes onto you. It is not fair but it is a pattern I have seen many times in security work. My intention was only to point out the risk, not to silence anyone or shift blame. The safety concern is still real even if it is uncomfortable to acknowledge.

I understand what you are saying, but I don't think it works this way.

Talking about these important issues helps our allies to start noticing problems they didn't know existed.

Raising awareness is essential.

It's not because we talk about violence against women that women are victims of violence.

 

[Okanaganguy1985]

I get the value of awareness, but this comes down to risk assessment and knowing your audience. Most guys will hear the message and adjust. That is fine.

But there is a smaller group who react to attention in the opposite way. They treat it like a challenge. They do not care about social pressure or community standards. That is the group I was talking about.

Awareness helps the majority, but it also gives the wrong people something to fixate on. Both sides exist, and ignoring one of them does not make the risk go away.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

This is a really good thread and one that in my opinion needs some deep dives. There are a lot of posts lately, not just this thread, about what should just be common sense, and DECENT behaviour.

Maybe its generational.
Maybe there is too much narcissism in the perbite community leading to that lack of awareness of how others are affected by ones actions
Maybe those of us with some miles on us fucked up raising our kids not passing on fundamental manners and behaviour.
Maybe its cultural with all the blending going on globally.
Is it social media where opinions of the 'man in the street' are put ahead of experts? And I go back to my biggest bug bear of the loss of critical thinking in the masses.

Whatever it is those old lines in the sand defining respect get crossed more and more. I am truly sorry to hear of any of all the wonderful women being hurt or put in a tough spot because of this.

Thank you rinamood for starting this one.

 

[SSL Management]

Let's look at it from the client side. The Service Provider sees a client out in public with his SO, girlfriend, daughter or whatever and she walks up and says hi, Introduces herself, and mentions what a great time they had and I hope to see you again soon. Or sends you an e-mail or a text saying I saw you the other day did you see me? How is this different than clients approaching Service Providers or mentioning they saw an SP in public?

Clients go on and on about privacy, protecting their identity, discretion…… Yet when it comes to respecting the Service Providers privacy they think it's different. More thinking with your big head rather than your little head will keep you out of trouble.

It is a 2 way street. SP's and clients need to respect each others privacy!

SSL

 

[rinamood]

I get the value of awareness, but this comes down to risk assessment and knowing your audience. Most guys will hear the message and adjust. That is fine.

But there is a smaller group who react to attention in the opposite way. They treat it like a challenge. They do not care about social pressure or community standards. That is the group I was talking about.

Awareness helps the majority, but it also gives the wrong people something to fixate on. Both sides exist, and ignoring one of them does not make the risk go away.

f you read what I took the time to lay out for you, it will be clear that I had:

1. Assessed and stated my risk
2. Accepted the reality of my particular situation
3. Have had my intended result fulfilled (ty everyone!)

I hear you, and I accept your thoughts.

 

[GeeBeeP]

This is a good reminder to clients, and should be included in the “Seeing Escorts for Dummies” should it ever be published.

The first time I ever saw an escort I knew in the wild I almost made the mistake of saying hello, but remembered something I’d read in a post similar to this. (it may have been a website, blog or ERB post I really can’t remember) And I know exactly why I almost greeted her without thinking. Let me be clear that THIS IS NOT MAKING AN EXCUSE FOR IT, Rina has explained very clearly why it is unacceptable on several levels, and I completely agree. We clients need to be reminded.

For what it’s worth, here is why I almost made this mistake.

1) There have been many threads about how both clients and SP’s value the importance of developing a connection and some kind of rapport. Those of us who seek that connection find it enhances the overall experience. Because the best escorts are magicians at creating that connection many guys leave such a session with the feeling that we have “clicked” with the lady. We get a hug and a kiss before we leave the door on a post orgasmic high, with a spring in our step. We have shared one of humanities most intimate activities with a beautiful woman, and on top of that we just made a new friend!! How awesome is that??

2) Many clients like myself are of a certain generation, shall we say, who were raised in a very different world. We were raised to be polite, sociable men who followed certain social norms of our parents. My small town European mother would be horrified to know that her son saw someone I knew in a shop or in the street and ignored them!! and it is still imprinted on my brain. We said hello to even casual acquaintances in passing, even if it was just a smile and a friendly "good morning". It would be the hight of rudeness to do anything less. To brush off or completely ignore a young woman who is an intimate friend??? The girl would think I’m some sort of insensitive asshole.

So a reminder gentlemen. Yes you and that girl had an amazing time, and maybe you’ve even had several wonderful dates together. But it is a fantasy world and it must stay separate from the reality of every day life. The last thing you want to do to this friendly and beautiful woman is make her uncomfortable, or even worse, scared.

I know it may be difficult, but forget your manners, avert your eyes, and just walk on by.