That is why I said that posting something like this can sometimes pull the wrong eyes onto you. It is not fair but it is a pattern I have seen many times in security work. My intention was only to point out the risk, not to silence anyone or shift blame. The safety concern is still real even if it is uncomfortable to acknowledge.
Let me be forward to you - this thread is
for men both active and lurking to hear how other men feel about the behaviour I pointed out. I have been on perb long enough to be able to trust in what I believed the general sentiment would be. Realistically,
men tend to take other men more seriously than they would with women. I don't make the rules; I look, I see, and I accept what I see.
Making a clear line of what is socially unacceptable, with SPs and clients speaking up against that behaviour, sets a
social expectation which adds pressure for people to follow 🩵 Will this be effective for everyone? No, of course not. As with any public statement,
the point is to reach the majority.
It can be concern 🤝 victim-blaming at the same time; however, your concern comes with no solutions, aid, nor support, so I hope you can understand how the result is that it comes off as more victim-blaming > concern despite your intentions. It does come with sympathy though, and I appreciate that. It's true that problem clients anywhere are still problematic, and many may not listen the first nor hundredth time.
I believe in speaking out on boundaries and expectations to make clear unwelcome behaviour when interacting with an SP - consent requires communication even when it's uncomfortable. I have never been sent these messages maliciously. The guys have always been nothing but excited & happy as if they are telling me they saw a rainbow. This post is a reminder for everyone who intends to be chill, but may get excited and forget what it looks like to SPs when they do something like send that kind of message.
Unfortunately, as a vocal perb advertiser and someone who aesthetically stands out, I must choose between staying to do this job I love or quitting for some semblance of privacy. I don't get to have both. Fortunately, I can speak up and remind guys on perb to think about how SPs may feel for a second. Along with the voices of fellow SP and perb bros, this thread can still make a real difference for the SP community. Thank you for thinking of me 🙏
