I am so pissed right now!

[Jethro Bodine]

I know we've talked about this before and 99% of us get it but evidently 1% don't and I'm so upset about it.

Last night I'm out at a Chinese New Years Gala as a guest of one of my friends. I'm there with my daughter and sitting among friends and collegues. Someone taps me on the shoulder and as I turn around my mood quickly turns from celebratory to shock and horror.
It is a SP I'd seen many times in the past but not for over 4 years. She says hi and goes on to say its been awhile and how have I been. Then she turns to my daughter and says "Is this your daughter?" She knew I had a daughter from our conversations when I would see her. "Hi I'm (I won't say her real name). I'm an old friend of your Dad's." I quickly turned the conversation back to me and told her it was nice to see her again and to have a nice evening. She got my meaning and left but not before saying "We should get together sometime."
For the next few minutes, which seemed much longer, I just sat there in horror thinking, how am I going to explain this woman to a) my daughter and b) anyone else at the table who asks. My daughter says, "She seems nice, who is she?" I reply "Oh just an old client but I haven't seen her for years." My daughter then says "I think she likes you" and laughs. I try to seem nonchalant and say "Naw, she's not my type."
Luckily it ended there and no one else asked but I was fuming inside. Later in the evening as we were leaving I saw her again near the coat room and I almost thought she was going to come talk to me again so I quickly turned, grabbed my daughter and we left.
I'm so mad right now. I actually called her up this morning but her machine answered. I momentarily thought about leaving a nasty message but decided not to thinking maybe it is best to leave it alone for now.
I just couldn't believe it. Especially from this person who I always thought was genuine and would know the rules regarding seeing someone from the hobby in the "real world."
Thank heavens my daughter seems to have not fixated on it and has said nothing more about it.

 

[george.caruthers]

Wow JB, sorry to hear about that. Can you share her name? It is someone I would def want to avoid. If you don't want to post it, can you PM me?

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I forgot to add that she seemed quite tipsy which may have impaired her judgment a little bit but her behavior was still totally unacceptable.
As for letting you know who it was I need to think about that. A very wise woman, my grandmother, once told me never do anything or make any decisions when you're angry.

 

[shopaoface]

Sorry to here that Jethro, that would definitely infuriate me!

These types of situations is why I have a personally policy of not having any local regulars. Winnipeg is small enough that an encounter like this is bound to happen. I would rather see a local maybe once or twice in a year, as there would be a higher chance that I'd just be a familiar face in a crowd.

Good on you for being calm - cooler heads prevail!

 

[cherise]

unfortunately, this sort of thing is becoming all too common.its at the point where i truly wish i had just used my real name when i started!

i think with the all the sp's websites, twitter,etc and "tours" .....and yes review boards, the new generation of pooners tend to think of us as some kind of celebrities. perhaps its because a big portion of hobbyists these days are young single men ...who don't feel the need for discretion.

i have been approached in public while out with family or frriendsso often , that i had no choice but to out myself.

being called cherise once or twice could be shrugged off as a case of mistaken identity, but when it continuously happens ......? what can you do?

 

[chuckertmg]

A very wise woman, my grandmother, once told me never do anything or make any decisions when you're angry.

Grandmothers always know best, and your's sounds like she was a smart cookie - you should always wait at least 24 hours before making a decision like naming her.
Sorry this happened to you and that it ruined your evening. I've had a few s.p.'s complain about being approached in public by bonehead clients so it's interesting to see that it works both ways.

I understand the anger because you know the inside scoop and how inappropriate this was, but to look at this objectively from the point of view of others at the table it sounds to me like a fairly innocuous interaction; one I might have now and then with old friends, male or female, who are not s.p.'s. I'm going to suggest that the reason no one at the table reacted was because it was, to them, such a non-event.

I'd be curious to know who this was just so that if I ever see her I can lay down some ground rules, but perhaps the damage to her reputation might out-strip the importance of the actual event. I don't know. You might want to consider leaving her a voice-mail stating "that was embarrassing - please don't ever do that again" and carry on. But whatever you do perhaps wait till tomorrow morning before you take action...

 

[lickalot]

Completely unacceptable JB. Better man than I am. I would have ripped her at the coat check. Please PM me her name.

 

[george.caruthers]

I forgot to add that she seemed quite tipsy which may have impaired her judgment a little bit but her behavior was still totally unacceptable.
As for letting you know who it was I need to think about that. A very wise woman, my grandmother, once told me never do anything or make any decisions when you're angry.

Grandma was very wise. I ran into an SP at the airport a while back. I had seen her several times. She walked past me, I walked past her. Nobody would have even know that we had met. Not even a nod of the head was shared. That is how it should be.

 

[euradog]

Grandma was very wise. I ran into an SP at the airport a while back. I had seen several her times. She walked past me, I walked past her. Nobody would have even know that we had met. Not even a nod of the head was shared. That is how it should be.

I ran into a similar situation but at a supermarket. Except she was just about to pay for her groceries and I was next in line. She took one quick look at me and looked away. I must say she hid her identity well wearing glasses, her hair down, clothed very professional. She is no longer in the business but that encounter is the way it should be. Professionally handled. As she was walking away, a man was waiting for her just 10 ft away and they walked out together. She was an ATF in the past and I'm happy for her decision.

ED

 

[Georgieboy69]

WOW JB sorry to hear that man, that is brutal. I would just use the time to calm down and move on. I had a situation a few years ago where I was out with my SO at a company function, when all of a sudden this lady was constantly looking at me from a few tables away. I ended up getting up at one point to go to the washroom and on my way back she comes up to me and plants a kiss on the lips and tells me she knows she is the best at BJ's and so much more. I was so furious, made up some story for the ex seeing as she saw the kiss and exchange.

Anyways I never saw the SP again, and kept it to myself who it was. I felt that she just happened to be tipsy and I believe that is what caused the problem.

 

[Sixpak]

You handled it well JB even though you were steaming underneath.
I always worry about that as one time a couple of young ladies I had been seeing a few times saw me through the window of a restaurant downtown. Being a bit inebriated, they tried to get my attention and I had to cautiously shake my head for them to realize I was with others and not to be disturbed. Luckily they caught on.
Scary time was when, I will call her K, everyone's all time favourite at Nevadas, was coyly smiling at me in a shopping centre, and was with her man at that time - a huge rough looking young fellow who wore his big baggy jeans like a skater (skate boarder). You could tell he was ready to scrap with anyone. When people with me were not looking and her huge bf was turned away, she gave a big wink, held a finger to her lips to signal shhhhhh, and smiling skipped away like a happy school girl. Happy on what? That could have been awkward to try and communicate with her but I never attempt that whenever I see an SP I know. I had a number to contact K but never did as that friend of hers made me wonder about lifestyle. Such a beautiful woman and an unbelievable lover!!!

 

[george.caruthers]

We should really share the names of SP's who virtually out us in public. The lady I ran into at the airport? Mandy. Didn't think it was worth mentioning the name as she has been retired for a long time. Sixpak and JB might be talking about the same lady.

 

[trebrep]

I've had this happen a few times, but not to this extent. To walk up to you and talk to you in public is bad enough, with your daughter present is unforgivable.

I was at a retail store once and a veteran, very well reviewed SP saw me and started making eye contact and small talk. She new I was squirming and seemed to get off on a bit of a power trip. Not cool.

I was recently at McDonalds and saw a former regular that was always great to me and very well reviewed here. I knew she was trying to leave the business, going to school etc. As soon as I saw her I bolted out of respect of not making her feel uncomfortable. Even though I would never say anything, I didn't want there to be an awkward feeling for either of us.

I think we all rely on the assumption that the SP wants discretion and anonymity as much as we do, and that our paths will likely never cross due to differing lifestyles. This might arise for those of us of a certain age from a time before social media etc. Cherise points out that some young clients don't seem to care that people know they employed the services of an SP. In the social circle(s) of my age group this activity would be greeted with derision, embarrassment and may result in being ostracized. The twenty somethings of today will readily "friend you" on FaceBook and show pictures of themselves practically naked and making out.

Most of the SP's I see (on the road and the traveling SP's from out of Province) are college and university students. I asked one SP in another city that was in graduate school (I knew her quite well) how she felt about doing this. She told me "it's just sex", that a few of her close friends new about her being an SP. She said one of these friends also joined the agency because of her. I called bullshit, and she brought the friend for a threesome (with the agency's knowledge, not as a freebie -damn!)!. They ended up staying past the allotted time shooting the breeze. Without any prodding from me, I knew where they went to school, where they worked, what bars they hung out at etc. They may have felt safe because I am 20 years plus their senior, so I am unlikely to walk into their favorite club. They just seemed very "meh" about the discretion aspect of this pursuit. These were very well educated, middle class girls by all appearances. They were not drug addicts etc. Normal twenty something girls. I made a mental note to avoid the local SP's for the most part because the local college age girls I want to see would probably act the same as these girls. Can't risk it.

Anyway JB, pardion my babbling on. Sorry you experienced this. This is one of our greatest fears in this hobby.

 

[Sixpak]

The one I mention has been retired too ... very disappointing to many.

 

[george.caruthers]

Okay. So do any of us know of any current providers who have done this? For good (acted like they didn't know us) or bad?

 

[PedroPistol]

one of the reasons I basically only see touring girls now, Winnipeg is just to small a city. Everyone seems to know someone who knows someone.

 

[Sixpak]

Okay. So do any of us know of any current providers who have done this? For good (acted like they didn't know us) or bad?

Hmmmm....Are you gonna start a new list? LOL.
Starting an "Outers" list? ;-)
Are you a bean counter..an actuarial..a banker or working for the govt or what? ;-)
Kinda scary! lol

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Thanks for all the support. I saw a couple of friends who were there at a Super Bowl party yesterday. They said nothing and my daughter has not, so it obviously was not noticed nor had much impact on those around me that evening. I was likely the only one who really noticed or remembered her appearance.
I did get a chance to speak with her yesterday evening and let her know how upset I was and how unprofessional her actions were. She did apologize and seemed genuinely remorseful that she had upset me. She did agree she would be very upset if the tables were turned.
I told her that I accepted her apology and as far as I was concerned it was over but in the future she should know better.

Cheers

BTW, I did tell her I had posted this on PERB but I would not out her. That said, if she didn't smarten up her reputation and career in this industry could be seriously impacted.

 

[retriever]

The OP handled the situation well. I wouldn't be bothered if that happened to me. I can make up a thousand things she was to me that couldn't be checked. eg. Oh she's a server that I new from when I worked at blah, blah, blah. There is less of a stigma these days with having an affair than in years past so the current generation doesn't care if they accidentally spill the beans. I would just forget the incident.

 

[thewhiterabbit]

You handled the situation well. I had an encounter a few years ago with an SP I had seen a couple times. She was at a local restaurant that I showed up with my wife and children. I noticed her right away as she did me. I just ignored her and expected the same but she must have circled our table 6 times and I knew she was trying to get my attention. I absolutely refused to give it any notice but I was pissed as well. Funny thing was this was early in my pooning days and she might have been the third SP I had ever seen. Turned out she knew an old roommate of mine but she assured me that our secret was safe and we even discussed what we might do if we ran into each other as I was still friends with our mutual acquaintance. She was very assuring that she would never let on but then less than six months later she's orbiting my lunch table with my family. One can never be too careful