Humour Hanging by a Thread
- Thread starter Purrr VertIcal
- Start date
Well this stopped being funny since the mario video, keep it up PV, I'm still laughing, just not with you. 
Thanks moi, I like your sense of humor.
Thanks moi, I like your sense of humor.
YupWell this stopped being funny since the mario video, keep it up PV, I'm still laughing, just not with you.
Thanks moi, I like your sense of humor.
HB, TS, thanks for your contributions.
Sorry if Inot living up to your expectations. I'll change for you, I promise!
Geesh, some people live to criticize, but offer nothing in return.
(Something like human parasites).
FYI, I thought it important to appeal to more than one type of 'funny bone'. Some of the Ladies I know like various 'cute' humour more than other kinds.
Cheers!
PS:
I don't want to be the major posting person in this thread, but I also want to keep it active near the top for all to frequent.
Sorry if Inot living up to your expectations. I'll change for you, I promise!
Geesh, some people live to criticize, but offer nothing in return.
(Something like human parasites).
FYI, I thought it important to appeal to more than one type of 'funny bone'. Some of the Ladies I know like various 'cute' humour more than other kinds.
Cheers!
PS:
I don't want to be the major posting person in this thread, but I also want to keep it active near the top for all to frequent.
Spaghetti
For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his
reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to
Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he
would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it
discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write 'Spaghetti'
on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and
watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
Dr.W
PhD in THC
For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his
reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to
Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he
would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it
discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write 'Spaghetti'
on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and
watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
Dr.W
PhD in THC
Lock that puppy down... Any SP good at lock picking ?
<img src="http://www.connexions.org/Groups/Subscribers/Logos/CurveMaleChastityDevice-530c.jpg">
<img src="http://www.connexions.org/Groups/Subscribers/Logos/CurveMaleChastityDevice-530c.jpg">
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/f-FLy-mH8pA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/f-FLy-mH8pA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
this guy is so dumb
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/muLIPWjks_M&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/muLIPWjks_M&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
THIS IS CUTEEEE
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dPsNi1k8Df4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dPsNi1k8Df4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
U might want to fast forward it a bit so u don't have to listen to her sing
this guy is so dumb
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/muLIPWjks_M&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/muLIPWjks_M&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
THIS IS CUTEEEE
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dPsNi1k8Df4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dPsNi1k8Df4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
U might want to fast forward it a bit so u don't have to listen to her sing
So 56, is that posting of yours the explanation of the 'fixed' part of your Handle-name on here?
I hope the moderator reads this thread, and selective deletes that posting. Who wants to come to a humour thread and see a picture of your cock?
I hope the moderator reads this thread, and selective deletes that posting. Who wants to come to a humour thread and see a picture of your cock?
Do you mean, "Selectively"? So much for the educated remark you made in that other post
In the Words of Dave Matthews
I Did it - (I kinda spammed my own thread).
I hope it brings people a few smiles!
=======
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that she normally slept in. As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
His eyes lit up and he thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.' Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove with her tee shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
=======
Q: Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?
A: It's for Dickheads.
=======
IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS!
China will no longer publish a phone directory due to absolute chaos.
There are so many Wings and Wongs in THE DIRECTORY,
people were always wingin wong numbers.
====
What did Kermit say to Oscar when Jim Henson died?
Nothing.
======
There I was on my way to work. Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind... wasn't even on the horizon... I was in a great mood... and then... I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny)?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it... he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
...and that's when the fight started.
I Did it - (I kinda spammed my own thread).
I hope it brings people a few smiles!
=======
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the tee shirt that she normally slept in. As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
His eyes lit up and he thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.' Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove with her tee shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
=======
Q: Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?
A: It's for Dickheads.
=======
IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS!
China will no longer publish a phone directory due to absolute chaos.
There are so many Wings and Wongs in THE DIRECTORY,
people were always wingin wong numbers.
====
What did Kermit say to Oscar when Jim Henson died?
Nothing.
======
There I was on my way to work. Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind... wasn't even on the horizon... I was in a great mood... and then... I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny)?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it... he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
...and that's when the fight started.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure."
"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure."
"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."
New Wine for Seniors:
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE.
I heard it through the grapevine.
=====
At a trial in a Southern small-town, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.’‘
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE.
I heard it through the grapevine.
=====
At a trial in a Southern small-town, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.’‘
A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure."
"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."
