Humour Hanging by a Thread

[Purrr VertIcal]

I love a good laugh like everyone. I have hundreds of jokes saved I could post. I only post the occasional one.

Do you know this guy? There's one everywhere...
I've been in groups where you tell a joke, and sometimes you run into the guy who's heard them all, who sometimes will steal your punchline and think he's cool, when he's clueless; OR, for every joke you tell, he has one he's sure is better, and he tells it like it's a competition with you to one- up you...suddenly it's no fun anymore.

- And half the time what he thinks is funny, most people don't.

Not to be discouraging...but...

(And, To: 56fixed: Not saying the above is you...It's great that you are contributing. But are you posting so much it's perhaps almost turning into spam? Please continue posting, but select only your very best? (Not really a question, trying to be polite).)...

(Not that mine are any better, FYI). Now that's funny!

As Thread Initiator, as stated in the first post, I'd like to see a lot of people posting the really good stuff, even fairly regular. Such that, people want to read this thread for a good laugh from many angles, crude to cute, etc etc.

Cheers!

 

[trackstar]

in San Francisco Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxOIbQsm3F0&feature=related

 

[trackstar]

dave chappelle killing them softly part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kkhP_0Rmgc&feature=related

 

[56andfixed]

Purrr VertIcal

Good point.

I`m not `that guy.`

My recollection ability is so weak, I can barely recall the punch line myself.

I had some spare quiet time, and was hoping people could see the value in locating good humour, preferably on https://perb.cc.

I don`t always have such luxuries of time.

 

[56andfixed]

New Supermarket

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal
grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

 

[trackstar]

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal
grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

Hahaha, very clever! Keep 'em coming my friend!

 

[Purrr VertIcal]

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your Front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, they're having a yard sale.'

 

[56andfixed]

Two old folks got married

As they were lying in bed in their wedding suite, staring at the ceiling, the old man says, "I haven't been completely honest with you. I think the world of you, but you are only number two to me. Golf is my first love. It's my hobby, my passion, my first love."

They both stare at the ceiling for a bit; then the woman said, While we're baring our souls, I guess I'd better tell you that Ive been a hooker all my life."

The man jumps out of bed, looks at her for a moment, then says, "Have you tried widening your stance and adjusting your grip?"

 

[moi]

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i like the mario one. sori if u find it boring, i thought it was hilarious, but im a nerdy gamer

 

[[Server Error]]

i like the mario one. sori if u find it boring, i thought it was hilarious, but im a nerdy gamer

OMG. My jaw is so sore from laughing so hard! Thanks for the mario clip. Didn't know there was mod available (for emulators?). lol.

 

[HB40]

OMG. My jaw is so sore from laughing so hard! Thanks for the mario clip. Didn't know there was mod available (for emulators?). lol.

That was too funny, I had tears in my eyes. He was so fucking close, what a goomba. thanks for that moi.

 

[56andfixed]

All hail .... what's his name..

<IMG src="http://www.blacksunjournal.com/wp-content/images/eajcqx6ad55ib5ssajhrprja_400.jpg">

 

[CJ Tylers]

Moi, that was hilarious. Long live the gamer nerd! All your base are belong to us!

 

[56andfixed]

Halloween Costume Choices

<IMG src="http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb260/babyj3nb/yourcomment/funnyhalloween/11.jpg">

 

[Purrr VertIcal]

I have that one 56! A goodie! Thanks for it. Perfect Halloweenie one.

 

[Purrr VertIcal]

Q: What's the Difference between 'Oooh', and 'Aaaah'?

A: About three inches.

 

[56andfixed]

Purrr Vertical

Length or girth?

 

[moi]

here's a couple racial ones. im not racist and my black friends laughed with me, so here we go.


Why do black guys play so much basketball?

-Cos they get to Shoot, Steal and Run.



Why does Beyonce sing "To the Left, To the Left" only?

- cos black people have no rights.

 

[Purrr VertIcal]

Q : Two lesbians were building a house together,
what did they use for materials?

A : No studs.
All Tongue-and-Groove.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tongue_and_groove

 

[Purrr VertIcal]

Confucius Say...

"Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly."

"Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"

"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."

"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."

"Man with one chopstick go hungry."

"Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."

"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."

"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."

"Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"

"If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."

"Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with problem in hand."


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