By [SheWhoMustNotBeNamed].
Part I - Catching Rabbits
Invite them to see you. Forget trying to outwit them… it’s not necessary, and it’s really not much of a challenge anyways. They are very suggestible; you’d be surprised at how effective saying “I would like to see you” is.
Receive them in a nice place. Rabbits are mostly concerned with the quality of the companion, but they don’t particularly care for dumps or dives. My location – Supreme Spa – seems to be sufficiently “rabbit-friendly”.
Get all “gussied up”. They like it when you dress up in pretty, frilly things. And shiny things. If you dress up and wear shiny things, even better.
Part II - Keeping Rabbits
Keep them on edge. Confusion trumps fear and guilt, so do things that surprise them (e.g. eclectic music selections, changing your opinion on things randomly, insult them on trivial things like their hideous fur cut, etc.). But, when you’re doing it, make sure it’s all “happy”. Rabbits seem to need “happy”.
Tell The Big Lie. Specifically, that you don’t mind playing with them. Note that the objective is not to convince them that it’s true (they will never believe it anyways), but rather to leave the slightest doubt that it may not be untrue. Never, ever, ever, ever waiver from The Big Lie.
Tickle them. Well. Quantity is good. Quality is better. This is the best thing you can do to support The Big Lie. It’s also the hardest thing to do. I am exceptionally talented at tickling rabbits.
Expect the Repercussions. If you tickle them really well – and I always do – there is always a reaction of some sort. This may range from odd dances, to tears, to marriage proposals. Be careful of the marriage proposals. If you say “no”, that’s not completely consistent with The Big Lie, and you risk losing your catch. If you say “yes”, they will panic and bolt as if their tail were on fire. It’s best just to ignore the marriage proposals.
Part III - When You Are Done With Rabbits
Throw them back. Really. I mean, there is only so much you can stomach of the nasty buggers, and if you don’t actually make them leave, they may hang on to you for ever. I find a simple but firm “ok, get out” works best. And don’t worry… if you’ve tickled them well, they will come back. Again. And again. And again.
Finally, rabbits are extremely susceptible to voodoo, so if you can, throwing a little of that around doesn’t hurt either. Just for the fun of it.
I am [SheWhoMustNotBeNamed] - and I own rabbits.
Part I - Catching Rabbits
Invite them to see you. Forget trying to outwit them… it’s not necessary, and it’s really not much of a challenge anyways. They are very suggestible; you’d be surprised at how effective saying “I would like to see you” is.
Receive them in a nice place. Rabbits are mostly concerned with the quality of the companion, but they don’t particularly care for dumps or dives. My location – Supreme Spa – seems to be sufficiently “rabbit-friendly”.
Get all “gussied up”. They like it when you dress up in pretty, frilly things. And shiny things. If you dress up and wear shiny things, even better.
Part II - Keeping Rabbits
Keep them on edge. Confusion trumps fear and guilt, so do things that surprise them (e.g. eclectic music selections, changing your opinion on things randomly, insult them on trivial things like their hideous fur cut, etc.). But, when you’re doing it, make sure it’s all “happy”. Rabbits seem to need “happy”.
Tell The Big Lie. Specifically, that you don’t mind playing with them. Note that the objective is not to convince them that it’s true (they will never believe it anyways), but rather to leave the slightest doubt that it may not be untrue. Never, ever, ever, ever waiver from The Big Lie.
Tickle them. Well. Quantity is good. Quality is better. This is the best thing you can do to support The Big Lie. It’s also the hardest thing to do. I am exceptionally talented at tickling rabbits.
Expect the Repercussions. If you tickle them really well – and I always do – there is always a reaction of some sort. This may range from odd dances, to tears, to marriage proposals. Be careful of the marriage proposals. If you say “no”, that’s not completely consistent with The Big Lie, and you risk losing your catch. If you say “yes”, they will panic and bolt as if their tail were on fire. It’s best just to ignore the marriage proposals.
Part III - When You Are Done With Rabbits
Throw them back. Really. I mean, there is only so much you can stomach of the nasty buggers, and if you don’t actually make them leave, they may hang on to you for ever. I find a simple but firm “ok, get out” works best. And don’t worry… if you’ve tickled them well, they will come back. Again. And again. And again.
Finally, rabbits are extremely susceptible to voodoo, so if you can, throwing a little of that around doesn’t hurt either. Just for the fun of it.
I am [SheWhoMustNotBeNamed] - and I own rabbits.
