I'm serious! (but note who paid for the study - at the "bottom" of the article) 
Research for posteriors' sake - Psychologist devises formula for perfect bottom - Misty Harris, CanWest News Service - Published: Tuesday, April 18
A British researcher has published two scientific formulas for the perfect posterior.
David Holmes, a psychologist from Manchester Metropolitan University, says the female behind can be assessed using the equation: (S+C) x (B+F)/T - V, which takes into account shape, circularity of buttocks, "bounce factor," firmness, texture of skin and vertical ratio.
Proportion, calculated by dividing waist measurement by hip measurement, is also significant. The closer the ratio is to 0.7, the more likely the woman's derriere is "sexily proportioned."
"The litmus test for the perfect female bum is that first day at the beach when you strip away pretensions ... and bare all," Mr. Holmes says.
"This is when we know if the New York City Ballet Workout really made a difference. Failing all else, confidence and good conversation can sometimes distract attention, if not compensate for, a 'bum deal' in the buttock lottery."
The male behind is assessed using a similar equation: (S+M) x (L+F)/T - O, which accounts for shape, muscularity, leanness, firmness, texture of skin and overall symmetry.
"The perfect male rear has varied far less from the days of Michelangelo's David to the celluloid outings of Brad Pitt," says Mr. Holmes, remarking that most women find the ideal male bum to be "hairless, blemish-free and smooth."
For each physical factor in his equations, Mr. Holmes developed a points system to aid in self-assessment.
The points from each category are then plugged into the formula, with 80 being considered a "perfect posterior."
"The major application, really, is to get people to realize the shape of your bum can indicate the general health of you," Mr. Holmes says. "If you're staring in the mirror at some saggy object that's rippled like a cheese grater, you'll perhaps want to think about what you're eating and what you're doing as far as exercise goes."
Beauty, of course, is in the eye of the beholder.
In a survey of 2,000 British adults, Mr. Holmes found most women identified Jennifer Lopez's booty as perfectly balancing curves and athleticism. Men, on the other hand, were more apt to be aroused by Kylie Minogue's bum, which Mr. Holmes says has a "shape to match cartoon beauties you thought did not exist in the real world," and boasts a "perfect wobble and resilience factor" evident in her music videos.
The study was conducted for alcohol manufacturer Lambrini.
© National Post 2006
Research for posteriors' sake - Psychologist devises formula for perfect bottom - Misty Harris, CanWest News Service - Published: Tuesday, April 18
A British researcher has published two scientific formulas for the perfect posterior.
David Holmes, a psychologist from Manchester Metropolitan University, says the female behind can be assessed using the equation: (S+C) x (B+F)/T - V, which takes into account shape, circularity of buttocks, "bounce factor," firmness, texture of skin and vertical ratio.
Proportion, calculated by dividing waist measurement by hip measurement, is also significant. The closer the ratio is to 0.7, the more likely the woman's derriere is "sexily proportioned."
"The litmus test for the perfect female bum is that first day at the beach when you strip away pretensions ... and bare all," Mr. Holmes says.
"This is when we know if the New York City Ballet Workout really made a difference. Failing all else, confidence and good conversation can sometimes distract attention, if not compensate for, a 'bum deal' in the buttock lottery."
The male behind is assessed using a similar equation: (S+M) x (L+F)/T - O, which accounts for shape, muscularity, leanness, firmness, texture of skin and overall symmetry.
"The perfect male rear has varied far less from the days of Michelangelo's David to the celluloid outings of Brad Pitt," says Mr. Holmes, remarking that most women find the ideal male bum to be "hairless, blemish-free and smooth."
For each physical factor in his equations, Mr. Holmes developed a points system to aid in self-assessment.
The points from each category are then plugged into the formula, with 80 being considered a "perfect posterior."
"The major application, really, is to get people to realize the shape of your bum can indicate the general health of you," Mr. Holmes says. "If you're staring in the mirror at some saggy object that's rippled like a cheese grater, you'll perhaps want to think about what you're eating and what you're doing as far as exercise goes."
Beauty, of course, is in the eye of the beholder.
In a survey of 2,000 British adults, Mr. Holmes found most women identified Jennifer Lopez's booty as perfectly balancing curves and athleticism. Men, on the other hand, were more apt to be aroused by Kylie Minogue's bum, which Mr. Holmes says has a "shape to match cartoon beauties you thought did not exist in the real world," and boasts a "perfect wobble and resilience factor" evident in her music videos.
The study was conducted for alcohol manufacturer Lambrini.
© National Post 2006
