Hockey Players

[Chingada]

NHL Players Need Your Help!!

Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price
plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be
deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly
longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about! $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every
little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but
to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you! will receive a complete financial report on the
player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo,
please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your
refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is
(check below):

[ ] Forward
[ ] Defenseman
[ ] Goaltender
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the
duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with a Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow (Executive
Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
!
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

 

[wilde]

It is hard to sympathize with the players when they are making as much money as they do. But the owners should share the blame equally. When a guy like Martin Lappointe is offered $5M/yr, no one can balme him for signing the contract and laughing all the way to the bank.

Not too long ago, only Greztky and Lemieux were making the big bucks. And rightly so. Some clever agents started to use the MVP concept when negotiating contracts. For example (pure fiction), Yzerman's agent when negotiating his contract tells the GM that even though Yzerman does not put up Greztky or Lemieux type numbers. He is as valuable to his team as Greztky is to say the LA Kings at the time. So he should be paid similarly to Greztky. The GM bought this concept and all of a sudden all the top players on the other teams wanted top dollars for their services and the owners obliged.

Then there is the arbitration process. The NHL uses arbritrators with little or no hockey knowledge. As a result, they often compare the player going through the process with players with similar stats. This further created more millionaires.

In addition, the agents use the stats to their complete advantage. All of a sudden, value is placed on the so called 2 way players which is most often measured by a player's +/-. For peak sake, the easiest thing in the world to do is to be a checker, all you need is good skating and the heart to completely forget about your offensive skills. Other things such as minutes played, being on the power play or penalty kill, penalty minutes, faceoff percentages, nomination for awards, being on the 1st and 2nd all star teams, basically every statistic category kept by the NHL added value to a players contract. Before you know it, the sky is the limit.

The GMs also screwed themselves over with the rookie contract. It all started with Joe Thornton's 1st contract which naturally called for the maximum base salary but also included generous and easily attainable bonus clauses were added. Soon this became the model for every player who is picked in the first round.

Fast forward to this off season, the way that the free agent market has gone so far has proven that the current structure can work. If the NHL stop shooting itself in the foot, we just might have hockey come October.

 

[LonelyGhost]

I thought the rookie shit

started with that french doofus in ottawa ... the only thing he ever scored on was pamela anderson ... whazzis name???

you know ... signed him to a $20 million dollar contract cuz he spoke french ... couldn't play hockey though ...

jeez ... too much ice cream, got a brain freeze ... sorry..

alexandre daige

 

[_Ruffian_]

When a guy like Martin Lappointe is offered $5M/yr, no one can balme him for signing the contract and laughing all the way to the bank.

forget lapointe man.



Bobby Holik....a 3rd line center is making 9 million a year

 

[Penhold]

Chingada

That's priceless. One of the best parodies I've seen for awhile.

By the way, I'd like to help. To what address do I send the completed form?

 

[OTR2]

Look at the extra cost for the Canucks, knocked out of the playoff's in the first round, means all the more money they have to scrape up for greens fees!