Hiding money?

[Tugela]

I have to agree with Tugela on this one. You might be able to convince yourself with your argument, but if your wife catches you and files for a "fault" divorce - - - the Judge is going to agree with your wife's view that you were:
A - Cheating and thereby breaking your marriage vows
B - Callously exposing her to life threatening disease
C - Diverting family funds to personal uses
D - Have shown that you have dubious moral values
E - Have shown that you are a sexual deviant

You will lose everything, won't have visitation rights with your children and will be paying spousal and child support.

I don't think that it would necessarily go that far, but I think it is pretty safe to say that she would be seriously pissed off.

What most guys who think it isn't really cheating fail to do is consider how they would react if the situation were reversed. If they found out that the woman they were committed to was doing quick humps on the side, I think it pretty unlikely that they would just laugh it off as nothing. But somehow they think that their wives should. It is delusional.

 

[PocaHOTass]

Skimming off the top, hiding money etc. is being sneaky. If you can't handle being monitored, it forces you to such lengths. If this happened at your company, you'd fire the guy and press charges. If you or your spouse has to sneak around each other just to have hobbies, then you might as well get a divorce or commit a murder/suicide.

A separate 'play' account for each spouse requires that people are mature enough to trust each other in the first place. If she's wondering where you're spending your play money then you just have to find a second (lo-cost) hobby...which in the long run would also help your quality of life. Which option truly breeds mistrust?

Under the circumstances, the assumption would be one of "trust" to most as he is posting on a escort review board and his hobby is seeing escorts, however there are plenty of dynamics you aren't taking into account with your reply.

Based on your response, without knowing how long he has been experiencing this or when it did start; you can't determine her "reasoning" which really comes down to control, or how long she has been in "charge" of his spending while also using a business example of what he is "doing", however when in a relationship- anyone who is exercising control to such a degree over finances is an abusive behavior regardless of their sex.

Since he is using the money to cheat on her, wouldn't you say that her vigilance was well justified?

There are two things, his desire to cheat on their relationship, and her desire for that not to happen, and she is the one exhibiting abusive behaviour?

I'm not saying that either is healthy, because clearly neither behaviour is, but you can't just lay it all at her feet alone.

I've included the original posters response, my own and yours to ensure the context what I did say remains hopefully in the context of which it was intended

My point continues to remain the same, just as I will state- it's an assumption her "vigilance" is from or started because of him seeing prostitutes or that it's even a "known" factor.

Her behavior would likely be present regardless of the type of hobby he has. So the direct correlation with fucking around and her actions is misguided on your end. In the context of my original reply, which was prompted by another poster's reference, a few including yourself are creating facts that are unknown.

Regardless of his choices or hers- someone controling the finaces to such a degree remains a control tactic and is an abusive behaviour.

 

[Tugela]

Not really, the whole point of a joint account is that the money in it is to be used jointly.

When one party in that arrangement wants to siphon off some of that cash for nefarious purposes, and is upset because the other person might notice and object, I don't think the fault is with the other person. If it is a joint account both sides have a right to vigilance, it is their money just as much as yours, anything the money is used for has to be in the open. She is looking after her interests and why shouldn't she? You would think that he would be too, and if she suddenly started taking out big chunks of cash from it without explanation, you can bet that he would be upset.

What you are saying is that she should just trust him, when his whole beef is that he wants to betray that trust in secret. That is ironic don't you think? Trust goes both ways.

 

[Man Mountain]

I may be alone on this one... but I do not think seeing an escort to blow a load should be considered as cheating on your relationship. It is a simple business transaction, no emotional attachment, we don't go on dates, go out in public ect ect.

You've never read any of sevenofnine's posts, have you...?

 

[1nitestan]

Not really, the whole point of a joint account is that the money in it is to be used jointly.

When one party in that arrangement wants to siphon off some of that cash for nefarious purposes, and is upset because the other person might notice and object, I don't think the fault is with the other person. If it is a joint account both sides have a right to vigilance, it is their money just as much as yours, anything the money is used for has to be in the open. She is looking after her interests and why shouldn't she? You would think that he would be too, and if she suddenly started taking out big chunks of cash from it without explanation, you can bet that he would be upset.

What you are saying is that she should just trust him, when his whole beef is that he wants to betray that trust in secret. That is ironic don't you think? Trust goes both ways.

My point was about having every penny in a joint account. It doesn't allow either party any discretionary spending. That kind of control over each other's spending is ridiciulous and leads to siphoning funds. Read my other posts about also having separate accounts for context. However, if either party in a relationship has spending problems, then maybe that kind of control is necessary All I know is I couldn't live like that.

 

[Aleister Crowley]

it wont be long before Girls in Red are recieving bitcoins ,
so set up a account and email your gal some love

 

[sevenofnine]

A women I know shacked up with a guy, they shared a bed but didn't share any money.
They ended up suing each other,

Within your own joint account you can actually open up your own account, or accounts and keep your spouse out,

Each of you should have your own tfsa account anyway. From there I have a brokerage account as well.
You can open up a credit card in your name and have online billing.
Lots of ways to shuffle money around.

But the key is not to make your wife suspicious in the first place.

I am the one who goes with out, meaning, I don't have access to my own car, while, my wife has 3 month old vehicle of her choice sitting in the drive way.
She goes with out nothing, is what Im trying to say.

I work overtime for this and go with out like for instance a car'
Like I said the key is not to make her suspicious in the first place.

 

[dickotoole]

I thot a joint account was the one used for buying joints. So, because I quit smoking joints years ago we don't have one.

Fucking ain't cheatin, ask Clinton. I know he only got a blowjob . . . .. right . . . and the whole democratic USA acknowledged it ain't cheatin. But a court may differ.

How to put money aside for anything - have your paycheque direct deposited into your bank. Have your bank immediately transfer to other accounts. The wife might ask< "WTF are you doing you lying cheatin scumbag" so you need to have an answer. The answer is, "my sweet, I have been putting money aside in GICs and TBills for a while but they weren't paying so I started investing it in the stock market . . . . and I am no fucking good at investing . . . but I have been getting better . . . and I have a lot invested right now . . . so I can pull it out" Get it, "so I can't pull it out" ahahahaha You will actually have to invest some and flip it around a bit and change brokers and lose track of things of course. May the force be with you

 

[PierreCoeur]

I use my mileage checks from work on occasion to fund an nice visit to an SP. Eventually I created my own Bank Account so I could hide some dollars from her.

 

[sevenofnine]

Its all about your perspective where your coming at it from.

There are many many men out there who would never pay for an escort.
Many people would find this site pretty sick and disgusting actually.

 

[dickotoole]

ya, that's why I find it so funny when people take a moral stand on things. Society says prostitution is an evil and in north america, puritan values still hold weight, and johns are bad because they take advantage of the poor girls who only prostitute themselves because they have to. It is also funny that society condemns prostitutes while selling everything ever sold with sex. It is ok to sell the idea, but not the act.

 

[sevenofnine]

I was watching the news last night the national or something,

they did a bit on how corrupt the market is, how the people in the know are cheating the system, well you and me out of billions of dollars.
insider trading etc etc.

Thief's criminals are everywhere some of them making millions billions wearing suits and advising kings and queens and presidents.
But so many people get so bent out of shape on a prostitute and a client doing their thing.