And this is exactly why I started this thread. What I perceived, wrongly as it turns out, as someone with a "righteous" point of view making comments that didn't belong in the thread where the discussion started....
Girls leaving the industry
- Thread starter athaire
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BrokeBastard
Sex work is mentally exhausting, physically dangerous, and can scar women for the rest of their lives.
The men who try and play knight-in-shining armour are hyprocrites but just don't want to see any young women go down the road of heavy drug use, mass regrets, and nightmares.
If you have a 100 female sex workers, how many do you honestly think can hack this business in the long-term without the nightmares? 10% at the most?
It's a shitty profession and if I had a young female friend or relative who wanted to go into it I'd say go for a low-paying job instead.
True enough, but I am thinking ahead for the person's safety, sanity, and future... I'm pretty sure that being an SP isn't unionized (wouldn't THOSE be some interesting meetings... lol
) and I am sure it doesn't come with a pension plan, so I was just saying I am glad to hear when a girl just does it for school money, or to get ahead in life. I'm not putting the profession down at all, I have a very healthy respect for SP's.
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BrokeBastard
That should be YOUNG pieces of meat! I hate the old leathery kind!Particularly if even a small proportion of their clients treat them like they were a piece of meat, right?
Calling Agnes, Estelle, Gertrude and Mabel, we're in a recession and you can find work to augment your present lifestyle.
had a session tonight, just got back,
she said i was going to be her last.
it wasn't a very good session, in the sense i couldn't get it up.
we started talking and it just seemed so sad.
and there was nothing there,
don't even know why i went to see her, something just made me,
she was not my type,
but we needed to say good bye, it seemed. i saw her like twice before, only because she was offering a great deal, but i could never make it to completion with her.
just not my type and i will leave it there,
so sad, a kid, fourteen year old girl, failed marriage, a couple of failed relationships.
she talked about making lots of money, but being homless once, with the possibility of being homeless again.
she said that she liked being with me because guys dont want to talk,
i like to listen, i like to hear peoples thoughts there feelings.
i hope she makes it,
she said i was going to be her last.
it wasn't a very good session, in the sense i couldn't get it up.
we started talking and it just seemed so sad.
and there was nothing there,
don't even know why i went to see her, something just made me,
she was not my type,
but we needed to say good bye, it seemed. i saw her like twice before, only because she was offering a great deal, but i could never make it to completion with her.
just not my type and i will leave it there,
so sad, a kid, fourteen year old girl, failed marriage, a couple of failed relationships.
she talked about making lots of money, but being homless once, with the possibility of being homeless again.
she said that she liked being with me because guys dont want to talk,
i like to listen, i like to hear peoples thoughts there feelings.
i hope she makes it,
You had a session with a 14 year old girl who has a failed marriage? I don't even know where to start to express my opinion on that statement.
First, I agree with everything Violet and Holly said, no point in quoting specifics.
I am often used as an example of how this biz can help someone. Yes I'm a student but I chose to be a student AFTER I started working. I realized "hey I really like this job and I can work part time and still afford to go to arts school and buy all my supplies, etc" I don't mind telling people how great this work is because it's given me some great opportunities and I've also spent a LOT of money helping out a family member with medical bills. This is amazing!! But these are not things I HAD to do. I am in no way obligated to do this kind of work.
And you know what? I LIKE this job. And it IS a job, not a lifestyle and not a "just to get on my feet" sort of thing. Sure I won't do it forever but fuck, I've already tried out being an engineer, I've worked in homecare, I worked in a daycare when I was younger, and I've run a customer service department for a major food chain; I do NOT sit still. Usually after 6 months at a job I start to get bored outta my skull. It's been more than 6 months now and I still like this job. An ex-bf of mine recently said to me "it sounds like you've finally found the perfect career"
I don't get offended when someone makes a statement that implies they feel relief that I am going to school. It's sort of the same attitude some people have towards trying drugs in college...like, it's just the age and it's cool to try it out but their personal belief is it's best to move on eventually. However I DO get offended when they push the subject, say/imply I am "too good" for this, and start asking me what I am going to DO once I'm done escorting. When a guy starts talking like that they push us into defending ourselves and if we reply with "but I like this work, I want to do this" they don't seem to take it for an answer, the unsaid thought is that if we like it there must be something wrong with us and yah, that is insulting: like, if you think so lowly of this occupation why are you seeing me? They don't seem to understand that I am happy with what I am doing right now and I don't care what I am going to do later. I LOVE my life, how many people can say that? I am going to school because I want to learn specific things, I am not even taking all the courses I'm supposed to because I don't care about having some degree that says I majored in whatever bullshit arts subject I want to learn the most. I am learning for the sake of learning and it's amazing
I know that guys want to save us, and I understand that maybe some people don't understand how a girl could choose this line of work. But I'm with the other ladies on this one: It is pretty offensive to hear this stuff from guys that are paying girls for the very thing they seem to believe the girl must be desperate to be doing. I tried to date a guy in November and when I told him what I do (we had not kissed yet) he FREAKED out. Saying all these things. I don't think he'd ever met an escort before so all he could picture was a drug addict on the street with a pimp. He's sheltered but at least I could see where his view was coming from and his reaction (while unexpected lol) did not offend me.
Feather: As for the girl you mention that says she just tells everyone...I am getting to that point. I am totally comfortable with what I do and I don't mind answering questions about it and it is becoming so normal to me that I sometimes have a hard time remembering who does and does not know and what I can and can not say. I want people to understand it is not a sensational thing, it's just my job. Unfortunately the other industry I am in relies heavily on networking and I am just looking ahead and deciding it is best if my classmates and people at the company where I am interning do not know.
But yes, it is a hard job. Being an escort, especially long term is not easy. It can be dangerous, the income is really really unstable, it costs a lot to have an incall and advertise properly, you do have to hide it from certain people (incall landlords and neighbors for instance), you run the risk of being approached in public when you are out with someone you don't know, it makes having a love-relationship really difficult, and there are a slew of emotions all over the place and always different. For instance when I am feeling lonely, like I have no friends or something (because a lot of my friends have moved away in the last year), being PAID to be Katlyn rather than having a friend who knows me and wants to hang out is really hard. Luckily those moments are few. But when I decided to do this I decided I could not do anything I was ashamed of and that was why it was/is important for my friends to know. Angel gave me the absolute best advice anyone could ever give a girl just starting out "Don't do ANYTHING you wouldn't do for free" (but don't do it for free of course heh) and because of that I have never felt ashamed of what I do and have kept a level head. BUT I had to ease into it the way FortunateOne describes. I was not ready to jump into the fire. I did massage first, clothed even! Then I moved to nude, then fs. When I was ready and not a moment before.
So what do my long term plans include? Being a part time escort until I get bored of it and then go explore career #6
I am often used as an example of how this biz can help someone. Yes I'm a student but I chose to be a student AFTER I started working. I realized "hey I really like this job and I can work part time and still afford to go to arts school and buy all my supplies, etc" I don't mind telling people how great this work is because it's given me some great opportunities and I've also spent a LOT of money helping out a family member with medical bills. This is amazing!! But these are not things I HAD to do. I am in no way obligated to do this kind of work.
And you know what? I LIKE this job. And it IS a job, not a lifestyle and not a "just to get on my feet" sort of thing. Sure I won't do it forever but fuck, I've already tried out being an engineer, I've worked in homecare, I worked in a daycare when I was younger, and I've run a customer service department for a major food chain; I do NOT sit still. Usually after 6 months at a job I start to get bored outta my skull. It's been more than 6 months now and I still like this job. An ex-bf of mine recently said to me "it sounds like you've finally found the perfect career"
I don't get offended when someone makes a statement that implies they feel relief that I am going to school. It's sort of the same attitude some people have towards trying drugs in college...like, it's just the age and it's cool to try it out but their personal belief is it's best to move on eventually. However I DO get offended when they push the subject, say/imply I am "too good" for this, and start asking me what I am going to DO once I'm done escorting. When a guy starts talking like that they push us into defending ourselves and if we reply with "but I like this work, I want to do this" they don't seem to take it for an answer, the unsaid thought is that if we like it there must be something wrong with us and yah, that is insulting: like, if you think so lowly of this occupation why are you seeing me? They don't seem to understand that I am happy with what I am doing right now and I don't care what I am going to do later. I LOVE my life, how many people can say that? I am going to school because I want to learn specific things, I am not even taking all the courses I'm supposed to because I don't care about having some degree that says I majored in whatever bullshit arts subject I want to learn the most. I am learning for the sake of learning and it's amazing
I know that guys want to save us, and I understand that maybe some people don't understand how a girl could choose this line of work. But I'm with the other ladies on this one: It is pretty offensive to hear this stuff from guys that are paying girls for the very thing they seem to believe the girl must be desperate to be doing. I tried to date a guy in November and when I told him what I do (we had not kissed yet) he FREAKED out. Saying all these things. I don't think he'd ever met an escort before so all he could picture was a drug addict on the street with a pimp. He's sheltered but at least I could see where his view was coming from and his reaction (while unexpected lol) did not offend me.
Feather: As for the girl you mention that says she just tells everyone...I am getting to that point. I am totally comfortable with what I do and I don't mind answering questions about it and it is becoming so normal to me that I sometimes have a hard time remembering who does and does not know and what I can and can not say. I want people to understand it is not a sensational thing, it's just my job. Unfortunately the other industry I am in relies heavily on networking and I am just looking ahead and deciding it is best if my classmates and people at the company where I am interning do not know.
But yes, it is a hard job. Being an escort, especially long term is not easy. It can be dangerous, the income is really really unstable, it costs a lot to have an incall and advertise properly, you do have to hide it from certain people (incall landlords and neighbors for instance), you run the risk of being approached in public when you are out with someone you don't know, it makes having a love-relationship really difficult, and there are a slew of emotions all over the place and always different. For instance when I am feeling lonely, like I have no friends or something (because a lot of my friends have moved away in the last year), being PAID to be Katlyn rather than having a friend who knows me and wants to hang out is really hard. Luckily those moments are few. But when I decided to do this I decided I could not do anything I was ashamed of and that was why it was/is important for my friends to know. Angel gave me the absolute best advice anyone could ever give a girl just starting out "Don't do ANYTHING you wouldn't do for free" (but don't do it for free of course heh) and because of that I have never felt ashamed of what I do and have kept a level head. BUT I had to ease into it the way FortunateOne describes. I was not ready to jump into the fire. I did massage first, clothed even! Then I moved to nude, then fs. When I was ready and not a moment before.
So what do my long term plans include? Being a part time escort until I get bored of it and then go explore career #6
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That may be true, however I believe that a percentage of those women are saying what they think the man wants to hear, plus there are many of us who do not feel that way. I am glad that you pointed out that the negative aspects are really no different from a variety of other jobs out there.
Perhaps for some. But same with many other jobs. And many of those other jobs you do not even make a fair wage at.
I have been robbed, attacked, sexually harassed, threatened, humiliated, molested, & blackmailed at work, & none of that happened to me while I was an SP! It was while I was working "normal" jobs in retail & hospitality! Sex work has been one of the safest jobs I have had & the best for my mental health, not to mention financially of course.
It is not a "shitty profession", unless you specialize in prostate massage.
I would not wish a minimum wage job on anyone! There are many jobs that are socially accepted that are far worse than sex work IMO. If the person was going to be smart & safe about it & was ok with the idea, I would say go for it; if they were solely doing it out of desperation & it was going to make them feel bad about themself I would say not to. It really depends on the individual. Like any job.
That is true, but as I said before, that is no different than many many jobs out there, especially being self-employed. Why do you feel that choosing to be an SP as a career is not "getting ahead in life"?True enough, but I am thinking ahead for the person's safety, sanity, and future... I'm pretty sure that being an SP isn't unionized (wouldn't THOSE be some interesting meetings... lol
I am just trying to get people to think about how they say things & the beliefs that they hold, & consider if perhaps there is some subconcious prejudice ingrained in us influencing the way that we think & speak about this industry. Even those who say they are totally ok with the sex industry often qualify it with a lot of "only ifs", such as "it's ok, but only if she's doing it to put herself through school", or "only if she only does it for a short time & saves up every cent she earns".
My other issue is with men who speak about this occupation with disdain, when they as clients are the ones who are responsible for it's existence. If you really have a problem with it & think that SPs are victims or it's going to scar us for life, then don't pay us for sex.
Rok: I think also that a lot of ladies will just say this as a response to a clients' questioning. It is very very uncomfortable to be with a client who's tone of voice and line of questioning make it sound like he is surprised someone as great as you would do "this" line of work...implying that only not-so-great women usually do it. It can make for a very uncomfortable situation if you try to convince them of your way of thinking so I am sure a lot of ladies just say what the client wants to hear. After all, he's the client and he probably doesn't have the biggest cock she's ever seen either but she'll say that if that's what she thinks he wants to hear
Blaze: In some countries this work is so normalized that prostitutes DO get pension plans! (NZ comes to mind)
Blaze: In some countries this work is so normalized that prostitutes DO get pension plans! (NZ comes to mind)
Also there are a few agencies or Co-ops in BC who have full benefits (medical/dental/life) & some even with pension plans, there was even talk about a union but I'm not sure if that has actually happened. De-stigmatizing the industry &/or legalization would lead to far more of this happening, but that's a whole other topic...
As with any other job, let the person with the job to decide whether it's good, helping achieve personal goals, or time to move on or retire . I can be curious, but I won't question the validity another person's value because that's what make us unique. It's possible to have different viewpoints that are both valid--just to different people.
I, for one, am grateful for living in this relatively peaceful (so far) country with many perks, one which being the freedom to enjoy a paid companionship with an SP. I would be truly sad if SPs didn't exist... good thing ancient folks already took care of that, making it one of the oldest professions in the world Many thanks to you, SPs, for making me a happier person!
. I can be curious, but I won't question the validity another person's value because that's what make us unique. It's possible to have different viewpoints that are both valid--just to different people.I, for one, am grateful for living in this relatively peaceful (so far) country with many perks, one which being the freedom to enjoy a paid companionship with an SP. I would be truly sad if SPs didn't exist... good thing ancient folks already took care of that, making it one of the oldest professions in the world
Many thanks to you, SPs, for making me a happier person!I to have heard those same words from the girls in session....."only part time...", "Just a stepping stone....", "just until....."I'm sure this is often true.
However, I have never questioned a woman about this topic and I have always been cognizant that this line of questioning could offend a lady.
Yet, you would not believe (or maybe you do?) how many times I've heard women say that this line of work is "only a stepping stone", etc. and that they don't want to do this (mainly because its very difficult emotionally and with relationships with other people) without my prompting the subject at all.
FYI - I don't have a problem with anyone choosing what they want to do and I'm not contesting that some women really do love what their doing. However, I'm not sure its fair to suggest that the guys have a completely wrong perception.
Its a tough job. It really is! There's a reason why you ladies can charge hourly rates as much as lawyers and other professional firms whose employees go to school for 7 or 8 years + articling/gaining other experience.
And also...you're not suggesting I don't have the biggest cock either, are you??!!!
But I also have to say that the majority of the ladies that I have been fortunate enough to spend time with are very level headed, bright, enthusiastic business people with long term plans. That is not to say that there is a segment of the work force that doesn't have issues....
And by spend time with I mean actually spend time outside of session and have real conversations with me. Not the usual telling me what I want to hear.......
Since I began in the adult industry, I leave the industry on a semi-regular basis. I take breaks for months to recharge my emotional/spiritual/physical batteries. When I return, I feel great and ready to kick it.
My experience with being a companion is a bit different from these ladies. Some people consider me a person of color - and I love you people who could care less!
As a companion, I was overwhelmed by personal questions about my family's ethnicity, specifically what color were my parents. My family isn't part of my companion experience. My mom won't come in half-time and tongue your nuts.
On a darker note, until I identified myself as Ukrainian/Eurasian I was overwhelmed by inquiries about my ethnic background. Or I encountered a few experiences where my ethnicity was an issue for the client.
One person decided no to fs in the appt, saying "I thought you were European??" I am, I'm not Heidi in the Alps, but I'm part European.
Another caller freaked on me "You are Caucasian right??" When situations like those accumulate, I need time away for me. When I return, I can handle the situation better.
My experience with being a companion is a bit different from these ladies. Some people consider me a person of color - and I love you people who could care less!
As a companion, I was overwhelmed by personal questions about my family's ethnicity, specifically what color were my parents. My family isn't part of my companion experience. My mom won't come in half-time and tongue your nuts.
On a darker note, until I identified myself as Ukrainian/Eurasian I was overwhelmed by inquiries about my ethnic background. Or I encountered a few experiences where my ethnicity was an issue for the client.
One person decided no to fs in the appt, saying "I thought you were European??" I am, I'm not Heidi in the Alps, but I'm part European.
Another caller freaked on me "You are Caucasian right??" When situations like those accumulate, I need time away for me. When I return, I can handle the situation better.
Turns out i'm a hypocrite
I asked myself this question, & i wanted to throw it out there for all of you in computery land. Too be politically correct i'll put the question to you like this....Would you recommend this line of work(stigma or no stigma) too your sister, brother,niece, nephew,daughter or son? My answer was no...I actually dated 3 sp's throughout various times in my life & none of them liked the biz, none of them did drugs while we where together & all 3 of them told me they did it for the money & what it could get them. I guess in the end thats why most of us do any job, one i love which is fishing the other is just a pay cheque and a pension.
I asked myself this question, & i wanted to throw it out there for all of you in computery land. Too be politically correct i'll put the question to you like this....Would you recommend this line of work(stigma or no stigma) too your sister, brother,niece, nephew,daughter or son? My answer was no...I actually dated 3 sp's throughout various times in my life & none of them liked the biz, none of them did drugs while we where together & all 3 of them told me they did it for the money & what it could get them. I guess in the end thats why most of us do any job, one i love which is fishing the other is just a pay cheque and a pension.
Oh yeah!
I know the feeling jerika, i've had a couple sp's decline appointments with me because i'm native. I was actually quite surprised at how up front about it they where.
I know the feeling jerika, i've had a couple sp's decline appointments with me because i'm native. I was actually quite surprised at how up front about it they where.
that makes it kindof point blank doesn't it,
as a guy, i couldn't imagine any women i know love care about being an sp.
we want to glamourize this,
the lady i got close to we talked lots,
and there was one instance between us,
where she was seeing this guy, she described as a creep, her face just want blank,
i didn't want her to see him, for the life of me i don't understand why she did,
and that sums it up for me,
that there are guys out there that are assholes and creeps, and just fucking scary,
but girls will routinly see them, and make comments is not that bad or i don't mind.
i cann't get my head around that.
pretty much every lady i have talked to have said there are nice guys out there, they enjoy being with, i don't see anything really wrong with that.
but the thing is there are other guys out there, that are pretty much the scum of the bottom of the barrel.
and they routinely see ladies and repeat with them,.
that is pretty much why, i wouldn't want any women i know in this hobby,
because it becomes about the money,
only about the money, nothing else much matters,
im going to say this and its blunt.
and i will try and sugar coat it,
having sex for money is not a big issue for me,
but when you will fuck anything for money, it just makes you a whore.
and i suppose the reverse is true, if your a guy, and you, don't give one rats about the lady you see, her circumstance, her age, anything
it just makes you a fucking preditor thats all.
a lady told me,
if you love yourself,
you won't sell yourself.
and i think the reverse is true, if you love yourself you won't buy someone else.
i have always wondered about the emotions going through a ladies head, what is she thinking, is she ok, ok with me, ok with what she is doing.
some times it can be quit nice, i think for both of us.
but i wonder is it worth it in the long wrong,
i don't think you can put a blanket statement out there that covers every lady or a guy, like if you love yourself you won't sell yourself.
its to much of a generlization.
and it speaks more to a persons inner turmoil then anything,
mine and hers.
but i haven;t met anyone who doesn't have some inner turmoil going on,
yes granted some people can put it aside alot easier then others. and others are more sensitive drama queens.
but i have met ladies who on the surface, have it all together they talk the talk walk the walk, then you get to know them,
and its all crumbling. even ladies who it seems have it all together there are cracks, in the foundation.
but then everyone has cracks in there foundation, in this hobby and out of it,
its stupid to say, only creeps and bums and lonly and desperate broken people only particpate in this hobby.
but i think the potential for abuse is alot greater in this hobby, emotional and physical,
i think the chance of healing or finding any answers to the turmoil going on you in this hobby is nil.
i think this hobby is just a stepping stone to something else.
use it, the money your getting, to move on, pay for school support your kids whatever,
some one said, once,
it can be ok in moderation, it can be fun.
but there is a good chance also,
that you can get into things over your head, go down a spiral path into a dark pit where it will take you a very long time to get out of.
Ahh yes, but what you are forgetting is that you are not her only client. There are certain things that girls get asked all the time and they develope standard answers. Also, if 90% of the clients that ask you about this imply that you shouldn't be doing it forever then two very real possibilities is that you are either going to just think "I give up, fuck" or "it's none of their business" and develope that standard answer so that you don't fight with them or sound like a bitch or have to deal with it at all. OR, alternatively, you might actually start feeling BAD about yourself and what you do, believing the things they are saying so you would volunteer the info that it's only a stepping stone, etc, because you don't want the client to look down on you and because it upsets you to be reminded of how you are doing a job that only whores do, or only people that are desperate, etc. I'm just saying I bet most of the girls that volunteer that info are doing it for the clients' benefit and to avoid any possible uncomfortable conversations. Sure for some of them it is a stepping stone, but so is working at Starbucks through school and noone bothers them about that. And for some they do it for their kids, but those of you with families work for your kids too, don't you? If a woman chooses to do this work it should not matter why and I personally find it offensive when someone implies that I must have a "good reason" for being an escort.I'm sure this is often true.
However, I have never questioned a woman about this topic and I have always been cognizant that this line of questioning could offend a lady.
Yet, you would not believe (or maybe you do?) how many times I've heard women say that this line of work is "only a stepping stone", etc. and that they don't want to do this (mainly because its very difficult emotionally and with relationships with other people) without my prompting the subject at all.
FYI - I don't have a problem with anyone choosing what they want to do and I'm not contesting that some women really do love what their doing. However, I'm not sure its fair to suggest that the guys have a completely wrong perception.
Its a tough job. It really is! There's a reason why you ladies can charge hourly rates as much as lawyers and other professional firms whose employees go to school for 7 or 8 years + articling/gaining other experience.
And also...you're not suggesting I might not have the biggest cock either, are you??!!!
Yes, I would, in a heart beat, if I thought they could handle it and had the right type of personality to be able to read stuff like this and not feel bad about themselves for doing this work. My niece for instance would NEVER be able to do this (she's 19) but my cousin would make a great candidate!
Thank you! I agree wholeheartedly.As with any other job, let the person with the job to decide whether it's good, helping achieve personal goals, or time to move on or retire
I, for one, am grateful for living in this relatively peaceful (so far) country with many perks, one which being the freedom to enjoy a paid companionship with an SP. I would be truly sad if SPs didn't exist... good thing ancient folks already took care of that, making it one of the oldest professions in the world
Also to people such as imrokhaard who are saying "it's just my perception, you can't argue with someone's perception", well you are allowed to perceive something however you want, you can "perceive" that some or even many women in this industry want to get out of it, for whatever reason, but that does not give you the right to act like there is something "wrong" with the industry itself as a whole or something wrong with a woman who wants to be in this industry or chooses it as a career, or that it's only acceptable if done for certain reasons, or to have the audacity to tell an SP what is a better job choice for her, & so on. Let it be up to her, regardless of how you perceive some other women in this business feel.
