Girls leaving the industry

[athaire]

I was having a short discussion in another thread about girls leaving the industry. I felt that while it was a good thing for the girls to move on when the time was right for them and they had made the decision for themselves.

Another pooner, luvsdaty, seemed to believe that perhaps it was okay for them to move on regardless of the circumstance. The thread we started this discussion in was a warning thread about harassment/stalking.

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=101600

I wonder about the rest of the communities feelings regarding the girls moving on and the reasons behind their decisions? Is it okay for a provider to be essentially forced out due to bad/illegal behavior or not? Or do you think that no matter why she is leaving it is great to have her leave?

There was also a comment regarding the thought that "drug and psychological councilling" should be made available to the girls......I thought that there was, one only needed to seek it out if they wanted it. I could be mistaken.
I found this statement a little disturbing as it seemed, to me anyhow, that the age old stereotype of the wretched drug/alcohol fueled misfit was what the girls were. In fact my experience has been the exact opposite of that stereotype.....

 

[Thais]

The POVs on exit fully depend on assumptions about the industry.

 

[athaire]

I must be missing something cause this is one of the stupidest questions/discussions I have ever read. A girl can leave when she wants period. For whatever reason period. What is there to discuss? It's their and only their decision.

Now if you're talking about a girl forced out by some jack ass, of course that's not right. Pretty simple stuff here athaire, don't really think a discussion on it is needed to point out the obvious.

Well I didn't realize that I was bringing up something that was not of any importance to the community Hubba......lol. Thank you for pointing that out. As Audrey has mentioned above I was merely responding to what I perceived as another member saying that it was okay to force a girl out. In that case it wouldn't be their decision now would it?

But I guess I am captain obvious in this instance........I will try and up my game for you next time out....

 

[Krustee]

I posted a warning in the Vic section about a member who refuses to leave me alone, and is using Perb to contact previous clients of mine, to gather information about me, ie) my new address, etc .

The purpose of my thread was meant to warn others about this member & ask those who receive pm's from a1a34049 (asking for information about myself) to forward them to the mods.
.

OH SHIT!!!

You mean I shouldn't have given him your address & home phone #???

He said you were a long lost SP who he was trying to reconnect with cuz he owed you money. ?

Oops!!!

My bad

 

[athaire]

lol...I'm sorry athaire I was in a pissy mood when I wrote that. After further reflection....it's still pretty simple stuff

Dude no worries......I agree that it is a bit of a no brainer but sometimes something has to be said to be understood......I don't know.....in any event I will still try and up my game.....lol....

 

[HB40]

Dude no worries......I agree that it is a bit of a no brainer but sometimes something has to be said to be understood......I don't know.....in any event I will still try and up my game.....lol....

Well I'm not too sure about the thread, but on the bright side I think everyone knows who lubed your keyhole now.

 

[athaire]

Well I'm not too sure about the thread, but on the bright side I think everyone knows who lubed your keyhole now.

...... .....

 

[SeekSteadyRegSP]

I was having a short discussion in another thread about girls leaving the industry. I felt that while it was a good thing for the girls to move on when the time was right for them and they had made the decision for themselves.

Another pooner, luvsdaty, seemed to believe that perhaps it was okay for them to move on regardless of the circumstance. The thread we started this discussion in was a warning thread about harassment/stalking.

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=101600

I wonder about the rest of the communities feelings regarding the girls moving on and the reasons behind their decisions? Is it okay for a provider to be essentially forced out due to bad/illegal behavior or not? Or do you think that no matter why she is leaving it is great to have her leave?

There was also a comment regarding the thought that "drug and psychological councilling" should be made available to the girls......I thought that there was, one only needed to seek it out if they wanted it. I could be mistaken.
I found this statement a little disturbing as it seemed, to me anyhow, that the age old stereotype of the wretched drug/alcohol fueled misfit was what the girls were. In fact my experience has been the exact opposite of that stereotype.....

Most important about this biz is that there are newer, firmer, riper replacements coming of age in numbers many times that of the few able to leave the biz of their own free will (before fate does something to insist they quit immediately).

For the consumer, it doesn`t really matter much at all, particularly when the I.P.O. rates for some are among the best bargains you`ll find anywhere.

 

[SidGuy]

copied over from my post on another forum

I don't think it's right that girls can be forced out of the industry due to stalkerish behavior. As far as i'm concerned, if a girl is being threatened by stalkerish behavior, what does it matter if she's a SP? Just because you've had sex with someone does not give you the right to stalk or harass her. These girls are selling a GFE, not a GF. Unless there is a MUTUAL attraction that you both agree on and want to pursue, the encounter is a limited time event. If a client is crossing that line, straight to LE imo. NOT acceptable.

As for the stereotype of the "wretched drug/alcohol fueled misfit" these girls are, I couldn't agree with athaire more, it is exactly the opposite. These girls are in this industry by choice. They don't need to be rescued or judged, and who the fuck are we to judge or think we know what's better for them? If they are happy with what they do, then that's all that should matter. If sometime down the road, a SP decides she'd like to do something else, then it should be her choice. It's a job, and people change jobs all the time.

I've only met a few SPs compared to some guys on this board but they are all nice girls, and there's 1 or 2 that I really enjoy spending time with. Not because I can get laid if I want, but because they are smart, independent woman who have great personalities and are a ton of fun if you take the time to get to know them.

 

[Sit_on_my_face]

Most important about this biz is that there are newer, firmer, riper replacements coming of age in numbers many times that of the few able to leave the biz of their own free will (before fate does something to insist they quit immediately).

For the consumer, it doesn't really matter much at all, particularly when the I.P.O. rates for some are among the best bargains you'll find anywhere.

I'm with you on this but for myself, I would still love to see the senior ladies on here as well. You get to know they're personalities after awhile and you can't replace that. You also kind of expect to see them on here after being on here for some time.

Although, if the new road she takes is successful and makes her happy.....the I support her choice, but I'll still miss them. It's there choice to choose what they ( ladies ) want.
Again, as long as they're happy!

 

[Violet]

As for the stereotype of the "wretched drug/alcohol fueled misfit" these girls are, I couldn't agree with athaire more, it is exactly the opposite. These girls are in this industry by choice. They don't need to be rescued or judged, and who the fuck are we to judge or think we know what's better for them? If they are happy with what they do, then that's all that should matter. If sometime down the road, a SP decides she'd like to do something else, then it should be her choice. It's a job, and people change jobs all the time.

Right on

It frustrates me so much when I have a client visit me & say things like, "You are so smart & beautiful, you're so much better than this, I really hope you get out of this industry as soon as you can," or even more subtle things like, "Oh I'm so glad you are going to college! It makes me feel so much better to know that you are just doing this to put yourself through school & you are going to better yourself!" (which isn't even true, btw, I am not just doing this to pay for school). WTF?! They are the one paying me for sex, what right do they have to say things like this?? I understand they mean well, but the thing that is fundamentally wrong with these kind of statements is that they are coming from an assumption that there is something wrong with what I am doing for a living! And I don't believe that there is. As long as someone is doing this job by choice & it isn't against their personal ethics, it shouldn't matter whether they ever plan to leave the business or if they've chosen it as a career & not just a means to an end. I also think it's rude to be overly congratulatory when a lady decides to leave the business, because, as I said before, that is coming from an assumption that there was something bad or wrong about being in this industry in the first place.

 

[Holly Taylor]

Right on

It frustrates me so much when I have a client visit me & say things like, "You are so smart & beautiful, you're so much better than this, I really hope you get out of this industry as soon as you can," or even more subtle things like, "Oh I'm so glad you are going to college! It makes me feel so much better to know that you are just doing this to put yourself through school & you are going to better yourself!" (which isn't even true, btw, I am not just doing this to pay for school). WTF?! They are the one paying me for sex, what right do they have to say things like this?? I understand they mean well, but the thing that is fundamentally wrong with these kind of statements is that they are coming from an assumption that there is something wrong with what I am doing for a living! And I don't believe that there is. As long as someone is doing this job by choice & it isn't against their personal ethics, it shouldn't matter whether they ever plan to leave the business or if they've chosen it as a career & not just a means to an end. I also think it's rude to be overly congratulatory when a lady decides to leave the business, because, as I said before, that is coming from an assumption that there was something bad or wrong about being in this industry in the first place.

I agree with you entirely. This is a legitimate career choice. While for many it is a "stepping stone", it is also a full-time, long-term career for many, many others. Sex work is completely respectable, and extremely valuable, in my opinion.

I have only had the experience of clients telling me that I am "too good for this" a couple of times, and let me tell you, I refused to book with them again. It's utterly insulting and offensive on so many levels.

I can completely understand curiosity- I don't mind at all when clients ask "so why are you doing this?" or "How did you get into this?" Those are completely reasonable and neutral questions, and I am happy to discuss those topics.

I've been told "you should get a student loan instead of doing this" (who are you, my dad?) and "you don't seem like the kind of girl that should be doing this".

When someone says that to me, what I hear is: "You're smart and nice. Only stupid drug addicts or losers with no future should be doing this. There's no hope for them anyway so I don't feel bad for going to see them. It creeps me out to think that nice young ladies like yourself are forced into prostitution."

Luckily, the vast majority of clients that I have seen have been well-adjusted people who are completely comfortable with the idea of buying and selling sexual services. They treat me with respect and humanity. They are an absolute pleasure!

 

[SidGuy]

You are so smart & beautiful, you're so much better than this, I really hope you get out of this industry as soon as you can," or even more subtle things like, "Oh I'm so glad you are going to college! It makes me feel so much better to know that you are just doing this to put yourself through school & you are going to better yourself!"

I just find it sad that someone will go, pay for sex, support the industry..then try and become a father figure to the girl he has known for probably 8 mins and try and talk her out of it. "oh you're so much better than this and you should leave the industry as soon as possible....right after you have sex with me, here's your money " Gimme a break

 

[luvsdaty]

Career pooner (retired)

I saw my 1st sp when i was 16, being a commercial fisherman left me with a ton of disposible income. To be honest it was great because at that time i was young and did'nt wanna get tied down in a relationship,i mean you pays your money & you takes your chances. Some of them where great, some of them where bad & alot of them where indifferent. In the previous thread athaire asked me if i thought it was ok to harrass women....No it is not ok to harrass anyone(women, men or any ethnic back ground) Being native i've had my fair share of harrassment. Like i said i've seen a lot of sp's in over 20 yrs of pooning & gotten to know quite a few personally and to be honest i'm a pretty private guy so i respect other peoples privacy.I never asked an sp why she does her job & i never told her she was too good for this job.I never tried too be a father figure cause to be honest that just creeps me out, i figure we're all big girls & boys so you make a decission in life & you live with it. So just to put athairs mind at ease,,,, NO I DO NOT THINK IT IS OK TO HARRASS ANYONE, MEN ,WOMEN, CHILDREN, CATS, PUPPIES, LITTLE GREEN MEN ON MARS. If i left anyone out my apologies, except the little green men on mars(they desserve everything they get)

 

[blazejowski]

I know a lot of SPs that have been doing what they do on the side to support them while they attended school, or what have you. Once they left the business, they always have my respect and well-wishes. It's not an easy business to get yourself out of, and I am very happy when the girl gets out of the "lifestyle" to pursue a career.... even though Little Blaze is a little sad at times that they are gone...

 

[Claptix]

Holly,

I understand your point of view. My following comments come from a long experience with professional companionship. For over ten years, I have been consistently using different forms of professional companionship . I have experimented with most forms from complete sugar daddy arrangements, very high scale professional companions, normal agency girls and independents to AMP's and even an experimental stroll with a Seymour girl. However, while I experiment with different forms of professional companionship, my normal cadence is to have a regular (or two) that I see on an on-going basis.

I've had a number of close friends (including romantic involvement) who worked as professional companions and there are several professional companions that I continued to see over a span of many years. While it is very true that "Sex work is completely respectable, and extremely valuable, in my opinion...", my experience has shown that continued long-term sex work is devastating to the lives of most professional companions I have known well. The effects on their lives, the lives of their families, their self view, led to a state where their ability to have normal relationships (romantic, non-romantic, familial) becomes significantly impaired. These effects build and lead to a life of isolation. This isolation often leads to other negative issues. This is based only on my personal experience. I am not stating that there are no individuals who can work in this industry for a long time without these negative effects.

The clients that made the comments that you found personally offensive may have had similar experiences to mine.

I have had much admiration and care for many of the professional companions I have come to know well. That does not mean though that I did not see the effects the industry had taken on their lives.

JC

I agree with you entirely. This is a legitimate career choice. While for many it is a "stepping stone", it is also a full-time, long-term career for many, many others. Sex work is completely respectable, and extremely valuable, in my opinion.

I have only had the experience of clients telling me that I am "too good for this" a couple of times, and let me tell you, I refused to book with them again. It's utterly insulting and offensive on so many levels.

I can completely understand curiosity- I don't mind at all when clients ask "so why are you doing this?" or "How did you get into this?" Those are completely reasonable and neutral questions, and I am happy to discuss those topics.

I've been told "you should get a student loan instead of doing this" (who are you, my dad?) and "you don't seem like the kind of girl that should be doing this".

When someone says that to me, what I hear is: "You're smart and nice. Only stupid drug addicts or losers with no future should be doing this. There's no hope for them anyway so I don't feel bad for going to see them. It creeps me out to think that nice young ladies like yourself are forced into prostitution."

Luckily, the vast majority of clients that I have seen have been well-adjusted people who are completely comfortable with the idea of buying and selling sexual services. They treat me with respect and humanity. They are an absolute pleasure!

 

[FortunateOne]

I think it can be a very lonely existence for many women. Especially prior to the internet, it wouldn't have been easy to meet others, network, socialize with other sps. (Duos didn't used to be a very common thing, because of this factor, now it seems like everyone is duoing them lol).

Limited support, few friends, tied to a land line to work, tied to home to work, etc etc. Now things are different. An sp can go out with friends, and still take calls with a cel phone. The internet offers chat rooms and forums on industry topics, and they meet each other online or in person.

Many younger women choose this as a way to achieve their goals, and research to decide what would work for them. Katlyn and LovelyRubi both started out r&t, and added services as they gained experience and comfort levels, and clients, for that matter. Others dive right in with websites, longer courtesan engagements and never even considered the possibility of a simple r&t on their menu. None of these sps did this with blinders on, or for a quick financial fix, slapping an ad on CL and seeing what would happen.

I think it is hard work. There is absolutely no financial stability. It costs money to let people know you are available, but you can't get money to advertise without working lol. There are missed opportunities with family, friends and maybe even outside jobs because of this instability and $ uncertainty. If you work, you have no life. If you want a life, you have no advertising money. No advertisements, no work, and on and on. Like any self-employed person, they take on the risks for an uncertain reward.

It cannot help that along with that there will come the occasional client who wants more than they are prepared or should be expected to give.

 

[Violet]

The biggest negative impact this industry has on the women in it is not due to the industry itself but to the stigma attached to it, friends/family's/society's views of it & how sex trade workers are treated by other people. There are numerous studies proving this. And having the attitude that it is better for women to get out of it, or that no sane, intelligent woman would want to do this for very long, however polite you are about it or whether or not your intentions are coming from a place of caring, is just perpetuating this & causing far more harm than good.

I agree that there are some women for whom this may have a negative impact on their mental health, & they should get out of it if they want to (just like a doctor or lawyer who hates his/her job should), but for many of us, the only adverse impact it has on our lives/relationships is simply due to the way we are treated by others & the fact that other people in our life are not understanding about it. Are you saying that we should not be in the industry just because of that?

I am not saying this job is perfect, but it is not unusual in it's problems, it is very similar to any other service industry or self-employment. And it's a hell of a lot better than most jobs that require similar education/experience. A woman can do this who normally wouldn't be able to get a job paying more than minimum wage, & she'd be working her butt off & hating that job far more.

Also, no matter what your intentions, or how you say it, it is not nice, kind, helpful or appropriate to tell someone who you are paying for sex that she should not be letting men pay her for sex. If you think it's such a bad industry & not healthy for the women in it, then you should not be supplying the demand for our services.

 

[Violet]

I know a lot of SPs that have been doing what they do on the side to support them while they attended school, or what have you. Once they left the business, they always have my respect and well-wishes. It's not an easy business to get yourself out of, and I am very happy when the girl gets out of the "lifestyle" to pursue a career.... even though Little Blaze is a little sad at times that they are gone...

I know you are coming from what you think is a goodd place, but you are still speaking from the assumption that's it always a better choice to not be in this business.

It is not a "lifestyle", it is a JOB. Perhaps for some it may become the main thing in their life or a "lifestyle", but that is not representative of all or even most, & that can happen with any job.

It is fine to be happy for someone if they have left because they do not want to be in this industry anymore, or if they have decided to pursue a career that they feel is a better choice for them, but one should not assume that there is something inherrently better about any other career choice, or that there is anything wrong with choosing this business as a career. I also noticed that you wrote "to pursue A career" & not "to pursue another career".

 

[neverwas]

The biggest negative impact this industry has on the women in it is not due to the industry itself but to the stigma attached to it, friends/family's/society's views of it & how sex trade workers are treated by other people. There are numerous studies proving this. And having the attitude that it is better for women to get out of it, or that no sane, intelligent woman would want to do this for very long, however polite you are about it or whether or not your intentions are coming from a place of caring, is just perpetuating this & causing far more harm than good.

I agree that there are some women for whom this may have a negative impact on their mental health, & they should get out of it if they want to (just like a doctor or lawyer who hates his/her job should), but for many of us, the only adverse impact it has on our lives/relationships is simply due to the way we are treated by others & the fact that other people in our life are not understanding about it. Are you saying that we should not be in the industry just because of that?

I am not saying this job is perfect, but it is not unusual in it's problems, it is very similar to any other service industry or self-employment. And it's a hell of a lot better than most jobs that require similar education/experience. A woman can do this who normally wouldn't be able to get a job paying more than minimum wage, & she'd be working her butt off & hating that job far more.

Also, no matter what your intentions, or how you say it, it is not nice, kind, helpful or appropriate to tell someone who you are paying for sex that she should not be letting men pay her for sex. If you think it's such a bad industry & not healthy for the women in it, then you should not be supplying the demand for our services.

Those are a few good points Violet.
Any of us who have seen a large number of SPs can remember some who were strongly affected by society's views of their profession. If this bias against their career choice negatively affects their self image they should reconsider their career once they have achieved the initial financial goals.
We will have a difficult time changing society's opinion of the sex industry so each worker can decide whether the pressure is too much for her. The key is not society's opinion, but your reaction to society's opinion. If you can rise above the negativity then you can have a successful career as an SP without suffering the negative self image.
I can remember several SPs that seem to be very comfortable with the job itself, but were also stronly influenced by the commonly held negative view of their job. If they wanted to leave sex work it was to have a "normal" relationship to society without the feeling that they had to lie about their work choice.