Does anyone have any funny or embarrassing stories they would like to share about their SP/escort experiences? I have one that happened to me, it was like the third time I had visited with an escort. I got a number off the back of a georgia straight and made an appointment with a european lady that does massage and hj finish. I don't recall her name or number but she is located downtown close to Yaletown and is a older, tall european lady with short hair. She did a fantastic job. Very sensual, and really builds up the anticipation before you blow. Anyhow, after I was finished we had to take care of the donation and I reached in my pocket and didn't have my wallet! I searched everywhere for it and couldn't find it! At first I thought she stole it when I was in the bathroom, and we had a very awkward moment where she was like where is my money, and I was thinking, I think you stole my wallet. I soon realized that the wallet had to be in my car that was parked on the street. I told her that I would be back in 5 minutes and that the wallet was in my car. I didn't have anything as collateral and wasn't about to give her my phone, so she said forget it lets go. She literally put on a trench coat over her lingerie and I put on my shoes and we took the elevator down. It was so awkward and embassing. I'm a 26 year old shorter dude walking next to a 5'10" older blond escort with bad make up and it's a nice summer day and it's bright and sunny out. My car was a few blocks down the street from her apartment, so were crossing intersections, waiting for lights. It was busy as hell downtown. I was hoping that none of my friends would drive by and see me. She's obviously in a bad mood the whole time were walking. Quietly yelling and telling me how could I do this. Anyway, we finally get to my car which is parked right off of Granville. I open my car and she says let me in first, I guess she's scared that I'm gonna drive away. So I let her in, and I get in and I start looking around my car and I see my wallet on the floor of the drivers side. It must of fallen out of my pocket. Anyway, I gave her the donation in the car and even offered to drive to back. She declined and angrily got out of my car. I felt so bad It was very embarrassing for me, but now that I think about it now, it's actually a lil funny and something I could laugh about now. Does anyone have a funny story?
Funny or embarrassing SP stories
- Thread starter Vito
- Start date
Had a session booked at the Sheraton Wpg....got there early and wandered around the attached airport for awhile ....SP texted and said she needed 30 extra minutes... so I said sure,she`s hard to book and didn`t mind waiting.
30 min later she texted the room number and up I went...knock on the door....nothing... knock again...nothing....so I text her again...a few people in hallway so it was a little awkward.
she texted back the same room number... i`m like wtf...I`m here?...so walk back down the hall and knock again...nothing... so text again...can I call you? your not answering the door...she texts back... I`m here....
Then I text... you are at the SHERATON AIRPORT right ?
...no she replies .... SHERATON SOUTH.... 10 miles away.... F sakes, I went to the wrong hotel....we had to cancel, never did get to see her. It was my mistake, in an earlier email she had said SOUTH... and I missed it...hotels are always changing their names and there used to be only one sheraton...I forgot there was now 2.
So I guess I saved 300 that night...well 290...I had to pay 10 for economy airport parking...geez
30 min later she texted the room number and up I went...knock on the door....nothing... knock again...nothing....so I text her again...a few people in hallway so it was a little awkward.
she texted back the same room number... i`m like wtf...I`m here?...so walk back down the hall and knock again...nothing... so text again...can I call you? your not answering the door...she texts back... I`m here....
Then I text... you are at the SHERATON AIRPORT right ?
...no she replies .... SHERATON SOUTH.... 10 miles away.... F sakes, I went to the wrong hotel....we had to cancel, never did get to see her. It was my mistake, in an earlier email she had said SOUTH... and I missed it...hotels are always changing their names and there used to be only one sheraton...I forgot there was now 2.
So I guess I saved 300 that night...well 290...I had to pay 10 for economy airport parking...geez
i was seeing this lady i guess for the third time
i kind of liked it things were going fine, she did bbbjs.
not something i search out but not something well i turn down either, if the lady is comfortable with it so am i
she started playing around with lotions, i mean she would drink something then go down on me. different sensations i mean sort of a kool mint or a fresh, smell, or just cold, just a curiostiy really nothing really special, it was just wasting time for me i guess,
i kind of wished she would stop it actually and leave my male member in her mouth actually it was kind of boring
then she said just one more, and she popped this thing into her mouth, it was a pill of something, then she went down on me.
and holy fuck did that burn, it was some sort of extract of jalepiono pepper that she had in her mouth, then down on my penis.
and fuck did that sting, and i had like a burn on my penis it was like an actual red burn on my unit, that stayed there for like two or three days
shit,
i actually returned to see her we had a laugh, i never got mad it was just funny, she thanked me for being a good sport.
not quite so funny, but i used to see this women she was like the most raunchy sort of porn star women i had ever met,
i would basiclly just close the door behind me, and rip of my clothes and she would have like a panty and bra with a housecoat, but like two seconds after her door closed i was completely naked, she would just sort of smile and giggle at me.
but once, she let me in, but like yelled one minute she was pouring us some wine or something, any way i shut the door, and stripped down, and stood there buck naked waiting for her,
she comes around the corner, fully dressed in blue jeans and sweater, and just leaves me stand there naked, trying to hold back laughter she delayed things as long as she could made a phone call checked her messages, and im standing in her kitchen naked with a big erection slowly fading she lets the dogs out and in. just laughing at me, or trying to hold back laughter
and i just stand there shacking my head, trying to hold back laughter as well and finally she grabs my penis and takes me up stairs to her bedroom
hell of a women.
i kind of liked it things were going fine, she did bbbjs.
not something i search out but not something well i turn down either, if the lady is comfortable with it so am i
she started playing around with lotions, i mean she would drink something then go down on me. different sensations i mean sort of a kool mint or a fresh, smell, or just cold, just a curiostiy really nothing really special, it was just wasting time for me i guess,
i kind of wished she would stop it actually and leave my male member in her mouth actually it was kind of boring
then she said just one more, and she popped this thing into her mouth, it was a pill of something, then she went down on me.
and holy fuck did that burn, it was some sort of extract of jalepiono pepper that she had in her mouth, then down on my penis.
and fuck did that sting, and i had like a burn on my penis it was like an actual red burn on my unit, that stayed there for like two or three days
shit,
i actually returned to see her we had a laugh, i never got mad it was just funny, she thanked me for being a good sport.
not quite so funny, but i used to see this women she was like the most raunchy sort of porn star women i had ever met,
i would basiclly just close the door behind me, and rip of my clothes and she would have like a panty and bra with a housecoat, but like two seconds after her door closed i was completely naked, she would just sort of smile and giggle at me.
but once, she let me in, but like yelled one minute she was pouring us some wine or something, any way i shut the door, and stripped down, and stood there buck naked waiting for her,
she comes around the corner, fully dressed in blue jeans and sweater, and just leaves me stand there naked, trying to hold back laughter she delayed things as long as she could made a phone call checked her messages, and im standing in her kitchen naked with a big erection slowly fading she lets the dogs out and in. just laughing at me, or trying to hold back laughter
and i just stand there shacking my head, trying to hold back laughter as well and finally she grabs my penis and takes me up stairs to her bedroom
hell of a women.
I had a silly experience earlier this year.
I was buzzed into this 30+ story building. It's one of those buildings where you are only allowed to use the elevator to get to the floor you were buzzed up to.
So, this day happened to be a moving day, so one of the elevators was taken. By the time the only available elevator arrived, my access had timed out...so back to the door to surprise her with another buzz...rinse and repeat...missed it again! Third time was the charm, but it was very embarrassing on my part...being stuck in that building, so close, yet so far away!
I was buzzed into this 30+ story building. It's one of those buildings where you are only allowed to use the elevator to get to the floor you were buzzed up to.
So, this day happened to be a moving day, so one of the elevators was taken. By the time the only available elevator arrived, my access had timed out...so back to the door to surprise her with another buzz...rinse and repeat...missed it again! Third time was the charm, but it was very embarrassing on my part...being stuck in that building, so close, yet so far away!
Did you not...notice the breeze?
lol 
I have a funny story like that OP, I had a client who didn't know a word of english, so before the session I wanted the donation, and we were using hand gestures to communicate and he was pointing to his breast pocket that had a zipper, and that's where he had the cash. So he was trying to open it and it wouldn't open, and I was kind of freaking out at this point because I had appointments on schedule and this was wasting my time lol. So then I tried to open his zipper and we tried and tried, and eventually he took over and got it open hehe, phew
I have a funny story like that OP, I had a client who didn't know a word of english, so before the session I wanted the donation, and we were using hand gestures to communicate and he was pointing to his breast pocket that had a zipper, and that's where he had the cash. So he was trying to open it and it wouldn't open, and I was kind of freaking out at this point because I had appointments on schedule and this was wasting my time lol. So then I tried to open his zipper and we tried and tried, and eventually he took over and got it open hehe, phew Funniest thing with me was a session in a high rise apartment with an SP that rode me like a bucking bronco, so I left weak-knee'd and in a daze. Get on the elevator - which took forever - and it went up instead of down. So I go for a ride and we land on the SP's floor, and lo and behold, she gets on, wearing sweats and a really baggy sweat top, and looking like hell... lol.
She was bringing down the garbage, and saw me - there were a few more people in the elevator - and doesn't say a word to me, but she made eye contact, smiled and turned beet red.... I laughed my ass off when I got back to my vehicle....
She was bringing down the garbage, and saw me - there were a few more people in the elevator - and doesn't say a word to me, but she made eye contact, smiled and turned beet red.... I laughed my ass off when I got back to my vehicle....
L
LADY-VIA
I had a really funny situation..... A regular came to see me after smoking a bunch of pot... not the first time this has happend all together but the first time with this individual.. any how it must have been great stuff.. cause everything was fine. no one was talking things were happening.. however out of no where he just cracked up laughing.. uncontrollably NON STOP JUST NUTS... he kept trying to tell me what was funny.. he was oddly thinking about something that had happened.. and everytime he tried to tell me it just got worse and I only got a word or two out of him, not even a full sentence.. and I was starting to really wonder what happened and what was going on ??? !!! after ten minutes or so he calmed down but of course as hes shaking with the giggles.. I crack up too !! then finally its silent.. and we are trying to refocuss.. then all over again he started up We were both literally in tears.. it was actually really funny. He gave up and went to the bar to meet up with his friends... a believe little over baked that one was lol I mean seriously cooked
We were both literally in tears.. it was actually really funny. He gave up and went to the bar to meet up with his friends... a believe little over baked that one was lol I mean seriously cooked 
Like the time I had just finished a two hour appt and heard a crash outside the BR window. Yup, someone crashed into a parked car which happened to be mine.:doh:
Sort of put a damper on a really nice afternoon
Sort of put a damper on a really nice afternoon
Well, I hope for your sake you didn't have a SO to explain that to... lolLike the time I had just finished a two hour appt and heard a crash outside the BR window. Yup, someone crashed into a parked car which happened to be mine.:doh:
Sort of put a damper on a really nice afternoon
"Oh, hey,sweetie, the car got hit on Smith street"
"WHY were you on Smith street???"
"uhhhhhhhhhhh....."
I had a client come to my apt, I gave him the buzzer number and the apt number. I buzzed him him, waiting, waiting, waiting. Finally, I phoned him. He went to the wrong apartment, where a girl was waiting for somebody to view the apt to sublet. He was let in and waited for her to say something about the session (I guess) and she was wondering why he wasn't asking questions about rent etc. Then he answered my call and realized he was in the wrong apartment. I was SOOOO freaked out!! We laughed about it after. What are the chances? Imagine how badly it could have gone? (grabbing her and kissing her right away, haha) Thank goodness it turned out ok!
Not quite an "SP" story technically, but I was dating a real sex machine when I was 19 - we had an after party at my place after working all night in the bar, and ended up cracking some home brew hooch, and doing "units" - aka a shot of homebrew with a shot of pop. Needless to say we were all poleaxed, partying on the roof of the house, etc. And after everyone left at 11am or so, we decided to fuck before we crashed.
Anyhow, we were going at it doggie style, and mid pump my eyes rolled into the back of my head, I black out, passed out, and fell off the bed onto the floor. Got up a minute later, and finished off doggie... LOL
Anyhow, we were going at it doggie style, and mid pump my eyes rolled into the back of my head, I black out, passed out, and fell off the bed onto the floor. Got up a minute later, and finished off doggie... LOL
A few years ago I saw a lady in either Surrey or New West, I forget which, after a wonderful session she invited me to have a glass of wine on her balcony. So there we were sipping wine and her cat comes out and starts humping my leg, she grabs the cat and puts him back into her apartment as she closes the sliding window we both hear the click and were locked out of her tenth floor apartment on the balcony! Neither of us has a future as a burglar we couldn't get back in, then of course the rain starts! Thank God I had my phone with me, no answer at the caretakers so she had to phone her friend to come and let us in! I saw her a few times until she retired and we always joked about that day!
I had a regular I used to see who worked behind the best buy at Metrotown. She was an older Asian sp that always made sure that i had a cup of tea before and after our session. Sometime I was the one making the tea while she was showering. Anyways one time in had her in standing Doggystyle when I suddenly had a really bad toe cramp. I tried to take a step back but ending up falling on the floor in pain. She then turned around to help me up but I was too heavy for her and she ended up falling on top of me. After our session while we were waiting for our "post fuck tea" she told me that I was out of shape and suggested that I should do some calisthenics and then showed me some moves before we had our tea.
After that our sessions would always start with calisthenics and end with tea.
After that our sessions would always start with calisthenics and end with tea.
I used to teach Japanese at University of Victoria.
One day, one of my student showed up at my door.
He noticed right away. I did not. He really showed up to our 8:30 am class.
Eventually, when he asked me " do you recognize me?", I did finally.
"oh, you are my student aren't you?"
" yes."
" you got B- last for the last assignment"
"yes, something like that"
" review the assignment, that is very important. And your next assignment is due next Monday"
As I walk out him, instead of making out like I usually do, I suggested him to go home and review over verb conjugation.
One day, one of my student showed up at my door.
He noticed right away. I did not. He really showed up to our 8:30 am class.
Eventually, when he asked me " do you recognize me?", I did finally.
"oh, you are my student aren't you?"
" yes."
" you got B- last for the last assignment"
"yes, something like that"
" review the assignment, that is very important. And your next assignment is due next Monday"
As I walk out him, instead of making out like I usually do, I suggested him to go home and review over verb conjugation.
I guess I got a couple stories.
In the shower with a Kgirl. She spots a cockroach crawling on the shower curtain. She starts screaming. I reach to grab the thing to kill it and that freaks her out even more and she grabs me just as I'm about to grab the cockroach. That throws me off and I miss it and the cockroach falls off the curtain and the into the middle of the tub. Just when I thought she couldn't scream any louder and higher, she lets out the highed pitch banshee scream I've ever heard right in my ear, jumps out of the shower and b-lines it down the hallway completely naked. Brosan is in the living room and I'm sure he thinks I've done something wrong. I rush out to try to explain what happened so I don't get my ass kicked. After a few minutes she finally calms down and we carry on.
Another time I saw a girl at her incall which is a set of 4 buildings in a square with a courtyard in the middle. After the session I went down to the lobby but I took a wrong turn and ended up in the courtyard instead of on the street. Just my luck the door locks behind me and I can't get back into the lobby. I walk around the courtayrd looking for another exit to the street. There isn't one. Instead of calling the phone girl for help I decide to try a door that's marked "exit". It takes me to a stairwell and just my luck, the door locks behind me again. Now I'm stuck in a stairwell. I go to each level and each level is locked. I finally call the phone girl but I have no way of describing exactly which stairwell I'm in. After about 15 minutes a couple who decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator come to my rescue. I thought I might be stuck there all night.
In the shower with a Kgirl. She spots a cockroach crawling on the shower curtain. She starts screaming. I reach to grab the thing to kill it and that freaks her out even more and she grabs me just as I'm about to grab the cockroach. That throws me off and I miss it and the cockroach falls off the curtain and the into the middle of the tub. Just when I thought she couldn't scream any louder and higher, she lets out the highed pitch banshee scream I've ever heard right in my ear, jumps out of the shower and b-lines it down the hallway completely naked. Brosan is in the living room and I'm sure he thinks I've done something wrong. I rush out to try to explain what happened so I don't get my ass kicked. After a few minutes she finally calms down and we carry on.
Another time I saw a girl at her incall which is a set of 4 buildings in a square with a courtyard in the middle. After the session I went down to the lobby but I took a wrong turn and ended up in the courtyard instead of on the street. Just my luck the door locks behind me and I can't get back into the lobby. I walk around the courtayrd looking for another exit to the street. There isn't one. Instead of calling the phone girl for help I decide to try a door that's marked "exit". It takes me to a stairwell and just my luck, the door locks behind me again. Now I'm stuck in a stairwell. I go to each level and each level is locked. I finally call the phone girl but I have no way of describing exactly which stairwell I'm in. After about 15 minutes a couple who decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator come to my rescue. I thought I might be stuck there all night.
