Floyd Landis...

[BC visitor]

Floyd Landis Facts

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The chief export of Floyd Landis is Pain.

Floyd Landis grinds coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Floyd Landis lives in San Diego.

While urinating, Floyd Landis is easily capable of welding titanium.

The latest edition of Webster's Dictionary defines "victim" as "one who has encountered Floyd Landis".

Floyd Landis doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

It takes Floyd Landis 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Floyd Landis has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

Floyd Landis once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills--they made him blink.

Floyd Landis played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When Floyd Landis sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Floyd Landis has never had to pay taxes--ever.

Floyd Landis can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Police label anyone attacking Floyd Landis as a Code 45-11, a suicide.

Contrary to popular belief, France is not a democracy, it is a Floydtatorship.

Floyd Landis recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Floyd Landis pajamas.

Floyd Landis once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

When Floyd Landis does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Floyd Landis does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Landis tank until Floyd decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him.

Floyd Landis does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

There is no such thing as global warming. Floyd Landis was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Floyd Landis brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Floyd Landis doesn't play the lottery--it doesn't have enough balls.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Floyd Landis.

They once made a Floyd Landis toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take sh't from anybody.

 

[metoo113]

But Floyd Landis is no Lance Armstrong.

 

[westwoody]

He isn't even Greg Lemond.

 

[aznboi9]

Floyd Landis Facts

The chief export of Floyd Landis is Pain....

This seems to be a rip-off or variation on chucknorrisfacts.com. It's much funnier and cooler when chucky is the topic of discussion.

 

[BC visitor]

Some historical perspective on Stage 17 from Lemond

Greg LeMond, Three-time winner of the Tour de France
"This was easily the best day I've seen in cycling in years... maybe ever. This is the sort of ride done by a Merckx or a Hinault. I sure never did anything like that. These past two days - yesterday's big loss, coupled with today's heroic ride - puts him up there with the real heroes of the Tour.

Seeing him up on the podium today was a real joy... he was genuinely happy and you almost felt like you were up there with him. This Tour may go down as one of the greatest ever. Look at what's happened over these past three weeks. The racing is as good as it gets... the furthest thing from a foregone conclusion that one could hope for. This is bike racing!"

 

[BC visitor]

Floyd's stats from stage 17...

- 5 hours 23 minutes and 36 seconds.

- Covering 200.5 kilometers (130 km alone in the wind).

- At a speed of 37.175 km/hr.

- Averaging 281 watts when moving for the whole ride and 318 watts over the last two hours.

- Averaging 324 watts while pedaling for the whole ride and 364 watts over the last 2 hours.

- At an average cadence of 89 rpm.

- Transferring 5,456 Kjoules of energy to his Cycleops PowerTap.

- Taking, no joke, a total of 70 water bottles (480 ml each) from the car to keep himself cool and hydrated.

- Attacking about a quarter of the way up the Col des Saisies for 30 seconds at 544 watts, which settled into a 5-minute peak of 451 watts, which continued for 10 minutes at an average of power of 431 watts, and left everyone in his dust after 30 minutes at an average power of 401 watts.

- Spending 13.2% of his time or 43 minutes coasting like a rocket on the descents and another 60% between 4 to 7 watts per kilogram of body weight (aka, the pain cave).

- Holding onto 373 watts over the Col de Joux-Plane.

- Hitting a max speed of 83.7 km/hr (51.9 mph)

 

[gauntlet99]

Will there be a rebroadcast of the ride?

 

[hornyitalian06]

Congratulations - Floyd Landis

Good for me. You have admire all those cyclists for competing inthis Tour de France

 

[Cock Throppled]

I thought he was great as the barber on the Andy Griffith Show.

 

[metoo113]

He may be no Lance Armstrong but what he did ranks among the greatest rides in the Tour's hustory! Show me someone else who erased that much time after a devestating mountain stage.

He's just another cheating sports loser who will do anything to win.

 

[JMBrowning]

He's just another cheating sports loser who will do anything to win.

Just like Ben Johnson

 

[Cock Throppled]

He didn't cheat - he just has massive balls that spew out such huge amounts of testosterone the poor guy can't control it, apparently. No mention why those huge amounts never showed up on anyother tests he's done. I think they'd better check his bike to make sure it wasn't motorized that day, too. Of course, he'd explain it away as simply decorative and didn't really help him.
And what's with his mom and sister? Are they Amish?

 

[metoo113]

He didn't cheat - he just has massive balls that spew out such huge amounts of testosterone the poor guy can't control it, apparently. No mention why those huge amounts never showed up on anyother tests he's done. I think they'd better check his bike to make sure it wasn't motorized that day, too. Of course, he'd explain it away as simply decorative and didn't really help him.
And what's with his mom and sister? Are they Amish?

Massive balls that produce synthetic testosterone.

 

[jimbo2006]

So is that B sample still relevant or not?

 

[westwoody]

So is that B sample still relevant or not?

The B sample must also test positive or the test is nullified.
The UCI claims his testosterone/epitestosterone ratio was 11/1, the current limit is 4/1,so he's way over. Various explanations circulating are too much alcohol(alcohol can produce a short term rise in test. level), a med he takes for his degenerating hip joint, and a thyroid condition for which also takes meds. None of these could plausibly explain a ratio as high as 11/1.
There has also been a leak claiming that some of the testosterone was exogenous, or not produced by his own body. If that is true he is toast, it would be almost impossible to fight that.
However I have to say that I find it very strange that his stage 17 test was the only positive in the Tour, out of the dozens that are conducted. I believe the race leader is tested after every stage, so he must have tested negative a few times. And I do not believe a one-time testosterone boost would produce the kind of ride he did. Dopers cheat while training when they have more freedom and then taper off before competition.
The idea of a spiked test may seem ridiculous but it has happened in Italian cycling. Gangsters have been caught trying to tamper with team waterbottles and food mussettes.

 

[therealrex]

That's good for the conspiracy theorists but the more realistic explanation is that they screwed up with whatever drug they were using to raise his epi-testosterone level to make his ratio appear normal. The B sample is basically just a formality to eliminate false positives. You pee into a cup and then pour it into 2 containers which are labeled A & B so its all the same piss.

 

[westwoody]

the more realistic explanation is that they screwed up

Unfortunately, you are probably right. A screw up in his doping program would also explain his poor performance the day before.

 

[dirtydan]

I wonder if Floyd knows a Canadian fellow by the name of Ben.

 

[hornyitalian06]

I hope Floyd Landis can clear his name for his sake and for the cycling world .

 

[twoblues]

I wonder if Floyd knows a Canadian fellow by the name of Ben.

Oh, don't remind me of the worst commercial during the World Cup games.

"Ben. Do you cheetah?"

"Yes, I cheetah"

Stupid sports drink. I'd expect it to be spiked if Ben J. is a spokesperson.