Finding Hope in and Empty Life

[LoadShooter]

I’m on this site because I’ve had to pay to get sex. The last time I had it without paying was a one night stand 8 months ago. I haven’t been successful with women for the better part of my life and haven’t been in a serious relationship with anyone I really cared for.

To sum up my life, its pretty empty. I’m in my early 30s, live downtown, and don’t have a lot of people to hang out with or depend on, for good times or bad. I come from a dysfunctional family and have a very weak relationship with them. I don’t have any career goals right now.

My question is for anyone who has ever felt like this, how do you find hope? Right now, the only thing I’m thinking about is surviving day to day and week to week. Show up to my job, pay my bills, eat my meals, and don’t f**k anything up. Keep surviving making it through, with the hope and realization, that the world is a crazy place, and that unexpected things happen that can surprise you. That’s it. I’m not living life to enjoy it or fulfill any goals at this point. I’m living to survive, and hope something can turn it around. Hoping I can meet the right woman, or form the right friendship or bond with a person or people, that gives me something to care about. People I can share my life and who I am with.

Right now, the world seems like an empty place with some really messed up people. Its doesn’t seem like something with a lot to offer me. I know there are people out there that could really impact my life in a positive way, but its all about me finding and connecting with whoever they are. I guess that’s one reason I do enjoy the chance to meet new people, is because the people who have been in my life have pretty much let me down or failed me.

Anyone ever felt like this? Or had do deal with thoughts or an outlook like this?

 

[Aerts]

We live in a cursed world. Work is hard and can be scarce, many people are lonely and alone, families are broken up and people don't speak to each other. People in somalia are facing another mass famine that could kill millions, and guys like charlie sheen have 100's of millions for little or no talant. In other words life is not fair and isn't supposed to be easy, but try and find things you are grateful for. Many people have it worse than you. This may sound stupid, but go help some random person with an act of kindness for no reason. You'll get out of your self-centred circle of thought that way and maybe feel a bit better about your own life? Just a thought.

 

[threepeat]

Try hanging around some positive people and try to see the good side of life. One lesson I learned later in life than I probably should have is that most of the time you get back the energy you give off -- if you give off positive energy, people will want to be around you. If you give off negative energy, people will stay away from you.

A lot of it is frame of mind. Overall we have it pretty good here in Canada.

If that doesn't work, you should probably go see a doctor. There is a chance you have a clinical depression and maybe some medication can help.

 

[newatit]

I often felt like that in my life too Loadshooter, but for different reasons. You might look into joining a few clubs, or groups, or service organizations like say the Lion's club, Rotary or others. That will at least get you into plentiful contact with others and these groups all generally have some good objectives to work on in the spare time you must have. But it seems you really want some emotional satisfaction and in dating gals, without a price tag and extra's that are just short lived. Sitting at home at night isn't going to get you there. Try going to church, often lots of nice women there on the loose, try some of the dating clubs that are honourable and established. But yes, stay away from SP's other than for physical needed contact, they can drain you totally emotionally if you get involved.

 

[Pirate Code]

There are good answers here, but ultimately the answer is taking on an attitude of gratitude and living in the moment.

Spend as much time as you can in nature and do your best to give to others. In that I don't mean money.. I mean a smile, an open door, a helping hand, an open ear. Listen to good music, get out and watch a burlesque show or a good comedy act. You can go alone.. enjoy your own company! If you have to fake a smile, do it.. even faking it changes your feelings.

Find a cause you can sink your teeth into.... get focused and commit yourself to some serious volunteering.. at least once a week for a few hours.

Good for you for posting. The fact you do so gives others permission to admit their feelings, which is really a good thing. The more we talk about stuff like this the more we can help each other. At the end of the day, it is our contribution to other people's happiness that makes our lives important.

 

[InTheBum]

I’m on this site because I’ve had to pay to get sex. The last time I had it without paying was a one night stand 8 months ago. I haven’t been successful with women for the better part of my life and haven’t been in a serious relationship with anyone I really cared for.

To sum up my life, its pretty empty. I’m in my early 30s, live downtown, and don’t have a lot of people to hang out with or depend on, for good times or bad. I come from a dysfunctional family and have a very weak relationship with them. I don’t have any career goals right now.

My question is for anyone who has ever felt like this, how do you find hope? Right now, the only thing I’m thinking about is surviving day to day and week to week. Show up to my job, pay my bills, eat my meals, and don’t f**k anything up. Keep surviving making it through, with the hope and realization, that the world is a crazy place, and that unexpected things happen that can surprise you. That’s it. I’m not living life to enjoy it or fulfill any goals at this point. I’m living to survive, and hope something can turn it around. Hoping I can meet the right woman, or form the right friendship or bond with a person or people, that gives me something to care about. People I can share my life and who I am with.

Right now, the world seems like an empty place with some really messed up people. Its doesn’t seem like something with a lot to offer me. I know there are people out there that could really impact my life in a positive way, but its all about me finding and connecting with whoever they are. I guess that’s one reason I do enjoy the chance to meet new people, is because the people who have been in my life have pretty much let me down or failed me.

Anyone ever felt like this? Or had do deal with thoughts or an outlook like this?

You sound very depressing...

Don't you have any hobbies or anything apart from pooning that makes you happy?

Also, you definately need some friends...

You should also move out of the downtown core...it's one big shithole if you ask me! Full of fags, bums, and freaks...

I hated working downtown and can't imagine living in it!!

 

[chilli]

Sounds like you are really depressed.

I had a serious bout of depression a few years ago and this is what I did.

Make a list of 10 things that make you happy - do whatever you can for yourself "right now" to help yourself through this time.

Surround yourself with friends - don't even worry about dating in Vancouver. Vancouver is a shithole for singles.

Work out, exercise. Go for walks, go for hikes, join meetup.com, join mma, volunteer.

Ask yourself "What would give my life meaning?" and do it.

I wouldn't suggest "medication" the side effects were worse than the depression. Vomiting, dry mouth, lack of sexual desire - it was aweful.

 

[sevenofnine]

i guess for me, despite everything i was lucky.

my father was a violent drunk and rapist.
at a very young age i had thoughts of suicide,
i spent alot of time alone, it was the only way i could cope. i had no one wanted no one either, was quite anti social because i simply couldn't deal

school didn't know how to deal with me they finally sent me to a shrink,
i was like twelve or fourteen and seriously planning my suicide

my shrink was this beautiful blonde young women right out of unviersity. and she wore short miniskirts and dresses.
i don't know if it was my hormones kicking in or what, but she had my attention
in all honesty she never really did anything for me, i thought the whole thing was stupid to be honest with you.

but she represented something, to me, and i wanted it. a life a beautiful girl sex, what ever i wanted it,

she saved me though she doesn't realize how.

it was hard and life isn't that simple its not a disney movie.
but my point is i have often felt like so low and down. perhaps not as down as i was at fourteen

but i have always been able to find a goal. to work toward something.
i wanted a family to be a father. i married a women not for sex, i married her because in my eyes she would be make the best mother possible. no regrets my wife simply is the best or one of the best mothers around. two great kids doing well. great family times.

my point in all this
i suppose is that anything is possible. not easy, not easy at all, but anything in life you can have.any dream you can dream, you can do it.
i know several mulit milliainars a close friend now passed on was one. he started from nothing,
him and me would talk and get drunk, and he had the same sort of feeling
have a goal and work toward it,

even in this hobby, me and my wife weren't having sex any more, so what blow up a marriage a family over something i worked twenty some years to make over something as simple as sex.
i met a couple of sps, one in particular and i have hung out with them for years.

and it isn't just the sex. we talk she helped me, i discussed issues of my fathers sexual abuse with her, things no one absoultely no one knows.
things i carred with me forever, things i finally had to let go of, but never reallly did,
she this sp was a friend a therpist as well as a sexually partner. still is to.

my point is there are answers out there, there are things to do, family kids life work goals, sex, money, whatever you want its there. out there just waiting for you,
im almost sixty years old but if you ask me i would tell you, there is nothing i can't do with the rest of my life, if only i have enough time. like i said its not easy, somethings take years.

but in all honesty i don't like it when people say i can't do this or i can't attract the girl i want.

to me its a lot of fucking crap,

the biggest problem the biggest obstacle you will ever face in your life, is your self and time.

 

[juniper]

All of the suggestions sound good. Maybe it's an overload. If I were to counsel you, I might add that you would do best by concentrating on career goals. That would mean an educational initiative. It would take your mind off your problems, make you feel better about yourself and might even be an entry into the world of dating and possibly even relationships.

 

[vancity_cowboy]

best cure for empty life is endorphins - brought about by lots of situps, pushups, running - cardio stuff. best solution - join a martial arts dojo. devote yourself to it three times a week. if the dojo only meets twice a week, join two - two time a week only maintains, three times a week starts to change your entire conciousness. do it and you will have a very pleasurable habit for life - believe me it will change your life. any discipline is as good as any other - just git 'er done!

 

[LoadShooter]

Thanks for the honest and sincere feedback guys. The steps I'm gonna take to break out of this involve a combination of alot of your suggestions. Although many suggestions were not new ideas, it really helped to hear them coming from someone else, as simple ideas can seem very distant when you are clouded with pesimism and a lack of hope.

I'm hoping some of the more short term things like laughter, exercise, eating healthy can keep me going long enough to find more long term solutions like a satisfying career, and satisfying personal interactions, and purpose.

 

[twoblues]

Thanks for the honest and sincere feedback guys. The steps I'm gonna take to break out of this involve a combination of alot of your suggestions. Although many suggestions were not new ideas, it really helped to hear them coming from someone else, as simple ideas can seem very distant when you are clouded with pesimism and a lack of hope.

I'm hoping some of the more short term things like laughter, exercise, eating healthy can keep me going long enough to find more long term solutions like a satisfying career, and satisfying personal interactions.

You know one thing that has helped me in the last few months. Something that has helped me kick the shackles off was reducing the amount of alcohol I drink. (ya ya...I'm a bore)

I now drink non-alcoholic beer instead of pounding back many cases a week...It still satisfies my taste needs, but lets me sleep better and it's way less calories.

I still have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, etc...but I no longer drink to get a buzz going and I'm much better for it.

 

[sweetiepie1]

I think just the fact you posted this says you have a lot of potential! I agree with the point about drinking. Its easy to fall into that if you're feeling depressed but its the last thing you should be doing. My advice is similar to others:
1. Exercise. They say its the most effective treatment for depression or low moods. Depending on your fitness level and what you enjoy doing, you might want to join a gym or a running club (like at the running room) so you can do it with other people. Or even take a fitness or sports class to learn new skills. The thing is to sign up for something you attend regularly.
2. Consider doing some volunteer work. Think about the skills you have and what kind of organization you might want to joing. A lot of service organizations, like Kiwanis are good for volunteering for a variety of things and meeting people. Or something like Habitat for Humanity where you can get out and work with people who are committted. Or maybe an environmental group or a political one. You might have to shop around for a group that seems to suit you in terms of the types of people it attracts. The other thing about volunteering is that it will help you keep things in perspective.
I know a guy who dropped out of high school and still has a labouring job, but he got quite heavily involved in a service organization and now it is for him what a higher level career might be for someone else. He has been able to travel a lot and see big chunks of the world through it, too!
3. You say you have no career goals. Have you checked into getting career counselling and/or upgrading your education? You might find it helps if you have something to work towards. Even small goals can make a difference.
Good luck! You sound like a sensible and sensitive person and you can prevent yourself from falling into the rut your family would have led you into. It can feel hard at first, but you can do it.
P.S. When I was depressed by Doctor put me on prozac and I had no side effects. It helped me enough to get things going in my life. I don't know if you're depressed but don't be shy about talking to a doctor if you think you are.
P.P.S You are welcome for the advice. Name your firstborn after me.

 

[Pirate Code]

The fact is, we are so lucky to have it so easy that we have THE LUXURY to be depressed.

If we were struggling to find food and shelter like the caveman did we'd have no time for that nonsense! We'd find extreme happiness in a full stomach and making it through another day to see a beautiful sunset. When you don't have hardship to compare to, you forget or don't even realize how wonderful it is to live pain and hunger-free.

It's pretty interesting when you really think of it. Here we are, living in the most decadent time in history. With all these amazing advances, with the huge increase in lifespan, etc etc etc. And still we are not happy. Hell! We are more dysfunctional with every passing year. I find it fascinating, actually, to take a new perspective, like you are 300 miles up in the sky, looking down at all these people struggling to be happy. Looking at the world and our society for what it truly is can help a great deal. Yes, it's all fucked up, but understanding the mess and accepting the world for what it really is can help you to be at peace with it. It's pretty easy to feel down when you don't have much hope for the planet.



All you have to really do is be grateful for what you have and love as much as you can.

 

[chilli]

The fact is, we are so lucky to have it so easy that we have THE LUXURY to be depressed.

If we were struggling to find food and shelter like the caveman did we'd have no time for that nonsense! We'd find extreme happiness in a full stomach and making it through another day to see a beautiful sunset. When you don't have hardship to compare to, you forget or don't even realize how wonderful it is to live pain and hunger-free.

It's pretty interesting when you really think of it. Here we are, living in the most decadent time in history. With all these amazing advances, with the huge increase in lifespan, etc etc etc. And still we are not happy. Hell! We are more dysfunctional with every passing year. I find it fascinating, actually, to take a new perspective, like you are 300 miles up in the sky, looking down at all these people struggling to be happy. Looking at the world and our society for what it truly is can help a great deal. Yes, it's all fucked up, but understanding the mess and accepting the world for what it really is can help you to be at peace with it. It's pretty easy to feel down when you don't have much hope for the planet.



All you have to really do is be grateful for what you have and love as much as you can.

I used to think that, until I went through depression.

I used to think, get over yourself - just "insert - do this here" and you will be "happy".

Until I went through depression I never understood how it can grab a hold of you and suck the life right out of you.

If you have never experienced serious depression, you are lucky.

Another thing the OP can try is joining a support group like CODA. Really great group, and it offers fellowship and people thta are non judgemental.

 

[Big Dog Striker]

All you have to really do is be grateful for what you have and love as much as you can.

Do count your blessings. And remember, in your darkest hour don't ever give up coz that means that good times or success IS very near. So cheer up and do something that you truly love.

 

[sevenofnine]

i just want to say i went to a funeral a couple of days ago
i saw the person, three days before then they were gone.

i don't understand why people commit sucide this person didnt' but you die regardless why kill your self

depression i get it, been there,
but life enjoy,
like people said nature find solitude and peace in nature,
exercise.
family friends loved ones. work, acedemics knowledge,
money,
sex women.
enjoy is all i have to say,
it will be over soon enough
to soon actually.

 

[InTheBum]

How about increasing the number of times you see SP's each month?

If you use to go once a month ...i suggest doing a different hot SP once a week!

 

[twoblues]

How about increasing the number of times you see SP's each month?

If you use to go once a month ...i suggest doing a different hot SP once a week!

Um...I think that advice is for most people on here

 

[LADY-VIA]

I’m on this site because I’ve had to pay to get sex. The last time I had it without paying was a one night stand 8 months ago. I haven’t been successful with women for the better part of my life and haven’t been in a serious relationship with anyone I really cared for.

To sum up my life, its pretty empty. I’m in my early 30s, live downtown, and don’t have a lot of people to hang out with or depend on, for good times or bad. I come from a dysfunctional family and have a very weak relationship with them. I don’t have any career goals right now.

My question is for anyone who has ever felt like this, how do you find hope? Right now, the only thing I’m thinking about is surviving day to day and week to week. Show up to my job, pay my bills, eat my meals, and don’t f**k anything up. Keep surviving making it through, with the hope and realization, that the world is a crazy place, and that unexpected things happen that can surprise you. That’s it. I’m not living life to enjoy it or fulfill any goals at this point. I’m living to survive, and hope something can turn it around. Hoping I can meet the right woman, or form the right friendship or bond with a person or people, that gives me something to care about. People I can share my life and who I am with.

Right now, the world seems like an empty place with some really messed up people. Its doesn’t seem like something with a lot to offer me. I know there are people out there that could really impact my life in a positive way, but its all about me finding and connecting with whoever they are. I guess that’s one reason I do enjoy the chance to meet new people, is because the people who have been in my life have pretty much let me down or failed me.

Anyone ever felt like this? Or had do deal with thoughts or an outlook like this?

just have faith i just found out my step uncle is dying, and he only has a year to live. my aunt is missing in action, she left him, and hes not close to his family either. I felt horrible for him, so we spent the day together, and i told him if he's ever lonley to call me. the thought of him speding his last days alone, wifeless is horrible. He's positive although he knows that hes dying. It's cancer and hes terminal. If you keep your faith and try and be positive, good things will happen to you. I was in a horrible relationship really horrible for three years, and there are times when i get lonley and down. However i try each day to do something positive for myself, and make time to take care of myself. and as long as im progressing and moving forward, im sure that in the end ill have what i want in life. some things just take time

a good friend of mine didnt even meet the women of his dreams till he was 44. he was never married before and has no children, i thought he was going to be single forever, but hes happier now more than ever